I love the Little Black Dress — though I can’t recall the last time I wore one.
I love the look of a form-fitting black sweater with a neutral-hued pencil skirt, pretty heels, and a string of pearls. That too — I haven’t worn in ages.
Another of my confidence-boosting combinations — my “skinny” jeans, ankle booties, camisole or fitted tee and jacket. (Yes. All black. You’d think I was in mourning.) Occasionally… drum roll please… skinny blue jeans and ankle booties!
But… My skinny jeans and fitted jackets? Um… No use for either this winter.
Here’s what I know. As with pearls, the effects of wearing something light or bright at the neck enhances the complexion. And when I’m in jeans with color? I feel positively flamboyant! Yet I haven’t been out of my black jeans — I have four pair — in months.
Eh voilà. I’ve been in a perpetual style slump — black jeans, black tees, black sweaters, black socks, black footwear (boots or sneaks) — with the only touch of color (or whimsy) — my dangling earrings.
Those baubles on my lobes? I do entertain myself by changing them every day (sometimes twice a day!). However, they are obscured by my dark shoulder-length hair unless it blows in the wind, which would require that I actually go out into the wind…
(Brrrrrr. Can I hibernate another four weeks or so?)
Nonetheless, my Eiffel Tower earrings amuse me. My dollar sign earrings conjure life in the “greed is good” 80s. My seed pearl drop earrings remind me of Pretty Woman. (Yes, she wore something similar in the scene at the races.)
Other than my expressive (semi-hidden) ear eccentricities — even before it turned wintry outside — my daily selections were little more than a series of style snoozers.
At the very least, with an extensive stock of gorgeous scarves, why am I not wearing them??? Why am I only wearing my two faves in black and white?
There are reasons for this sorry state of atrocious attire, of course. For one, when I put on weight, I feel like a fashion fraud. Not worthy of my wardrobe, lamentably making a mockery of my extra pounds. This is BAD! Seriously self-defeating! How dare I, really? Wouldn’t I tell another woman this is ridiculous? That you can wear color and be fashionable at any size?
Wasn’t I whining about this very same thing some 18 months back — blaming bad behavior (and a broadenining bod) for my latest round of “I have nothing to wear”?
The second reason… habit. It’s soooo much easier to reach for what is, well, a done deal. No muss, no fuss. And it doesn’t show dirt! So this is about lifestyle. Practicality. “Laundry management.”
One last possibility? I’m in a post-move morass of muddy moodiness, a mucky mire of moping — (oh, those unpacked boxes!) — all of which should improve as spring begins to show her sassy sunny self AND if I knock off a few pounds AND if I create somewhere to go to socialize AND I consider wearing something not black!
Uh… two out of four? Is this more about the widening “moi” than anything else? Are body blues keeping me bound to all that mournful, boring black on black?
My narrow palette aside, clearly this isn’t a color conundrum; I’ve always loved wearing black and always will. But I used to switch things up with dashes of jewel tones (especially blues, reds, and violet). In fact, cruising my archives, I bumped into this example of yours truly sporting a crisp blue button-down shirt in all its versatile glory!
So I decided to peek in my closet. Might I locate this classic option — and others — to poke myself out of my sartorial slumber?
Hmmmmm.
Black skirt, black skirt, black jacket, black blouse, purple sweater (!), black top, black top, black jacket, black top, charcoal skirt (!), orange skirt (!), black skirt, brown skirt (!), black blouse, red skirt (!), and more black, black, black… blue button-down! Found it! Alas, size 8, which is (for now) a no-go.
My dresser drawers? I thought I’d rummage around. Heh. Make that Meh. At least a dozen Target variations of black tees and leggings.
My “temporary” clothing rack in the hall?
Same story.
Then there’s this: a stack of jeans (blue, cobalt, and red!) in size 4 and size 6 that I can’t currently wear.
Okay, okay, I’ve made my point.
But here’s one last thought. My current corollary to “if a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?” is this: If my everyday wardrobe choices are black on black, and specifically, black jeans or black leggings and a sloppy slouchy sweater (black) over a (black) tee — if no one actually sees me, does it matter?
Do note: This isn’t about budget; I have always been a successful sales shopper. Besides, I have beautiful separates that I can’t fit right now and even when I could, a few months back, I was still reaching for the same nondescript, invisibility-inducing pieces in black.
My closing conclusions on the “does this matter” question…
I’m of two minds. The first says absolutely! I feel better when I “dress” — even if only the tiniest bit. So, for the same reason that I put on eyeliner and choose some fun and funky earrings each morning — couldn’t it, shouldn’t it, wouldn’t it be energizing or entertaining or uplifting to snap out of my style slump?
But a second “self” expresses this opinion: Since I’m indoors and alone while doing my thing, why bother?
Eeeesh. That second “moi.” Not crazy about that attitude. It sounds like a sort of surrender.
Anyone else going through a style slump? A period of dismay or disinterest about how you look or how you present yourself? What do your current clothing choices say about you? If you’ve experienced your own snoozer style periods, are they a reflection of other events or priorities in your life? Care to share how you kicked yourself out of it? Are you “seasonally disinterested” in what you wear (and how you look), and more likely to engage in spring or fall, for example?
