• Home
  • About
  • Around
  • Contributors
  • Applause

Daily Plate of Crazy

  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Love
    • Marriage
    • Divorce
    • Life After Divorce
  • Parenting
    • Advice
    • Babies and Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • College Kids
    • Single Moms
    • Older Moms
    • Dads
    • Family Dynamics
    • Money Matters
    • Work-Life
  • Health
  • Sex
  • Women’s Issues
  • Fashion & Style
    • Chaussures
    • Fashion
    • Style
    • Lingerie
    • Interiors
  • Culture
  • More
    • Art Art Art
    • Business
    • En Français
    • Entertainment
      • Mad Men
      • Mad Men Reviews
      • Real Housewives
      • Movies
      • Celebrities
      • Work of Art Reviews
    • Flash
    • Food & Recipes
    • Lifestyle
    • Morning Musing
    • Starting Over
    • Technology
    • Travel
    • Women and Money
You are here: Home / Business / Dogged

Dogged

July 30, 2012 by D. A. Wolf 3 Comments

Negotiator Kenneth R. Feinberg, in a New York Times Magazine article, or rather, the “One Page Feature,” sums up the most critical aspects of negotiating for success:

“… there’s a priority list: One, know the facts. Two, be dogged. Three, keep an open mind. Next, be creative in getting to ‘yes.’ Finally, a very important basic proposition: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.”

So brief is this item, I actually located it online via Indisputably, an ADR Blog (Arbitration and Dispute Resolution) – one of those interesting spots to meander, should you wish to learn more about legal aspects of resolving conflict.

But what caught my attention in Professor Feinberg’s words originally, as recounted to Spencer Bailey and appearing in the Sunday Times, is their applicability to much more than legal disputes.

Aren’t these priorities essential to success in most human interactions?

Negotiating with Kids

Consider this: Your child is stubbornly refusing to eat dinner, and you’re pressed to feed her, get on with the evening’s activities that await, but you want her to understand the discipline of eating what is put in front of her – not to mention, who’s boss.

Do you coerce? Do you bribe? Do you punish?

Do you try to talk her into the peas, the broccoli, the tuna – whatever it is that’s causing the stalemate – this time? Do you surrender, and cook a different meal for the picky child who won’t eat?

Negotiating with Your Spouse or Partner

Consider this: Your romantic partner is hesitant to join you on the trip of a lifetime. You have the bucks, you have the ten days off, and the in-laws are willing to stay with the kids (his, hers, yours; configuration of your choice).

Still, your partner is reluctant and you’re beginning to feel resentful and miffed.

It’s a win-win to you. She must not want to go away with you, right? Or your relationship simply isn’t the priority to him that it is to you, so you begin to wonder if there’s someone else.

Salary Negotiation Tips

Consider this: You’re in the running for a job, you have everything the position requires, you’ve met your potential teammates during rounds of interviews and the chemistry is just right. But the salary offer you receive is low, and negotiating for something more is a daunting prospect.

Do you try to get more data in order to support further negotiation? Do you risk attempting a counteroffer? Or do you cave, take what you can get, and resent that you did so, even as you start the new job?

Facts and Determination

First and foremost, go in with facts. That’s what Professor Feinberg is telling us. Go in with determination – dogged determination at that – the confidence of knowing you’re in a strong position, and the willingness to persist in achieving your objective.

Might I suggest that compromise is key?

We don’t always get what we want, but if we come close and achieve a partial goal, doesn’t that set us on the path to completion in the future? The answer isn’t always yes, and the challenge of course is how much compromise…

As to facts, we’ll live in analysis paralysis if we insist on each and every one. It’s a judgment call as to time and other resources required to gather data, knowing we always have a better case when we’re well prepared.

Problem Solving: The Importance of an Open Mind and Creativity

We all know there’s more than one way to get what we want. If Method A doesn’t work, there’s Method B or Method C. Why not look for creative ways to make all parties happy – or at least – willing to arrive at an acceptable compromise? In other words, not “my way or the highway,” but a way that gets us where we need to go.

As for the stubborn child, 30 minutes of negotiation is pointless, but what about asking why she won’t eat, and factoring in age and context?

In the example of the reluctant-to-vacation spouse, could a shorter trip ease concerns? What is the motivation for her refusal?

When it comes to negotiating pay, a compensation package is comprised of more than an hourly rate or salary. A performance-based bonus could be negotiated, or number of hours, or necessary flexibility in taking time off.

Walk in My Shoes

Essential to each of the above scenarios is the ability to get into the other person’s head. That’s not always possible, but it’s more possible than we realize, and not trying is not smart.

If the child’s pattern of behavior is seen other than at the dinner table, you may be dealing with a willful temperament that you both admire and struggle with. We’re back to context, and potentially years of head-butting in your future.

