Deep breaths. It may not be what it seems. You know. Catchy headline, rational story.
So I plunge in.
It’s an article in Forbes suggesting that women should flirt as a business strategy.
As I dig in, I register that the writer is a man. Will that make whatever follows more or less odd, if he’s genuinely recommending flirtation as a path to success?
I’m reading. I’m hyperventilating. Now please pass the Tums and Advil.
We know that women remain at a financial disadvantage in the workforce. So is using whatever we’ve got to make a little gain still the name of the game?
Using Charm to Your (Anything) Advantage
Charm?
Sure. Women use it. Men use it. We consider beauty an advantage and it is, to a point. We assess the situation facing us, and tweak our behaviors to get what we’re after. So if the guys are getting it done on the 18th hole, can a woman turn up the heat to do the deal in the boardroom?
According to author and marketer Roger Dooley, in his article in Forbes, research yields a thumbs up to flirtation:
… what the researchers call “feminine charm” achieved better results in business negotiations. Flirtatious (vs. merely friendly) behavior also had a positive effect.
Hmm.
I’m reaching for my Tums again. My headache is worsening.
Data, Data Everywhere; Dig in Deeper for a Scare!
While the article in question cites data from both UC Berkeley and the London School of Economics – hey, I’m impressed, aren’t you? – that still doesn’t mean it’s good data for this purpose, or that the conclusions make any sense at all to any woman with experience in the business world.
This, despite a conclusion that:
using feminine charm produced better outcomes.
And should you care to know, feminine charm includes animation, playfulness, eye contact, smiling, laughter.
Yes indeed. That sounds a good deal like recommended first date behavior to me! (Was the research sponsored by Match.com?) And I say in all seriousness that I consider male or female charm fair game in any negotiation, because rapport is important in all human interactions. But a conclusion that flirtatious behavior yields superior results in negotiations?
Nothing about that makes sense – unless you’re 22 years old, and even then, it borders on undermining the very competence and power you’re trying to exert!
As it turns out, article comments reveal that the research participants were students, a small number at that, and the study design is flawed. One more example of crappy data?
Competence, Smarts, Preparation, Political Savvy
I can think of plenty of skills that lead women to successful job performance – competence, smarts, preparation, political savvy when it comes to the organization and its stakeholders. That’s a very short list; there’s a good deal more.
A recommendation that an adult woman would be better off flirting at the negotiation table?
That’s a whole other kettle of (dead) fish, better left to students at play. I would suggest an alternative: knowledge of your goals, your constraints, your relationships, your competition, your competitive advantage, your adversary’s vulnerabilities – and more – taking their rightful place as you negotiate, manage, or contribute in whatever capacity your role requires.
And none of that precludes “charm” or warmth if and when it’s appropriate to getting the job done.
The (Enigmatic, Problematic) Female Smile
So why belabor the point – if I consider this to be a lightweight piece relying on lighter weight data?
The discussion that follows in the comments is informative, as is a reference by Dorothy Dalton on Women and the Smiling Myth – which is more than worthy of your time. Ms. Dalton is clearly aware of the cultural implications around smiling, not to mention Big Business frowning on the overuse of the inappropriate flashing of teeth in the workplace.
Ms. Dalton’s article is fascinating start to finish, pointing out the catch-22 in which women still find ourselves, along with what she refers to as smiling “traps.” These are our smiling behaviors – a function of the way women are socialized, the way we bond with our children, and a long tradition of being in service-oriented (people pleasing) roles wherein a smile equals a tip, or possibly, hanging on to a job.
Incidentally, Ms. Dalton was much involved in the article’s comments, and I for one am certainly glad.
Bottom Line?
My bottom line?
I’m not purposely trying to diss the article in question. But it’s misleading, lacking basis, and a misfire in terms its fundamental message.
Go read Dorothy Dalton and others like her, who understand that using our advantages includes the judgment and experience to know what makes sense.
So be prepared. Assert your competence. Expect the game playing that is wielded by a talented negotiator of either sex. A little charm if appropriate?
Sure. But leave flirtation to the dating scene where it belongs.
And always, always – if you’re going to rely on advice, verify your “experts” and check your sources!
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I only read this post because of the pictures. ;0)
It’s easy for anyone to be an “expert” these days, isn’t it? Or appear to be one. I so agree with your admonition to verify.
One of my favorite courses in college was Linguistics, specifically the intonations women unknowingly use that undermine our power and credibility. So interesting.
Thank you for the reference. I think that professional life for women can be a quagmire: damned if you do – doomed if you don’t.
But certainly the research that I did would suggest that men and women smile to the same degree at similar levels in the hierarchy. Charm also has its place in any business environment and I believe is a valid asset.
Where we get into dangerous water is when it becomes manipulative and seductive. This applies to men and women equally.
Well said. And I thank you, Dorothy, for your response to that particular article, and for the many informative and interesting columns on your own site / blog.
There’s a huge difference between “dissing” and what you’ve done here, which is to critically analyze the article, and including both your personal and professional prospective. I’m glad I read this, and don’t feel the need to read the other.
April, Thank you as always for the good words.
