It’s a bracelet I searched out in the back of a drawer, a cuff bracelet that is more ornate than something I would choose for myself these days. But I love it. I have always treasured it. And I’m a little surprised that it still fits and delighted that it does. Because it isn’t just any bracelet. Not to me.
* * *
When I heard that the US Congress had agreed to eliminate daylight savings time — this happened a few weeks back apparently — I thought to myself, oh, so they can actually reach consensus on something so trivial? How nice. If only they could reach consensus (or something beyond the slimmest of majorities) on issues that matter. You know what I mean… consensus on the mega-qualified Supreme Court nominee, Judge Brown Jackson; consensus on faster and more lethal arming of Ukraine; consensus on voting rights.
OK, OK, OK. I told myself I would not wax political when I write here. I told myself I would stay upbeat. But…
These past few years I am constantly recalling the words of an old friend who told me that “everything is political” — that message offered during an extended period in my life when I existed in the blur of single motherhood and trying to cobble together a sufficient living to keep food on the table and a roof overhead. Life was political then too; I was too immersed in daily tasks of ordinary survival to realize it.
These days?
I find myself heartbroken by what is taking place in Ukraine. I find myself appalled by too many other micro happenings in the US to process, not to mention the macro happenings. I find myself engaged, once again, in my own private acts of defiance against the invisibility that remains inevitable (it seems) when it comes to growing older, to no longer having employment, to isolation in an ongoing pandemic — yes, yes, I know — we are certainly safer with our masks, our vaccinations, and our boosters, but let’s not pretend that it is over. Let’s not dismiss hundreds of deaths a day with such ease.
Indifference. Indifference to death. Why is it that we grow so indifferent so easily, especially to suffering?
Maybe it’s just fatigue. Or the reality of our own daily battles. Or a matter of picking our battles.
* * *
Each day, usually, I find at least a few moments of contentment. Joy, even. Often in the visual — the way the light insists on shining through the sheers in the front room of this old apartment; the exuberant colors in a Fauve painting as I page through an art book; the heady scent and flood of images that follow with a single drop of perfume on each wrist. A delicious Frenchman selected that fragrance for me many years ago. I still smile, remembering our time together.
I’m fortunate, despite the loneliness that comes of so rarely seeing my sons, despite the aches and pains that frequently sabotage my daily doings, despite worrying about money like so many of us, despite the excessive solitude that I know I tolerate relatively well compared to others. I am not bored, I keep my mind busy, I persist in setting myself challenges and goals even in a much narrowed lifestyle. And I do not live in a war torn country, a country decimated by an unconscionable aggressor.
* * *
His name was Sasha. He had sandy blonde hair and fair skin and was, like most of the men I have been attracted to in my life, on the tall side, which next to my 4‘11“ frame, made us an odd couple. That wasn’t the only element of our odd coupledom; I was a 16-year-old American girl camping through the (then) U.S.S.R., and he was a 20-ish-year-old Ukrainian student. Our dates were innocent – a walk, a conversation on a park bench, a movie. He took me to see The Sound of Music, which tickled me even then since I knew the plot and the music (of course), but I found understanding the Russian beyond my capabilities at the time.
I have a grainy Kodak photo of Sasha and two friends sitting on the bench where we would meet, Kyiv’s beauty in the background. And in a little jewelry box tucked away in a dresser drawer, I keep a silver bracelet that he gave to me. I never quite understood why he gave me a gift except that our week together felt sweet and special to both of us. It is the bracelet that I wear on my wrist these days. I’m not sure why exactly, but doing so touches something in my heart. It connects me to a time of my own innocence. It connects me to the region where my grandfather was born. And I seem to need this particular connection right now.
Sasha. Such a lovely young man. Still, such a tender memory. But what of all the young men and young women and old men and old women and the children, dear God, the children and babies that are now being slaughtered? I can’t quite believe it is happening. I see images on the news, apocalyptic images, and I can’t fully grasp that it isn’t some ridiculous film out of Hollywood. I can’t just pretend it isn’t happening. I can’t shake off the knowledge that so much evil exists in the world — evil that should trump indifference.
God knows, there is an insane amount of violence in the US, gun violence in particular, and an unwillingness to address it in any real, serious, consequential way. And the fact that we have only recently enacted a federal anti-lynching law is stunning; are we so blind to blind hatred, still? Are some of us so willing to believe lies? I know the answer to both of those questions; no need to tell me.
* * *
Consensus. Strange concept. We decide not to mess with our clocks twice a year, but issues of life and death? Issues of basic human dignity? Where is the common sense in our acts of consensus and our lack of it? Where is the consensus on genocide while it’s happening? Why do human beings do this to each other? I don’t understand.
