“Tell me what you want,” he says.
Yes, we’re talking sex. Except no, we’re not talking. Not easily, anyway.
Another delightful video trip down Sex-and-Love Lane, courtesy of Yahoo and Niecy Nash, reveals barber shop chat with a group of men expounding on what they want when it comes to sex.
Surprising findings, concerning what they want.
In this episode of “Let’s Talk About Love,” men confide that what they really want their women to know about sex is the following:
- Men like foreplay, too! They want more, not less.
- Research! Variety! If you don’t know how to “do” something, find out.
- Be naked! Women worry too much about how we’re dressed.
- Emotional connection matters for men, too.
- Tell your guy what you want!
And following on yesterday’s theme, according to these gentlemen, a little extra weight does not matter – especially if a man loves a woman.
Sensual, Consensual, Sexual Sanity
I must say, as a woman, I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what makes a man tick, only to conclude that it’s simpler to ask – the individual man I’m with. And that includes all sorts of topics – from social justice to social interaction of a more, well, personal sort.
As for these bedroom secrets? Are they really so surprising? (Come on ladies. Think about it. Isn’t a naked woman nearly always of interest to a heterosexual man?)
Then again – more foreplay, more communication, more experimentation -along the “variety” lines? Aren’t these motivating and mobilizing words for the women to dare a little more?
Fantasy… Communication
While we know that men and women are different in many respects when it comes to sexual behaviors and approach – as with the realm of male and female fantasies, when we get down to it, perhaps we’re not so different after all?
So why do we hesitate to speak up? Are we worried about what our partners will think of our responses, or that we’ll be judged? Are we worried about the male ego – mistakenly believing it’s more fragile than it truly is?
But maybe, just maybe – men want to know what women think and feel in bed. For real. Maybe, just maybe – we could do with asking more questions about what they want, and offering more information when it comes to our desires as well.
Always searching. always learning.
Always good to have good communication. Ask and you shall receive 🙂
With some men, Ayala. As with some women, right?
We aren’t too complex… well most of us anyway. Dexter, now that’s a complex dude! ;0)
« Men » really ? I saw five guys talking about sex in a barber shop and they seemed as if they had an appointment with the interviewer and the entire scene looked rehearsed. So, does it really say anything about men in general? 🙂
Of course, I cannot speak too much for American men, but different things which they said don’t seem to fit what I know myself about male behavior in sex, at least on my side of the ocean 🙂
– Foreplay ? Mmm … from the many interviews I had about that with women, I would say that men mostly like foreplay when it consists in some treat for them, but when it comes to nicely be arousing a partner they seem much less enthusiastic about foreplay.
– Variety? Well few are the women who didn’t tell me that their husband or partner had quite regular patterns in their way of having sex.
– Being naked? Let’s be serious 🙂 Nobody will contest that once in bed, naked is best. Big discovery! 🙂 But in all the seduction, flirtation and heavy petting, who will deny the huge importance of some nicely sexy lingerie? Are women such idiots that they would spend fortunes on those sexy outfits when they would make no difference? 🙂 They do it because it works! 🙂 And men buy them too for the women in their life … or is it more a gift for themselves?
– About emotional connection, I would just say this: While I know it’s really mandatory for practically all women, I knew a lot of guys who didn’t need that at all for a good intercourse.
– And “tell your guy what you want”? That’s the cherry on the top! 🙂 I think that a lot of women would really like to tell their guy what they want, and they just don’t do it because they don’t trust them. They know, as I do, that many of them will consider them as real sluts as soon as they will have said aloud some naughty fantasy they have.
In short maybe not so simple? 🙂
Of course it’s only a small group of men, François. And I imagine it was heavily edited along with a bit of guidance. This is the real world (of video)…
Perhaps the take-away here is that we shouldn’t assume we know everything about the opposite sex, or that we don’t. We shouldn’t assume that male sexuality at 20 is the same as it is at 50, just as female sexuality may go through changes. And there are all kinds of sexual liaisons. These gentlemen seem to have been directed toward conversation about relationships that are more than a hook-up.
And we’re all different. Which doesn’t mean there isn’t food for thought in this quick clip.
My deep and nuanced commentary about the five “revelations of the article –
“Well, duh!”
Thanks, Robert. 🙂 Maybe the women should hang out in barber shops and give a listen?
I actually don’t know of any such male discussions at barber shops, or really, for that matter, anywhere else. I imagine it is news for we males that we are such a mystery.
Perhaps we need to hang out more on women’s blogs….(grin!)
Likewise, we women should hang out on more men’s blogs! (Any recommendations?)
I read a lot of men’s blogs, and they don’t much talk about bedroom secrets. Most dad bloggers are under 50 I’d guess, and write about their kids. I do recall that a lot of new dads seem to miss having sex with the new moms they are married to.
I hear you, Wolf.
There was a little book I saw years ago. “Porn for Moms,” I think it was called. Pictures of 20-something and 30-something men changing diapers, picking up after kids, cleaning in the kitchen. Funny book. But, put 1 + 1 together, and you recognize the message…
I think a lot of the miscommunication about sex has to do with how it is portrayed in film (both pornography and main stream media). Many men and women assume that what we’ve seen on the screen is what we should want or what our partners desire. When it comes to sex everyone’s preference is as different as food choice. It is when you are with someone in the privacy of your bedroom that the truth can come out, (if you’re brave enough to ask and brave enough to speak up). Thank goodness for educators like Dan Savage and Cindy Gallop (makelovenotporn.com) who are bringing real sex and frank conversations about real sex into mainstream media.