Screw Sisyphus. What’s the best way to push a boulder up a mountain?
Just say no. Mountain? What mountain?
More than one way to skin a cat
I’m in a mixing metaphors mood, a never-say-die frame of mind. Sweetly satisfied and smiling, though the hours ahead are not without significant challenges. (As have been the hours preceding these words on the virtual page. Yes, the technology trauma continues.)
The ups and downs of daily life have been tossing this little household about. Our roller coaster life. The bad days have been many, and the good ones – too few. But this promises to be a happy day, whatever may be swirling about. A day of good news. Mountains can be moved. What weighs us down – at least for a time – set aside.
So how do you accomplish an impossible task? Especially when you’re on the mat?
Sometimes, it’s a matter of the good fight. Or a little help from your friends. Often, you need to step back, imagine, and picture something very different. Visualize an alternative future, which allows you to discover new options and strategies. When you imagine doors opening, sometimes they do.
Parenting power
And let’s not forget the indefatigable juice that courses through your veins when you become a parent. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for your kids? Most of us would move mountains – and do.
Never underestimate your power as a parent – to influence through your words or your actions. Even when you’re dealing with adolescents. Even when you’re fumbling your way through, as most of us do, with no clear cut solutions.
This past week, my (often absent-minded) teenager has tried my patience repeatedly. Among other things, a few nights ago he realized he’d left his art supplies at school, with a project due in the morning. (Cue violins, then slamming of doors, and frustrated expletives hurled throughout the house.)
The chase, the “get”
It was 7:48 p.m. The art supply store closes at 8:00 p.m. If we arrived in time, he’d have to replace his expensive Prisma Color pencils with his own (meager) savings.
Grab your stuff, I said. We’re making a run for the store, but you’re paying.
“Mom,” he said, “I don’t want to buy new pencils, and we’ll never make it in time.”
NOW. We’re going to try. I’m driving. And you’re paying.
We arrived at 7:57, just as they were beginning locking up. My son bought his pencils with the last of his money and we headed home.
I said: Life lesson. If something is important to you, and there’s a shot in hell, you go for it.
Daring to reach for the stars
Driving home, I could see the relief on his face. I knew it pained him that he now has no money at all. But there was also calm. And the knowledge that he wouldn’t disappoint his art teacher, whose support has meant the world to him these past three years.
My son is a gifted artist, and a budding musician. He hasn’t exhibited the ambition that his older brother did from an early age; rather, he has always been content in his world of creating. Only in the past year or two has he poured it on, setting and achieving new goals for himself. One of those goals has been getting into a good summer program in architecture.
His teacher has supported him through application to one excellent program, and I encouraged him to look at another as deadlines closed in, right around Spring Break.
On his return from a few days in Florida, he looked more closely at the second program and said “this is perfect.” It is a respected program, at a highly competitive university. Summer study (like the school itself) offers everything he could possibly want to pursue. Yet he was hesitant to apply.
“I’ll never get in,” he said. His mountain? Self-confidence.
I nagged. I nudged. I coaxed. Finally, I stood over him, and insisted.
You never know unless you try, I said.
He wrote his essay, filled out his application, talked to his counselor and art teacher, and I did the legwork chasing everything down, and sending off the package with his essay, his resume, his transcript, his SAT scores, his two recommendations. Last week.
Timing is everything: Critical wins
This little family needed a win. There’s no doubt of that. The computer dramas of the past week are just the latest in a long series of events that foster collective shaking of heads, and murmuring of “Wow, that’s really bad luck.”
Two weeks ago we got word that my son was accepted into the first program. He was thrilled. We only have a short period before we “accept” their acceptance, and have to send a deposit. And it’s a small fortune.
This morning, I called the office of the second program, to be certain they’d received the packet mailed last week. I was told they’d check and get back to me. I was walking to the post office when the call came.
“Oh yes,” the admissions officer said. “I have his file. He’s in. We’ll send out the paperwork in the next day or two. But we need to know what he’d like to study.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, in the middle of the road.
Excuse me? I said.
“So many things are checked. Art, architecture, music. He’s in, but what does he want to study?“
I took a breath. Apparently the kid is good enough to be “in” and have his pick.
He wants architecture, I said. But he’s also a musician. If he could take some additional course in music, that would be great.
“I’ll put him down for architecture then,” she said. “And we can probably figure out a way for him to do something with music while he’s here.”
I thanked her, got off my phone, and screamed. Then I screamed again. “Middle-aged mini-mom jumps and screams in quiet suburban neighborhood.” Hardly worthy of News at 11, but a joyful moment, expressed as it came naturally.
Then I called the high school. My son was summoned to the office and put on the phone. I gave him the news. He was stunned. I could feel his pleasure, and imagine the wide grin on his face.
