Here’s your task.
You’re in a big room. It’s filled with the usual – chairs, tables, lamps, books. Your mission? Get from one side to the other and back again, carrying a dozen eggs, in or out of their carton. You have your choice of two baskets, along with bubble wrap and a few other items.
So how do you proceed?
A method to my madness
Twenty years ago I would have picked up the carton of eggs, and navigated my way through the furnishings to one end, then back again.
The End.
But now?
Testing – one, two, three…
I would assume this “game” is a test – or worse – a matter of survival. So I would check the contents of the carton to be sure that everything is intact to begin with. Finding that insufficient, I would gently twist each egg, ensuring that they aren’t stuck, which means they won’t crack when removed.
Then I would examine the baskets. Is there one that will hold the eggs more securely? Can I reuse the basket for another purpose? What if an unexpected request is made en route? If one basket is wire mesh, and another wicker, which makes more sense? Shall I bubble wrap first – the carton as a whole, or each individual egg?
And maybe I should grab bottled water, string, duct tape and band-aids sitting on the nearby table. Just in case.
Putting all your eggs in one basket
One thing I know for sure – I would take two baskets. Because I don’t put all my eggs in one basket anymore. Ever.
Of course, by this time, everyone else has made it across the room and back, and I’m still second guessing motives, alternatives, the best maneuvers around the tables and chairs, the materials on hand. Short of a Gantt Chart, a flow chart and access to Visio, I’ve got plans and more plans rumbling around in my head. “Just in case.”
Then again, there’s a possibility that other mothers are still sizing up the situation and considering their options. And probably packing up a tote bag for the trip.
Life Skills: Planning for a rainy day
My egg behavior isn’t indecision. I make choices quickly, and decisively. That’s as much a part of my life as planning for a rainy day. And speaking of that rainy day, therein lies the problem, along with a great deal of single parent (any parent?) conditioning.
I believe that Murphy’s Law rules, backups are essential for everything, and the best laid plans may well fall through. That’s life. That’s especially life with kids.
I also know that moderation exists, somewhere between anticipating the worst and shrugging off the need to plan altogether. I err on the side of (excessive?) caution when I lack information or context. I also diversify my risk, whenever I can, both personally and professionally. This wasn’t my approach before becoming a parent, but life has taught me lessons – including preparing for the worst, and hoping for the best.
What about you?
- Has life taught you to prepare for the unexpected?
- Do you over-complicate as a result?
- Do you consider it spreading your risk?
- Do you spread your risk to moderate disappointment?
- Has parenthood made you more cautious?
I read this and had to pause –
I might consider the situation and yet, I would just do it. I am the parent who takes every entertainment option possible on trips “just in case” only to have my daughter use nothing I packed. But I am also the parent who is likely not prepared for the worst case – I just don’t think like that. My check list is something like this – Passport? Credit card? A little Cash? Daughter? (That is usually first, by the way)… we are good to go. Everything else, I tend to trust, will care for itself.
I am not sure that age or parenting has changed me in this sense – the difference being that I ensure I have double what I had before as I am now jumping into life with a partner!
Thoughtful post – Thank you!
And I have to laugh at myself, TE. Because I’m really trying to do better, as in pick up the damn eggs and walk across the room! (Since I can’t anticipate every contingency anyway – which I’m less likely to worry about when it’s just me. That “partner” thing, as you said.)
The only sure thing is that everything changes. Once I accepted that simple premise, the rest of life became easier. I tend to look ahead for all the possible outcomes, anticipate obstacles, and try to prepare accordingly. I worry about the people who, when faced with the inevitable changes (such as kids going back to school, daylight savings, etc) react in highly emotional ways, clinging to the past and crying about the changes. I guess I’ve never been one for histrionics. I am more of a “get it done” person.
Wise words, Andrea.
Parenting has certainly made me more cautious and analytical of myself.
Cautious in everything? In some unanticipated ways?
I am my mother’s daughter and always have been: cautious through and through. (Funny: some of your language here made me think of a book I once read on financial planning for women, practical, really conservative advice which I follow almost exactly.)
But I am actually not as cautious as a mother as I thought I might be. I let them take more risks that I would have predicted. I’m not sure if that’s because my kids have been generally happy and healthy and we haven’t dealt with any crises where they’re concerned, or if it’s because I’m consciously trying to let go so they don’t grow up with the same set of neuroses that I did. Perhaps it’s a combination of the two.
I am the worst case scenario girl and it has really defined how I prepare for life. I try to have a backup for a backup. Sometimes it can be a hindrance.
My husband and I will never fly on the same plane if we aren’t traveling with my daughter. My thought is that if something happens to the both of us, our four year old daughter would be completely lost. It does make life complicated and sometimes I just wish I could just plunge without thinking of the consequences. But I am not geared to think that way.
What an interesting post. I tend to be intuitive with most things. With other things where my intuition isn’t so sharp, I think about what’s the worst that could happen then plan accordingly.
With parenting, I’m still learning to calibrate between being too protective and too free. I err on the latter side working off the premise that all human beings want to be free, but do have my moments when I get freaked out then get a little too protective.
I feel foolish because I would totally grab up the eggs and go. I wouldn’t consider the other options until I was halfway across the room and everything went wrong. I wish I could remember to have forethought and take caution!
This is so funny to me. As I read the first paragraphs of your post I thought, “Why not just pick up the eggs and walk across the room?” Then I read on and felt foolish for not considering the 8,000 contingencies that you did before walking foolishly into a potential disaster. I have no idea what this says about me, except maybe that I’m about 20 years younger than you? 🙂
OMG!!! Thanks for making me feel ancient, Gale!!! Of course, I’m sure you’re 21, right???
🙂 🙂
I would pick up the eggs and walk across the room. I try to be prepared, but up to a point. I think I usually expect that things are going to work out, and I think, as best memory tells me, that I approached parenthood the same way.
Nothing really prepares you for parenthood. Back up plans are essential to survival, but be careful not to fall into the trap of “paralysis by analysis.” Quick thinking has saved a lot of parents, and many times invention is the necessity of mother. There must be a balance between risk taking and caution…and keep the bubble wrap close by to cushion the falls!
Actually, I’m 12. Even better!
If there’s one thing this past week has taught me, it’s this: Shit happens. And sometimes you get knocked down, sometimes you veer off course, sometimes you can get back to it again pretty easily but sometimes you are derailed completely. I am a planner and find comfort in making pros and cons lists and weighing every possibility – yet no matter how seasoned I think I am in this planning business, there are surprises along the way that simply throw me off.
Prepare for the worst and hope for the best, yes. And always. Yet I have found myself stymied on many occasions somehow. I can’t say I’ve always handled setbacks well, but handle them we must. And then we move on to the next plan. Puzzle. Surprise.