My morning is greeted by an unexpected flurry of emails – all of which require immediate attention. I deal with them as best I can. Basically, I dispatch and defer.
I’m already dashing to a meeting, and if not for the urgency of the emails I wouldn’t have taken the time.
Stress!
I fill my travel mug with coffee and it begins to leak, so I opt for Plan B – a tall blue glass that will fit in the car’s cup holder. I top it with foil and a rubber band to prevent any spills en route – and it works!
The meeting runs over. A great deal over. I’m on a tighter than usual schedule today – one of my sons is due home tonight. I made one market run yesterday, but I need to stop at the local superstore to pick up paper products, snacks, O.J. and milk. I know the layout like the back of my hand, so it’s sure to be a breeze – except – they’re remodeling!
It takes twice as long to find my basics, and I feel my day spiraling down.
Sitting at a red light in unusually heavy traffic (I’m stressing, I’m stressing), I call my son to confirm our arrangements. He had given me an Estimated Time of Arrival, but instead of answering from the location where I expect him to be – he’s on his way to the airport already. It seems the flight information he gave me was off – (surprise, surprise) – and he’s due into town some three hours earlier.
Stress!
More Stress?
I rearrange my shuffling schedule in my head as I drive, and arriving home, I grab the now empty glass from the cup holder and set it on top of the car. Rats! It slides off and shatters – right next to my tire and yes, my foot. My nearly-bare-in-sandals foot.
Blue glass in shards – sparkling in the sun. But hey, no cuts, no blood – I got lucky.
Still – care to guess at the expletives which were uttered as I stood and stared? Care to imagine my anger (at myself), my new recalculation of time lost, and worry about how I could possibly maneuver my car out – so I can pick up my son?
We have a shop vac. It’s somewhere in the basement. I’m not strong enough to lift it – if I can even find it.
Stress, stress, stress!
I recognize my choices – continue to fly through my day, potentially causing accident after accident – or, stop, take a breath, imagine the worst case scenario, and reconsider everything relevant – in order to stop the spiral.
My Stress Runneth Over
A year ago, two years ago – I’m not sure I would have chosen wisely. Now? Something in me has changed. I’ve learned how to stop a spin, and redirect.
The leak in my coffee mug?
Out of my control.
The unusually heavy traffic this morning?
Out of my control.
The flurry of emails that required even a minimal response?
Likewise, though answering was a judgment call.
The meeting that ran over?
Out of my control.
Everything else?
Entirely up to me.
The worst possible scenario? Nothing dire. And the glass sliding off the car was the result of my rushing, and not paying attention. I knew that immediately – and it forced me to stop and assess.
Sanity Check?
I carefully back myself out of the broken glass, walk to the other side of the car, climb into the back seat and scoot the bags toward me. I carry the cold things inside, and put them in the fridge. Everything else?
It will keep.
Without a shop vac, the best I can do is pick up as much glass as possible while protecting my hands; I bring a heavy paper bag outside, and use gloves and paper towel to do just that.
Then I get back in the car and maneuver it here and there in the driveway, inch by inch, to distance it as much as possible from the area where glass remains. All I can do is hope that when I go out to pick up my son, I don’t inadvertently puncture a tire.
Inside, I sit. I eat. I drink water.
I put away the rest of my purchases, get laundry in the washer, and dinner defrosting.
Reality Check: Perspective and Priorities
I am not cut. The car is a fine. The world is not coming to an end. My son will be home early – and that’s great!
No stress.
Perhaps this is the secret to work-life balance. There is no balance per se; but there is reason, there are priorities, there are moments of centering and perspective.
I make a list of the absolute essentials for the next few hours – and hours are all that remains to my possible work day.
In the Real World, there are things we can control and things we can’t. There are choices we make and consequences we navigate. Accidents happen. The unexpected throws us off course. We can react, and reorient.
We can learn to stop the spiral.
- How do you handle those days when everything seems to spiral out of control?
- Have you learned to put the brakes on before things worsen?
When I am stressed, I am guilty of complaining. It’s true. Thankfully, not too many days spiral out of control. Prioritizing definitely helps…figure out what really matters and take care of that…let the rest slide (if possible).
Enjoy the time with your son!!!
Sometimes, as much as a PITA those shards of glass are, they’re a great reminder that we simply cannot go 100 miles/hour 24/7. Yes, we have our responsibilities, and we have our obligations, and we have our own desire to meet all of these demands. But things like that? Remind us that the world does not stop completely even if we fumble. And yay that your son is coming home and can hopefully get out that shop vac for you!
I’ll have to feed him first. 🙂
Serenity to accept what I can’t change.
Courage to change what I can’t accept.
Wisdom to know the difference.
I know I heard this somewhere . . . 🙂
Exactly…
(Now why hasn’t someone invented the Shop Vac in Petite?)
Before becoming a mother, I was pitiful when it came to showing resilience in these kind of situations. But now, with three little people and their whims to account for, these days seem more frequent and so I’ve learned by fire that crying and kvetching doesn’t usually help. I take that back: sometimes it feels good to let out a choice word or two, but then I’ve still got to find a way to get that Shop Vac out of the basement. 🙂
Here’s hoping that your son is now safely at home, has cleaned up the glass in the garage, and is now making you dinner! xo
He came. He talked. (We looked at cool drawings.) He took off with friends!
