“What do you do for fun?” he asked.
I was taken aback. Really taken aback. I don’t remember the last time anyone posed that question. And it’s not unreasonable, when you’re just getting to know someone.
The context? A phone call – a friend of a friend sort of thing – and all very pleasant. But I was stumped. I can talk about writing, I can talk about my kids, and I can make chit chat in two languages. But it wasn’t until I was asked about having fun that I realized that “fun” isn’t on the agenda.
What’s up with that?
As I stumbled through a faltering response, I explained that writing was a kind of contentment for me, which at least approximates fun. Realizing that made me sound like a stick in the mud, I then contemplated whether or not I actually am a stick in the mud. And once my second chick has flown the nest, will my stick in the mud habits have stuck, leaving me stuck?
How do you define fun?
So what do you consider fun? And is having fun overrated? Is it simply not high on the priority list when you’re juggling work, family, and trying to make it through the day? And maybe hoping to pursue activities to improve your situation, your community, your friendships?
What about planned fun versus spontaneous fun? And with our happiness-obsessed society, do we take our intentions to find ourselves and be “present” so seriously that we miss out on fun? Sacrificed to the appearance of fun, in the guise of activities and go-go-go schedules?
And speaking of schedules, the handful of times I’ve tried jamming “fun” into my single parent lifestyle I’ve regretted it; I’ve enrolled in evening classes I was then too tired to attend. I’ve joined organizations that I haven’t had time to participate in. My appetite remains; my capacity is already at maximum.
Life, as it happens
I will say I’m open to spontaneous sources of entertainment. You know. Life, as it happens – sans planning. If I can steal a small window of time to wander a bookstore, sit and have a coffee and watch the passersby, write a little bit while observing – that, to me, is fun. It may not be as exciting as hang gliding or dancing the night away in a hot new club, but it still allows for anything to happen. A chance encounter. Unexpected laughter. Taking a deep breath.
I’m still pondering the question, and a little concerned that I remain stymied. Then again, I’m probably overthinking, and this belongs in the same category – for me – as worrying about whether I’m happy. Not applicable.
So perhaps the fact that fun has been back-burnered for many years isn’t an issue at all. Because in my view, good things will come when they come. And I will welcome them when they do.
Interesting post BLW. I just wrote on how routine is both comforting and cramps my style so we must be thinking alike. I think fun has to be created, carved out of the stone of our responsibilities and schedules. So do something small today to treat yourself right.
I think this might be easier for me as I just have one kid and fun is part of our days – even if it is just singing songs as we walk or playing games. Some days though… fun is hard as my mind is just not there.
And what do I do for fun… theater, walks, reading, writing, movies… going to get tea… I think it is a matter of perspective more than anything else.
My daughter has performances this weekend; I asked a friend if he was going to make it on a Sunday afternoon. He said no as he might have to work… I texted back… I hope you are finding time to enjoy life… and maybe that is what it is about more than having fun… it is enjoying life that is potentially important as one man’s fun might be another man’s chore.
Have a great one.
I don’t think that saying writing is fun is making you look like a stick in the mud. I think that if you are sparking a conversation with someone of potential interest, wouldn’t it be better to lay your cards out on the table and say it like it is? Perhaps the person of interest also enjoys writing or reading and it’s complimentary. Or, on the flip side, maybe they enjoy target shooting and racing cars, and it’s instantly apparent that you aren’t a great match.
I will also say that having fun is important, no matter what you do. You have to take a break and enjoy life, and it sounds like you do. I think when your youngest leaves the nest, you might find yourself having to make a conscious effort to get out and try new things simply because then you will have the time to do it!
Maybe I just feel a little like a stick in the mud lately… And you’re right, Cathy. We all need to take a break and enjoy life.
You know, I’m not sure I know what “fun” is. No, I don’t mean I never have a good time, or feel pleasure, or laugh. Is that what fun is? I think so. So for me, fun is writing my blog, reading comments made to by post, reading other blogs, watching my animals play, visiting with friends, spending time with my Hub, reading. . . I could go on. If those things aren’t “fun”, then I guess I don’t have any. And I don’t seem to miss it.
I’m with you Carol. “Fun” is also meeting new people – even online. (I’m easy… what can I say?)
Oh – and I will add – designer shoe shopping, preferably in Paris – that’s fun! Walking the beaches, stony though they are, in Nice – that’s fun!
It seems we often measure fun against adventure (of course, I live in an outdoorsy sort of place) – which doesn’t make me feel very fun! I’ll hike, but I don’t skate, ski, or even play softball. But relaxation is always tops, and for me that’s the height of fun – whether I’m laughing or playing or grocery shopping with the toddler, cooking or watching a move with my Mr., enjoying a couple of glasses of wine and great conversation with friends, or reading great conversations online. I stopped by a bookstore today and wished I could stay all afternoon! To each our own?
Great question! When you haven’t thought about something for a long time, sometimes the answer can evade you for a good long while! As was mentioned in others comments, having fun can mean meeting new people, etc. I’m sure the fun is there; I’m sure you’ll see it soon!
Maybe the question is the problem. “What do you do for fun?”, implies planning for fun. Going to the movies, going shopping, going fishing, etc. If you’re living life as it comes, then presumably fun stumbles your way. Whether it’s a laugh with your son, or spontaneous coffee with a friend or a chat on the phone. Those things are fun but don’t lend themselves to well to being the answer to that question.
The other evening my cousin, who is the art director at a local TV station asked if I wanted to ride on their float in a Xmas parade. I went and it was fun. In answer to “What do you do for fun?”, I would never respond, “Ride on Xmas floats”!
Unless you have no fun in your life of any kind, I wouldn’t over think your lack of an answer to your question!
I think everyone has their own definition of fun. For some, it includes a night of drinking and dancing at their favorite bar or hot spot. For others like me, I enjoy writing or reading a good book. I like coffee dates with my friends. As for more spontaneous type of fun, I am open to it, but I have to confess the routine of life sometimes provides the best kind of relaxation for me.