Actually, Dorothy’s site / blog is full of fascinating stuff, which is one of the reasons I linked to her article on smiling, which – among other things – shows how women and men smile to a similar degree when they are in similar roles (as Dorothy herself just remarked). Some of the other gems in that particular article include phenomena I experienced with a European husband and in-laws. For example, despite the many years I went back and forth between the States, France, and Benelux, my father-in-law was perpetually peeved at my “American propensity for smiling” which, in his village, was met with wariness.
(You might pop by Dorothy’s site. Many topics covered. I started reading and found myself hooked.)
I just read the Forbes article and all the comments. This is pretty lightweight and unreliable material. It’s the type of meaningless fluff I would think appears in any one of a number of publications found at the grocery checkout. But guess what? You read it. You’ve gotten me to read it. And now how many others are going to read it? Should Forbes have published this? Ha ha, look at how their page views are going up!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m writing this on my Blackberry while standing in line at the checkout and… OMG! Did you see this headline in the Enquirer? 65% of Americans think Obama is better suited than Romney to handle an alien invasion. Holy freak-out. Is 3rd Rock from the Sun coming back in reruns? … I hope so cuz the pilot of The Neighbours was more bizarre than funny. (Impolitely put: it sucked.)
Mr. Belle,
If I made two points by referencing the article, then perhaps we learn something.
#1 – We should use common sense and verify research sources. Especially if our gut tells us something’s nonsense.
#2 – This article led me to Dorothy Dalton, from whom we might actually pick up a few pointers or some bigger picture understanding.
Overall I make that out to be a win. If items 1 and 2 came across in my lightweight writing.
And I’m very pleased to know that the Enquirer has provided
suspectreliable reporting that we’ll fare better in an alien invasion should Mr. Obama remain in the White House. Planning on emigrating South of the border, are you?If feminine charm includes “animation, playfulness, eye contact, smiling, laughter,” I think that the writer is onto something, but it’s not feminine charm.
I like eye contact, a lot. And I think that a business negotiation that doesn’t feel like pain is a business negotiation I’m more likely to stay in, and so if it’s got some humor and good naturedness in it, I’m more likely to try to make it work, and I don’t care if I’m dealing with man, woman, or dog.
It’s sexier to call it feminine charm, and probably sells more magazines, but I think it just boils down to the fact that humans want to be treated like humans, and not like machines or games. Please smile at me, and I will smile back. Please!
I actually put off reading this post because I thought it was going to push my buttons. I’m so glad that it was so sensible. I think there is a definite difference between charm and flirting. Charm is about extending yourself to exude interest in people, whether young/old, M/F, across all sort of barriers. Flirting is something else and it’s inappropriate except in certain situations. Perhaps that’s where some people get in trouble, not knowing the difference.
I think I did in some way lean on being youth, slim and reasonably attractive as helping me make my way, but I was completely unconscious of this until I got older and not so slim. I remember one day looking in the mirror and thinking that I’d lost a crutch and best be sure I kept my brain sharp. I was surprised at that thought. If anyone had asked me earlier, I’d just have said I tried to present myself as though I took my work seriously and that meant dressing appropriately and being well groomed. British women don’t see it that way. They dress reasonably appropriately, but may make little or no effort with hair and grooming as ‘it’s only work’; they save the fancy stuff for social occasions. I found this an interesting approach and must admit I was relieved to back off on some of the make up, but then Oklahoma and Utah standards are probably different to elsewhere (I always remember the saying ‘Texas women try harder’ and think Oklahoma shared that philosophy.)
I scanned Dalton’s article about smiling and the word’s ‘warrior’ and ‘service’ took me right back to Veblen’s Theory of the Leisure Class! I think this is definitely about men being scared of very serious women. I think it should be possible to be pleasant and business like rather than simpering and submissive, but if gender is going to rule over business it’s always going to be fraught. The whole thing about women’s appearance and demeanor at work annoys me no end; it seems only designed to keep us in our place.
“Hyperventilating!” lol. You make me smile again ! 🙂
What is totally silly and even outrageous for me in the article of Forbes is that they’re kinda saying: Some serious researches show that women flirtations in business give better results, so use it!
But hey! Industrial spying to discover the hand of concurrent companies in a contract, bribing the buyer in chief, or even sabotaging the systems of your challengers, works very well too! Does Forbes advises to “use it” as well?
Women flirtations or even much more, to obtain contracts, positions or whatever in business exist like since forever, and it’s just the sad outcome of two different and very persistent evils that pertain along the history of this poor humanity. First: “la chair est faible” (flesh is weak) and men were always very easily corruptible by this mean. Second: Women were always at a disadvantage in all business situations (positions, salaries, etc…) so they are naturally led to compensate for this with what ever weapons are left to them. In other words, a large proportion of men think with their dick, they know it, and use it, period.
And of course, as long as the deal will be what it is today, it will be used and it will work! But the fact that these guys are not saying “let’s change the deal” but just declaring instead “yes flirtation works, then go for it!” Gosh! It brings me close to hyperventilate myself! 🙂
Grrrrrrrr…where have all the good editors gone? Freelance writers can be great or awful, but judging the quality of the research and the subsequent article is the lifeblood of a good editorial staff.
Sigh. Journalism, where have you gone?
Oh! You’re at BigLittleWolf’s joint!
Oh Naptime. You’re a sweetheart – and you made me laugh! From your lips to all the tap fingertips across the nation! (Including my own.)