(Still looking for that shop vac.) 🙂
I try to build in buffers to my day so that the day does NOT spiral out of control – that whole ounce of prevention thing. In the mornings I’ve been getting up early to walk my dog down to a beach, and doing so is really good self care for me: a couple of miles outdoors, with a dose of nature in the middle, and exercise, helps the day go smoother. I also drink my coffee with Mark Nepo’s Book of Awakening, which contains breathing meditations, and I have noticed that days in which I get up early enough to do these two activities before leaving the house are days in which everything seems to go smoother in general. On the days when I think “just more sleep!” and get up later, it seems like the whole day feels off kilter by comparison.
But on the days when the stress spiral is out of control? (All the planning in the world can’t stop that sometimes….) I try to push the reset button somehow. Take out for dinner, skip some chores, or some kind of self care. Or go for a walk in the middle of the day; being outside seems to help, no matter what the weather or location.
If I can remember to take ten deep, slow breaths, that works wonders, too. But that one is harder for me, even though it’s effective.
Good questions – thanks for the reminders! And they DO have smaller shop vacs. I used mine to clean out the car today. 🙂 It’s on wheels, but even so, I can lift it no problem…you should check into it!
Such wonderful ways to keep things in perspective, Pollyanna.
(And I guess I’m going mini-shop vac shopping tomorrow at lunchtime!) 🙂
Oh My. This reminds me so much of a morning I had about 3 years ago when I was rushing rushing rushing. It was 7:15a and I had to get to the bus stop to get downtown for jury duty. I was overloaded with heavy stuff – the laptop, books and notebooks to study during my down time – and no free hands to hold the railing. As I hurriedly stepped off the top step of the front stairs, I looked at my watch and yelled out an expletive. I was late! and simultaneously I caught the toe of my new sandal on the top step. And fell.
If my daughter had not been at the bottom of the stairs to “catch” me ( we both ended up on the ground) I am sure I would have broken my arm or shoulder or hit my head on the aggregate. As it was, I badly sprained both ankles and the pain was as intense as childbirth except without the breaks between contractions. I was sure I had broken every bone in both feet. I had an ER visit, made my daughter late for school, worried everyone, made my husband miss a half a day of work, and missed jury duty. (right, but I had to make it up 3 months later!) all because I was rushing. I was in 2 walking boots for weeks and physical therapy for months. Even 2 months after I was sleeping with my feet on ice.
When I am stressed or feel rushed, I think of that morning. Then I slow down.
And whenever anybody goes down my front steps, even my family, I remind them to hold the handrail, go slow, and to be careful.
Oh, such a tough lesson, Lunaboogie. May we all pay more attention, and take a breath, and prioritize, and also ask for more help – so we don’t hurt ourselves (or others) in an effort to do too much!
Seriously… I thought this kind of day happened to me…ONLY! You lose your glasses, spill the coffee, can’t read the updated memo cause you lost your glasses, time is of the essence, lost my watch, my phone, my computer is on the fritz, caught the babies cold and feel like shit, missed the conference call cause I couldn’t find the time or the phone…GOING BACK TO BED!
I think it happens to all of us – when we’re rushing around! (I have no data to prove this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens to mothers a bit more, particularly when they’re juggling multiple kids, their crazy schedules, and the adult work-home agenda as well.)
I am reminded of another episode, years ago, when I was rushing eating breakfast just before leaving for a job interview. I spilled hot coffee grounds all over me and the freshly pressed clothes I was wearing, the floor and my cat. Off to the bathtub with a squalling cat to put her under cold water. Imagine what a mess that was, and it made me even more anxious about the interview.
I have had to learn the lesson over and over. But I finally got it.
I don’t rush. I think about things and I don’t over schedule myself and if something out of my control like traffic makes me late in the morning I tell myself that’s it’s better to be late than to kill myself trying to get somewhere. Life moves at its own pace and you can’t change it so all you can really do it remember to breathe and thank the gods for small miracles.
I remind myself that it could always be worse. And chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. And wine. 🙂
I find that I have to limit myself to three “events” a day on my days off. I find that if I do more than three “things”, errands, soccer games, choir practices, I could go on…
my day spirals out of control. Or maybe it’s my perspective. I also have to have time in the morning to myself even if it means getting up at 4:45 to get it. I also have to be outside at some time in my day to balance out. I have also just gotten into Yin yoga which has really boosted my energy in the mornings (when I can do this in the morning. If I don’t have time to myself in the morning, my day is totally off. Knowing your limits and being able to say no are lifesaving skills.
I know what you mean about that quiet time, Laura. It’s worth getting up before dawn for it, to orient for the coming day.
Years ago I was thrown into a crazy job that spiralled out of control on a daily basis (poor system, understaffing). I learned then that the best stress prevention was preparation. Since becoming a mother I’ve lost some of what I’ve learned, perhaps due to fatigue. But if I were to get enough sleep each night and prioritized 20 minutes each day to planning the week’s meals, organizing files, etc., life would be different. I do too much on the fly, and this does not help with stress as I’m always scrambling to get somewhere, find something, etc. Thanks for this post – an important wake up call!
I felt the angst of stress in a few periods of my life. My way to cope: Running outdoors, taking a deep, deep breath in outside, and saying to myself, “This too shall pass.” Very simple, but effective for me.