Are we surprised when we are on the receiving end of a random act of kindness? Yes? No?
If your answer is no, that you aren’t surprised when people are kind, perhaps it is because you practice kindness on a regular basis. This is something I try to do – I could do a better job of it – yet when we incorporate kindness into every personal interaction, my belief is that we “get” as good as we give.
Now, consider this.
An 11-year-old in El Paso is challenging people in his community to practice 20 (now presumably 22) random acts of kindness (#ElPasoChallenge). Imagine if everyone who heard his message would try – just try – to practice even a single act of kindness a week! Imagine a single act of kindness a day!
What a lovely tribute to the terrible events of last weekend.
So why is kindness so powerful? And is an act of kindness difficult, really? Doesn’t even the smallest act of kindness remind us of our common humanity? Simply put, doesn’t it make us feel good? At times, exceptionally good – refreshed, determined, encouraged, valued?
Maybe kindness is as easy as welcoming a neighborhood newcomer to your gathering of friends and family, or listening carefully when someone argues a point of view that differs from your own.
Maybe it’s as useful as considering that you can’t possibly know what an acquaintance may be going through when he or she seems short-tempered, distracted, or dismissive.
If only we could integrate acts of kindness into the way we speak, touch, observe, consider, respect, listen.
I place speaking first and listening last on this little list as if these two activities, which certainly go hand-in-hand, “bookend” positive behavior.
Don’t we need to speak with care and consideration and respect? Isn’t listening extraordinarily important if we hope to learn anything, to understand the people we are interacting with, to create more livable, peaceful and compassionate communities?
Isn’t effective listening critical to being successful in the workplace, and in our relationships with family members, children, spouses, and partners?
Yesterday, my (far-off) dentist — yes, my dentist — went out of her way to get back to me on a matter I wondered about. It was nothing earth shattering, but something that was important to me. She took time out of a hectic schedule to elaborate on the elements of a small decision I had to make, responded to my questions by phone and email, and made sure to explain clearly what I needed to know.
And she was so sweet and accommodating in the process!
In an ideal world, this may be what we expect from any service provider — from physicians to plumbers – and perhaps the fact that we no longer expect this kind of personal consideration is striking. Nonetheless, the kindness exhibited in my distant dentist’s voice, in her ability to listen and then address my issues was precisely what I needed. It was helpful. It was positive and encouraging. I am happy to refer her to anyone who might ask, and happy to continue my professional relationship with her — even though it means miles on the highway!
There was another act of kindness in the morning, from someone I know well, but whose empathy and eloquence continues to instruct and model the sort of behavior I would hope to emulate. This is the best of who we are, regardless of good times or bad, and a reminder — certainly to me — of just how available kindness really is.
Now, none of this means that we should tolerate toxic or destructive behavior. None of this means that we shouldn’t stand up for what we believe, and defend ourselves, each other, and our positions. But the way in which we do so says a great deal about who we are.
To me, a nod or a smile or a hello just walking down a city street is fine fuel, a source of energy, a gift. It fills me with a sense of belief in the fundamental decency and goodness of most people. It reminds me not to lose heart on the challenging days when losing heart would be all too easy. It offers me the patience to appreciate that we all have days when we are struggling — we’re stressed, we’re worried, we’re in pain — and we may not be our best selves in dealing with others.
Consequently, it is vital to place those days in context, and never to assume that we know what circumstances others may be dealing with, just as they may not be aware of ours, understandably and (often) rightfully so.
One last mention: I heard from a friend who has written guest posts here, and I am delighted that she has offered a new post that I think we all need to read. I will be publishing it within the next few days and I thank her for writing such a thoughtful piece.
Have you been the recipient of any random acts of kindness lately? Do you integrate kindness into your daily interactions? Do you believe that kindness and compassion can be learned? What about thoughtful speech and effective listening? Have you passed along what once seemed a given and is “kin” to kindness – the importance of good manners?
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It’s practicing the “Golden Rule.” Treat others the way we want to be treated. It doesn’t matter who we encounter during our day, we can find a smile or something nice to say. For some time now I’ve been making it a point to talk to little girls… under seven or eight… in the stores or on the streets who are with their parents or grandparents. I just say, “Hi pretty girl,” and you’d be amazed at the looks they give me. They range from big smiles to looks that tell me no one’s ever told them that before. I’m not just picking cute little girls, but all little girls, every ethnicity. No matter what else is going on in their lives or the dialog at home, I want them to know someone sees them and values them. I want them to walk away thinking, “Someone told me I’m pretty.” xoxox, Brenda
The Golden Rule. Exactly! And how lovely that you are engaging with these little girls as you are. There are so many children, especially girls, who would benefit from this and other kinds of positive reinforcement. I repeat: lovely.
xo
It can be so easy–opening a door, letting somebody go ahead in line (especially a parent with a small child…little ones don’t understand lines), even just smiling at people.
The response is always gratitude disproportionately greater than the small gesture warrants, which to me indicates not many people do it.
Happily, I live in a small town where things are VERY laid back, and 99% of the time it’s all good.
Great examples, ToF. And yes, so easy!