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Simple, black clothing can be very stylish. Look at Norma Kamali–a fashion designer who almost always is in all black (and who looks fabulous at age 73…especially when she’s showing her workouts on Instagram). In the episode about Audrey Hepburn on the podcast “You Must Remember This,” in her early days she was so broke that she had almost no clothes but nobody noticed she wore the same things because she had a large collection of scarves.
I am fed up with shopping and acquiring. It’s as if I’ve just been at a dinner and ate too much, especially dessert, and now can’t bear to look at any more. I have enough stuff, classic style, in good shape, and I do not need more/new. Call it a style slump, but I prefer to call it saving the planet. Oh, I have scarves of every color and use them.
How you frame the situation sets your mood.
Fed up with shopping; framing the situation…
I relate to this, but wonder how much of it is due to being a man (vs also being in “that stage of life”). When I turned fifty I wondered if I should finally dress like an adult. Ditch my default casual regimen of blue and black jeans and go to khakhis, at least for non-professional coffee and restaurant gatherings, if not for all going out short of business dress.
Somehow in the fourteen years since, I’ve never gotten around to it. I met an attorney this morning. In preparation, I wondered whether I should dress more formally than usual. I was his first appointment and beat him to the office. I was sitting in my truck in my jeans and tennies when he stepped out of his truck, in jeans and boots and carrying, not a briefcase, but a backpack. We had an agreeable, productive meeting.
The conclusion I’ve come to is that my priorities have changed. Not only do I not care so much how I look, I don’t care what people might think about it. Not defiantly, but it is barely even on my radar. I have enough to worry about without those additional burdens. Perhaps when things lighten up, I can get around to looking like an adult. For the moment, I’m busy being an adult.
Two thoughts in response to your comment, Robert, and specifically the issue of not caring so much what others think. I get that in principle, but for two reasons, I know that I cannot allow myself that luxury when I set foot outside the door.
When you are an independent worker — a freelancer or gig worker or contractor, always open to creating opportunities for a next client — making a good impression when you chat with someone in the Starbucks line, or at the checkout on some lunchtime errand, you must be presentable. This is even more important for women I think, especially women of a certain age.
And a second point – if you are single, and don’t want to entirely close the door on some day having a date again before you die – you don’t really want to be seen looking your worst. You don’t need to look your best, but again, you need to be presentable.
D.A., When you set foot outside your door during your particular effort to make impression of winning a new client or date, what do you value as the presentable clothing that you need?
A combination of comfort and confidence. (Both at the same time can be elusive!)
I know exactly how you feel! I look like a homeless person in the apt! I don’t even go out for the mail. And those down in the dumps days, I just veg here and read, nice but…..
I do take an antidepressant and that has helped. But I do have to try and go out each day. I recently moved from a smallish town in the center of my state to the center of a huge metropolis. I and family think I did the right thing. When I start to feel blue, I get up and go unless I am hiding my grey hair! Then I do some reorganizing in my apt that I love!
Don’t give up! Start with several shirts that aren’t black. Or try sweaters. When you move those colors to the active part of your closet, then work on a few pairs of jeans.
I love your writing and I believe in you!!
So may I encourage you as well? Starting over in a new place can be sooooo much more challenging than we think… Thank you for the good words, Ruth. ?
I do really hate to say this but I think the not caring is a little bit age related. Here, I have been finding myself going out in inappropriate comfortable shoes when my feet hurt and occasionally NO MAKE UP! (I admire women who look natural and beautiful but that is not and has never been me. I am the girl in smoky eye down to her knees!) So what’s the go with the not caring? Mate, let’s call it growing up. It is dumb to be dressed up inside. Be comfortable and you’ll write better. For me, letting go just a teensy bit of a lifetime of looks-based reinforcement-seeking is a bit painful but probs overdue.
Well, I’m chuckling, Maree. Age (and priorities) do tend to have impacts. And (sigh), I’m in my usual… (writing in black tee and black workout shorts), BUT — my eyes are “done” — (love a fellow smoky eye girl) — and I’ve got Eiffel Towers dangling from my ears! As long as no one comes to the door, I’m fine. Boring, but fine.
Mmmm, the towers are very good. (Jealous.) Also, packed with writing juju. Professional obligation, you have to wear them.
GET RID of THE BLACK!
IT’s a SAD COLOR!If you have to wear it ADD COLOR with a SCARF and RED LIPSTICK or a colorful coat! I think WE THINK IT MAKES US LOOK SLIM….. does it REALLY? If your over weight your over weight nothing will HIDE IT! BE HAPPY ADD COLOR…….it makes YOU SMILE and those around YOU! The only colors I see in CALIFORNIA are BLACK, GREY and DENIM. Even over the HOLIDAYS!!!!!!
IT’s a SAD state of affairs in our world TODAY and wearing DULL COLORS that have NO SPARK or LIFT only makes us SINK further.
Thats MY TWO CENTS!
XX
Yesterday, on a whim, I wore a cobalt blue long sleeved t-shirt (weird i even own one, ha) under my open black cashmere cardigan, black jeans and black booties with silver hoop earrings. To wear out for lunch with a girlfriend. I was surprised at how many folks complimented me on the color! Hmmm…maybe I should wear it more often, lol
Cobalt blue is divine… (especially with black). ?