Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Are you planning a proposal? Contemplating putting one out there or hoping to be on the receiving end?
We’ve barely shelved the holiday decorations – mine are still sitting in a small bag in my den – but those pink and red hearts have popped up with a (passionate) fury in the greeting card aisle at the supermarket. And in my online meanderings, in addition to the (usual) fine footwear ads that follow me around, so too are a few more robustly romantic options… a diamond here, a resort spot there.
So spill! Are you planning to propose? Looking to do it on Valentine’s Day?
Are you trolling for tips on how to pop the question? Ready and willing to tie the knot?
How to Propose. Or Not.
They’re easy to find – from the traditional to the exotic. You might use food. You might opt for a letter. You might use a banner, a billboard, or a beach to write out your proposal.
I’ve had a few “offers” in the past, and generally they make me smile as I remember them.
One took me utterly by surprise (yes, the man I married), though it would have been more romantic had I not assumed he was kidding on the first less than serious attempt.
And no, there was no bended knee, no hidden ring inside a Baked Alaska. Simple words eventually did the trick, and I suspect the magic of Paris as backdrop served as an able assistant.
Other proposals were both more earnest – of the “I want us to get married” variety – (cue the drop of my jaw and listening for a pin to drop), and carefully evaluated as an ongoing topic of discussion. In other words, once there are exes or children in the picture, real world complications require equally real world considerations.
As for the typical Christmas or New Year’s proposal? The Valentine’s Day proposal? Why are these so popular? (I still don’t get it.) Why not a walk in the woods, a hot air balloon, a picnic on a Sunday afternoon?
Proposal Season
Is anyone else ready to move past this particular “candy holiday” – (also known as pressure-filled proposal season) – and head straight into Easter instead?
Believe me, I’m not unromantic. However, I don’t care for the commercialization of romance, or the push to propose in certain settings much less after a specified period of months has elapsed. In fact, you may find yourself in “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mode, or at a stage in life when you’re relieved that you’ll never have to marry again, which doesn’t mean you aren’t open to love in all its pragmatic splendor, only that the confines of convention no longer feel required.
My mixed feelings on the subject of marriage aside, I’m well aware that the prospect of a proposal the first time around can be thrilling, and filled with anticipation. (I can only imagine for the one doing the planning and asking, it’s a time of anxiety, and hoping to make it memorable.)
Any wild proposal stories?
- What’s the best proposal ever, from your point of view?
- Must it be dinner over candlelight and the traditional phrasing?
- As a woman, would you do the asking?
- As a man, would you be fine with that?
No Baked Alaska – and no Paris – for me. My husband proposed to me ten years ago on a February afternoon in the middle of a conversation after I’d gotten home from work. Understated, and unexpected in that moment, but not out of the blue. Seems to have worked out okay so far, though. 😉
Yes, it does, Kristen! 🙂
When my husband proposed there was no bent knee or hidden ring. My response was, “Oh, really?” Ha! I didn’t think he was actually proposing. But it was a beautiful setting under the cherry blossoms with fireworks overhead. Eventually, I understood that he was proposing when I saw the ring. =)
Perhaps not believing is more common than I thought, Ms. HalfEmpty? 😉 Cherry blossoms and fireworks! Not too shabby!
My husband (second) proposed on Father’s Day. I was 50 at the time; he 5 years younger. Although we had been essentially living together for some months, I still had my own apartment, and my father was there for Father’s Day. My now husband turned to my father and said, “Sir, I’d like to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” My father shot me a panicked look … his eyes saying “what should I do?”
Honestly, though well-intentioned, being proposed to in this way … being kind of by-passed entirely … didn’t sit well with me at all. But I loved him and the three of us got over this little bump that day and he and I married not long after in a beautiful outdoor ceremony.
Now that sadly that love has gone, I have to say I agree with what you say in the blog. “In fact, you may find yourself in “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mode, or at a stage in life when you’re relieved that you’ll never have to marry again, which doesn’t mean you aren’t open to love in all its pragmatic splendor, only that the confines of convention no longer feel required.”
I certainly hope that my life will have another love in it, but I never want to formalize it through marriage again. At this age, what would be the point? And freedom and my own company are things I value. Thanks for another interesting blog.
What an interesting (surprising?) way your husband chose to propose – by asking your father. While it may sound old school and charming, like you, I think I would be taken aback, most particularly at age 50!
If I may ask, since you were living together already, and presumably happily, had you NOT married – do you think you would still be together?
I wonder too … because the intimacy we shared before marriage ceased almost immediately afterwards. My husband, as it turns out, has issues with sex within marriage … I’ve heard it referred to as sexual anorexia. But by the time I realized that the problem was with him and not with me, I was already out of love and now I’m trying to find my way out of the marriage and into freedom. That’s the short version. Relationships always have complex and multiple causes for unraveling. I wonder if it’s ever one little thing.
And yes, you hit the nail on the head … I was quite taken aback and felt diminished by that, especially since I was managing a rather large program, earning an excellent income, and in no way dependent on anyone … not my soon to be husband or my father.
One other thought I have about the question of marriage when we are past the age of raising a family is that not marrying makes it so much easier to end the relationship if it isn’t working for you and never will again. Because I am married, ending the relationship would mean losing half my retirement, half of the house I bought and paid for, and a significantly diminished old age financially speaking, as I’ve supported us for years, and he is not earning any significant income at the moment. My experience would make me extremely wary of ever marrying again, but I would like to share at least part of my life with a man again someday.
Thank you for coming back and responding, Married for Now. These are important stories to tell. We seem enamored of the one-dimensional view of marriage regardless of a couple’s age. And the financial repercussions when we’re 50+ and it’s not going as we like can be far more significant. I don’t know why we shy away from addressing practical issues in marriage (like money), but those practical issues allow us to keep a roof over our heads and put food on the table and go to the doctor, much less anything less basic. If we’re splitting assets a little later in life, there’s less time to recoup. And of course, there’s the emotional side. No small matter.
My husband proposed to me almost twelve years ago. He blindfolded me and drove me to a park that held many memories for us. After I sat on the park bench, and just as I removed the blindfold, he proposed. A camera on a tripod captured it all.