He was a rather rumpled gentleman, 40-something, about 50 pounds overweight. The type to be overlooked by women glancing across the room. He wore an easy grin, let loose a contagious belly laugh, and the fact is – he reminded be a bit of Oliver Hardy.
He was also smart and funny as hell. He could chat on any subject, was upbeat by nature, and found fascination in everything – all of which carried over to the bedroom, where laughter, curiosity, and playfulness were the hallmarks of his sexual style.
Shhhhh… Don’t tell, but we had it in spades. He was a remarkable and inventive lover, and we dated for a couple of months.
Sexy men, Jon Hamm, sexy-in-process
Some men are just sexy. Melt-my-loins, knock-me-in-the-gut, pass-me-a-fan hot-hottie-hot. Take, for example, Jon Hamm.
Yes, I am speaking of our talented and complex protagonist on AMC TV’s Mad Men. While I don’t generally go for classically handsome, Jon Hamm fits the bill. But I can actually say I find him sexy in spite of his classic looks. It’s in the eyes, the carriage, the voice, and the enormous talent in playing that role. And yes, I get it – it’s in the script! But the man is hot, in or out of character, and in or out of the crisp white shirt and skinny tie.
There are plenty of celebrities who don’t wield typical criteria for “hotness.” But watch them perform and you’re hooked. Sex appeal has much to do with humor, competence and passion in professional and creative pursuits. And let’s face it – smart is sexy.
But what about sexy-in-process? What about my Hardy look-alike who was wildly fun in bed? Is a fabulous encounter as simple as looking beyond the superficial, and taking the time to get to know each other?
Sometimes sexy-in-process blossoms before your eyes – and often with the proverbial “nice guy.” Shouldn’t we be giving these men a shot, beyond first impressions? What have we got to lose?
Sexy women, Brigitte Bardot, sexy-in-process
Do women suffer from the same challenges and possibilities, the sense of being invisible in the crowd if there is no lust at first sight? Of course. Our culture fosters equal opportunity ignorance and impatience.
Part of their magic? Not only beauty, but tremendous talent, and an aura of sensuality that is irresistible.
And then there are the classics. The originals. The women I grew up wanting to emulate. It should come as no surprise that Brigitte Bardot was among them – for me, the epitome of sex kitten. What’s not to love about beautiful eyes, tousled tresses, and the perfect pout?
But it’s more – a combination of sultry sexuality, childlike vulnerability, and a dash of je ne sais quoi Parisian-style.
As for women who are not conventionally beautiful, but have the sexy-in-process factor going for them? The studious ones, the quirky ones, the girl next door whose innocent face masks desire? How many good women are being dismissed, because they don’t appear packaged in the latest market-ready format?
New year, new you, new-you-in-process
Whether we make resolutions or not, those of us who aren’t in relationships would like to be, though we may not admit it. And we think about it frequently during the holidays, and at the beginning of a new year.
Am I about to say that I’ve resolved to practice my pout, dye and tease my hair, then restyle my ample assets à la Brigitte Bardot? Uh – non, non, et non.
But what I will suggest for the new year is this: what if the “new you” or the “new me” had to do with keeping an open mind when we meet someone? What if the new-you-in-process took your time, and possibly discovered a gem beneath a wrinkled shirt, an imperfect smile, a shy demeanor, or a non-Hamm, non-Hayek or non-Bardot physique?
I know that devilish delights may lurk where you least expect. Take the time to read a person’s energy, to hear their voice, their stories, and their capacity for welcoming yours. And don’t judge the book you’ll discover in the bedroom, by the jacket cover you’ll be anxious to leave at the door.