Might I say, loud and clear, that I am pro seduction? Not just meet, greet, and do whatever comes (theoretically) naturally, but a little something more.
A touch of, well… form, along with function.
After all, who doesn’t avail themselves of a few tricks of the trade when it comes to attracting their object of desire?
But what about seduction by formula? Are techniques and training advisable? Is that going too far – or should we view this as an area of education that has long been neglected?
Seminars in Seduction?
Recently, I stumbled over a few sites offering e-Seduction tips and tidbits, not to mention books, seminars, and boot camps on “game.” I am not entirely new to the term “game,” which is, generally speaking, the art of the pickup. It’s more involved than that of course, and realistically, I see its benefits in a gender-confused world – one in which we seem to be slipping in and out of beds and heads, and with little satisfaction in the process (beyond the obvious).
Still, I wonder how we got here and why we need game to get the girl. Perhaps game has always been around (like seduction), but furtively flying under the radar by another name.
Should we set aside the term Pickup Artist for the moment, and look to the Ladies Man, the Charmer, the Bad Boy, or the Rake? Do we prefer those terms? Don’t we have examples everywhere – and many which we admire?
Surely 007 had game. He could charm the 60s (and 70s and 80s) panties off any woman, and I smile just thinking about it. So why does the notion of millennial game strike me as a little sad? That more and more men feel this is the only way to get the girl into bed, much less to hook a good woman’s heart?
A Good Man
Who doesn’t want a “good man” or a “good woman?” Yet who isn’t susceptible to the titillation of temptation, and a pyre of desire? What woman doesn’t want to be seduced?
Merriam-Webster defines seduction as:
the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse; something that attracts or charms
For myself, the element of manly (or womanly) charm is vital. But it’s genuine charm – not a line, and not bravado. And yes, I’m delighted when I encounter a charming man who knows his way around his assets – as well as a woman’s. As for the rest of the definition, it leaves much to the imagination, providing few specifics.
- Do you know what attracts and charms you?
- Is it entirely physical?
- Is it a sexy je ne sais quoi – that indefinable charisma?
- Are you searching by checklist? Specifically seeking a good provider, a certain stature, the trappings rather than the substance?
What about eye contact, the art of conversation, attentiveness, authenticity? One could say that these are elements of “game” as well – but integrated into the masculine persona, as I would hope that similar elements are part of my own womanly arts. Or am I splitting hairs? Sidling through semantics?
Aging and Evolving
Oh, I feel like someone from another century even writing some of this! Certainly, I’ve fallen victim – and willingly – to the excitement of a stranger, the powerful pull of a certain body part, the allure of a deep voice and just the right words… usually in French. I know myself to enjoy elements of the Man’s Man, the Woman’s Man, and yet I consider myself a thinking and feeling female. Feminist in principles; feminine in manner and behavior. And no, these are not mutually exclusive!
I know that I am wooed by the word, by a quick wit, by the way a hand might brush my knee or grace the small of my back while walking down the street. I am impressed by confidence and compassion, by intelligence and insight; I am wowed by true character.
Still, I wouldn’t begrudge men – or women – techniques or tips that might assist in their quest. And that quest is to catch the attention of potential partners, certainly trickier as we age, but nonetheless important.
As for seduction, might I quote a wise man – one of my readers – who seems to have a good handle on the matter?
I’m speaking of Paul, whose comments on romance and seduction are these:
True seduction is perhaps the most romantic thing imaginable. Seduction should leave a beautiful memory, full of surprises and revelations for both partners. It should not be manipulation or obligation… that is not seduction.
Returning to the issue of e-seduction, e-excitement, and eeeek-e-entertainment in the adventurous arena of sex and amour, much as I could have spent hours perusing products, posts, and assorted seduction services, I return to a different premise – to seduction without game, to thinking of the other you hope to please as well as your own needs, and – that we shouldn’t require seminars and boot camps to attract dates and mates.
The fact that we do (and apparently that’s the case) – may well be where we find ourselves today. A bit disoriented, hungry for connection, and dulled by media’s depiction of what we ought to want (and therefore are “entitled” to experience).
Nice Guys CAN Finish First
As I’ve grown older, my appreciation for the person inside has become more certain. My evolution as a woman has allowed me to value the essentials; we may be drawn to the dangers inherent in the Bad Boy, but give me the Good Guy and I’ll extol his virtues enthusiastically.
And if you think Good Guys aren’t seductive – you might want to think again.
This year I resolved to put myself out there more often when it came to meeting men. The sort of men who attract me. The sort of men who would find me attractive – as a woman, and as a person. For the most part, that’s meant some online dating, but it’s also included smiles and hellos, and an openness to conversation with both men and women. After all, you never know when a chance meeting might lead to an introduction.
The process of “dating” is time consuming and often, disappointing. It means we must take more chances, take proper care of ourselves, and understand what we really want in a relationship – and realistically – what we have to give.
What I want? A nice guy. Smart. Funny. Real. And I believe I offer the same in return.
Nice?
That attribute, non-specific though it is, remains non-negotiable. But everything else is potentially up for, well… grabs. And that includes those elements we typically think of to do with seduction and masculinity, which are, all too often, about money, materialism, power and control.
For me, masculinity doesn’t derive from the wallet or the job title. It comes from living life fully, from learning and awareness, from the irresistible allure of knowing oneself and appreciating the opposite sex with playfulness – and playing nice.
