The weekend ahead is promising clear weather and productivity. Especially if I keep the Excedrin handy, along with my necessary comfort foods – breads and teas, and wonderful suggestions of other tasty stews and brews.
And I will add that I am entering the weekend’s tasks with something unexpected. Fourteen hours of sleep. Real sleep.
It’s a new day. A new outlook.
It’s hard to express the effects of cumulative sleep loss, especially when it’s long-term, and a recurring issue. At its worst, you feel as though you’re operating through a fog. You get done what you must – able to rally the forces where concentration is a matter of safety and fulfilling critical responsibilities. But beyond that?
Listening to your body
When you are sleep-deprived – seriously sleep deprived – you have the sensation that your limbs, your mind, your organs – they’re all screaming at you through physical and psychological barriers. They’re begging for relief, and chastising – often, and with increasing insistence.
The last thing you find yourself capable of is hopefulness (in a genuine fashion), or the ability to effectively multitask (much less, think clearly). And patience? For your own hampered capacities, and more importantly, for your children? Well, let’s just say you have to excavate to unearth its remains.
Sleep issues are an old foe in my life. I know how to manage around them; in general, I am adept at adapting to constraints,and finding alternatives. But at a certain point, the body simply refuses to cooperate. That screaming? You had better listen. More specifically, you have no choice but to listen.
Going out or going under?
Yesterday, I lay back briefly on my bed. Just to let my body unwind for a few minutes. It was late afternoon. I was exhausted from days of driving all over town, and countless hours on the phone that began early each morning and stretched into the night – across time zones – with assorted representatives of a particular bank. All to untangle an issue with treacherous tentacles.
And I slept. For 14 hours.
My body crumpled and everything gave in to a deep, welcoming slumber from which I roused once during the night to change out of my clothes, a second time to stagger out to the living room to check on my son (asleep on the couch), and I woke as dawn broke through my windows.
My required tasks that should have been ongoing all week? With deadlines looming? No progress.
And that is the highest priority there is – for the next 72 hours.
Clarity, coffee, clarity
I’ve had my coffee. I will brew another small pot in an hour or two. I don’t feel pressed to seek out comfort food just yet, though likely I will warm some bread or half a cinnamon roll later, when I’m hungry. Tonight? Possibly homemade soup, for an early dinner.
For now, I will go with the 14 hours of sleep and push myself to refocus on the tasks my son is counting on me completing, to find whatever reserves were replenished by those hours my brain and my limbs were calling for. To be the responsible parent.
How easy it is to do the right thing – for some of us. Easier, of course, when we have what so many take for granted – the rhythms of our routines, unmarred by exceptional stresses. Something as simple as sleep.
How impossible it is for some to do the right thing – regardless of their comforts, their assumptions, their good fortune. Ignoring their responsibilities.
Responsibilities
I will never understand those who turn away from what is right and necessary for family. I no longer make excuses for unacceptable behavior. Nor do I forgive it.
I do understand love in all its forms. The kind of love that encourages us beyond all measure of perceived capacity. Love that inspires us to find creative means to solve problems. Love that reminds us to do everything we reasonably can for those we cherish, and those we seek to comfort.
Fourteen hours?
I start my day – for now – rich in clarity. For however long it lasts. Able to keep pushing myself. And I am grateful for the voices – and the kind shoulders – who help me stay the course.
© D A Wolf
Hooray for sleep. As someone who suffers from lack of, I can truly appreciate your clarity this morning. Hope it maintains for as long as you need it.
@ Cathy – thanks! (And there may be some meat and potatoes on the meal plan this weekend, as well.)
@ batticus – I know what you mean. When we know where our kids are, that they are close by and safe, it adds a measure of sweetness to everything – including a good night’s sleep. Yes, divorce sucks.
I slept better last night knowing my son was in the next room. It is surprising how much I miss living with him, divorce sucks. I see him everyday but as he gets older, sleepovers get less common. It probably doesn’t help that I live an Amish life (no junk food, cook from scratch, no HDTV, health and simplicity not consumption) compared to his life with his mom but in the long run I hope my different perspective will give him an alternate viewpoint for the future. I do cater to my son with an Xbox at my place, I’m not a complete Luddite 🙂
When I was in college I kept track of my sleep debt. It was 100s of hours when I graduated. I thought I’d never catch up. Then I learned in medical school that sleep debt wasn’t exactly cumulative, and that somehow older debt would be forgiven by the body. It’s enough to worry about the new debt.
I declare you solvent.
zzzzzzzz . . . 😉
Congratulations! To me that sounds like heaven. I am right there with you on the negative effect of sleep deprivation. Well, the CIA etc do not use sleep deprivation as a main technique for nothing. As I get older, I find that it takes MORE hours to make for each hour that I missed sleep for. Right now, I need 3 nights of good night sleep to make up for one sleepless night when I need to pull an allnighter. Not fun. *sigh*
@subWOW – I’m with you on that need for multiple nights of sleep to make up for one or two that are sleepless. (We don’t get those multiple nights, generally… um, until kids flew the nest or go away with friends??)
@Gale – it did feel good! But that sleeplessness isn’t always something we can control. Those hit-the-wall nights when we sleep hard and long are rare for some of us. I wish they weren’t – because the next day is so much easier! (And yes, the Huffington Post’s series of articles on sleep really points out what a problem this is. And begs the issue of the weighty expectations on parents in particular, especially women, that go on for years and years.)
So glad to read these words. I hope now, for your sake, you will remember how good this feels, how much better your body works and how much more efficiently your mind works when it is properly rested. Sleep is not a luxury. You need it. We all need it. Arianna Huffington hit the nail on the head with that one.
So thrilled you got some rest. And fourteen hours? That’s pretty impressive. I have never had a ton of issues with sleep (thankfully), but there are times when I do not sleep as well as I would like (hello, pregnancy). Yesterday, Husband watched the girls while I indulged in a quick nap. My quick nap? It lasted five hours. Oh my. Good man. Sleepy woman 🙂
Those 14 hours allowed me to work for 14 hours – productively – on things my son needed. So I’d say that was some useful sleep. Now today is another matter. . . But the morning coffee is excellent, and it has magical powers!
Glad you got some much needed rest. A good night sleep really does linger in a great way.