• Home
  • About
  • Around
  • Contributors
  • Applause

Daily Plate of Crazy

  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Love
    • Marriage
    • Divorce
    • Life After Divorce
  • Parenting
    • Advice
    • Babies and Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • College Kids
    • Single Moms
    • Older Moms
    • Dads
    • Family Dynamics
    • Money Matters
    • Work-Life
  • Health
  • Sex
  • Women’s Issues
  • Fashion & Style
    • Chaussures
    • Fashion
    • Style
    • Lingerie
    • Interiors
  • Culture
  • More
    • Art Art Art
    • Business
    • En Français
    • Entertainment
      • Mad Men
      • Mad Men Reviews
      • Real Housewives
      • Movies
      • Celebrities
      • Work of Art Reviews
    • Flash
    • Food & Recipes
    • Lifestyle
    • Morning Musing
    • Starting Over
    • Technology
    • Travel
    • Women and Money
You are here: Home / Relationships / What Men Want

What Men Want

November 21, 2014 by D. A. Wolf 2 Comments

After recently musing on what women want, how could I resist seeking Google’s assist on what men want? More precisely, I was curious to know about what men want in a relationship.

Man Raising His Glasses ThinkingClarifying further, I anticipated that the results would be “what men want” as written by women – for women.

To my surprise, searching for “what men want” led me to this: what men want… in a wife.

Seriously? Are we still so traditionally inclined? Are young women trying to understand – first and foremost – what it takes to get married? Hello 1962. Or maybe I should say… 1952. Third option: I could be scandalously out of touch with what most women desire, perhaps because marriage was never top of list when I was younger, and nor is it top of list at this stage in life.

Here is my quick illustration of what happens when you enter “what men…” – yes indeed, we will note the search terms fill in “want in a wife” followed by what men want in bed, followed by what men “secretly” want. (We’ll get to that another day. And in case you’re wondering, my recent scouting turned up female secret desires as well. I can only imagine our secrets mesh, just as male and female sexual fantasies have much in common.)

What Do Women Think Men Want From Love?

Google What Men WantAlthough I fully intended to pursue all areas of relationship – naturally, I was curious to see what gems I might unearth that make men happy in bed – I was stopped in my tracks by a summary on Huff Post.

It was well placed in the results for “what men want in a wife.”

Specifically, it lists the reasons men marry, culled from an admittedly unscientific source that nonetheless provides interesting fodder. I admit – I was fascinated.

But after fascination came dismay, as I concluded that we’ve made very little progress in being realistic about marriage. Among other things, our premarital vision of family is totally idealized – wife as best friend forever, and as usual, there is no indication of awareness that kids are hard on marriage.

Men: As Idealistic as Women?

As excerpted from Huff Post – the notion of building family with the person you love is unabashedly romantic:

I want a legal document that will tell the world that she is my family…

Ditto on sentiments like this:

I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with someone who I love and who loves me back.

Are these very young men? Men who have never married and divorced? Reddit (the originating source) is hardly known for its moderate tone in these matters. And while there were some arguably cynical (albeit truthful) remarks – the various benefits that exist when one is legally married – overall, as I allowed the predominant expression of idealism to sink in, I found myself sad for the inevitable realities that will hit if and when these men do marry.

They’re in for a bit of a shock.

Commitment Through Rose-Colored Glasses

While the Huff Post list doesn’t explicitly address what men search for in a wife or what they expect from marriage itself – two enormous topics – it leads me to conclude that men may enter into a first marriage as exquisitely and woefully ill-prepared as women.

Case in point: this quote, which is wildly naive in an era of rampant divorce:

“… Marriage is a promise that we’ll be together for life. Most of my acquaintances have a fair-weather relationship. If things get shitty for them, I’m not there. And in turn, if things get shitty for me, they won’t be there for me. Marriage is a promise that you’ll be there for each other even when things are shitty. Furthermore, it’s one that you’ve made in front of your family and the world, so you’re more likely to work to keep it.”

Couple ArguingBut for half of us, that isn’t the case. Or am I interpreting in too simplistic a manner? I can’t help but think of the reasons people don’t marry, and among them, fear of divorce.

So how do we reconcile this contradiction – that marriage is forever – though half of us divorce?