Nice Men, Nice Women
Recently a gentleman commented that I was a nice woman. It was intended as a compliment, which is how I took it. It wasn’t lost on me that these days, “a nice woman” isn’t a given. Likewise, neither is “a nice man.”
In my book, nice guys finish first. I’ll take a man with no game who nonetheless enjoys his manliness – confidence in who he is, including his sexuality; brains and humor; spontaneity and a flair for conversation.
What he looks like? Irrelevant. His income? Even more so. The way he seduces me, moves me, challenges me, allows me to do the same for him… essential.
I will always enjoy Sean Connery as James Bond, but I’ll stick to the Nice Guy. His Seduction by Smarts and Smiles does not preclude a little edge, it does engage flights of fancy we can both enjoy, and it offers trust in who he is, which is very sexy. To him, I offer my most tender, open, and sensual self – unhurriedly – when I feel that it is welcome. And I’ll take the truth of the man, imperfect and interesting as we all are, and know myself to have found a treasure.
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Any man would be lucky to have seduced and captured your attention D. In the purest definition, you are perfectly, “a nice woman”.
It’s always amazes and saddens me how our culture extols the virtues of the rough bad boy/girl and their conquests, while belittling anything that has to do with virtues. And don’t even get me started on our culture’s importance on appearances. I’m with you…give me a man that fulfills me emotionally any day. The rest will follow.
You said, it, Lisa. And I wonder how many really great guys there are out there, who think they need to be something other than who they are. Who somehow feel pressured by society (and women?) to act in a certain way. Then again, there are so many mixed signals for both genders, it’s amazing that anyone ever gets together – happily – even for a time.
Well said darling. And so true. I’m lucky to be married to a very nice man. Nice lasts a lot longer than the fleeting want of danger and badness 🙂 Hope you are well xo
Interestingly, considering my comment quoted in your text, I’m not sure that I could be said ever to have seduced a woman, in the traditional sense. I generally have a great deal of prior discussion about most everything. How dull THAT must sound, but it can build up incredible anticipation, and my past partners are few in number and have become life-long friends.
However, if we can consider seduction in marriage, in can be fun to gradually seduce your partner with a snuggle that may be just a “touch” closer or longer than usual, and so on and so on. Good to get beyond the Saturday morning routine, even though good sexual habits are also important.
I have vivid memories of being seduced on one occasion (individual is now a trusted friend and confidant). It should have been obvious. She had traveled to a nearby city for a special concert, where we met for the first time (after much prior discussion). We had discussed the period when she lived in Moscow, and I related my parents’ experiences with the Moscow subway system. She arrived with a map of the Moscow subway system (in Cyrillic) printed on her T-shirt (re our afternoon hike before the evening concert). I’m a pretty discreet fellow, and there we are discussing this map and she’s translating and pointing out places – on her chest.
That evening, she’s in a classic white and black summer sleeveless dress (extremely attractive lady, by the way). She has the Bach score, and we’re discussing if the soloist is really getting all the sixteenth notes. I can only look down her sleeve while she points to the score.
That evening, she relaxes against the back of the bed at her motel, and I’m thinking she really should know better – must be very naïve (I already knew a count of her past partners – one hand would do). She goes silent, with a beautiful smile, and relaxes. I don’t know what to do. In panic, I keep the conversation going by telling her of my Quaker commitment to war tax resistance and how I publically refuse to pay for war and give the money away instead. I say a bit, she says nothing, I say a bit more, and she says nothing. Eventually I finish, in total confusion. LONG pause. Finally she says “I feel privileged to have met you.” And smiles. And smiles. That seduction line is unforgettable. She said four words the rest of the night.
What a great story, Paul!
Gosh, I’m so honoured that you looked through my archives! RE: shoes — I’m reminded by your headliner (is that what it’s called?) that you too love shoes (Advice from an older woman: enjoy wearing heels while they are still comfortable, or while you’re still prepared to suffer a bit for style. There may well come a day…but that’s depressing,right?). But back to my main purpose: shoes. Perhaps these will be of interest?
http://shelleyshouse.blogspot.com/2010/07/window-shopping.html
http://shelleyshouse.blogspot.com/2010/08/last-of-women-in-italy.html
http://shelleyshouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/shoes-by-shelley.html
More stuff under ‘women’ in the subject headings! I love to watch and learn from other women!
Oh I had a lovely time going through a bit of your site yesterday – yes! And thank you for these links. (More to enjoy. Shoes, shoes, shoes!)
I think seduction should be a two-way street.
And I agree with you, BLW, that being “nice”, in a world in which rudeness and lack of compassion seem to reign often, is now one of the most complimentary things you can say about somebody. So congratulations on being….who you are!
@Daily Connoisseur – “nice lasts longer than fleeting badness” – I love it!
@Elizabeth – thank you, and I know you’ve dealt with your share of the online dating rounds (in the ring?); surely a distorted view, or we can only hope.
I think it takes time to come to the conclusion that good guys can finish first. When women are young (and I’ve seen my girls frustratingly go through this), we are drawn to the excitement of the bad boy, the challenge of “landing” him, and the desire to change him. It took me until I was in my late thirties to appreciate the good man that had been in front of me for years but I didn’t see him. When I did, holy moly let the games begin.
Just grinning, Michelle… 😉 Holy Moly, indeed.
I want to echo what Michelle said. I was always the good guy, never the bad boy. If I had a nickel for every young woman I was interested in who walked off with a jerk… At the time, I thought it had to do with looks, and although women told me I was handsome, I didn’t believe them. It took me many years to figure it out, and more importantly, to lose the bitterness over it.