One. Little. Spider.
That’s all it would take and a friend of mine – strong, adventurous, fearless in so many respects – would run screaming in the opposite direction.
Phobic. And specifically, her phobia flared in the presence of a teeny tiny Charlotte, with or without a web, or Daddy Long-Legs, and I don’t mean Fred Estaire.
Life’s gnarliest battles? Handled like a master. Anything with eight legs, dead or alive?
She was scared witless.
I can’t say I like any number of shiver-inducing (reptilian) life forms. But dislike is not terror and nor is it phobia, which is exactly the word for my friend’s fear of Anything Arachnid.
And yes, thus the term – arachnophobia – fear of spiders.
How Common Are Phobias?
But phobias – irrational fear of specific objects or situations – are more common than I realized, affecting approximately 4 to 5% of Americans according to Psych Central. As is the case with panic attacks, women are likelier to suffer from phobias than men, and I find this fascinating.
I wonder what is in our biological or psychological makeup that accounts for this. I wonder about the cultural variations and implications. Are phobias more common in North America than, say… Finland or Brazil or Japan? Are phobias shaping life-altering decisions in ways we don’t fully appreciate?
As for social phobias – something we hear about frequently – the onset is earlier than I thought, with Psych Central again placing the average age at between 15 and 20 years old.
Considering we opened the vault to some of our moments of panic, why not other sources of anxiety – and beyond those we typically discuss, like worry over the bank balance, the teen taking her first driving lesson, or even – being loved?
Most Common Phobias
Care to pick your poison? And remember – a phobia is defined as an irrational fear – one that reaches a point of disrupting your life.
Some phobia facts?
Apparently, one in 10 Americans is phobic about something, and here are a few of the most common phobias on the books.
As for my friend, her fear of spiders is apparently not unusual. Likewise, ophidiophobia (fear of snakes). Then there’s cynophobia (fear of dogs). Did you know there was a word for that?
There are social phobias of course, including fear of crowds, fear of public speaking, fear of finding ourselves in a setting where we don’t feel comfortable. There is mysophobia (fear of germs), which may lead to OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), and agoraphobia (fear of open spaces or lack of escape), which is often associated with panic disorder.
As I think about the things that trigger fear in me, and a recent comment concerning fear of highway driving, I know this is a fear I share – worse at one time, and manageable now. A phobia? I’m not sure it reached that level, but I suspect for me it has origins in car accidents I lived through (and one my father did not), as well as claustrophobia that kicks in when I’m hopelessly stuck in traffic.
Incidentally, I experienced none of these types of anxiety before my thirties (with two exceptions I will mention in a moment). But then, who isn’t fearless when they’re young and feeling immortal?
Phobias Are Not Foibles
I’ll fess up to fighting phobias, more during years when severe insomnia held me captive. I may have tried to convince myself these were quirks of my personality, superstitions taking on a life of their own, an overactive imagination… but I knew in my heart of hearts; these weren’t foibles, they were phobias.
I admit to a fear of flying (pteromerhanophobia), which is very common, but surprising considering my decades of delight in international travel. That particular phobia crept in after motherhood, raged for four years or so (following 9/11), and worsened with divorce. However, several moms I know confided a similar experience: with young children who were dependent on them, they became fearful of their own safety in ways they never were before.
Fortunately, this particular phobia has abated since my boys have gone off to college.
Claustrophobia (fear of being closed in) appeared now and then in my childhood, and blossomed during the years when I wasn’t sleeping. Being stuck in traffic left me hyperventilating (at times, panicked), and I couldn’t get into an elevator without sweating and trembling.
Hey! Climbing stairs is excellent for shaping the girly gams!
I was briefly terrified of dogs (of any size), the result of having been bitten at fifteen, which gives credence to the notion that some phobias are born of a specific experience. As a lifelong canine cuddler, I kicked that fear to the curb by twenty.
Conquering Fear… And Phobias
I suppose we’re all a bundle of contradictions, but the fact of carrying any tinge of phobia surprises even me. I crave adventure, I thrill at dropping into a foreign country and culture, I have no trepidation trying out my smattering of languages. I’m generally comfortable with strangers, and I adore public speaking!
What about you? Have you beaten back your phobias? Have you noted periods when they rise up and seem to swallow your life? Have you given in to some, and targeted others for extinction? Are they tied to physical or medical conditions?
If women are more affected by phobias, to what extent is this holding us back from achieving our dreams and goals – especially if phobias tend to creep in after motherhood?
I don’t mind spiders (never did). I adore dogs (“nipped” that one in the snout). Traffic? Hate it! But it no longer triggers panic.
Elevators? Love them! (They can be very sexy.)
I admit to struggling with anxiety before I fly, but then I pack my bags, picture my destination, haul myself to the airport, and board that plane. How else could I dream of France – much less manage to get there?
I still prefer a crowded, bustling city – even one completely unknown to me – to a vast expanse of open ground or highway. Is that a touch of agoraphobia? Or simply the preference of a self-confessed Urbanista?
One last, very common phobia?
Acrophobia, the fear of heights.
That one?
I’ve never suffered a moment of it. Not even a smidge. Not ever.
Have you seen my shoes?
Image of Daddy Long-Legs, Wiki, attribution under Creative Commons 3.0.
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Crowds, flies, heights, oceans…shall I go on?
🙂 Yes, Kitch. Feel free to go on. I think many of us suffer fears of all sorts, and we never tell anyone. (As long as you have no fear of the stovetop, or picking up your pen!)
Not sure any of these qualify as actual phobias, but fear, uneasiness, could-send-me-into-a-tailspin, for sure: mice, bats (that one might really be a phobia), bridges, deep water, wide-open spaces, to name a few. Then there are the really big ones, like old age, dementia, death, and loss. Compared to those, guess bats aren’t so bad!
