What’s your style?
Style. When you hear the word, what do you think of? Your wardrobe? Your interiors?
Do you contemplate more personal arenas – relationship style, communication style, even your writing style?
When you say “he’s got style” or “she’s got style,” who do you picture?
All types of styles
The fact is, style can be interpreted in many ways, including:
- fashion
- decorating
- entertaining
- literary
- artistic
- culinary
- conversational
- parenting
- dating
- relationship
- personal
This is certainly not an exhaustive list (I haven’t touched on leadership style, for example), and some of these style categories overlap. The point is – style encompasses a breadth of psychological, communication, behavioral and other aspects of who we are and how we live.
Style gurus and style guidelines
Oh, to address these styles in more depth! Nothing like a juicy discussion of lifestyle, fashion, and taste – not to mention what constitutes “good taste” and who gets to decide.
What fun to hear who your style icons are (I love Coco Chanel and Audrey Hepburn), and of course, to talk parenting style as well as dating style. More esoteric are your preferred literary and artistic styles, or for the creative cooks among you – culinary styles (I am in awe of those who transform food into art).
Could we add those topics to the list of all the things to share?
Relationship style – formality, informality, manners and more
So why this topic?
Last night I caught the end of Age of Innocence on cable, and noted the degree of formality among the characters. Those were different times of course, but I began to contemplate my own relationship style and its influences, the degree to which I am formal in some settings, and anything but, in others. Ultimately, I thought about personal style – a catch-all for our public persona, as well as private behaviors.
Relationship style in psychology generally deals with issues of independence and co-dependence. But in a larger sense, it reveals both upbringing and personality, often through communication and manners, including how you deal with strangers and those closest to you. Whether it’s the way you say thank you (text, phone, email, hand-written note), or everyday exchanges – your relationship style is constantly at work – sometimes in your best interest, and sometimes, not.
Non-verbal communication style speaks volumes
Non-verbal communication is that tricky domain we often ignore – facial expression, eye contact, touching while talking. It’s part of a culturally and personally coded style, and combined with verbal communication you send signals out into the world about your competence, your intentions, and your sense of self. Sometimes non-verbal cues clarify what we say. Other times, they’re confounding (especially in relationships).
A dinner party? In traffic court? Interviewing for a new job? Formality is called for – in attire, language, and demeanor. Verbal and non-verbal style. Hanging with the guys from the gym, or the girls from college? It’s another story. You adapt – and adopt – the style needed for the situation and environment.
Personal style
Personal style is a combination of personality traits and behavior, along with communication and relationship styles. Inherent in all of this are skills – your abilities to express yourself clearly and appropriately, to listen well, and to interact according to context (and your objectives) while remaining true to yourself.
Personal style also has to do with the “look” you offer the world – visual, gestural, sensory – the way you dress, smell, carry yourself, and more. The term charisma comes to mind, as do other words like elegance, stature, and approachability.
Personal styles that impress us offer a full spectrum of qualities we admire, as well as environments you create, activities you engage in, and how you handle yourself. It has a great deal to do with your comfort zone.
Why do I say that? Because self-styled or style guru-approved, self confidence is never out fashion. It says – I am at home with who I am, which doesn’t mean perfect or immutable. It means accepting your imperfections, and recognizing your ability to change.
My style is a fluid jumbled mix, and it suits me
My style tends toward casual. Except for when it’s formal. Or, I’m having a little fun… just for the sake of a laugh!
(Confused? Hang on.)
By nature, I’m informal. I prefer coffee houses to expensive restaurants, inclusive to exclusive. I also have a strong need to be feminine and flirtatious. At times, I desire to express those aspects of my personality that call for fanciful attire, sexy shoes (of course), and all my womanly wits up for their “A” game – preferably somewhere lovely. That is as much my truest self as the one who splays barefoot on a stained rug, laptop warming the thighs, researching and writing – and equally, the one that just might show up in something eccentric if I think it might play to the crowd.
Does that make my style ambivalent, amiably ambidextrous, or panpolymorphous? Damn! If that’s not a word it should be…
Self-styled – aren’t we all, really?
