By now, whether you’re up on pop culture or not, a fan of Reality TV or not – you’ve heard the sad news of 47-year old businessman Russell Armstrong, whose suicide is being discussed across the Internet. He was the estranged husband of “Real Housewife” of Beverly Hills, Taylor Armstrong, 40, and speculation has been hot and heavy as to what might have pushed him to such a desperate act.
The couple was in the process of divorcing, and in severe financial difficulty.
All it took was a few minutes on Twitter to see and hear the flow of supposition and, frankly, anger. There were those who are against reality TV and using this as an opportunity to bash it. Some were reacting to the accusations of physical and verbal abuse in his wife’s recent divorce filing. Still others jumped on the divorce bandwagon from another perspective, blaming Taylor’s filing for pushing him over the edge.
How can anyone who doesn’t know the couple make assumptions? And even those who know them – what do they really know of their private life?
In this case, we know only what we’ve seen on television and only what the gossip columns care to report. Would you like anyone to sum up and judge your life on so little?
(Far From) Reality
Is Reality TV “harmless” fun? Is it influencing our perceptions and values in insidious ways? Does anyone honestly believe that these edited episodes of so-called housewives represent their reality?
I don’t, which doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy certain of the franchises. I watch Orange County off and on, and New York, faithfully. New Jersey? No thank you. Atlanta? Not so much.
As for Beverly Hills, I watched from time to time, though it was painful to see this couple in an obviously strained relationship, and of course – there’s what went down with Camille and Kelsey. Personally, I enjoy the fashions, I have difficulty looking at stretched and Botoxed faces, and most of the drama is lost on me. It’s all very high school.
Over the top? Yes.
Reality? Seriously? Of course not.
Private Moments
Why anyone would put their family on display is a mystery to me. Ah yes – narcissism, money, self-promotion.
Would you do it?
Pas moi – thanks very much.
Whatever you think of Reality TV, who in their right mind thinks they know what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage? Why would a stranger or acquaintance or a neighbor believe they possess any insight into an intimate relationship?
Ever been married? Didn’t you put on your happy face for the kids and neighbors, the extended family, the business acquaintances – and divulge an inkling of your marital truth only to the closest confidante?
When divorce came knocking on my door, all were stunned. They had no idea of the inner dynamics in my household or marital relationship. And their suppositions (and free advice) were, to say the least, off base and distressing. A situation like this? Who are we to judge?
Watch What Happens
Any chance we can cool our jets on the speculation, and show some decorum?
- Can we respect those who are grieving, including two children?
- Can we also keep in mind that Armstrong left his considerable financial troubles to his (still legal) wife, Taylor, to deal with?
- Surely Bravo TV is not going to be so tacky as to air episodes showing us Taylor’s now dead husband?
As for the details, naturally we’ll be hearing more and consuming it. It’s a human interest story – or a car wreck we can’t turn away from. Still, I repeat: no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Stow the hate. Can the judgment. Find some compassion.
© D A Wolf
I completely agree. Also, I’m deeply troubled by the notion that someone filing for divorce gets the blame for another person’s suicide. I have never watched Real Housewives and didn’t know who these people were until I saw a headline yesterday, and even then I didn’t click through to read the article. So my knowledge is even more abridged than yours. But I will say this. Suicide is a hugely complex issue. This man’s death is the result of a complex myriad of factors, not just strained finances and a strained marriage. People face similar circumstances every day without taking their own lives. In situations like this when onlookers say, “But he seemed totally fine,” my response is always, “But he obviously wasn’t fine at all.” And this drives to your central point – we have no idea what other elements there are to this story.
I’ve been a fan of several of the Real Housewives shows, specifically Orange County and New York. I enjoyed DC but I think it’s been cancelled, probably for the best. I must admit, the recent seasons for OC and NYC have pushed me to my limits. I was disgusted by the NYC reunion shows. When Andy Cohen, always smiling and happy, has to scream SHUT UP over the screeching voices of Jill Zarin and Ramona Singer, then it’s gone too far. Andy and Bravo created a monster they can no longer keep tame.
Mr. Armstrong’s suicide is awful. Whether or not he was a good husband and father is irrelevant – to despair so much that you end your own life… the family he left behind… So sad. Such a loss.
