• Home
  • About
  • Around
  • Contributors
  • Applause

Daily Plate of Crazy

  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Love
    • Marriage
    • Divorce
    • Life After Divorce
  • Parenting
    • Advice
    • Babies and Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • College Kids
    • Single Moms
    • Older Moms
    • Dads
    • Family Dynamics
    • Money Matters
    • Work-Life
  • Health
  • Sex
  • Women’s Issues
  • Fashion & Style
    • Chaussures
    • Fashion
    • Style
    • Lingerie
    • Interiors
  • Culture
  • More
    • Art Art Art
    • Business
    • En Français
    • Entertainment
      • Mad Men
      • Mad Men Reviews
      • Real Housewives
      • Movies
      • Celebrities
      • Work of Art Reviews
    • Flash
    • Food & Recipes
    • Lifestyle
    • Morning Musing
    • Starting Over
    • Technology
    • Travel
    • Women and Money
You are here: Home / Health / Orientation

Orientation

February 8, 2012 by D. A. Wolf 11 Comments

It’s an interesting word, isn’t it? Orientation. And of course, more troublesome is its evil twin – disorientation.

I was having a conversation with an old friend this morning. We were discussing the fact that while we learn from the past and hypotheticals are useful for taking lessons, we have today, and whatever comes next. Yesterday? We bear its echoes, its wounds, its mirthful memories. But there are no do-overs.

There is today, and whatever comes next.

So how do you orient yourself to “this day forward” when everything about this day (much less the future) no longer resembles the picture you once had in mind?

Or any of the pictures you once had in mind?

There are any number of reasons people find themselves disoriented. It’s not an uncommon state, to varying degrees.

Orienting Ourselves When Lost

Who hasn’t been lost in a monster shopping mall and searched for the diagram with the “You Are Here” arrow?

Who hasn’t taken a wrong turn on the highway, or for that matter – metaphorically?

You look around, you don’t recognize the scenery, and there are no markers to help you get your bearings.

You fumble for maps or a flashlight or your cell phone. You focus on your GPS. You talk yourself out of panic and replace it with reason and calm. Then you can put the pieces together of what you know, in order to figure out where you may be.

And once you know where you may be – even if uncertain – you’re closer to making your way to your planned destination.

Then again, what’s to say you can’t get lucky? A passerby may assist with directions. Trial and error may lead you to the right path. The wrong road may bring you to a new adventure, and your disorientation turns out to be a gift.

Psychological Disorientation

But what if disorientation is something more serious, more stubborn, more damaging?

Psychological disorientation may be defined as:

… the inability to locate oneself in one’s environment with reference to time, place, and people.

Life events can hit anyone of us at any time, tossing us into turmoil – and disorientation – for brief or extended periods. Even happy events like marriage and a new baby can throw us for a loop as we make considerable adjustments to life with expanded responsibilities and, in the case of an infant, more worry and less sleep.

Then there are the diabolical stressors that scramble our beliefs and our support systems: accident, illness, death, divorce, job loss, devastating financial loss, and relocation.

Oh, you may disagree with me on the list I offer here, but having experienced each one, and more than once, I’ll stick to my guns on saying that each is disorienting in significant ways – and sufficient to bring on insomnia, weight loss (or gain), panic attacks, loss of confidence, moments of paralysis, and of course, depression.

Death and Divorce

I have written about death and divorce before, comparatively, in order to make specific points. That writing has caused some controversy, though I plainly state that I have no experience of the former and a “high conflict” experience of the latter. The loss of a spouse to death is not the same as the termination of a marriage through divorce. But there are similarities, just as there are differences, of course.

Among the similarities: Both may result in extraordinary heartache, commotion, confusion, an indefinite period of withdrawal, of acting out, of flailing about. And yes, disorientation – that inability to locate yourself with reference to time, place, or people – because you cannot recognize yourself in this new role, or how you now relate to your environment.

