“Digital Privacy Is a Women’s Issue”

“Digital privacy is a women’s issue.” So writes Emily Chang in her recent New York Times opinion piece, “What Women Know About the Internet.”

Of course we know that digital privacy is a women’s issue! Of course we know we should be concerned! And I’m talking about our safety, at the very least our sense of safety — and the fact that we don’t know who is misinterpreting or misusing what we’re posting online — putting us at risk.

Where Is Your Line When It Comes to Sharing?

Each time I publish something that relies on the daily doings of my life, I make a judgment call. Include this detail or that; exclude this detail or that. Sometimes I walk a fine line of personal disclosure; issues dealing with healthcare are an example of that. And if I shimmy right up to the line (and occasionally step over), it is consciously so. It is because I decide that there’s value to “public” discourse, and I’m hoping that others will learn from my mistakes (or successes), feel empowered by my words (or actions), or at a minimum, feel less alone.

As a writer, I walk that line understanding that specific details bring color and texture to the reader’s experience. Vague allusions are a poor substitute and far less satisfying. Nevertheless, I may resort to tweaking timelines, playing with pronouns, compromising context and evocative elements of storytelling because I know it’s the right thing to do — the only thing to do — as a matter of assuring not only my privacy but the privacy of others.

This is a constant creative challenge — divulging just enough, and not too much.

Looking Over Your Shoulder

I continue to be surprised at the following: Occasionally people, usually men, email me or leave comments (that I don’t publish), miffed that I won’t disclose more about my life — from where I live to my relationship status.

Seriously?

Aren’t women always looking over one shoulder as a matter of safety? Don’t we navigate parking garages and subway stations differently than men? Didn’t we learn to be super-vigilant on the streets at night and crossing our college campuses? Didn’t we absorb these lessons as pre-teen and adolescent girls, and haven’t we come to understand their importance as we’ve grown into adult women? With so much personal data available online, shouldn’t we look over our shoulder in the digital world as well?

And isn’t it obvious that if I wished to say more about my personal life I would do exactly that?

My analysis of those who deem me “overly guarded” or taciturn or unwilling to engage: They’re confusing discretion with dismissal, and disregarding everyone’s right to establish boundaries.

Don’t Take it From Me. Take It From This.

Apparently, I’m not alone in getting my hackles up over the special concerns of female vulnerability in the online world — and who is doing what with our data. Studies show that women, in general, are more concerned about data privacy than men, which, if you’re reading and you’re female, seems self-evident.

From Ms. Chang’s article mentioned above:

These views are shaped by the reality that women experience the internet differently, just as the experience of walking down a dark alley, or even a busy street, is different for women than it is for men.

Ms. Chang makes two other points worth repeating. First, communications born of ubiquitous online access may invite trouble. Making assumptions based on someone’s selfies, snaps, tweets, images, comments, or columns may seem innocuous — to you who are reaching out — but as Ms. Chang puts it, one person’s “cute” is another person’s “creepy.”

The second point of note: Platforms and apps are not “designed” for women’s sensitivities, using as an example the frequent requirement to provide a phone number – something that the women I know (like myself) are uncomfortable doing unless dealing with another human being face-to-face or a “legitimate” enterprise. This is a matter of common-sense safety as any woman who has ever been harassed by phone or text will understand.

Take This App and… !#!*#!

Just last week, one of the few apps I rely on began requesting location information each and every time I accessed the app. The only possible reason for doing so is to ratchet up an already excessive number of ads flooding my email. Is requesting my phone number to follow? It wouldn’t surprise me. For now, the fact that I must dismiss not one but TWO pop-ups a half-dozen times a day because I won’t provide location will eventually force my hand — to give in and enter my zip — or to stop using the app altogether.

Which way am I leaning? Take this app and shove it!

Clearly, it’s both useful and problematic that we in the U.S. access such vast digital footprints with relatively few restrictions. Little effort is required for potential employers (and insurers, investors, clients, dates and exes) to check us out – just as we can check them out — learning far more about each other than we might actually wish to know or share, absent explanation or context.

I’ll never forget an incident that took place years ago. After being assigned a (barely) controversial topic by a site I wrote for (gratis), my article was picked up by Huffington Post and then by the Conservative Right. Or rather, selectively referred to and misinterpreted by them. What followed was being trashed in several conservative publications. Me. By name. And as a mother. To the best of my recollection, the virulence lasted a week or two, but it was infuriating. It was frightening. I felt painfully vulnerable. Physically vulnerable. As my name was dragged through the mud, there was nothing I could do but wait it out, hoping no crazies would overreact to the ugly assertions bandied about.

