Along a stretch of six-lane road that cuts through an eerily homogeneous commercial area, a marquee flashing on the side of a small building catches the attention of those not speeding, those not searching out the closest Walmart or Target, those who slow at the intersection.
Its lights pulse brightly:
Any weekend regrets?
Full STD testing.
And then:
Don’t know what your teens are doing?
Bring them in for a drug screen.
I tell myself: This could be anywhere in America.
I tell myself: This is anywhere in America.
As I process the message and its worries we prefer to brush under the rug, I’m confused by its perplexing placement among the faceless shopping strips, the Starbucks, the white steepled churches filling on a Sunday morning.
I’m uncertain as to whether or not I see this is a good sign – in any sense of the word.
I’m stymied by the implication that STDs could only result from thoughtless adult acts (that we regret), and I’m incensed at the concept of “bringing in” our teenagers if we don’t trust what they’re telling us.
Then again, parenting teens can resemble groping in the dark, or struggling for a foothold at the bottom of a deep well. And who doesn’t worry about kids and their judgment, when it comes to drugs?
Perhaps I find the marquee ridiculous because it seems surreal in this setting – small-time P. T. Barnum, in Anywhere, USA.
I run more errands a few hours later. I pick up a Times and Roma tomatoes, I stop near the Presbyterian church as the cop halts traffic to usher congregants across the expanse of lanes. I pass the CVS and the soccer field, the Popeye’s and the Publix. I lose the location of the sign altogether, and wonder if I imagined it.
- Any weekend regrets?
- Would you “bring in” your kids for drug testing, if you doubted what they were telling you?
Drug testing? At my age, the warning is that if the condition lasts longer than four hours, see my doctor.
Besides, I thought STD stood for “Carpe diem”: Seize The Day.
No? Shut The Door? Sirloin Teriyaki Dish?
Somehow, I think if I “have to” bring my kid in for drug testing; I may have another problem to deal with namely the question of open, honest communication. At the end of the day, each of us, adult or kid, has to wisely make our choices or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately some of those consequences are permanent.
Of course it stands for Seize The Day, Mr. Belle! Why didn’t I think of that? 😉
Along time ago I was told kids come back to what they learned the first 5 years of their lives.
My oldest daughter went through a horrendous adolescence, my son had crisis later between 18-20 and the youngest was eerily influenced by her older sister. Although my relationship with the girls is still “elongated or distant”, they are all 3 doing very well in their professional as well as private lives. They are 29, 26 and 24 years old respectively.
They have, indeed, not forgotten what they learned in their first 5 years. They have become the adults I had anticipated they would be…in most ways. Thank God.
Those first 5 years. They do seem critical don’t they. But so much can come undone later, if we aren’t careful. And sometimes, even when we are.
It sounds like you should be proud of your family, La Bergère.
I didn’t take mine in for drug testing when I knew he was doing drugs. What good would it do to know exactly which drugs were in his system? I did, however take him somewhere I thought would help find a solution to the problem. Drug testing would have been less expensive but not nearly as pro-active in solving the problem.
Excellent point, Cathy.
Interesting point you raise about STD’s and the assumption of weekend regrets. I confess, that wasn’t my first reaction. As far as the drugs go, I know too many people (including myself) that have had experiences with loved ones & drugs to assume that the problem is merely borne out of an inability to openly and honestly communicate. In those experiences, I have learned that one of the side effects of drug use is habitual lying.
I am not sure what would be accomplished by bringing one’s kids in for any testing – for drugs or STD’s – if it is against their will. That sounds like something that would cause anger and alienation. I am all for preventive measures, but I am not sure whether that would be productive. Every family is different, so I can’t speak for everyone.
I remember hearing a talk by Anna Freud once, who said it all boiled down to the first five years. I hope it’s true. I hope that a lot.
Part of me wants that to be true, and another part, not so much. Character is built in what follows. And so much more.
I’ve always thought raising teens was like herding cats or nailing jello to a tree. A challenge at best. I am all for drug testing for student athletes, but probably would not have taken my daughters in on a suspicion. If there was evidence of drug use, I’d like to think I would have tried to find the cause of why they were turning to that sort of crutch. But parenting is an inexact science. And peer pressure is oh so overwhelming at times.
Nailing jello to a tree… Lisa, that’s classic… Yes, peer pressure, no matter what we say or do or teach them. And of course, it’s the age of experimentation, and feeling as though you are immortal. A dangerous combination.
Taking one’s teen in for a drug screen, much like reading their email and text messages or searching their rooms for contraband, to me smacks of helicopter parenting and mistrust. Teens are adults in training and I feel need privacy and respect – we show it to help them learn it. They may make mistakes, experiment, that’s part of learning most of them don’t get into big trouble And I agree with Cathy above, although I haven’t had to face this personally yet, if I suspected drug use, a drug screen is not where I’d go for help.