One fabulous lover. (I’m not greedy. One will do.) One soaking tub at the ready (with bath bubbles). A small glass of wine, stories of mischief to relate to my grandchildren, and shelf after shelf of books to read — thus preventing me from ever growing bored.
This was once my fanciful fantasy of aging. No, not with a Cruella DeVille cigarette holder in hand, and preferably not in need of a (faux) fur while I am indulging… And yes, my concept of aging has “evolved” though I cling to consistent contemplation of a few pretty pairs of heels to slip into on occasion.
Where?
Paris, of course, to enjoy a gallery opening and schmooze en français with friends.
All fuzzy outerwear aside, in my aging fantasy, I also have perfectly toned arms and precociously perky boobs, as well as a smattering of fine lines and cute crinkles rather than a more crevasse-crumpled look. Most importantly, my smile still engages and my mind even more so.
Those pesky aches and pains? They’re much more easily dismissed in good company. As for that good company (in addition to my amorous admirer), I’ll conjure up a bevy of brilliant, baudy, bodacious Boomer babes to hang with, talk with, and have PJ parties with — possibly over takeout Chinese and a good Merlot. All very Sex and the City, senior style.
And last but not least, in my imagined LOL (Little Old Lady) future, my brain cells would continue to enable me to do something meaningful and productive.
Now, reflecting on the image above, personally, I don’t smoke, but I do so love the elegant eccentricity, the carefree confidence, and the playfulness presented. And much as I will muse on fantasy foibles and gravity-defying physical traits, thing is… I don’t want to be invisible, I don’t want to be useless, and I do want to be stalwartly exploring, learning, and interacting in the world.
When we hit a certain stage in life — 40, 50, empty nest — we may all envision the way in which we hope we will grow old, gracefully naturellement, but reality has its own ideas and it is up to us to do the best we can with that reality. For instance, I never imagined financial insecurity or difficulty affording a physician for the most innocuous of maintenance… Then again, I am certainly not alone in this, unfortunately. Nor did I imagine myself more politically activated in my older years than ever in my 20s or 30s.
Life, as we all know, is full of surprises — some good, some lousy, some offering opportunities to see just what we’re made of. But remember: Necessity is the mother of invention, right?
For many of us, reality rolls out challenges we never anticipated — losses and obstacles — or challenges we may have planned for as a one-off, but that hit with such speed or frequency or ferocity that we simply cannot accommodate them. Still, we can hope, think outside the box, reach outside the box, and work towards our best possible responses to whatever life dishes out.
I will grant you that it is harder to do at 55 than 45, at 65 than 55, and so on. Then again, that depends on our individual stories and circumstances, not to mention where we reside. And, some of us are more accustomed to pushing boundaries than others — mental, emotional, physical, societal.
So… if we can use a little bit of introspection, common sense, along with a willingness to take calculated risks — and to be honest about who we are and where we are — maybe faith in ourselves and the future will not be misplaced. Particularly if a wee bit of luck kicks in from time to time, and if we can locate our laughter.
Luck and laughter?
Both are MIA periodically. Certainly in my case. Sometimes, patience helps the former (and trying not to lose heart). The latter? What helps me find that laughter?
Well, there’s Stephen Colbert. But even better — my pretty pumps are waiting in the wings, I sure do like my fantasy, and I grin whenever I consider it.
Now, come clean, let’s hear what your aging gracefully fantasy is like. And don’t worry if it sounds silly. After all, who’s to know? It’s just between us.
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I have one rule: Don’t be a burden to my kid.
Obviously the more I’m fit and active and healthy the less I’ll be a burden. Win-win.
I haven’t had time to think about any kind of fantasy, much less one about aging gracefully. I have been too preoccupied dealing with (and most often working to change) what is going on in the world today.
I get that. It’s part of why I am writing less, and feel like I am aging faster. All the more reason for a little fantasy now and then to reinforce resolve to keep up the good fight!
🙂
You are right about needing a little fantasy now and then. I appreciate your gently reminding me that I need to lighten up more often and that fantasizing can help me do that. Okay, I do have a fantasy of aging: to live, as the U.S. founders intended, in a country whose chief executive articulates, and whose administration is guided by, the ideals of democracy, human rights and equality. (My current reality, by contrast, is living in a country whose chief executive is exemplified by his (impetuous) refusal, at the June G-7 conference of the world’s leading industrialized democracies, to sign a joint statement endorsing the “shared values of freedom, democracy, the rule of law and respect for human rights and our commitment to promote a rules-based international order.”)
I’m nodding, I’m nodding, I’m nodding. (And I just finished drafting a little something for tomorrow. I think you may find yourself nodding. Sometimes I think sanity depends upon an odd mix of very real (decent) human moments and mind magic — not magical thinking — that we perform on ourselves. To good ends, hopefully.)
Love this whole perspective, D.A. The image is catching—because of the happiness. A smile is a woman’s best accessory no matter what age. Heels and Paris, of course go together like perfection.
🙂 🙂