I agree with you Andrea, about OC and NYC. What used to be entertaining is now, more often than not, embarrassing. And yes, I think Bravo may have created a monster.
Tragic, yes, what has just happened.
My pet peeve is when people assume that couples should stay together for the sake of the kids. It just implies such a low opinion of the parents. Most people I know that divorced with kids did so for the sake of the kids.
I hear you on this one. Marriage is so complex and so much more involved than the couple and even their kids. No one should presume to know which is the better path – staying or going.
I agree wholeheartedly. My only reaction to this news was how tragic it is for all involved, no matter the reason.
I have not watched any ‘housewives’ episodes. They just don’t appeal to me. I hate the thought of helping them to make MORE money just by watching their drama. However I understand the pull as I have been sucked into other reality TV.
I had read the article, however, about the suicide and had to read further to see who he was.
It hits home for me. I have seen too many suicides first hand. A neighbor’s 16 yr old son, A good friend and past colleague, and my own Grandfather who died a few years before I came into the world.
I am (as of this writing) reading both his and my grandmother’s teen and early marriage year journals and letters looking for answers. Suicide is such a personal thing. There can be so many reasons and so many questions left unanswered. It is also personal in the way that little is talked about and pushed under the rug. I and my cousins were told (until we had kids of our own or later) that my grandfather died in the war. Secrets in families may be created out of protection but they also leave an empty void.
I really feel for all involved in this mans life. Especially his kids.
It is something pushed under the rug, as you say. I also have a friend who is fortyish, whose mother took her own life a few years after being widowed. He did everything he could to help keep her afloat emotionally, but she never got over the loss of her husband and finally ended it. He found her. And he will never, ever be the same.
I knew someone else years ago whose father took his own life with a shotgun. The person I knew was only 17 at the time, and found his dad. It marked him for life in terrible ways.
We know that those who take this route must be in unbearable pain, but the wreckage they leave behind to others is considerable. I hope the media will treat this family as kindly as possible – as we should all treat the survivors of this sort of tragic end.
You nailed this perfectly, BLW. This is a sad, sad situation. I don’t watch the Housewives show but do watch my share of other reality TV and had personal experience in our family when a divorce was occurring and a brother in law ended his life. Although I believe that normally the suicidal person is using the event as a catalyst to push them over the edge, this is something that’s brewing for quite some time. Thinking of ending one’s life isn’t normally something that’s done without some forethought, though it seems that way to those of us left holding onto the memories of them.
And I love what you said about marriage. It’s ridiculous for anyone to think that marriage is easy or that anyone’s is “perfect” or anyone is divorce immune. I think, after my nearly 20 years, that it’s pretty much impossible.
As always, BLW, I’m grateful for your sane perspective on such an upsetting story. As you know, I do watch the Real Housewives (of various locales) and so am familiar with the way the Armstrongs’ marriage was portrayed on the show. Russell was certainly edited to look like a controlling, difficult man. (Is that who he really was? Who knows?) But it horrifies me to consider the ways in which his exposure to the limelight and the media’s prying eyes may have worsened his instability. I will be very interested to see how Andy Cohen and Bravo deal with the upcoming season.
I have never watched any of the Housewives shows – I tend to avoid “reality” shows, because what they portray is anything but reality. That people can be so desperate for money, for fame (or, in some cases, infamy) that they are willing to expose themselves, their families and their friends to the world in such an unreal way, to open the doors for the criticisms and the judgments, just amazes me. We are a world of voyeurs. And the truth is, as you said, no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. No one really understands our lives and our relationships, but they are quick to judge. It is sad.
Whether it’s John & Kate Plus 8, Survivor, The Bachelor(ette) or Real Housewives of somewhere USA, reality TV is anything but. I believe they all play to the camera and it ends up being very unreal…or surreal in some cases. The ones I can’t fathom are the ones that pull the rest of the family into the fray. It’s hard enough raising kids, why expose the dysfunction to the world? Suicide is always a tragic event, but I agree with Linda. His underlying problems were probably brewing for quite some time. People who choose this as a solution aren’t in their right mind. But you are right to say they leave wreckage behind for everyone else to endure. I wonder if they would do it again if they knew how much destruction their actions caused.