Part-way through this morning, I found myself pondering what looks to be a “good day.” But why? And what does that mean? What constitutes a “good day?”
No doubt, the formula varies for each of us, and a good day 10 years ago isn’t the same as five years back — or possibly five days back. So how do you define a good day? Is it as straightforward as an easy commute to work, a hot date coming up on Saturday night, or your kids (or grandkids) doing well in school? Is your “good day” more nuanced, more elusive, more complex, more challenging?
“Good” Is Relative
It’s funny how “bad” times can color our perceptions of what we once considered utterly unworthy of special notice — health, work, relationships, finances, our living situations. And yes, of course, these are intertwined. One positive aspect of going through hard times, certainly for me, is the appreciation for those so-called little things — that “normalcy” that I had worked for, but nonetheless once took for granted — health, a good job, relationships, finances, “home” — all of which I see now as precious.
My good day? It starts when I wake after sufficient sleep to feel my brain percolating (with words!) and ready to rock ‘n roll. It nudges me into diligently doing back and leg exercises. It cranks me up with a steaming cup of French Roast and noticing only minor pain from my pesky (persistent) injuries (sigh) — and if minor pain is all I have to deal with as the hours wear on, then it is an extra-fine, amazing, A-1, awesome day!
What else?
Being able to tap-tap-tap my writing on my laptop through the morning and into the afternoon — once taken for granted — is so much more pleasant than speaking a significant portion of my words into an iPad and then typing the rest. That was how I had to work for months thanks to my bum shoulder. Being back on my usual keyboard may seem like a non-event to you, but to me? It’s glorious.
Getting Things Done
I always love a day in which I accomplish tasks — and if I need to push myself, all the better; I am a person who doesn’t do “idle” very well. I much prefer spinning dreams and chasing them, setting goals and attacking them.
Reasonable, responsible acts of self-care are also accomplishments of a sort — those morning exercises, sticking to a healthy eating regimen, taking a walk even if the weather is iffy, taking the 10 minutes (max) to put a little makeup on…
All of these — okay, maybe not the makeup — are each, in a way, accomplishments.
Tending to emails makes the list, too, though I now intentionally take one day a week, sometimes two, away from nearly all forms of social media. This is a different type of discipline (and achievement), which has had a noticeably positive impact on my sense of well-being.
A Smile? A Laugh? A Kindness?
A few more factors to keep my day on track: Human interaction puts a smile on my face, from the serendipitous encounter to an evening chat on the phone with a friend. And if laughter is on the conversational menu — or if I catch Stephen Colbert’s monologue — the effects are fantabulous!
Besides, laughter is good for our health. And, it works the abs. How great is that?!?
Sue at High Heels in the Wilderness recently wrote about kindness, civility, and respect. Do stop by and read her post. She highlights the critical role that kindness plays and what a difference it makes in our lives. (I certainly know that when I’m on the receiving end of kindness, like the day of my unanticipated Emergency Room adventures, it’s a good day. And at least as important — a day on which I can render a kindness.)
Giving — being there for someone else — is not only an act of generosity. It is a gift we bestow on ourselves. Sue’s experience reminds me of that.
Straight Talk on Being “Real”
So where does the concept of happiness fit into this picture? Must we be “happy” to experience a good day? Is happiness what we should strive for? What about other aspects of our values or character that cry out to feel fully inhabited? What if instead, those aspects of ourselves are partially ignored or utterly denied? Don’t we feel good when we’re true to who we are? Isn’t it a strain when we’re not?
Personally, I don’t often think about happiness, though I have mused on our pop-culture preoccupation with its pursuit. On the other hand, I’m well aware of joy in my life, and likewise, the extent to which integrity and intellectual challenge are core elements of who I am and what I choose to target as objectives and activities.
Is this an odd mix? An odd mix to bring up? Maybe… except… When some aspect of the work I’m doing (for pay or not) doesn’t feel real or meaningful, I struggle. I don’t do well with inauthenticity.
When I can’t be honest (or write honestly) about what’s going on in my life, or issues I care about, including when things are challenging, I also struggle.
I struggle to feel good about what I am getting done. I don’t see my output or myself as good enough. And then I have to claw my way back to feeling good about my skills, my work product, myself. I am only leveled when I’ve returned to my value-based foundations.
Oh, the Blur Years! Let’s Hear It for Purpose and Meaning
During the pressure-cooker years of juggling contract jobs, projects, and raising two sons, I had little bandwidth for thinking about anything but getting through the day, taking care of my boys, paying the bills, and dropping into bed. Those years are a blur; a “good day” was an uneventful day — no kid drama, no ex drama, no client issues. What I did consider, frequently: purpose and meaning.