What Men Want in a Wife

Even Forbes got in on the conversation, with this column which dates to 2010. Jenna Goudreau reports on a study of Top 10 Traits Men Want in a Wife. They include: a desire for home and family, good health, good looks, education and intelligence, and dependability – as in “trustworthy, faithful and reliable.”

Also near the top is a “pleasing disposition.”

I found this interesting, on the item “ambition and industriousness:”

Despite the pervasive stereotype that men are intimidated by ambitious women, men rank this trait ahead of others like refinement, being a good cook and having similar religious backgrounds.

And apparently the importance of physical attractiveness has been moving up.

Values and Character

As I scan the Forbes list above, I see issues of values as well as of character. I recognize the extent to which feeling as though your life partner is in your corner remains a hallmark of what we expect in a committed relationship. And I conclude again that men and women are not as far apart as we sometimes believe.

Family ValuesBeyond basics, are we dealing with luck? Why are skilled at negotiating the bumps along the relationship road – learning to reconcile differences and manage them well – while others are irretrievably derailed?

At what stage do we position ourselves to supplement our idealized views with greater insight into what the other person wants and needs, what we want and need, and how we’ll make it work?

What We Want… The Second Time Around

Surely, what we want in relationships changes when we’ve moved past our youthful experiences, moved past a starter marriage, or muddled our way through a divorce – with or without children.

In the many years I dated following the end of my marriage, it was clear to me in talking with men that they were looking for something different from the “first wife” – generally younger, frequently “simpler,” and otherwise more compatible on some measure of interests, profession or outlook on life.

And yet, aren’t “what men want” and “what women want” similar in that most of us wish for a long-lasting structure that brings out our best selves, that lends support in the storm, and provides celebratory warmth for the good times we’d like to share?

With or without the legal benefits – some of us call that arrangement “family.”

 

You May Also Enjoy

  • What Women Want
  • Why People Don’t Marry
  • When a Couple Wants Different Things
  • Does Marriage Kill Passion?

 

FacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmailFacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: family, Love, marriage, men and women, pop culture, Relationships, society

Comments

  1. Curtis says

    November 27, 2014 at 12:30 am

    Kindness, a quality more rare than most realize or are even aware of.

    Reply
    • D. A. Wolf says

      November 27, 2014 at 5:16 am

      Thank you for reminding us, Curtis. Kindness is too easily forgotten, and so important in any good relationship.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow Us

FacebooktwitterrssinstagramFacebooktwitterrssinstagram

Search Daily Plate of Crazy

Subscribe for Your Daily Serving

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Categories

Archives

Recent Comments

  • TD on What’s Cookin’?
  • Renee on Narcissism. Manipulation. Keeping Score.
  • Anonymous on Does Effort Matter If You Don’t Get Results?
  • D. A. Wolf on Mantras
  • D. A. Wolf on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Marty on When You Marry a Loner
  • Tina on Would You Brag About Your Age?
  • Sal on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Open More Doors If You Want More Skills - 3 Plus International on Open More Doors If You Want More Skills
  • Leonora C on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Maree on Mantras
  • kate on DON’T Call Me Dear!

The Makeover Series

Daily Plate of Crazy: The Makeover Series

Essays From Guest Writers

Daily Plate of Crazy: Essay Series

Daily Reads

Daily Plate of Crazy Blogroll

Follow

Follow

Notices

All content on this site, DailyPlateOfCrazy.com, is copyrighted by D. A. Wolf unless copyright is otherwise attributed to guest writers. Do not use, borrow, repost or create derivative works without permission.

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025. All Rights Reserved.

Parlez-vous francais?

Daily Plate of Crazy: En Français

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025
All Rights Reserved

Daily Plate of Crazy ™

Privacy Notice

Popular This Month

  • 50 Years old and Starting Over
  • Best Places to Live When You're Over 50 and Reinventing
  • When the Person You Love Is Emotionally Unavailable
  • When a Couple Wants Different Things
  • How to Comfort Someone Who Is Stressed

Food for Thought

  • Why I Choose to Think Like a Man
  • When You Marry a Loner
  • Emotionally Needy Parents
  • Sex vs. Lovemaking: Why Are We So Confused?
  • Think Looks Don't Pay?
  • Rebranding Mediocrity: Why Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This site uses cookies for the best browsing experience. By continuing to use this site, you accept our Cookie Policy.
Cookie SettingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT