He’d managed to get his dirty clothes washed. Finally. But it took a phone call to his grandparents who live about an hour away. I imagine my son convincing his grandfather to fetch him, driving from their small town to the big city, and then back to their home for a family weekend of discussion and good food, not to mention the laundry.
Or so I surmise from the most recent overseas phone call. But a few things have changed since we last spoke, and not just clean underwear.
My son (the European factory worker) is off the production line and into an office. This job – an unpaid internship – has shifted him to a computer at a desk. Suffice it to say, the jumpsuit has been replaced by proper business attire – the khaki pants and dress shirts we picked up on sale the day before he flew overseas.
The conversation quickly took a turn away from clothing to his current activities, something to do with auto-CAD (Computer Aided Design). And more, of course.
Ruminations from my 18-year old on the realities of rising early, commuting, and working from 8:00 a.m. until 6:00 p.m.
“This is hard,” he says.
“Uh huh,” I reply.
“So I’m looking for a specific area to research and then I’ll diagram with auto-CAD.”
“That should be interesting.”
“It will be, when I find the right project. And it’s great learning this stuff.”
“Sounds like it.”
“But this hard,” he repeats. “Getting up so early. Staying here at a desk. Not being able to schedule my own time.”
“Yes it’s hard.” I stifle a chuckle. “How long has it been?”
“Three weeks,” he says.
I sigh.
“Okay. Multiply your three weeks by 17. That’s about a year. Then multiply by 30 years. Now you can say it’s hard. And by the way, welcome to adulthood.”
He laughs.
“I guess I”ll be in school awhile longer then,” he says.
And I laugh.
I know he’s right. Graduate school was always part of his plan, but now more than ever. He’s not alone in this. How many are choosing to study longer because there is no work for pay?
I tell myself it may be better this way – young adults tied to their parents longer. It’s more caring, more communal. It’s certainly more European, except there is no European infrastructure to assist.
My own financial worries churn just beneath the surface. You can only hock and borrow and sell off for so long, and each day brings me closer to the end of the line.
I listen, trying to focus on the pleasure of this conversation, knowing my son comes home at the end of the summer for several weeks before heading back to college. No doubt when he returns there will be discussion, good food, and naturally – laundry. But I’m calculating the cost of feeding him. Wondering where the money will come from. I tell myself I’ll figure it out. Somehow, I’ll figure it out.
This post brought me back to days when I was finishing my impractical masters degree and the producer I’d been working for closed down his office/hobby because it wasn’t making money and he was overspending (multiple room apartment overlooking the Met on 5th Ave, private plane… go figure?).
Metaphorical hat in hand I went down to a temp agency in Wall Street and qualified for a position right away, but I had to wear a tie with my Khakis and button down shirt. There was no time for bargain shopping as I had to report in fifteen minutes to work, so I was forced to buy a tie at Brooks Brothers (spending more than a day’s wages on their cheapest tie).
The intense melancholy of office work was part of a long awakening to the realities of money, but also how people are often paid a lot to do things that are really not much fun (drafting contracts, crunching numbers).
Very challenging to find that intersection of what we might be any good at with what the world wants and will pay for. This micro-view into one kid’s struggle is a mirror back on all of our struggles, and a mirror on a culture that does not value art and spirit and thus escorts us at economic gunpoint to the soul-grinding grindstone…
Somehow we must “live our animal” as Jung says, which makes me think of the Animals:
“We’ve got to get out of this place, if it’s the last thing we ever do… girl there’s a better life for me and you.”
It is challenging to find that intersection, Bruce. But for most of us, living on “the dream” isn’t a reality. Fortunately, my son has a good likelihood of doing what he loves, and making a living at it. At least, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. (Besides, he looks cute in a tie.) 🙂
It sucks being chained to a desk. That’s why I don’t do it anymore! I feel his pain.
I’m thinking he may have enjoyed the factory work more, DM. I’ll have to ask him. Of course, there’s no knowing what role he’ll be moved into next. And at 18, it’s all great experience.
what a great kid!
Nothing like a real work experience to kick us in the butt to get motivated — and maybe follow a passion.
I tell my kid, whatever you do, find something that you like doing because you’ll be working for a long time.
I admire people who re-create themselves and try on new careers. I’m thinking about mine …
Ah Kat – you’re never too old to reinvent yourself! But the logistics do get trickier as time goes on. Better sooner than later, I’ve found. And better yet, constantly… And in this economy, being nimble enough to do many things is helpful. No question there’s a lot to be said for the lost art of the generalist.