I am, admittedly, full of contradictions. But there are common threads: authenticity, curiosity, playfulness, and respect. I also need to challenge and nurture, to be challenged and nurtured. And in the “form over substance” debate, though I delight in form – the colors and contours of beautifully shaped words, design, objects – I’ll take substance, every time.
If my personal style is a manic mishmash of mess, minimalism, mother, writer, rebel, traditionalist, introvert, extrovert and my “imaginary” self – then like most of us, I am self-styled, a constantly shifting artwork-in-process, and bits of mosaic.
I’ve never actually articulated this before, but my parts and preferences will never quite fit, they are not static, and I hope that doesn’t change because evolving is natural to me; it is who I am, my personal style, and I like it this way.
So what’s your style?
- In friendships?
- In relationships?
- Who are your style icons?
- What are the elements of your personal style?
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This is so wonderful. I totally relate to the notion of my style being a series of apparent contradictions, sweatpants and suits, heels and flipflops, etc.
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
Whitman
A man I’m happy to relate to!
Lindsey
Great questions and a great post! I don’t think I have ever actually defined my style… hmmm. here goes:
Interiors- Luxurious traditional with emphasis on Art Deco, Chinoiserie and old English
Fashion- Luxurious minimalist- high quality not too much with an emphasis on classic pieces
Culinary- French French French!
This is fun! I will think about the rest now… 🙂
OMG! I just had this conversation with a friend of mine the other day and it made me think of that exact same quote! And then I thought;
“hmmm, I should write a blog post about this.”
You beat me to it.
Great minds, huh?
Really, really uncanny though.
Let me tell you something, Chérie, you are the very definition of style.
And I would also like to thank you for writing to me in French; it makes me look sophisticated. So merci infiniment for giving me a little style edge.
Tishx
Style icons: Grace Kelly. Sigh.
My style: Alas, Chez Target.
Interior style: Forever trying to remove crayon marks from the wall, crumbs from the carpet, stickers from the hardwood floor.
Relationship style: Add wine and stir.
I loved this post! Unbelievably insightful. I just erased an entire paragraph on what I feel my style is and realized it is so inconsistent! In the end I guess my style in all “categories” is comfortable.
My clothing: bohemian chic is a way I’d describe it but you won’t catch me EVER wearing anything that is made out of a material that will make me sweat, that has a belt that will ride up on me, that has a heel that will make me be wary of climbing down stairs.
My interior design: French country but I would never buy something that doesn’t make me feel like I can “live” there (too delicate, will stain, too hard, too stiff).
My relationship style: face to face unless I’m in an uncomfortable situation and need to say it over the phone, or unless I feel like I could cry, then again a note.
I’ll be thinking about this now for a while!
“I am, admittedly, full of contradictions. But there are common threads: authenticity, curiosity, playfulness, and respect.”
Love these words and this post. What a plum topic. My style is shifty too. Some days, I am a coiffed creature. More days, I am in my tattered jeans and practical (but designer!) flats. I love preppy and pretty and funky sometimes. I love to switch it up. I love the idea of contradictions. Contradictions are what make us who we are… rich and textured and unpredictable beings.
So many thoughts, so many styles.
My friendships are so important. I love my friends and miss them all when we are unable to get together. If I am your friend – whether online or in real life, I have your back 100% of the time. I am going to answer what you ask truthfully and the way I see it, even if I am certain you will not like the answer.
In relationships, my style is honest. My life is an open book in my relationships.
I don’t know that I have any style icons. I definitely have a style but no idea what I would call it. Yesterday, heaven forbid, I went to the grocery in sweats and tee shirt, without having showered after my run. I am as comfortable in my – a g/f’s term – “F” me heels as I am in my running shoes or Birkenstocks, as comfortable in a suit or skirt as I am in jeans or shorts.
I guess I would have to have a friend, a colleague and a lover answer the elements of my personal style. I know I have one. I just don’t know how to answer. Maybe I can find three people to come and answer for me.
Love this question.
* Who are your style icons?
Audrey Hepburn, Charlotte York, Jackie O
* What are the elements of your personal style?
