Three pots of coffee. (Really!) Too little sleep. (Again!) Running late, running ragged, running your mouth. It’s all very Lisa Rinna. (Did I really just say that?) Some days, you hear yourself babbling and blathering and you wish you would, you wish you could, you know you should… Just. Stop. Talking.
After the fact, you’re chiding yourself. You vow to detach mouth, side-step tongue, set your smile and apologize… briefly!
Sometimes, yours isn’t the mouth that’s rattling on, and you find yourself unable to get a word in edgewise. Maybe in a meeting, maybe on a date, maybe as your spouse vents for an hour about his lousy day…
So how do you interject? How do you get someone to make some space for a comment? If this isn’t an everyday occurrence, should you just let them babble away? What if chattering incessantly is undermining the relationship?
One very dear, very old friend loves to run on when we chat. All I have to do is say “how’s it going” and… she’s off to the races! For a good 20 or 30 minutes, it’s all I can do to interject an acknowledgment. An intermittent uh-huh, oh really, no kidding, go figure…
There are days when it seems less than respectful. There are other days when I am amused. And more often than not, I tune it out. None of these is ideal communication between friends.
Broaching the subject gently, or as gently as possible? Or interrupting, at times abruptly, when I really have something to say? Yes, I try. What follows is an improvement for a short period of time, and within a few weeks, a return to the previous style of conversation.
And if the problem is yours? And you’re struggling to do better?
Make yourself signs. HUGE signs. Posters! Post-its! Use pens, pencils, permanent markers. Write: Stop talking. Take turns. Take a breath! Listen carefully.
Eventually (you hope), you’ll reap the benefits.
And if that doesn’t do it, there’s always this… Stuff a sock in it! Slap your hands over your mouth! Whatever it takes…
Just. Stop. Talking.
Look. Sometimes, we’re under stress. We’re angry, we’re hurt, we’re anxious… we’re trying to stay awake! So we run our mouths.
Sometimes, our talking can be calming to someone else; we’re working our words to comfort someone who is stressed, who needs distraction, or who is himself uncomfortable talking.
On an exceptional basis, all of us can monopolize air time on the phone, Skype, or our conversational devices. Personally, I find it’s easier to read the signs of overdoing it when you’re sharing space, though certainly, plenty of people are oblivious even face-to-face.
But All Talk All The Time??? Don’t you find it drives you crazy?
When I do it and I can’t seem to stop?
That’s a clue that I need to eat, sleep, or see people (!!!)… and one of those three options will manage my motoring mouth.
Does this happen to you? Can you feel yourself running on? Do you have a friend, a spouse, a parent, a co-worker… who does this so much you just can’t bear it?
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We have one of those in the family. On meeting anyone, he will immediately launch into a detailed description of some occurrence on which you have no shared history, and will smoothly segue from one subject to another as long as you share space. Sometimes you have to observe and marvel – “How does he do that?” In the meantime you have to work at shifting the conversation to the needs of the moment or something you have in common.
At first glance it seems a little narcissistic, but after consideration I don’t think it’s that, as the obsession with self isn’t present otherwise. It seems more like a case of a social blind spot, coupled with an intense need to connect. Since I have experienced each of those at one time or another (as I suspect most have), it makes it much easier to understand.
Plus, many times I am thankful for people who take the conversational initiative. Someone has to do the work and assume the small risks of starting a conversation from scratch, and if we end up in a place that is mutually agreeable, then I’m happy it wasn’t me.
Conversational initiative. That’s a great way to phrase it, Robert.
When I find this happening, I realize I haven’t had (adult) interaction in too long!
Yes!