Two nights ago I mixed my first martini, ever. It was cool. It was hot. It was dirty.
One slosh of vermouth. Three similar sloshes of vodka. A little olive brine, straight from the jar. Crushed ice (shaken and stirred?).
Okay. Did I ever say I mixed martinis like a seasoned bartender? Trust me. It was good enough to get the job done. And isn’t that the recipe for a Dirty Martini more or less?
As for that particular indulgence, I was celebrating the return of functional air conditioning for this Hot Mama, and sitting back to enjoy Work of Art. Of course, life being what it is around here, it may be helpful that I found the vodka in the back of the pantry. Though I typically enjoy the occasional glass of Merlot or Pinot Noir (yes, French wine – naturellement), I sense a growing need for something stronger.
Might I add that yesterday tipped me over the edge? Shall I mix a vodka with orange juice, now that I’ve finished the pot of morning coffee?
10 Great Reasons to Take Up Drinking
I have discerned that there are many excellent reasons for taking to drink, and heading into another hot weekend, here are ten, just to get started.
- I am sufficiently hyper that a new friend suggested I take up drinking. Just yesterday. Isn’t that scary? Scary enough to do so in the hope it might relax me?
- My computer’s quirky cursor has gone (permanently?) postal. Everything I type is requiring double the time.
My daily posts. Research. Job search. Routine emails. - My nifty repaired air conditioning? Yesterday it went on the fritz. Again. Less than 24 hours after being fixed. And it was a long, steamy evening and a longer, hotter night, even as I placed calls requesting service. (Must I wax poetic on the ignominious impacts of automated menu hell?)
- My car (also theoretically fixed) is having the exact same problem again. In other words, it wasn’t fixed, despite being in the shop for several days, and apparently I’m going to have to go through this all over again. (How do I escape to cooler spots without wheels???)
- I feel guilt guilt guilt over being so slow to respond to Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla, who is hoping for me to spill my embarrassing crush moments. This, the result of passing to me oy-the-joy of a plastic toy. Wasn’t flirting with Hunky Repair Guy sufficiently foolish fodder? Or must I admit to being madly in love with Captain James T. Kirk, four decades before his Priceline fame?
- Incidentally, isn’t the sight of Barbie and Ken doing it on the bathroom floor enough to drive anyone to drink? While I give points for Barbie on top, hasn’t she learned to mix a little French lingerie with her lust? Still, her butt looks pretty tight. I’m guessing that mid-century minx had some work done…
- I owe Lisa at Peripheral Perceptions a hit list of factoids – a matter of cyber-tag. Does my first home-brewed Dirty Martini count? Might these items suffice, along with knowing I’m cranky as hell when overheating without AC?
- Another judicious justification to take up drink: I could spend my days at the computer in my nightie, my cami, or any other little bit of silky nothing and not feel guilty. (And if the heat continues, I’ll need to do exactly that.)
- I could also wile away the hours speaking with painters and printmakers, poets and polyglots – researching art, chatting about literature, reading and writing – without worrying about the almighty dollar and real life!
- Hell. I could dispense with guilt altogether, pour another vodka and OJ, dream up a Free Hug business, make a million bucks, and move on to a new life where service with a smile would include joys with or without toys, and a fix that sticks.
Any suggestions? Funding for the Free Hug Biz? Sultry summer stories? Your reasons to take to drink?
My reasons to drink? Four kids and two baby-daddies determined to make my life as hellish as possible.
Cheers!
Hmm. I have similar reasons, only half as many kids and dads. But I’m half your height, so does it all equal out, Mindy? I suppose if we have a drink, we won’t care! 😉
Yes, this list is a good start on tag! But you are sooooo multi-dimensional, I’m sure there are many more lesser-known factoids lurking inside Hot Momma. 🙂
Reasons to drink…..
1) The owner of the company is related to me by marriage.
2) One six-year-old boy in the house can make A LOT of noise
3) One 22-month old girl chasing her 6-yr-old brother thru the house makes even more noise.
4) Kid trekking through Florida by herself job hunting and not calling often enough (thank God for facebook updates).
5) Noticeable lack of creativity in current job position.
6) It’s summer (or winter, or fall, or spring).
7) My AC bill topped $300 last month with all the extra people living in my house..and it’s not even August yet.
Is that a good start? 😉
I’ll drink to all that, Lisa!
I like the idea of a donor’s choice hug & booze booth at a farmer’s market or a mall. A warm hug, a shot of tequila and a tip jar on hand (with optional poetry and literature discussions to boot).
Reading this fun post reminded me that one silly summer, I paid good money to go to bartending school. I mixed colored water and copied recipes off cocktail cookbooks and not once did I get to practice pouring a real drink. I did get a bartending job but those darn bottles especially Galliano (for those harvey wallbanger fanatics) were so high up that stepping on a stepstool was an acrobatic act. I can’t even get into the proprietor who kept calling his partner the c-word and ho-bag on my very first and last night working there.
Too funny, Belinda! (Jeez. I didn’t think about the stool to reach the bottles or glasses stored up high.) I like all your ideas by the way. (Could we add a kissing booth, too?)
Yep, the kids are one reason; the other, because it’s fun!!
You’re so right, April. Fun!
It’s either eating or drinking – pick your addiction/afflication. At least the drinks would be cool! Or you could drink ice cold smoothies!
Barbie, that tramp. I just knew she looked too good not to have had a butt lift… And I still think Ken’s flailing for help.
My reason to drink (even though most of the time my drink of choice is a cold coca-cola):
1) My four year old asking the same question at least a dozen times a day;
2) My husband’s night call schedule; and
3) my absolute favorite reason to drink: writer’s block.
This bad mama thinks that if you had done the wild thing with the repair dude, he’d still be around to fix your air conditioner (yes, again, maybe he’s better in bed).
Maybe he purposely didn’t fix it right so he could come back? That’s a thought.
And do we have to have a REASON to drink? ok…. here’s one.
Because I’m the mom and I said so! 🙂
Oh, that reason is a classic, Peg!