“Can I go tell Ms. B?” he asked.
You bet, I answered.
“I love you, Mom,” he said. And then I swear – I could hear the kid running down the halls to the art room to tell his teacher the news.
He needed a win. He got two. I needed him to get a win, moving himself out of his own way. Allowing him to see that reaching for the stars means a chance of getting them. And he just did.
He earned this win. Now, together, we have to figure out how to pay for it. And we will. This is success, my way. Old-fashioned lessons in perseverance and hard work. In taking the losses and picking yourself back up. Moving a mountain or two by walking around, going through, or imagining that there is no mountain at all.
dadshouse says
Congrats for him! And for you. That’s great.
Love this: If something is important to you, and there’s a shot in hell, you go for it.
Absolutely.
Stacia says
So thrilled, thrilled, thrilled for both of you. And neither of you even needed a lucky scarf (or a supply of Cuban sandwiches)! Which program is he going to choose??
BigLittleWolf says
I’ve been offline (and without computer) for many, many hours… sorry to seem a bit distant! (Hopefully tomorrow will be more “connected” as usual.)
He will go with the program heard from today. It’s a fabulous school, and will be a wonderful experience for him. Meanwhile, he’s got 3 weeks of projects, exams, extra program exams, and prom to deal with. Not sure it’s sunk in yet that somehow, one way or another, he’s getting a taste of college this summer, as a high school kid. (And it hasn’t sunk in yet for me, that for the first time in 18+ years, I won’t be actively parenting for a period of time.)
Kristen @ Motherese says
Woohoo! This is great news. Just when there was the hint of a TKO in the final round of the bout, Big Little Wolf and Little Big Little Wolf (aka the resident artist) deliver a knock-out blow to Chaos, to Loki. Good for him and good for you!
And now: should we hold a virtureal bake sale to send this young architect-musician-artist to his summer program?
BigLittleWolf says
Ha! I’ll have to bake my little heart out in my finest domestic attire!
April says
Yes, you DID need this win and I’m so glad you got it! And so happy for him, as well! YAY!!
Linda says
Congrats to both you and your son. This post literally moved me to tears. With all that you and your family have gone through recently this is wonderful news. Congratulations again! 🙂
Sarah says
Congratulations! To both of you! I know it’s been a struggle, but days like these are what it all comes down to. Your joy, his joy, proud moments, humbling moments. Looks like you’ll have a bit of time away from mom duties this summer. I’m thinking you ought to take a trip or, at the very least, soak in the tub every day and walk around the house naked.
Belinda Munoz + The Halfway Point says
I love this post, BLW. What an awesome win. Congratulations!
Self-confidence is a tricky thing to teach, I’m realizing, even to a 3-yr old. The irony for me is in my sometimes overzealous desire to encourage and teach, I push too hard which, naturally, makes him resist and me lose my confidence.
Kelly says
I’m so happy for you both! What an amazing and invaluable lesson he has learned. It took me so long to realize that my limitations are MY limitations — and that without ME, they wouldn’t exist. Brava, mom!
Jason says
Nice!
Shameless Agitator says
Congratulations!!! What wonderful news!
BigLittleWolf says
Thanks! He’s an awesome, talented kid. I hit the “motherlode” (hoho) in the kid department. Two gems. 🙂
Nicki says
Congratulations to you both!
BigLittleWolf says
Thank you Nicki! But all I did was hover and nag (apparently those are useful skills) – the Kid did ALL the heavy lifting all these years – brains, talent, and a lot of hard work!
TheKitchenWitch says
Yay! Congrats, BLW and son! He’s going to be brilliant!
notasoccermom says
This is so great! I too have teens and it is hard to run the fine line between lifting their spirits and self-esteem while at the same time juggling the thoughts of financial strain it may cause.
I am so happy for your son! I can’t imagine how excited he is. It is a big deal for a teen to feel their place in the world.
Proud too of you and the lesson you taught the night at the art store.
Jen says
Yes, you seemed to have hit the ‘motherload in the kid department’, but of course you are a major part of their lives. You touched on what seems very hard for me as a parent–when to push them and when to back down. Such a hard balance–you obviously had the gut reaction to push him to apply, much kudos to you, you should be very proud of yourself as well as your artist!
Eva says
CONGRATS – to both of you! This was a team effort, and I’m just thrilled for him and for you. Hooray!
Contemporary Troubadour says
Congratulations to you both! A win indeed. And so much to savor in not just the next few months, but the years after. I have a feeling your son will look back on his experience in the program, whichever he chooses, with a lot of pride and pleasure.
The best prizes are those that are long-lasting, no? 🙂