Spring, with its indefinable je ne sais quoi. And it has me thinking about taking risk, about lifestyle change, about romance.
Let’s be honest. Sex is accessible to most of us, if we really want it. But romance is a different story. It’s a matter of the heart, whatever your marital or parental status. It isn’t mechanical, it can’t be manufactured, but it can be helped along.
And who doesn’t need a little help now and then? I certainly do. It’s time to pull out the tips to remind myself how to set aside the single mother, and find the single woman.
As the weather warms flirtatiously – crocus poking out of the hard soil, and forsythia beginning to bloom – it’s time for me to reorganize my living space and my head space – to make room for romance.
Planning a sexy sleepover?
Sleepovers?
I’m not quite there at the moment. But I am working to renew my dating skills, which after the past few years of single parenting could use a little dusting off. This set of first-time sleepover tips from Divorced Women Online got me to musing this morning, offering suggestions that are useful whether you’re preparing for romance with a first-time lover, or your spouse.
And who couldn’t use a little heart-felt planning, before the throes of passion get out of… hand?
Getting your head into the romance game
I’ve begun small cleaning projects to de-clutter my living space. I’m going through my closet, assessing what stays and what goes. I’m trying on shoes… And all of this is part of getting my head in the romance game – paying attention to what makes my environment more conducive to thinking more like a woman, and less like a mother.
At the end of winter, my Romance Fitness is less than optimal. But I have a sort of mental checklist that includes physical fitness, my living space, my wardrobe, and most importantly – my attitude. After all, what if an occasional first date led to a second? What if a second led to a third?
At the moment, I’m convinced that I haven’t aged out of the dating market. So doesn’t it pay to be ready for romance – just in case?
Ten tips for romantic readiness
Does romantic readiness require heavy lifting?
The longer we fly solo and the older we get, the harder it can be to feel comfortable at the thought of dating, much less more intimate fare. But I believe that if we want something and don’t go after it, we’re damn fools – at any age.
I know I have a healthy heart – in all the ways that matter. And isn’t it an organ to be well-used, like any other? So here’s my personal list, for love or romance, because it’s time for that seasonal tune-up!
- Pump up the exercise. Whatever exercise suits your health and lifestyle, now is the time to get serious. For me – that means walking. It’s relaxing, energizing, and trims all the spots that could do with attention.
Eat healthy! When I eat better, I feel better. When I feel better, I feel sexier. When I feel sexier… Exactly.
- Sleep. It’s my nemesis and my savior. With kids and jobs and running a household, there’s no question it’s elusive. I know that sleep helps me feel better, look better, and not sweat the small stuff.
- Getting my house in order. While neat as a pin will never be possible in my home, neater is. I want a welcoming environment should I choose to invite a date inside… And I respond positively to my own interiors – to bright colors, heady fragrance, clean design – and less clutter.
- Fresh-cut flowers. Three to five dollars a week will do the trick. (Gentlemen, if you’re reading, bring your woman a flower!) For myself, I never feel guilty when I put a few blooms in a vase, and they always make me feel wonderful.
- Coming out of the closet. Yes, poking through the closet is a must. Finding what fits, what doesn’t, and what helps me feel sexy. I want the “good stuff” accessible – and naturally – that includes shoes.
- Going through the lingerie drawer. The right little silky something? Who doesn’t appreciate a bit of satin and lace that hugs the curves just so?
- Mirror, mirror on the wall? Yes, I assess the way I look – realistically, and in context. I’m not picking up cabana boys, and I’m not deluding myself into thinking I’m 35 any longer. I know my assets, how to show them to their advantage, and I’m grateful to still have a few!
- Voice and gesture. Think the sound of your voice doesn’t matter? Think again. A sexy voice on a man is delicious. Likewise, on a woman, along with the way you move, the way you carry yourself, and the way you gaze at a romantic partner. Don’t undersell these sensory cues.
- Attitude. Last but not least, we all know that how we look is important. But so are awareness of touch and scent, confidence in ourselves, and dispensing with the illusion that anyone is picture perfect. And there is pleasure in giving pleasure, as well as taking. Generosity of spirit never loses its appeal.
I’m reading, I’m reading. I’m going to try some of these on my wife. You really think she’ll go for the flowers?
Yes, Wolf. Flowers work wonders! (As long as your wife isn’t one of those women who think flowers means you were tending another’s garden… Not to worry. I think that’s mostly the case in Doris Day movies.)
Who knew romance could be so healthy. I say you go for it!
Another timely article, I have a coffee date with a woman I met during my volunteer work, she asked me out this week with a cute email, a pleasant surprise. Much better than online dating, I don’t have to worry about meeting a different person.
Ah yes. The coffee date… so much better when it’s au naturel, so to speak.
I think your romance fitness tips would work for just about anything. Tune up in progress over here!
Maybe so, Kelly! 🙂
And, the notion of preparing to be surprised, rather than expecting something — someone — particular or specific.
True seduction is perhaps the most romantic thing imaginable. Seduction should leave a beautiful memory, full of surprises and revelations for both partners. It should not be manipulation or obligation…that is not seduction. I didn’t seduce Fran into a relationship (I needed to be more forceful than that), but I did seduce her into marriage.