The death of a loved one is earth shattering. When my father died suddenly (a car accident), my universe flipped on its axis and I couldn’t grasp anything. Some 20 years later, though more mature and more able to handle it, I felt similarly when my mother died without warning, in her sleep.

Divorce (for many of us) is more than a change in marital status or even the way we live our daily lives; it’s one small explosion after another, sometimes for years.

Job Loss, Financial Loss, Loss of Face or Status

Job loss, to those who are used to being the breadwinner, is a special kind of wound. If the inability to generate an income continues for long, we lose a piece of self – our belief in self as having tangible value.

And of course, there are the very real consequences of significantly reduced (or no) income: loss of home, loss of friends, loss of access to health care, to decent schools for children; the necessity of a move to wherever you can manage. These losses cannot be underestimated, and their ripple effects may be long-lived.

There is also a loss of dreams. That, too, can be extraordinarily disorienting.

And what do these events have in common? A loss of identity – even among the strongest, the most capable, the most self-confident, the most fearless.

And warranted or not, there is also shame.

Moving and Moving On

A relocation may be for good reasons or not so good; you choose to start over in a new job, a new city, with that fresh start mentality that breathes energy back into your spirit and your step. It’s still stressful; you need to re-establish connections for yourself (and possibly family) – doctors, dentists, schools; new neighbors, new commutes, new supermarkets, new pharmacies. You’re lost on the road, over and over – metaphorically and literally – though eventually you’ll orient yourself and feel alright. Hopefully, better than alright.

There’s relocation for more challenging reasons and here perhaps the disorientation is greater; this is not a choice so much as a consequence, and a consequence of other disorienting events at that. You are effectively forced to find new footing on new ground upon which to lead your life – constrained by the fact of fewer options, rather than more.

Positive Attitude + Honesty

I’m a believer in staying as strong and as positive as possible. But I also adhere to the belief that to hide our heads in the sand is to be, well… foolish. And who wants to appear foolish?

Moreover, who wants to find themselves unprepared as a result – or lacking in compassion for others and what they’re going through, out of ignorance because no one will speak their truths?

I think we need to tell it like it is: who we are as we pass through new life stages, what we struggle with, where we lose our way, and when we are afraid. Naturally, I believe we should also share our triumphs and our discoveries.

The world is a complex place. Our communities are fractured, social systems are riddled with holes, and many of us fall through the cracks – every damn day. And if we say nothing, we fix nothing. We accept the status quo, and learn nothing.

Speaking Up

Let’s speak up when we feel well and strong and ready to tackle any challenge, knowing we’ll leave our world a little better off than it was before we got up in the morning. When I say I’m feisty, flirty, and fifty-something – it’s because I am!

But might we also agree that midlife comes with very real headaches? With narrowing options in many respects? Must we go on pretending that aging isn’t a mix-master, that growing older isn’t frightening, that we aren’t worried about money, loneliness, our changing bodies – especially when hit by divorce or illness or a necessary but unwanted move? That we don’t find ourselves at least occasionally in a strange and disorienting place?

There are days I feel juiced, great, sexy, powerful – and yes, beautiful.

And just as many when I feel worn down, lethargic, neutered, fragile. And yes, invisible.

Vulnerability is Bravery

What if we admit – together – that it’s alright to feel confident and also afraid? To feel vibrant in many ways, yet in others – worn out? What if expressing our vulnerability takes more bravery than putting on a daily smile?

Can we dare to state – clearly – that most of us can’t run to the gym, pop the latest vitamin supplement, rework a rusty resume, refashion a second (or third or fourth) career, nip here and tuck there, pick up and start over in a new city or a new life – as though it were as easy as putting our minds to it?

If it were that simple, I’d be “there” with my “today and everything that comes next” exactly as I would like it to be, with my older and wiser self, my good days which are exceptionally good, my stories, my silliness, my skills, my capacity for learning and for living fully – and my desire to contribute something that matters.

But it’s not that easy.

It takes work, more work, stamina, more stamina. It takes help. It takes community. It takes luck.

Reinvention, Community

I read a good deal around the web, and as a participant in many communities, I enjoy reading about men and women who rebuild their lives after dramatic life events present obstacles. I particularly pay attention to the women who remind us that courage and grace and even optimism remain intact.

If family life is not what it once was in this country, I am encouraged that we are recreating communities of many sorts to nourish our spirits, to make real contributions, and to reach out with virtual hands to listen to and support each other.

I believe in reinvention, but I also know it isn’t simple, it’s rarely achieved alone, and it can be exhausting – especially when we must embark on Reinvention Road time and time again. Yet I am convinced that if we speak the truths of our lives – plainly, eloquently, pragmatically, ruthlessly, diplomatically, tenderly – with equal measures of joy and sorrow, of certainty and fear, of satisfaction and disappointment – we are better off than if we spin nothing but pretty tales of shiny success stories.

I believe we’re all orienting and reorienting every day, in a hundred little ways. We’re also reinventing ourselves and our perspectives as we go. But sometimes there are stages in which the adjustments are enormous, terrifying, a gaping black hole which seems ravenous enough to swallow us alive. These reinventions are not of our choosing, but they are nonetheless necessary.

Might we not speak of them honestly? And in so doing, might we feel less isolated, less polarized, and poised instead to help each other accomplish them in a more realistic manner?

 

You May Also Enjoy

  • Midlife Mix-Master – Overwhelmed, Underwhelmed, and Worried
  • Feisty, Flirty, and Fifty-Something
  • Does Your Marital Status Define You?
  • Huffington Post: Which Is Worse – Death or Divorce?

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmailFacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

Filed Under: Health, Lifestyle, Morning Musing, Surviving Recession Tagged With: ageing, aging, emotions, empty nest, grief, life after divorce, life events, moving, over 50, over 60, post-divorce life, real life, real women's lives, recession, reinvention, starting over, unemployment, women over 50, women over 60, women's issues

Comments

  1. Madgew says

    February 8, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Loved today’s blog.

    Reply
    • BigLittleWolf says

      February 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

      Thanks, Madge.

      Reply
  2. Liz Scherer says

    February 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    A timely and thoughtful post. I am not only the midst of reinvention but also a mini family crisis so I can completely relate. What I like most? The need for honesty, with ourselves and with those around us. Thanks so much!

    Reply
    • BigLittleWolf says

      February 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

      Thanks for visiting and commenting, Liz. I hope whatever it is goes well.

      Reply
  3. Cathy says

    February 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    “And just as many when I feel worn down, lethargic, neutered, fragile. And yes, invisible.”

    Feeling all of the above today. And I’m finding the more days I have like today the less hope I have of things changing in a positive way. In fact, days like today have begun to outnumber my “good” days.

    My emotional and physical low level light is flashing. I need my tank topped off but have no access to the fuel. Thanks for not giving me platitudes about positive thinking or acceptance.

    I don’t wallow in misfortune when it comes my way but I’m not going to deny it either.

    Reply
    • BigLittleWolf says

      February 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

      I hear you Cathy. Thank you for hearing me, and understanding. I suspect there are all too many of us who have no voice and feel as though we aren’t allowed to speak up on our bad days. Shadows don’t eliminate light – they sometimes help us focus it.

      A small irony: In the word “orientation” I observe two French words.

      Or, which means gold.

      And rien, which means nothing.

      Orienting or reorienting may bring us gold or nothing at all, side by side and also, blending – as in this word, so full of meaning.

      Reply
  4. Jane says

    February 9, 2012 at 8:09 am

    It’s funny, I never really gave reinvention much thought. When I was younger I knew what I wanted to be, how my life should go and I expected to make it happen. When my live took its twists and turns I thought “failure” not “reinvention.” Thanks for the nudge to switch up my vocabulary a bit.

    Reply
  5. Mikalee Byerman says

    February 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    So, I love today’s post. Like love love LOVE it.

    On my blog, I address reinvention as well — hence the name of the blog “Me 2.0,” referring to my next iteration…my next best self. My completely blindsiding divorce inspired quite the instantaneous course correction, and while unexpected, I am FAR happier for it.

    However, as you noted, reinvention is EXHAUSTING. But real. And empowering.

    One thing I’ve been pondering for a while, though: I call it “reinvention” as well, but I think what we’re actually talking about here is redefinition. There is a difference, right? I mean, with reinvention, the denotation (and, really, connotation) is the idea of starting from scratch — taking something that was nothing, thus the “invention” part of the word.

    But with redefinition, we’re taking something that already existed … and tweaking, adapting, growing, altering. There’s no “from scratch” component — because we’re here. Just different.

    And the words “orientation,” “disorientation,” “reorientation”…pitch perfect when it comes to adapting to change. Like I said, I LOVE it!

    Thank you for inspiring me to think more about these important concepts. 🙂

    Reply
    • BigLittleWolf says

      February 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

      Oh, I love these subtle distinctions in language, Mikalee. Quite right. Reinvention and redefinition bear their own distinctions.

      So glad you enjoyed this post! And may I add, I think it’s critical that we give voice to the fact that change usually doesn’t happen quickly or all at once, certainly not in a vacuum, and not without work, fatigue, and support. Even then, it’s a continual journey throughout our lives, not some miraculous destination that solves all our problems.

      Reply
  6. amy ferris says

    February 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    stunning.
    absolutely perfect & stunning.
    oh, thank you. THANK YOU!!!!!

    all my love.

    Reply
  7. Wolf Pascoe says

    February 9, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    White Out

    The moment before
    the cloud settles on me
    and everything turns white,
    I look back
    on the familiar world,
    the path that leads
    up the mountain,
    the line of treetops
    to the disappearing
    ridge,
    and think
    that it’s possible
    to turn back.
    Or, worse come to worst,
    I’ll wait right here:
    I tell myself
    it’s all a painting,
    a dress rehearsal,
    a first draft.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow Us

FacebooktwitterrssinstagramFacebooktwitterrssinstagram

Search Daily Plate of Crazy

Subscribe for Your Daily Serving

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Categories

Archives

Recent Comments

  • Anonymous on Does Effort Matter If You Don’t Get Results?
  • D. A. Wolf on Mantras
  • D. A. Wolf on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Marty on When You Marry a Loner
  • Tina on Would You Brag About Your Age?
  • Sal on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Open More Doors If You Want More Skills - 3 Plus International on Open More Doors If You Want More Skills
  • Leonora C on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Maree on Mantras
  • kate on DON’T Call Me Dear!
  • Stephanie on Narcissism. Manipulation. Keeping Score.
  • S on When a Couple Wants Different Things

The Makeover Series

Daily Plate of Crazy: The Makeover Series

Essays From Guest Writers

Daily Plate of Crazy: Essay Series

Daily Reads

Daily Plate of Crazy Blogroll

Follow

Follow

Notices

All content on this site, DailyPlateOfCrazy.com, is copyrighted by D. A. Wolf unless copyright is otherwise attributed to guest writers. Do not use, borrow, repost or create derivative works without permission.

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025. All Rights Reserved.

Parlez-vous francais?

Daily Plate of Crazy: En Français

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025
All Rights Reserved

Daily Plate of Crazy ™

Privacy Notice

Popular This Month

  • 50 Years old and Starting Over
  • Best Places to Live When You're Over 50 and Reinventing
  • When the Person You Love Is Emotionally Unavailable
  • When a Couple Wants Different Things
  • How to Comfort Someone Who Is Stressed

Food for Thought

  • Why I Choose to Think Like a Man
  • When You Marry a Loner
  • Emotionally Needy Parents
  • Sex vs. Lovemaking: Why Are We So Confused?
  • Think Looks Don't Pay?
  • Rebranding Mediocrity: Why Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This site uses cookies for the best browsing experience. By continuing to use this site, you accept our Cookie Policy.
Cookie SettingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT