Done anything dumb lately? I have.
We all do.
I’ve run into walls – literally and figuratively – because I wasn’t paying attention when I should have been. (Yes, the multitasking thing.) I’ve driven to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, pressed for time, only to realize my wallet was on the kitchen table.
Personally, I’m generally not careless with money. But some of the men I’ve known and their pie-in-the-sky investments?
Talk about some dumb moves!
I could tell you stories about backing the Next Big Thing (only to have it go down the tubes), going in with buddies on a real estate venture (Swamp Land in You-Know-Where), and an assortment of other ways to put dollars where sense is called for instead.
But why do we do dumb things, and often when we know better?
Bad Judgment Juju
This is not to say that women don’t share in bad judgment juju. We date the same types over and over, wondering what’s wrong with them. We utter the same admonishments to our children as our mothers did, and we’re appalled to hear their voices come out of our mouths. And yes, women do dumb things with money as well, just as men are misguided in their relationships.
As for the classic that seems to apply to anyone, anytime, anywhere: We insist on what we want to believe instead of listening to our gut.
But why? Why don’t we listen to that inner voice that tells us to walk away? Why does it take so long to develop faith in that gut reaction, not to mention the value of due diligence?
Are You Nuts?
There’s a saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Perhaps those of us who repeat our dumb moves and our dumb arguments and our dumb lines aren’t insane, but we may be slow learners.
Or tired, distracted, or possibly stubborn. But maybe something else is going on.
I came across this article: Why We Do Dumb or Irrational Things. It features a number of psychological studies that deal with motivations and behaviors, including how smart people make dumb mistakes, and sometimes, repeatedly.
Why Smart People Do Dumb Things
So why do smart people do dumb things – especially when it comes to money and relationships?
Is it a matter of bad habits, psychological conditioning, or patterns embedded from childhood? Is it as simple as too much on our minds, and too little focus in making decisions?
I happen to think it’s all of the above, but I did nab this gem from another article I read:
Intelligence is not the same as rationality…
And strangely, that simple statement is exceedingly helpful. It reminds me to step outside of my head, look at patterns, and make conscious choices to change them.
Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I don’t.
My Dumb Moves (Plenty!)
My own dumb mistakes? I’ve made my share. Some of the doozies?
- Trusting the Universe. (So color me cynical!).
- Trusting the Divorce Industry. (Now color me a former innocent!).
- Trusting the sweet-talking suitor, the silver-tongued salesman, the colleague (or child) using an excuse as a “reason” when, in fact, it was an excuse.
- Believing that believing is enough to generate action. (I have come to learn that action begets action; putting your faith in Doing Nothing is a Losing Proposition.)
My Smart Moves (Lately)
Smarter?
- Saying YES to opportunities to meeting new people, yes to going out, yes to the good in all of us.
- Saying YES to my intuition, yes to new ideas, yes to creative collaborators.
- Trusting my sons to learn from their mistakes, and benefit from their growing independence.
- Listening to my body. Knowing my limitations. Respecting both, which doesn’t preclude expanding my horizons or taking a calculated risk.
Your dumb moves? Your smart ones? Your lessons in learning the difference?
© D. A. Wolf
“Intelligence is not the same as rationality.” I really love that. Unfortunately, I think rationality is much harder than intelligence. Rationality often means that we have to confront things we don’t want to. So many of our irrational (read: dumb) moves are the response of things we wish were true. There is a huge emotional component to rationality. Or, rather, there is a huge emotional component to irrationality. Getting those emotions out of the way, in order to clear the path to rationality, is a tall order. However, I think that understanding how we approach these things is a huge step in the right direction.
Really enlightening thoughts!
“Confronting things we don’t want to.”
That’s the obstacle, Gale. Yes. You nailed it.
For me there’s an inverse relationship between doing dumb things and getting enough sleep.
If I told you that I put my keys in the refrigerator this morning, might you be able to guess how well I slept last night? 🙂
Just smiling… Your logic is irrefutable. (And tomorrow’s location for the keys?)
Sometimes the smart move is not what we want and you feel like you are settling. Not speaking from experience or anything. 😉
I hear you, Cathy…
What feels good later turns out to be a dumb move — like sneaking in another episode of MadMen late at night (to get caught up in time for your much anticipated review of the new season) then walking away from the ATM without the cash half-asleep the next morning.
Eeek, Belinda! (Someone call Jon Hamm for a little consolation.) 😉
There is an engineering dictum to repeat when you make a dumb move, “good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement”. As for men and investments, we do it sometimes to pay it forward for investments made in us; this struck me this past weekend when I was sitting on the deck at my first supervisor’s home (gave me my first job 30 years ago!) signing over stock certificates for a startup that we both invested in with a young man that we worked with ten years ago. Even if I lost my money, I wouldn’t regret the investment; luckily things worked out.
You sound like a good friend, batticus. And I like your concept of pay it forward.
Derek Sivers has this fable on his website:
A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.
All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”
A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses.
All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”
One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.
All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.
All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”