I remember when I was so eager to enter into the real world, leaving behind the rigors of academic learning. The real world is a place that can be great for you if you are passionate about what you are doing. If you are not, of course, it is becomes a chore, eventually leading to boredom and unhappiness. So I think it is great that your son wants to head back to school or contemplate graduate school in order to find what he truly wants to do.
He still has three more years of college, and he has a part-time job at school, and has always been entrepreneurial. But there’s no question that this structured work experience is a good one for him.
I agree, Rudri – years at something we don’t like breeds unhappiness. But it’s also the reality for most. If it’s “work to live,” and you have family or outside interests, it’s manageable.
Congratulations on your son’s steps! Sounds like you’re having a good time with it.
And on another note, may the churning beneath the surface pass.
Seriously,
Jim
I was just talking about the crippling realities of our job market with friends this weekend. She, a photographer, and he, a green architect, scrape by, picking up odd jobs where they can. I suppose this is the new version of the American dream!?
My sincerest hope is that your son’s tech abilities, his willingness to work hard (even if he’s not thrilled about being chained to a desk!), and his undoubtedly charming personality (not to mention his international work experience) will allow him to float to the top of the candidate pool. (My secondary wish is that he have lots of fun this summer. Oh, to be young and in Europe!)
It is almost unthinkable how much talent is going untapped in this country. In every demographic. If we could somehow “pool” it in a great collective, and put it to good use. (Not quite New Deal, but you know what I mean.)
As for my son, before he wings his way back over the Atlantic, you can bet there will be a few days with cousins, and at least one music festival. Yes – to be young and in Europe!!
It’ll work out for you. It has so far, right?
Glad to get a peek into your mother-son relationship there! 🙂
I love hearing these updates on your son’s summer adventure. Yes, working a full time job is hard work!! Not to mention doing your own laundry.
This issue of delayed adulthood or delayed independence is a big challenge for our society. And so far, there aren’t any answers. The bachelor’s degree used to be the ticket to a good, secure life. Now more and more are getting master’s degrees. I absolutely see the value in higher education, but as you point out this adds years of burden to the parents. I don’t think any of us are prepared to provide for our kids until they’re 30!
This is such a wondrful experience for him, one of a lifetime…and a challenge he will never forget. I am so excited for your son. Yes, more and more are opting to go directly for the masters upon graduation. they say the the masters is the new bachelors. Inflation, stagnant economy, etc.. stinks.
He’s really one of the lucky ones, Suzi. To have this experience, even unpaid.
Do they EVER stop bringing laundry home?
And will I ever be done paying for college mine and theirs?
My theory on your questions, Rebecca:
Question 1 – Nope.
Question 2 – Maybe. . .
🙂
Oh, this hits so close to home these days. As I apply for the loans for my son’s 3rd year, and pray before seeing the financial aid package for my daughter’s 2nd year. ..
It’s hard is right. But very cool that he’s getting this taste of being a grownup.
I know, Maureen. I think about how it is with two kids. What about those families with more? (OMG, Nicki, where are you in this??)
I remember my first job and the realization that summer break was a thing of the past. That was hard. So was realizing that the people I worked with didn’t necessarily know what they were doing.
Time to teach son the joys of peasant food, perhaps?
I remember my first internship. I lived in a house for the summer with three other girls I’d never met before. It was very “Real World,” only without the cameras and staged drama. We ate off of picnic plates all summer because we couldn’t afford real dishes. We had 2 cars and 2 bikes between us, and somehow we always made it work.
I’m so happy that your son is getting this overseas experience as well. There are so many ways to live life and I think Americans are prone to forget that. Lucky he is to have such a worldly mother!
The financial strain never seems to lift.
I hear you Wolf, loud and clear. From one poor mom to another–it kind of sucks.
It is really an eye-opener, working that first job that gobbles up your entire day! But I remember also being amazed that while I could just laze away at home doing nothing, I could also do this job, where they would trade me MONEY for those hours I was wasting at home. I guess that must be an aging Babyboomer mentality now! Hopefully he’ll found an Internet start up and never have to trade his days to corporate America to live, right?
@Amber – Hate to say it but… with kids, as for most of the people I know (and certainly single parents), the strain never lifts. No.
@Linda – it does feel good to be “traded” money for your work, and those early experiences of a paycheck are wonderful, aren’t they? Unfortunately, that isn’t the case here. In fact, my kid is primarily living off money he earned working at a convenience store odd hours of the night, his past semester of college. So he’s paying for the privilege of this work experience by virtue of another work experience… convoluted (*smile*) but another life lesson there I think.
@Jack – your comment got a laugh out of me, and so true!
@Gale – These early experiences really stay with us, don’t they? Your first internship does sound reality show (without the cameras).