Whatever was going on then, I had a reason to get out of bed. Raising my children was both my purpose and my meaning. Purpose and meaning are not the same, of course; for example, dragging ourselves to jobs we loathe every day may be motivated by purpose (financial survival), yet devoid of meaning. Dictionary.com defines meaning as:
the end, purpose, or significance of something
Something of significance. Something that matters. Something we can feel good about, right? In the case above — common enough — the fact of providing for our families (a crappy job) takes on the meaning that we desire.
And, purpose is defined as:
the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
A reason for being. A sense of our own significance in a world that can, at times, diminish our very humanity. One of the most challenging aspects of Empty Nest is replacing the responsibilities of being a parent — so all-encompassing at times — with something that feels like it matters as much.
Ugh. Blocked.
Among my most terrible days?
Over the past year and a half, grappling with enormous change — a period of major transition that wasn’t going well — I couldn’t write my way out of a paper bag. Sure, I blogged a little, but very little. And I didn’t feel good about any of it. The fact that I couldn’t write felt like I was living in a wretched fog, or perhaps the fog was why I couldn’t write. No words would come. None I could stomach. None of any value. None I could feel good about.
Then I got lucky. Offsetting those bad days were surprises — editing two (fascinating) books, connecting to a wonderful alumnae network, and eventually moving to a place where I can imagine feeling at home, someday.
My writing? I don’t know where it is, what it is, or what I want it to be. I don’t know if I can continue to make a living by it, and that worries me. But at least I’m interested in courting and corralling words again, and that feels like progress.
Our Good-Day Goals
I confess: A good day just may involve wearing sparkly shoes, even if it’s only while I sit at my laptop. However…
At each stage in life, our goals change. For me, now, a good day is as banal as being able to take a walk, do the dishes, fold the laundry. It is as simple as enjoying the process of working through a few thoughts as I am now, comfortably parked at my laptop.
Beyond good days, an excellent day means spending time with one or both of my sons. For that matter, a phone call or message can do the trick. But my young men, dearer to me than anything else in life, and my “purpose” for more than 20 years, cannot be the entire story. I’m searching for a new, renewed, or rejuvenated purpose. And it must have meaning.
Like so many other women over 50 (or over 60), I must also continue to earn my way and pay my bills. And I’m not willing, not able, and not ready to retire; life is still calling. And I hope, with many more good days.
What is your concept of a good day? How has it changed? Is it hard for you to fess up to your tough times when they’re happening? Are you trying to balance making a living with doing something “meaningful?”
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You know the famous New Yorker cartoon with the dog at a keyboard, saying, “on the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.” Well, on the Internet nobody knows you’re 50 or 60. And thank goodness we have women like Nancy showing the value of experience. Results are what matter. The problem is when idiots are judging the results and they can’t spell and don’t understand nuance. As is the fashion these days.
As for happiness, I say F*&^ it. Contentment is my java. Kind of the opposite of happiness. Happiness is all about good thing happens and I get immediate boost. It could be a raise, praise, retail therapy, food therapy.. Contentment isn’t about any particular event but a slow accumulation of appreciation. It requires a certain awareness of one’s privilege–being grateful for living in a country with mod-cons, for example, or appreciating one’s family, who rarely cause happiness yet who make life worth living. That may be the best way to distinguish the two–the family test. Long term over short term.
You’re a good writer, DA. The more I read, the more I realize that good writers are rare. I hope you are spending an hour a day on a book or something. If you want a writing challenge, I’m in. Let’s do it.
I like Joy rather than Happiness as the test of a good day. Joy can be for the smallest of actions or the culmination of many. Happiness seems to be an overall feeling that comes and goes.
Like Taste of France I love your writing and look forward to your “musings”
You know, one of my favourite brainstorming exercises that I’d do with my writing classes when I was teaching came from a Natalie Goldberg book. I’d ask the kids to think about a time when they were “completely happy.” Then we’d do a storytellers circle, and the kids would each tell about their “moment.” It always amazed and pleased me how diverse the stories were. And not many of them were about trips to Disneyland. My all time favourite was the one where a boy described Saturday morning “grocery day” when he and his little brother would loll on the living room floor wrapped in their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sleeping bags watching cartoons and waiting for their mum to come through the door with all kinds of goodies. The anticipation, he said, was wonderful. You gotta love that, eh?
P.S. Thanks for the link. xo
A GOOD DAY is EVERY DAY we can get OUT of BED and enjoy FOOD and our surroundings!
Health really is EVERYTHING as I am learning…………..
I’m slowing down faster than I want to be!
XX