I do think I’m more fearful if I’m feeling down -it’s a slippery slope and dragging in all the baggage seems part of my brand of craziness, so I try not to make frequent trips to the crazy place!
We are so similar here, D. Like you too I can be fearless in some areas of my life (from entering red flag romantic relationships (when I was younger) to moving to a foreign country overseas. But random things will terrify or hold me back, like heights and pigeons and driving. As we’ve discussed over email some of my anxieties have only gotten worse after motherhood and I find myself quite risk averse now. I haven’t analyzed myself deeply enough yet to know what is contributing to all this but I do know that I was very overprotected physically while growing up, and I too have been in several “minor” car accidents (where I was the passenger), just enough to go from already-anxious to paranoid. Somehow, all my years living a frenetic life in a very urban and very crowded, stressful city has also turned me very much inward. I can’t stand the hustle and bustle anymore, and to me “fast pace” feels almost like a phobia. Is there such thing as being phobic to frenzy?
Surprisingly, in the midst of all this “fear,” I did manage to overcome my lifelong TERROR of the water to learn to swim at 41. I just remember becoming intensely curious of how the freedom would feel – the freedom to lift my feet off the floor of the pool, to have life feel muffled underwater. I would like to apply this courage to driving but somehow I just can’t…
Thank you for sharing so honestly, C. Learning to swim at 41! You should be very very proud of yourself. That’s quite an accomplishment.
Your mention of “frenzy phobia” is so interesting. Something to ponder. A certain level of constant chaos used to be completely comfortable for me, whereas now, that’s no longer the case (though I still adore the bustle of the city, and teen noise & chaos doesn’t bother me).
As for the driving? Cut yourself a little slack. Maybe consider small steps, and certainly not alone – when the weather is warm and easy, a Sunday drive for example.
P.S. I LOVE the ending to your post!
🙂 Thanks, C. Great shoes, aren’t they?
I’m not wild about stairs without risers – I always imagine I will slip through and break a leg. And walking or driving across high bridges when it’s windy nearly brings me to my knees. I don’t like driving along cliffs or on clover leaf highways either, but I do it when necessary, so I don’t think my shivers are phobias, just strong dislikes.
Any high up open spaces—cliffs, ferris wheels, church spires–really can make me afraid.
And I like those shoes too so go figure. 😉
I just found your site today and I’m so glad I did! I’ve spent the last two hours reading back posts.
I never feared death or even thought about it until I was pregnant with my daughter. I had the most horrid bloody nightmares when I was pregnant. I think the fear of danger/being hurt/dying is triggered by the reality that you are now responsible for another human life.
I have MDD and PTSD, which only started causing major problems in my life as I got older. Until I was around 36, I was relatively phobia-free. I HATE driving, whereas I used to enjoy it. I experience bouts of agoraphobia (fear of going out of my home) and cannot tolerate any situation in which I feel trapped.
I’m educated, had a great career, earned good money, raised a child by myself with no partner or child support, could handle anything. Just seeing the spider on this page made me shudder, but when I was younger I could still kill them because there was no one else to do it. Now, I just about freak out when I see one.
I just got back from a trip to NYC. I feel so safe there because I’m an ant among the colony. Here at home in Charlottesville, VA, I feel fear when I walk the streets because there are fewer people.
Heights frighten me if I look down. I’ve taken three really bad falls in the past two years and have developed a fear of falling (which is understandable).
The thing is, I didn’t used to be this way and I hate it. I resent it. I want to still be the same strong, capable, cautious (but not afraid) woman I was.
You would never know any of this by looking at me or talking to me. And oddly enough, with all this going on, I’m still an exuberant person and love trying new things.
I’ve lived long enough to love the contradictions in myself!
Dee, I’m so glad you found my site, too! (I wish more people felt free to speak up, but we’re embarrassed or worse, we’re concerned that it will affect our ability to earn a living, not to mention, our relationships with people we love and respect.)
My gut tells me that phobias are more common than we realize. And no – I have no data other than what I spent the past few days looking at (and mentioned here). Yet I’d love to know how this country compares to Canada (for example), or a Scandinavian country with a considerably higher “Work Life Balance” rating, or for that matter – a country that isn’t quite so dominated by Big Food and all (we don’t realize) we’re consuming.
Certainly, experiences mark us (and phobias take flight), culture must play a factor, but I have to wonder about the prevalence of so many phobias, and typically affecting women. I think about the opportunity cost – to us as individuals, and collectively, to us as a nation.
I’m sorry you’re living with this. But I’m delighted you stopped by and talked about what you’re going through.
Elevators. Especially small, ones in remote corners of old buildings. Here’s video of a man stuck in an elevator alone for a weekend in a Manhattan office building.
Flying is my phobia. I usually get on the plane, but the whole time, I am gritting my teeth and holding on to my stomach. Heights and rollercoasters also make my list, too.
That one? I’ve never suffered a moment of it. Not even a smidge. Not ever.
Have you seen my shoes? LOL, LOVE IT!
My best friend used to have a phobia about talking on the phone to people she didn’t know. I actually had to pose as her to take care of a credit card issue she had! I’m not sure I have any phobias that derail my activities. No fears of spiders, snakes, heights or close places. Am I weird?
Not weird Lisa – I’d say – fabulously fortunate! Delighted to hear it!
Spiders will forever creep me out! Living in the country, we have wolf spiders that send me running to the couch, fit tucked under my chin!
I nipped my fear of snakes by allowing Santa to bring one to my then ten-year-old son. This after six years of defiant ‘nos.’
No fear of heights for this 5’2″ gal – I, too, dig heels! The higher the better. 😀