Those lovely little candy hearts. I can still remember sorting through them, seeking exactly the right sentiment and the perfect pastel color, ready to glue onto construction paper.
Red, naturally.
Then it was time for crayons, scissors, and Elmer’s. A bit of lace or velvet for a bow. A sprinkle of glitter and that would do – everything necessary to craft the expression of friendship, or possibly a crush.
The Language of Love
The handmade card is the annual exchange of a child’s open heart, the language of love given in a drawing, the scrawled penmanship, the absolute belief in absolutes – carried into the future. Often, with a cost.
As an adolescent and young woman, I pondered the gestures and languages of love – romance and flowers, affection and passion, heroic acts and self-sacrifice, daily moments tendered in the quiet. I was certain in the knowledge that love would be a part of life in all the ways that count: familial love, friendship love, romantic love. And those three little words that make life richer, stormier, sweeter.
But what about that catchy phrase – Be mine?
Must we speak those words and mean them, write those words and mean them, expect those words in return – words that play into possession, possessiveness and property – rather than honoring a feeling of belonging?
Love the One You’re With
Romantic love? It’s heady stuff – that search for Mr. or Ms. Right that gives way to a realization that there may be many with whom we could be happy – and not just the “one.”
For some of us, we grow into loving; for others, it explodes into our lives with surprise and ripples through us like a drug.
Perhaps it lasts. Perhaps it doesn’t. Surely, its newness will wear off and we may find that we love the one we’re with – more profoundly, or perhaps – no longer.
We may search again and again – anticipating the ferocious flair of desire, the replay of sentiments and sensations that echo other times, or ideals that few can live up to. We may search again and again – for something that exists or does not – clinging to the concept that the Other will fill an emptiness in the self, as we wait to hear “be mine” and wait to say “I’m yours.”
Love Yourself
To really give of ourselves, don’t we need to know what we’re giving? Who we’re giving? Don’t we need to have a self to offer? A self we can respect? A self we care for?
I think of my friends whom I love – and I say I am your Valentine, but I do not ask for ownership or expect to surrender myself.
I think of the men I have loved, and yet I would not surrender myself though it was easy to do so. When I felt myself begin to slide, I regrouped to hand onto myself. If I had not, I would have nothing to give.
I think of my children whom I cherish, and I know – with the all-encompassing parental love of nearly 20 years, I still retain a self to keep me separate and whole, to serve as model and as a foundation.
Be Yours
With or without the messy spills of glue and glitter, the handcrafted cut-outs in pink and red assembled with such care, the little hearts sought for their simple words – U 4 Me, Me 4 U, Us 4-ever – I would ask you to reflect.
Be mine?
Couldn’t we rephrase?
I prefer this: be yours.
Own your life, share your life, tend to your own heart – the full Valentine of Self. Can’t we learn to give – without giving ourselves away?
Please Enjoy
I couldn’t agree more. Like the book I am reading by Dr. Anthony, he said, “Only those who are free can afford to love without reservation.” And I think most people do not realize this but it is very true. As a single girl, the thing that I fear the most is losing myself to another person. I know that when I love…I love so much that I become so vulnerable to the point that even I can’t stand myself. Then, I blame the other person for making me feel vulnerable and why I can’t be myself, when in reality, it was my fault. I should have only given pieces of myself, not all of me…or maybe the best word is “share”.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Glacel. I think you’re right. The best word is “share.”
I like share. I will never “belong” to anyone but myself. I will share myself.
Couldn’t agree more! Happy Vday, BLW!
“The handmade card is the annual exchange of a child’s open heart, the language of love given in a drawing, the scrawled penmanship, the absolute belief in absolutes”
I love this. It’s easy to forget how we all start out – with the belief that there will always and only be love.
I wonder if this is part of why we treasure these tokens made by children. They are created and then given with such purity – not only love, but generosity and faith in the world.
The best gift we can give to our kids, and our other loves- is our own true self. And the example we show – How much we love ourselves.
Happy Valentines day to you BLW
I think the healthiest of relationships are two independent selves who manage as one. Each one must be their own with, of course, some compromises along the way.
I really appreciate “hearing” this today, as the concept of love gets bought and sold all around me. And I am so thankful that my little one is growing into the absolute belief in Valentines as my oldest grows out of it — a wonderful reminder that everything is always changing.
Wow. This is incredibly powerful. “Be Yours.” Words to ponder well beyond this candy-coated day.
I believe we all should keep little pieces of ourselves in our own personal vault. Very powerful and strong message BLW. Be Yours. I definitely like it.