* * *
I will never know why Sasha gave me this bracelet, nor who made it, nor anything else about it. But I’m glad that despite the decades that have passed, I never lost it. I’m glad that it still fits. And I wonder what became of Sasha.
LA CONTESSA says
WOW………OH MY GOSH!
JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO I TOO THOUGHT I NEED TO MENTION THIS WHOLE BLOODY TOPIC!
IT IS KILLING ME INSIDE I FEEL I NEED TO GO AND HELP!
THAT MAN IS AN IDIOT AND YOU COULD TELL THAT FROM HIS EXPRESSIONS WITH THAT IDIOT TRUMP!I recently took an online course about ART HISTORY where we were informed about NON-COMMUNICATIVE OBSERVATIONS.WE were looking at old RENAISSANCE paintings.It was AMAZING what one can pick up on! THIS was a chat from an ex-FBI agent who was in the field for 50 plus years! He OBSERVED PEOPLE and came to conclusions about how they sat or held their hands it all MEANS SOMETHING AND TELLS US HOW THEY FEEL!
For example: the feet tells more than the hands, fingers spread mean comfort like a High-Five. A person asked what his OBSERVATION was about PUTIN!
This is what he said!
“TRAITS of a FLAWED CHARACTER.
OVER VALUATION OF HIMSELF.
ECONOMY(I missed this part too busy writing!)
CLINICALLY PARANOID
PARANOID = SAME AS NARCISSIST LIKE STALIN AND CASTRO.”
D. A. Wolf says
I hear you, Elizabeth. It’s all so horrible and it just feels like we aren’t doing enough.
Sandra Sallin says
Beautiful. Well said. You’re right. The only thing we can agree on is time change. I’m glad about that but truly that is the only thing. I’m surprised there aren’t people marching in the streets saying they want the time change reversed. It seems that everything is upside down and backwards and scary. Bottom line. It’s all scary and I don’t see a change happening soon. The Ukrainians? I don’t know where to start. It’s all so frustrating.
Paul Sheldon says
Daylight savings time will become permanent only when approved by both houses of Congress and signed by the President and accepted by individual states. But it’s still good to see the Senate at least agree on something. High noon will occur at 1 PM.
Meanwhile, Fran and I are doing well. I am so grateful. We have been healthy, and during Covid times we have each other as best friends. Better friends than ever, I would say. I am sorry that you are still missing that wonderful experience.
Ukraine is indeed a tragedy. My folks were there, many decades ago. I am concerned by my liberal friends who seem to think that there can be a military solution to this tragedy. Am wearing my “War is not the Answer” button again, and arrested at Lockheed Martin on Good Friday. LM is the world’s largest war profiteer, making a killing (figuratively and literally) with Ukraine.
Revisiting your site, it seems that the more things change, the more things stay the same. You might think the same about me, checking my blog and website. A significant change is that I now have two grandsons (we visited them in Massachusetts this past weekend). A vote of confidence in the future.
Stay well, I wish I could give you joy.
D. A. Wolf says
Paul! How super cool to see your post even though I’m seeing and responding months later. I am glad to know that you and Fran are doing well (were 3+ months ago and hopefully still are). I have certainly neglected my little Daily Plate of Crazy since the scourge of COVID began, but perhaps I will check in here more often. Will try at least!
Indeed, the more things change, the more they stay the same — this, too, why I write so much less here (as in, barely here). There is a degree of lassitude mixed with frustration that so many social ills (and interpersonal dramas) seem to recycle (or worsen) despite our best efforts. Then again, in many respects, I see a one-step-forward-a-half-step-back trend in some areas. That’s progress, right?
As for joy, I have found a way to create some in these past few years. Not in the way I might have imagined some time back, but it is joy nonetheless. I hope you and Fran feel the same. Surely those grandchildren must be pure delight!
xo
judi m says
(I wandered over to your page and read through this a second time. Thank you for writing this.)
I love that you still have that wonderful bracelet and the old photograph. Our memories, our connections with one another, our shared humanity, and the beauty of art, craftsmanship, nature. Those are the things we need to keep in the forefront of our minds. Even as we witness these crimes against humanity and the march against progress in our country, I think of my own son and other children and young people and we must remain hopeful. A gift (bracelet), a memory, a conversation with old friends reminds us that we can prevail. That there is beauty in this world.
D. A. Wolf says
Judi! So nice that you stopped by. (Sorry I’ve been so inattentive here for so long.) Yes, that bracelet! I find it extraordinary that a piece of jewelry can bring me back to recalling so many details and positive emotions. (I have a handful of pieces that always do this for me. Indeed, it is about the richness inherent in a piece of art (however we may define it) + the human elements in its crafting and in our experience of it. All good. All connective. All so essential. Yes, there is still so much beauty to be had and appreciated. 🙂