• Home
  • About
  • Around
  • Contributors
  • Applause

Daily Plate of Crazy

  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Love
    • Marriage
    • Divorce
    • Life After Divorce
  • Parenting
    • Advice
    • Babies and Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • College Kids
    • Single Moms
    • Older Moms
    • Dads
    • Family Dynamics
    • Money Matters
    • Work-Life
  • Health
  • Sex
  • Women’s Issues
  • Fashion & Style
    • Chaussures
    • Fashion
    • Style
    • Lingerie
    • Interiors
  • Culture
  • More
    • Art Art Art
    • Business
    • En Français
    • Entertainment
      • Mad Men
      • Mad Men Reviews
      • Real Housewives
      • Movies
      • Celebrities
      • Work of Art Reviews
    • Flash
    • Food & Recipes
    • Lifestyle
    • Morning Musing
    • Starting Over
    • Technology
    • Travel
    • Women and Money
You are here: Home / Dreams / Slicing the Onion

Slicing the Onion

May 26, 2011 by D. A. Wolf 7 Comments

You know the recipe by heart and you move through the preparations as usual. You grab the red onion and slice through its textured flesh with a practiced hand. You begin the quick business of cutting rings or dicing squares, and your eyes begin to burn, to tear uncontrollably, and you’re caught off guard. So you stop. You must stop.

You walk away. For now.

Sometimes, there is no bother at all. No sting, no bite, and you execute this task like any other. Now and then, what you’ve come to expect as routine – pleasant or not – becomes an insurmountable wall, a mountain you cannot scale, and your physical self rebels in some insistent way. Your body exerts its no in waves of betrayal – in nausea, in trembling, in panic that squeezes your chest and numbs your tongue.

You remove yourself from the scene and do not speak. Calm will return, the tears will ease, the sickness will subside again. This is your all too familiar tale after divorce, your foundational weariness, your tunnel that closes its exits. But you’ve tasted this blindness before. Your fingertips will find their path.

You have a job: smile when you sense it will help, listen when you need the answers, nourish your family as you have always done. Quiet your mind. Focus on the positive. Find alternatives.

Do not be felled by tears.

I cannot pretend today

I am vague and that’s intentional; there is a performance to be delivered. There are always performances.

Last night I push aside the curtains and make a simple request; I receive a yes and find a modicum of relief. Yet when I shut off the lights to sleep, I toss and turn, I doze then wake, I sleep a few hours and just before rising there is a dream and an argument and family gathered, my mother in the fray but taking my side, agreeing that what I asked of my son is not unreasonable.

But why this counsel from the woman who gave birth to me, the woman who taught me, the woman who betrayed me, the woman who loved the man I married, who gave him her allegiance during our war and turned her back on me, her daughter?

There is more to the story and it is private; there is always more to our stories.

In the dream, her stance is striking as she concedes that I must do what is best for me, in my interest, not hers. My interest, not his.

As the dream fades I know she is dead and I question this moment she offers me. Perhaps it is selfish. Perhaps it is well advised; I become my own good mother, give permission to ache, permission to rage, permission to hold the hurt and then set it aside so I can be mother enough for myself and my children.

Fighting from a place of love

For now there is anger to defeat impotence, energy to be generated from love. There are images of love. Of possible futures.

There is refusal to acquiesce and if I acquiesced in the past it is because fear clouded my capacity to visualize alternatives as wishful thinking  took root again and oh, how we want to believe that positive denial will bear sweet fruit!

I am facing down my demons and look up into a brightening day, the shoulds of happy occasions, of celebration, of memories to cherish if I can assist in making it so.

Fighting from a place of love.

There are times you slice the onion and you are fine. There are times you pierce its flesh and you burn and cry, but you cannot walk away and nor do you wish to. The recipe calls for onion and so be it. If only someone else could peel its slippery skins, cut into its body, carry on with the dicing, the mixing, the handling with its lingering scent.

Perhaps there is another dream for tomorrow: at last, no longer alone in the kitchen.