I’ll Read a Book Instead, Thanks

From that experience of the downsides of social media and online promotion, I began to have a greater understanding of how much I couldn’t control when it came to writing online and to presenting myself online; one more layer of understanding the menacing ways the virtual world encroaches on reality.

These days I blog less, I’ve halved my already limited Facebook use, I’ve cut my Twitter engagement by 90%, I find Instagram entertaining but there too I don’t share much.

Bit by bit, my social media activity is narrowing to the barest minimum – which comes with a cost to me as an “independent” and a writer — but soothes my skittish sense of safety.

Now, I’m not abandoning my use of apps or online activities. But all too often, all in all, I’d rather read a book.

A reminder: Anything published anywhere online is not a private conversation. Here, where I can exercise control in what is posted, I try to protect your privacy as well as my own should you share specifics that you might later regret – last names or locations combined with details of an ongoing divorce or a medical condition, or a serious situation with a boss or family member. I welcome your openness, but I don’t want you (or anyone else) harmed by it.

Describing a situation or event with relevant detail? Yes, do. It’s helpful. Attaching identifying data that could come back to bite you? No, don’t. But if you forget, not to worry. I’ll do it for you.

Cyberbullying, Cyberstalking, Cyber-Stupidity… We’re All Susceptible

I haven’t even touched on the issue of cyberbullying or old-school cruelty running rampant on 21st-century platforms, much less the susceptibility of our tweens, teens, and young adults to all the potentially damaging effects. But remember: The young haven’t cornered the market on overindulgence in trust and general gullibility. Nor am I saying that boys and men can’t suffer at the hands of unscrupulous, predatory, or “just” clueless creepers of any gender, age, or persuasion.

Still, for women, especially those who are already feeling emotionally or physically vulnerable, it’s a shame that the ubiquitous presence of bad actors on the internet, the increasing intrusiveness of apps, and the entitlement that some individuals feel to the details of others’ lives means we must compromise the pleasure and value of online activity and exchange. I suppose it was inevitable.

What some of us used to feel free about sharing, and I include myself in this group, we now gloss over or abbreviate or simply don’t discuss; in some instances, we no longer participate on once-favored platforms. It’s a matter of safety, of feeling safe, of knowing that privacy online is so much illusion so much of the time.

Fake News and Fake YOU’s

The use of fake internet personas and profiles, complete with exaggerated (or downright false) versions of credentials, has been around since before our fascination with boorish bots. Unfortunately, too few people take the time to vet or authenticate what they see online. And I’m not talking about selectively putting our best foot forward (most of us do that); I’m talking about intentionally misleading for one’s own (commercial or other) purposes.

As for my Chinese Wall of sorts, in addition to grappling with the drawbacks of online writing, I’ve learned from online dating that even those individuals you check out can pose a variety of risks in the real world. Safety risks. And I can hardly believe that it’s been eight years since I wrote this on the callous cruelty of our online world.

In the age of Trump, the concerns in those years seem like the good old days. And yes, I know, the age of Trump has been building for some time; the man himself, however malignant, is not only a problem. He is a symptom.

Cause for Caution: It’s Not Personal, It’s Protection

To those on the receiving end of my abundance of caution and privacy preferences, I say: It’s not personal, it’s protection. I can also say that a handful of kind, quirky, talented, and caring individuals whom I encountered initially online (via dating, other apps, blogging or other social media) have become my friends. We hail from different corners of the planet, are of different genders and ages, and work at different types of jobs. What we have in common: open-mindedness, shared values, curiosity about the world and each other — all of which have taken vetting, time, and reciprocal sharing — mirroring the more traditional ways we establish and grow our most meaningful relationships.

It remains true that women are always more at risk than men, in general. And whether it’s cyberbullying, cyberstalking, “simple” sexual harassment, callous cruelty or clueless intrusiveness — we are more acutely aware of the real-world equivalents and consequences of these actions in our everyday reality. Is it any surprise that we would worry more about our data and safety — or should — when it comes to leading our online lives?

 
Do pop by The New York Times Privacy Project for the broader debate on the subject of data privacy.

 

You May Also Enjoy

• Sexual Aggression Comes in Many Forms. None of Them Are Acceptable.

• The Three C’s: Cruel, Callous, Counterproductive

• Experts, Experts, Everywhere…

• Why You Shouldn’t Air Your Dirty Laundry on the Internet