What red-blooded American girl doesn’t step up to a challenge – especially when there’s a costume involved?
I’m talking form-fitting, indestructible fabric, and a shade of blue to flatter any complexion. Emblazoned across the chest (of course) is the unmistakable “S” that suits so many of us to the proverbial T.
At least, we think the incomparable insignia is there – and to stay.
Until one day, we find it’s an illusion.
‘Tis true, I was among the millions of misguided minions, the convincing converts, the adamant adherents, the staunch believers in the Superwoman Myth.
Besides, didn’t some of us reinvent the role and proudly carry the torch for years? Move over Betty Friedan, we’re here to prove we can have it all, allowing ourselves to believe that choosing every option is in fact a viable option!
My superpowers – you knew there were some – stood me in fine stead for more than two decades. I swore by the lifestyle, leaping tall buildings when required, and thanking my lucky stars (and solar systems) for a sturdy constitution.
Kryptonite? What kryptonite?
Yet what I know now is the power of idealism – a very fine thing – though I admit to foolishness in maintaining my haplessly heroic pose, even after relocating to a single parent planet.
The trick (I told myself) was to keep my head down (and costume at-the-ready), my X-ray eyes pealed (and always on the ball), as I focused on bringing home the best possible bacon, while bearing up under the Battle of the Bills. I gave my all to nurturing my sons, though my “all” would fall to fatigue – despite my superhero status.
A social life? I had my share of (comic) adventures, but in general my sassy “S” should have sung that I be more sensible, or screamed that stress eventually spells trouble.
While all systems were more or less go, both body and mind begin to suffer when sleep-deprived nights become routine, and the weight of the world (or so it seems) sits on a solitary set of shoulders.
So when exactly did we forget the reason for that “village?” Even the Justice League works in teams, taking turns to use their special skills… When did we lose sight of the upside to recreation? The necessity of vacation? The beauty of boredom?
Listen. I haven’t gone over to the Dark Side entirely. My cloak of invincibility may be off, but it’s hanging nearby in case of emergency. I still push the envelope when I truly need to, knowing the dilemma for all of us is pushing the envelope when we don’t – not only believing it’s expected, but “normal.”
My Superwoman Success Saga is true to any double life: one facet honors the heroic, and another dwells in the personal, familial, and physical costs. I woke to my reality in the craziest of those “success” years, at last aware of the need for sleep, nutrition, and exercise; acknowledging a consuming career that demanded downsizing; compassionately compromising for the children that nourished my heart’s most tender yearnings.
With reluctance and relief, I freed myself from the tyranny of a highly destructive myth.
Where does that leave me?
My ability to soar solo now necessitates aircraft. Vanquishing villains requires serial sieges on the battlefield (and a little help from my friends). My now mortal vision no longer provides its former (astounding) access, but I see myself and others for who we are – and that vision is rejuvenating.
Having donned other costumes since (and shed a few as well), I’m aware that the divestiture of mythic status offers compensations: patience comes more easily; priorities are self-evident; speaking up no longer requires the illustrator’s hand to craft my character’s captions. And passion – carnal or creative – burns more brightly without the cape, as I find I can fly after all – by the seat of my pants.
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I’m trying to find a way to be Superwoman to me now. The kids are gone and I’ve lost my ability to stop and have fun. Maybe a good concert or something, right?
The ability to have fun. Yep. We get out of the habit, don’t we… But we can also get back in, and you live in a great city for that, pia!
What’s always irked me is that the second wave feminist message was quickly co-opted by popular culture and twisted into the “having it all” myth. Which meant that culture, patriarchy, didn’t have to change one whit. “Bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan” wasn’t a feminist credo, it was a silly pop song. I do work and have a family, and it’s really tough sometimes. But I also have learned how to snatch bits of time for myself, and let some things go (a pristine, or even consistently neat home, home-cooked dinner nightly).
I couldn’t agree more, une femme! Having it all became “doing it all,” and that’s a tough way to live.
I always preferred the emblazon of the double C’s over an S…
And because my life has been so…”still in definition” even now…I have had to wrestle and let go of a lot of those “having it all” myths that Une Femme mentioned (plus really? The Bring Home The Bacon song became a CHARLIE commercial!!) but it wasn’t easy. Nope, I am not married at 43 but I am PACsed with a caring partner, nope, children didn’t end up being in our picture, nor a high paying salary gig that I thought was mine for the taking; I don’t own a home or much about anything and yet…and yet…if I don’t listen to what I was told to believe when growing up and listen to my heart, I know that I have had an incredible life…so far…We don’t have to fit into that latex suit–literally and figuratively–for that.
My generation of women were somehow coerced into believing “doing it all” was the same as “having it all.” It’s not the same thing, because when you’re doing it all you’re more of a servant than a leader. I used to listen to women in the corporate world talk about how the male leaders were so ridiculous, to which I would respond, “If you think they’re idiots, and they are running the place, then what does that make us?” The day we wake up and put our energy into leading rather than doing, I think everything will change.
I loved this!
It had to be said and, like one of my all-time favorite heroines from children’s literature, Goldilocks (don’t mock me — it took some set of cajones to wander into a bear’s house!), was fond of putting it — you got it just right”!