Yesterday’s televised hearings with Doctor Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Did you watch? Did you listen? Were any minds changed? Was that even possible?
Personally, I was heartened, saddened, and angered yesterday. Of course, this is the morning after and the day is young; I am not optimistic about the proceedings to follow. I am not optimistic that we will ever see a time when “consequences” (for perpetrators) follow women speaking out about the sexual violence they have endured.
Who do we believe? Do we have “proof” of what did or didn’t occur more than three decades ago? Must politics overshadow the logic of a few days of independent investigation? Even the American Bar Association has called for a delay to gather more information.
Listen. I have sons. I would never want their lives destroyed by allegations rather than evidence. However, a real investigation could put all of this to rest. Or certainly move us far closer to a common truth. Is this really who we are? Has the Washington Reality Show tainted every aspect of federal government and our increasingly friction-filled daily interactions?
Have women made any progress since the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas drama in 1991?
Women keep the indignities they endure to themselves. We keep the indignities we endure to ourselves. Yesterday, listening to Dr. Ford tell her story and so deferentially respond to questions, I found myself in tears, at moments shaking as images in my own life flooded back, and awed at her poise.
I am reminded of this story — of date rape. Of a woman’s silence, to this day. I am reminded of my own stories — none so terrible as that — but frightening and unforgettable, and yes, life-altering. Not only will I never forget the fear, but more than anything, I will never forget the pervasive powerlessness that I felt. That too often, as a woman, I still feel.
Each of us chooses the time, place, and confidantes we share with… if ever. Some of us manage to bury memories with the passage of years, or at least, blur them around the edges though the incidents themselves remain searing.
As for the hearings that we witnessed on our screens or listened to on our devices, I am appalled that we may stop at what is plainly a proceeding of pretense and obfuscation. We know there is more evidence to be had. We know that a few days or a week could provide more detail so critical to this process of elevating a judge to a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court.
I am ashamed of this country. And this isn’t the first time that I have felt this way in the past two years. And that, perhaps more than anything, saddens me. Because I also love my country, and I know that we are better than this. We are all so much better than this.
I’m curious… Man or woman, do you have a story of sexual indignity or sexual assault that you’ve never told out of shame, embarrassment, or conviction that you wouldn’t be believed? How did yesterday’s hearings impact your impressions of how far we have come — or not?
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I am a woman. Twice as a child and once as an adult I was powerless against another’s sexual advances. One situation I told immediately, and was believed – the perpetrator was a stranger. The second I didn’t share until two decades later because the perpetrator was a family friend and I felt a loyalty conflict. I was believed. As a young adult, I didn’t realize that what happened in a work situation was harassment. I’m thankful for an employer who identified it as such, reported it and reassigned me so that I no longer worked with the perpetrator. I do not believe there were any consequences for the perpetrator.
What a mess we have created and I’m not confident that truth can be known.
Thank you for speaking up, Missy, though I am so sorry that you have had to live through this. Indeed, what a mess.
Yes. I have a story. 36 years ago. And I remember every detail.
Thank you for commenting, Maureen. Did you ever speak of it?
I, too, have a story. But, I don’t speak of it. It opens up the hurt and fear. I can’t cope with that, so I keep it to myself.
I think that if each of us asked each woman personally at our workplaces whether they had ever been sexually assaulted that there would be a near 100% hit rate. Not every man is a perpetrator (I have three sons and all of this worries them greatly) but almost every woman alive is victim. What are we going to do about this? ( #metoo incidentally x 6 occasions. So ‘normal’…)
Yes, I, too, have a story which I’ve kept secret for 33 years. I kept it secret because I truly thought I was to blame since I had put myself in a vulnerable situation.
I never told my story until yesterday. I spent the day with a good friend. She also had a story she had never told.
It’s so crazy that we blame ourselves.
I’m sorry you too have an experience Lunaboogie, but glad you were finally able to speak about it.