The partner who seems disinclined to leave town may be concerned about the security of her job situation, or some other situation that can only be addressed through open and honest communication.

Negotiating for higher pay?

Writing in Forbes.com, Maria Gamb explains that women are typically less practiced in salary negotiations, and less confident in asking for what they want. But if you’ve done your homework, understand the challenges of the hiring manager, and can support your case with what you bring to the table as well as market pay data, you’re more likely to get what you want.

Life Skills, Life Lessons, Broad Implications?

Think about the implications of these few pointers.

  • Dogged determination.
  • Staying informed.
  • Keeping an open mind; seeking creative solutions.
  • Putting yourself in the other’s shoes.

Aren’t these qualities and skills achievable? Aren’t they useful in resolving conflicts of all sorts? Including in friendships, and dare I say – even among political adversaries?

What if policymakers put themselves in the opposition’s mindset, and translated their objectives into language the other side of the aisle could better understand – say, how a program would benefit them, in dollars and cents?

Tenacious in Struggle, or Tenacious in Achieving Solutions?

Dogged? Tenacious? Single-minded?

You bet. I know I’m capable of all of the above. But I can’t possibly express how many times I created obstacles in my own mind that did not exist.

The “facts” were something else entirely. The dispute, non-existent, or readily resolvable.

Isn’t that exactly why we should never assume?

Isn’t this why we need to communicate clearly – with our children, our parents, our co-workers, our significant others? Isn’t this why we need to be invested in the solution – and not the struggle?

And I might add, empathy – that ability to recognize another person’s goals, constraints, and feelings – does not mean you accord their experience more value than your own. But it may assist in taking the sting out of an outcome that is less than what you wanted, and it leads to forging understanding that may bring us closer to our goals – and while we’re at it, to each other.

 

You May Also Enjoy

  • In-Fighting
  • How to Argue With Someone Who is Always Right
  • Empathy
  • Open Your Mouth and Speak

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmailFacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

Filed Under: Business, Parenting, Relationships Tagged With: careers, communication skills, confidence, creative problem-solving, defining success, determination, flexibility, negotiating salary, negotiating tips, Parenting, teaching kids life skills, women and money

Comments

  1. Heather in Arles says

    July 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    These pointers actually seem quite Buddhist to me. Even the dogged determination–that is if empathy, an open mind and being informed area all in the basket too.

    Reply
    • BigLittleWolf says

      July 31, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      Buddhist? Really? Now you have me intrigued, Heather…

      Reply
  2. Wolf Pascoe says

    August 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    “But I can’t possibly express how many times I created obstacles in my own mind that did not exist.”

    I need to write this 100 times on the blackboard.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow Us

FacebooktwitterrssinstagramFacebooktwitterrssinstagram

Search Daily Plate of Crazy

Subscribe for Your Daily Serving

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Categories

Archives

Recent Comments

  • Anonymous on Does Effort Matter If You Don’t Get Results?
  • D. A. Wolf on Mantras
  • D. A. Wolf on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Marty on When You Marry a Loner
  • Tina on Would You Brag About Your Age?
  • Sal on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Open More Doors If You Want More Skills - 3 Plus International on Open More Doors If You Want More Skills
  • Leonora C on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Maree on Mantras
  • kate on DON’T Call Me Dear!
  • Stephanie on Narcissism. Manipulation. Keeping Score.
  • S on When a Couple Wants Different Things

The Makeover Series

Daily Plate of Crazy: The Makeover Series

Essays From Guest Writers

Daily Plate of Crazy: Essay Series

Daily Reads

Daily Plate of Crazy Blogroll

Follow

Follow

Notices

All content on this site, DailyPlateOfCrazy.com, is copyrighted by D. A. Wolf unless copyright is otherwise attributed to guest writers. Do not use, borrow, repost or create derivative works without permission.

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025. All Rights Reserved.

Parlez-vous francais?

Daily Plate of Crazy: En Français

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025
All Rights Reserved

Daily Plate of Crazy ™

Privacy Notice

Popular This Month

  • 50 Years old and Starting Over
  • Best Places to Live When You're Over 50 and Reinventing
  • When the Person You Love Is Emotionally Unavailable
  • When a Couple Wants Different Things
  • How to Comfort Someone Who Is Stressed

Food for Thought

  • Why I Choose to Think Like a Man
  • When You Marry a Loner
  • Emotionally Needy Parents
  • Sex vs. Lovemaking: Why Are We So Confused?
  • Think Looks Don't Pay?
  • Rebranding Mediocrity: Why Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This site uses cookies for the best browsing experience. By continuing to use this site, you accept our Cookie Policy.
Cookie SettingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT