I don’t feel like it, I don’t feel like it, I just don’t feel like it!
Recently, I was complaining to a friend about a tedious task I must complete. I whined, I moaned, I was full of excuses – none of which changes the fact that it must get done!
My friend shook his head and said: “Will power. Good old-fashioned will power.”
Don’t you hate it when you hear advice you don’t want to take?
I know I’m disciplined when it comes to managing my daily life. But will power?
Different animal.
Tougher sell.
Once upon a time, will power was behavior that was admired, talked about, encouraged. It’s essential to beginning any difficult task, and more so, to seeing it through.
These days? I rarely hear it mentioned, except in one particular context – dieting. Certainly, my thoughts turn to years of dieting and denying myself food, foolishly thinking that being hungry half the day was a sign of strength, and would yield the desired result.
Sure, it takes will power to pass by the coffee cake in Aisle 4 and the chips in Aisle 9. Sure, it takes will power to not eat when you’re famished. But it’s also a bad idea to skip meals if you’re trying to lose weight – something I figured out a decade later.
When I think about pushing through my own excuses when I don’t want to do something (whatever the “something”) – maybe I’m tired, maybe I’d rather read, maybe I’m annoyed I ever agreed to the task – I think of discipline. But discipline and will power aren’t the same.
Discipline is defined as:
behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control
Will power, on the other hand, is:
the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior; self-control
Discipline has more to do with structure – critical for surviving overflowing days of relationship, work, parenting, a dash of healthy exercise. We’re thankful for adherence to self-made rules that help us juggle.
Discipline? I’ve got that down. I know how to create the structures I need and stick to them. I can modify them as well, flexible enough to tweak when required.
Will power?
Ugh. Another matter. I’m thinking about those donuts… And good thing there aren’t any in the house, because it’s early in the day, I’m hungry, I’m sleep-deprived, and I’d like nothing better than a sugar shot (or six), compliments of an apparition from Krispy Kreme.
Will power is about self-control, not control of the environment or schedule. It’s about determination, being resolute; wanting to do X, and either not doing it because you shouldn’t, or doing Y instead – because you should.
Self-control seems outmoded in these times of self-indulgence, of excuses, of so much on our plates that we allow for slippage of priority tasks (we might not like) over “busy work.”
But this is about perseverance, self-imposed limits, being an adult, even when we’re tired, we’re stressed, or we just aren’t in the mood.
So I facilitate the beginning by visualizing the end, by imagining how good I’ll feel when my complicated task is complete, by telling myself to just do it.
- How do you move beyond excuses, to tackle a difficult task?
- Do you try to wriggle out of what you should do but don’t want to?
- Do you routinely exercise self-control? What about self-discipline?
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I have absolutely no will power when it comes to forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do, and usually those are things with huge stake: such as writing my dissertation, and most recently writing peer reviews. I waited till the last minute for the peer reviews and I didn’t go to bed till 4:30 am! I was so worried that I would mess it up that I didn’t want to do it and face the reality that I might suck…
I’m with you on the huge stake items… and the worry that what I’m doing might suck!
I give myself planned rewards throughout the project. But I have so little self control when it comes to sweets. Don’t ask how many times I have gotten dressed just to go out to get a sweet because I try and not keep them in my house. But I do keep them at my neighbor’s house. So I have to get up and walk there. Unfortunately, she gave me a key. Not good.:)
Ha! Madge – I think it’s easier to say “no” altogether than use moderation, when it comes to sweets. Ah – the don’t-buy-them-strategy. I know it well. (Sometimes it even works.) 😉
Depending on the task, I focus on steps toward the goal. Each step is usually small but progress is progress and soon the task is finished. Some tasks don’t fit into a step-wise set of sub-tasks, for those there are usually prerequisites that all have to be satisfied first, those can be knocked off each day and then you have no excuse but to move ahead. Easier said than done but breaking large problems into smaller ones is one way to move forward.
Good advice, batticus.
Gotta correct those exams now.
I hear you, Paul. And I’ve been diligently “on task” for hours, myself.
Frankly, I’d rather be eating donuts. 🙁
I used to be so good at pressing forward through adversity. Until the burden became more than I could press through. We always manage to keep going, even on sleepless nights, morning still comes. Another day is always around the corner.
It gets a little harder to see that light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel seems so long.
I hope you continue to find that will power and strength every day.
It does get a little harder, doesn’t it, NAS. But yes, we press on. Even through the sleepless nights.
Hmm…possible reconsideration. Perhaps people are hitting on themselves too much. I did an hour and a half of exams after prior post and then got totally distracted with Rilke (among other things) from yesterday’s BLW post. I take care of my personal needs and am reasonably responsible for others, so let me appreciate the opportunity to learn something for myself. I’m supposed to be an educator (among other roles), but it is essential in that role (and for my sanity) to keep myself educated. Will Power…when appropriate.
Just chuckling, Paul. I’m looking up from my “hard task” and I’m nodding at your remark.
Some days it’s easier to do the things one must get on with, other days it is harder. Your energy levels have a big part to play here – when you feel energetic it’s much easier to get on with those jobs that need doing
I can maintain my willpower for quite some time. Then, suddenly, it all seems to melt away and resolution disappears. But mostly I just get lazy about it. My willpower usually is required for household tasks that I really don’t want to do. I can be the master of putting things off. I’ve practiced a lot.
I have all the will power in the world… if I am interested in the task! I find the motivation harder as I get older.
I procrastinate. No willpower when it’d pay off, only when there’s no other option. I don’t know if willpower is the word for it.
Ugh is right. Just reading this makes me want to regress to when I was young and it wasn’t about will power, it was about free will. But as an adult, and as a parent, we have lead by example, pay those bills, don’t drink to excess, do the right thing. Sometimes I want to be a foot-stomping, yelling, screaming kid.
I hear you, Michelle… And I’m still working on that “will power” task. It really is about “just do it.” And I miss those days of occasional slacking off – the foot-stomping, yelling screaming kid – as you say! 😉
I’ll start by saying it’s much harder to apply these two strategies if the task is a big one (like reading someones 400 page manuscript). But otherwise the two strategies I use to push myself forward are; 1) Promise myself a break afterward (ie. don’t follow it up with another chore). 2) Focus on how it ties in with an end result I really want.
Good points, and great suggestions, Kathryn. And thank you for joining the conversation!
Will Power. Willpower. Sometimes I remember Alanis: the only way out is through. With tasks, I have a triage system in my head based on who the task helps, who is asking me to complete it, and whether it pays. Too many negatives and I pass on by.
With food and exercise and my well being, well those sometimes seem to come last. In fact, I am sitting here typing this comment, procrastinating on donning my exercise clothes and completing “day nine” of the lolo bootcamp app I purchased for my iphone/ipad. It’s been good – gets me moving, building my strength. However, I did something wicked to the muscle between my left shoulder blade and spine (trapezius? rhomboidus?) that has it sore and in spasm. But I have to go exercise so I can make my mammogram appointment this afternoon. Nothing like having my tatas squeezed flat on a glorious fall day, right?
Cheers!
The only way out is through. That one just made my day, Andrea.