These days, whatever is in season (or slightly out of season) at J. Crew or Boden, with a dash of spit-up over the right shoulder. Preppy, un-fussy, washable.
How do you DO this? I have to come back and give you more time, because right now my style is: tired blogger who wants to crawl into bed with her sweetie and sleep uninterrupted until morning (unrealistic, but maybe the baby will sleep for a FEW hours)
I adore Audrey Hepburn. As a matter of fact my wife got so mad at me when she first saw how I decorated my apartment (before we were married) I had Audrey Hepburn everything all over the place. Mely sort of looks like her a little so she got all insulted and thought I was trying to recreate Audrey in her (I know — she was totally creeped out!) HAHAHAHA. Well, I took down all the audrey stuff and that was 12 years ago. But, if I were a girl then Audrey would be who I’d emulate She was graceful and polite unlike so many people these days.
Of course, my own personal style is anything but graceful. My parenting style is liberal in some areas and more conservative in others. My political style is the same — socially libertarian. My fashion style is a mix of New England preppy and California Surfer. I sometimes wonder what actor would play me in my life story. I look like Matthew Modine, but I act more like Marlon Brando. Weird, I know.
You always think of the most thought provoking topics!
Fantastic post! I always tend to think of style in terms of fashion, but it’s always interesting to see how people blend or contrast the way they dress with the way they decorate or cook or behave and so on.
My own style is a lot of all-american, I think, with some quirky things and bright colors (I’ve been moving away from the NY all-black thing :p ). I guess I like to err on the side of classic, the thing that will last your forever not just right now. With food I’m all about basics, but I learned to cook on the continent, so I like to think I lean towards the sophisticated side of simple (Hrrrm, I’m sensing a pattern here…). In conversation I try to be diplomatic first, funny and more outspoken later. With literature I love a lot of mid-century american writing, particularly Truman Capote, and I love films from the 60s.
A single style icon I feel I can relate to? I haven’t found one yet! I always found Audrey a little bit too cold for my taste for some reason.
What a wonderful post. It makes me think about things in a way that i have not really thought about in a long time.
I have to tell you i cracked up when you said you are casual, because the first time you sent me an email it was to ‘criticize’ my casual writing style (like no capitals)
I also have a very very casual style, both in mannerisms and in dress, the latter which does not help me when looking for a lady….
Is our style just the way we present ourselves to the outside world?
I love this post too and I love your blogging style.
I am definitely a walking contradiction in my fashion style…no-maintenance hair, but high maintenance make up. Own as many flip-flops as I do stilettos. Love the beach as much as a fancy-schmancy exclusive bar.
Style icons? Sarah Jessica Parker, Gwen Stefani (more contradictions???)
My personal style?
Some might see it as eclectic. Others would just say it was chaotic. To me, it’s just a collection of things which make me happy. If I had to use a couple of words to describe the basic elements – Scandinavian and bling. I like things fairly simple – but I also like the odd sparkly bit.
I don’t have a particular style icon – but I do admire women who have the confidence to be themselves and men who are not constrained by society’s views of masculinity.
In both friendships and relationships – kindness, loyalty and honesty are crucial. I may take a bit of getting to know but, to paraphrase an earlier respondent, once we’re friends, I can be relied upon to watch your back and will expect you to do the same for me.
You guys are TOTALLY making me laugh! (Thank you…) I love reading about all your different styles in so many areas. And the contradictions. I think it’s especially difficult to hang on to “style” of any sort when you’re juggling little ones and just trying to get through the long days (and nights) on very little sleep.
In that light – please pop over to this post about a fabulous photographer by the name of Julie Blackmon. She’s a busy chasing-around Midwestern mom, and her work is brilliant, funny (and widely collected).
I did a very short review here (I occasionally review art): http://dailyplateofcrazy.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/domestic-bliss-from-photographer-julie-blackmon/ but DO check out her web site. Links are in the post. The work is so true to life and so funny – yet somehow I picture this woman trying to cling to a personal style through it all! (Great shoes…)
I read many of your blog posts. Good Job and very informative.
Keep it up!
Regards
Tom