I have a seemingly odd question, and here goes. Do grown women scream at each other?
Sure, I have yelled at my kids and I’m not proud of it. The teenage years were the worst, and emotions ran high out of worry and fatigue.
I have screamed at my ex and he has screamed back. That was at the very end of our marriage when divorce was in process. I can’t say I’m proud of that behavior either.
Personally, I don’t know any women who raise their voices beyond what you might expect of a spirited argument. I have also never known women to scream at each other – not in high school, not in college, and not in the years of spending time with professional women, other mothers, and those whose communities are not as readily categorized.
Reality TV. Why Watch?
However, to watch reality television – yes, I know, my first mistake – adult women are prone to emote frequently, loudly, rudely, and with flailing arms, contorted expressions, googly eyes, and all of it in… naturally… designer dresses.
And… They seem especially fond of fighting (ferociously!) at public events, apparently to maximize the inappropriateness quotient.
I must confess. I did indeed watch the season opener of Real Housewives of New York last evening, which explains this momentary preoccupation. And later, while editing a document, I caught a past episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Like I said – GWSS. Grown Women Screaming Syndrome.
This is something other than factions of women engaged in counterproductive in-fighting, thus diminishing whatever cause or point they’re trying to support. That’s bad enough.
This is more than the occasional stress-induced fit that is triggered by some dreadful incident, sleepless nights, or possibly a lack of prescribed meds.
Certainly, these scenes are fueled by alcohol consumption (or so it seems), possibly combined with another contemporary pop culture phenomenon, CCRS, Crazy Cast Retention Syndrome, a set of circumstances exacerbated when cameras are rolling and drama is required to keep your job.
Playing into “Women are Shrill”
But must these characters scream? Must they play into the stereotypes of shrill and silly women? Can’t they argue without reaching such a fevered pitch?
The fact is, they don’t all take a turn (or twirl) bellying up to the Banshee Bar. (Thank you, Carole Radziwill, for managing not to raise your voice.) However, even when they aren’t screaming, they’re talking over each other or interrupting. They’re certainly not listening, which means they aren’t actually communicating.
You know. Communicating. Also known as: Message sender + message + message recipient = communication. Naturally, whatever is conveyed is open to some interpretation, but there is speaking (or signing or writing) involved in the sending, and listening (or reading or viewing) in the receiving.
But apparently not in Reality TV Land, though occasionally we’re treated to scenes in which they’re having fun and talking like sane adults. If only there were a smidge more of this… I’d need less Advil before bed.
Women Watching Our Mouths
As a woman, if I need to stand up and shout, I’d like it to be with a bullhorn or better yet a microphone, and in the service of a cause I believe in – not over some tiff, or swimming in the buff on vacation (regardless of age), and who sleeps with whom… as it’s no one’s business but the individuals involved.
I’d like to reserve my judgments for issues of greater concern than manufactured misunderstandings over perceived entitlement to the spotlight – or anything else up for grabs.
And here I am not only stunned at the decibel level these women attain, but the gossip levels among the varying Divas. (My friends and I don’t engage in that either). So why do I watch, you ask?
It’s mindless, diverting, and strangely relaxing – when they don’t shout – and “housewives” can actually help me get to sleep at night. Well, as ling as I turn down the volume.
For one thing, I adore seeing what the New Yorkers (especially) are wearing. I also love the interiors in their homes, and besides, I miss the streets of Manhattan. All that aside, they’re so crazy – as edited and presented on the small screen, that is – that I feel positively boring (and sane) in comparison! And what’s not to love about that?
Addressing the Age Issue, Again
As for some of the antics we see (and the “ladies” comment on), I will add that when women in their 40s and 50s socialize with younger men – anywhere from 5 to 20 years – it annoys me that other women feel compelled to make snarky comments. We all know that men enjoy the pleasures of younger women, much younger women, and no one so much as bats a false eyelash.
So… seriously, now… women pairing up with younger men is hardly shocking much less that unusual. So why are we, the women, perpetuating our own moralistic press? Why are we getting all obnoxiously judgmental?
Couldn’t we cease and desist on putting down the 40-something female with the 20-something male, especially when everyone is having fun and not looking to establish a “permanent” relationship? Hello? Real Housewives? Does anyone want to scream about that?
RHONY Images, Bravo screenshots
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I think you’re onto something here, D. As you know, I have a love-hate relationship with reality TV. (I’m currently off the Housewives, but I suspect that won’t last long; it never does.) I’m also a decided introvert who has a strong aversion to loud noises. I almost never yell at my kids or my husband. I can’t remember ever having yelled at someone I didn’t know well and love dearly. But I wonder if one of the reasons I am often fascinated by the Housewives is the window they offer into a shadow side of myself, a part that stays quiet when it really wants to scream? Is there something appealing about watching women let loose – warts, Botox, and all – that’s otherwise missing in our culture? Not sure, but I know you’ve got me thinking about it.
I’ve been thinking about this very thing as well. I admittedly watch a few *reality* shows….which is anything but reality….and have been struck by the level of inconsiderateness of just about everyone. Blame it on culture? Perhaps. But what does that say about how we’re going to raise the next generation? Gone seems to be the days of common courtesy and restraint. I’m concerned that this *mindless entertainment* may seep into the subconscious and become the new normal.
I have the same concern, Lisa. Less for those of us who are fully adult, especially, as Kristen says, perhaps there is a sort of vicarious “something” we get from the outrageous behaviors that we would never indulge in. Still, I wonder… We are also increasingly immune to these behaviors as if they were acceptable, which is, of course, the worry.
How are the housewives chosen? Do they audition? Do they take personality tests? Do the producers take them out for drinks to learn how they’ll behave while under the influence? All of the drama does make it interesting to watch, although I don’t watch the Housewives as often as I used to. Sometimes the screaming can get so annoying that I have to mute them 🙂
I sometimes watch T.V. at night, with the sleep timer programmed. I watch Investigation Discovery Channel. It is storytelling based on real crimes. What could be more relaxing?
My step-father is 11-years younger than my mother. You won’t hear any judging from me.
Yes we should stop being snarky about these age differences. Makes me want to SCREAM! 😉