© D A Wolf

Share/Save/Bookmark

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

FacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmailFacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

Filed Under: Dreams, Love, Morning Musing, Other Stuff, Parenting Tagged With: daily plate of crazy, divorce and family, family, Marriage and Divorce, post-divorce life, single parenthood, Single Parenting, solo motherhood, solo parenting, writing

Comments

  1. Linda says

    May 26, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Fighting from a place of love. I love this. Thinking of you!

    Reply
  2. divorcedpauline says

    May 26, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Your mother did what??! Unthinkable.

    Reply
  3. Kristen @ Motherese says

    May 26, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful, if painful, piece, D. Sending you strength and Visine. xo

    Reply
  4. Marie says

    May 26, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    If I were more poetically inclined (as you are) I would tell you how amazingly my life mirrors yours. Thank you for sharing yourself. Your blogs make me feel that I am less alone in my thoughts, fears, trials, and tribulations as I often believe I am. As a fellow midlife, divorced, single mother of teenage boys (one who is graduating in just a few short weeks), please know that I am with you in spirit.

    Reply
  5. Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri says

    May 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Thanks for sharing this raw, beautiful and sad piece. Thinking of you. xoxo

    Reply
  6. notasoccermom says

    May 28, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Wow! very strong words here. I hope the fleeting thoughts soon let you get some sleep. You are a fine mother it seems. (much more so than that before you- according to your words). You are not alone. Give yourself some credit for your dicing skills. And maybe you are right, cooking with a friend can be so much fun!
    Thank you for sharing a glimpse into what is so personal.

    Reply
  7. Planner2015 says

    May 29, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Slice the damn onion. Walk away. Come back and hack at it again. Give yourself permission to walk away as needed, but always come back. Even when your eyes sting and fill, remember you are bigger than the onion. You are capable. Sooner or later, as long as you keep trying, the onion will be broken down into bits that conform to your will. After all, it’s just a damn onion. You’re still you. And you can be great.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow Us

FacebooktwitterrssinstagramFacebooktwitterrssinstagram

Search Daily Plate of Crazy

Subscribe for Your Daily Serving

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Categories

Archives

Recent Comments

  • Anonymous on Does Effort Matter If You Don’t Get Results?
  • D. A. Wolf on Mantras
  • D. A. Wolf on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Marty on When You Marry a Loner
  • Tina on Would You Brag About Your Age?
  • Sal on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Open More Doors If You Want More Skills - 3 Plus International on Open More Doors If You Want More Skills
  • Leonora C on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Maree on Mantras
  • kate on DON’T Call Me Dear!
  • Stephanie on Narcissism. Manipulation. Keeping Score.
  • S on When a Couple Wants Different Things

The Makeover Series

Daily Plate of Crazy: The Makeover Series

Essays From Guest Writers

Daily Plate of Crazy: Essay Series

Daily Reads

Daily Plate of Crazy Blogroll

Follow

Follow

Notices

All content on this site, DailyPlateOfCrazy.com, is copyrighted by D. A. Wolf unless copyright is otherwise attributed to guest writers. Do not use, borrow, repost or create derivative works without permission.

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025. All Rights Reserved.

Parlez-vous francais?

Daily Plate of Crazy: En Français

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025
All Rights Reserved

Daily Plate of Crazy ™

Privacy Notice

Popular This Month

  • 50 Years old and Starting Over
  • Best Places to Live When You're Over 50 and Reinventing
  • When the Person You Love Is Emotionally Unavailable
  • When a Couple Wants Different Things
  • How to Comfort Someone Who Is Stressed

Food for Thought

  • Why I Choose to Think Like a Man
  • When You Marry a Loner
  • Emotionally Needy Parents
  • Sex vs. Lovemaking: Why Are We So Confused?
  • Think Looks Don't Pay?
  • Rebranding Mediocrity: Why Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This site uses cookies for the best browsing experience. By continuing to use this site, you accept our Cookie Policy.
Cookie SettingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT