Remember that game you played as a kid, or maybe even as an adult? If you had three wishes, what might they be?
Let’s play. But let’s try a variation that’s grounded in a bit more reality. What if you could change three things about yourself and your life?
Oh, don’t ask me why this popped into my mind this morning, except that it was born of a fragment of dream. As I was waking, the links on my Daily Plate of Crazy pages were literally standing themselves up and transforming into colorful playing cards!
I recall the Jack of Hearts emerging from the screen, followed by the Queen of Hearts.
Visualize your dreams
It’s a zany visual, I know. But it was a cheerful one; connections on the flat surface were coming to life – and the sensation was exhilarating.
My next thought was – I can change my life. We can all change our lives – to some degree.
Allowing my mind to wander a little more, I asked myself what I would change. One thing, about my physical self, if I could.
How to approach change
I began discussing the matter in my chatty brain (as I am want to do – selves jumping into the morning fray), and I quickly began visualizing an assortment of transforming parts – of myself. While grasping for some sensible way to corral this particular free-for-all into words, I decided it would be important to identify something I would change about my inner self – my personality or behaviors. And then it seemed equally valid to consider a change to do with life circumstances.
And there we have a trio after all – rather like the three wishes, but somewhat less far-fetched. This isn’t about “do-overs,” but rather, how real change might still be possible – physical change, emotional or behavioral change, and circumstantial change.
For all of it – for me – I require visualizing it, approaching it systematically, and following through with discipline, determination, and support.
Discipline, etc.
Discipline? I have it in abundance. Determination? In, well… spades. And the heart to see things through. (Would the Jack of Spades have appeared next, had the alarm not buzzed?)
Support is tougher. That involves other people and environment.
Do you have support to reinforce change? What about discipline? Determination?
And of course, you need that image of what change means before you can motivate yourself to undertake it. At least, I do. So here goes. My three items that popped into my mind this morning. One is physical, the second is “interior,” and the third, more circumstantial.
One thing I would change if I could (physical)
Ten years ago I might have said something else entirely. In fact, I know I would have. Something silly like losing 10 pounds or having flatter abs. But that’s not what I would pick now. I’d choose strong arms and no pain. I would choose to regain the physical self I had a few years ago, and took for granted. Theoretically possible – through physical therapy or possibly pain management. Or both.
I count my blessings that my son was not hurt in that accident, and that I have regained as much strength and movement as I have. I dream that I dance and swim and play tennis; it would be incredible to do any of those things again – even badly! And as I said, theoretically, I could make progress toward that end.
One thing I would change if I could (inner self)
My inner life? Oh, there’s much I would change (and plenty I would not). But focusing on one thing, I would kick the constant Worry Monster off my shoulder.
Worry – serious worry – has been my constant companion since divorce. And with good reason. It was there before, though in a different form – shadows from my upbringing, but those shadows didn’t face down my natural tendency toward optimism. So I’d like to give excessive worry the boot! A one-way ticket to the end of the earth.
Appropriate worry? I’ll hang on to that. It encourages contingency planning. Parental worry? Normal. But all the rest? Outta here!
One thing I would change if I could (life circumstances)
Money may not buy happiness, but it buys decent health care, and it eases worry.
Yes – I’d take money in the bank and a steady income, sufficient to feel as though I’m not dangling from the edge and ready to plummet into the abyss. I don’t need to be rich (don’t care to be). I’m not about material things (never was). But money would allow me to be “me” again, and part of that me has to do with being generous with others.
If you could change three things. . .
Care to offer your three wishes? Three areas of change? Remember – this isn’t about a do-over, and nor can we go back in time ad change one pivotal moment. I know we all have those, but short of a sci-fi episode, that isn’t what I’m suggesting. I mean real change – possible change, even if it’s not easy. Even if it’s contingent on some things that require others, or simply a bit of good luck.
- What would you change if you could?
- How might these items look differently today from a decade ago?
- Do you think they will be different 5 years from now? Or 10?
If you can imagine it, can you build it? Can you make it happen?
© D A Wolf
Oh my, this is a wicked little game of yours, BLW.
-I’d be more resilient
-I’d spend less time in my head and more time in my heart
-I’d make cookies for the girls more often
Maybe I’ll work on that last one.
Ooooo. Cookies… 🙂
A wicked game indeed!
I need to spend less time wishing and more time working. If you could bottle that discipline and sell it, I’d buy a bottle, and so would quite a few folks I know!
Perhaps I could bottle my discipline and market it with a touch of Chanel? Would it sell? 🙂 Nice to have you here, Annie.
Oh gosh. I don’t know, which is not to say I think I’m perfect. Far from it. But I’ve learned to live with me and to be happy with me over the years. If I had to change things? Well, let’s see.
-I’d be more giving
-I’d be more patient
-I’d be more industrious about chores I should do
I guess. So maybe today I’ll do something constructive.
“I’ve learned to live with me and to be happy with me. . .”
That in itself is something most of us strive to attain, Carol!
What a great exercise.
Physical self- I’d engage my body more. I need to move, was born for action, but… life… This I can (and should) do.
Inner self – I’d be more calm. Patience is a practice, at least for me. And I need to exercise that too.
Circumstances – this one is trickier, since it depends on others (maybe I need to work on that too?!). I would like to have a community of friends I could count on. In this city.
Now I just need to get going. I can be deeply disciplined. But another part of me bucks all riders.
Born for action. . .
Kate – that sounds great! (Can you find a way to do it? Tough with little ones, I know.) Carpe diem!
Calm. Yes, another good one. Circumstances are far more complex. But I wonder if we can do more than we realize?
Three things:
1.) complain less (or even think it)
2.) criticize less (or even think it)
3.) calm more, yes, simply more on an even keel
I’m working on it….it’s tough though!
I dread this type of game because I come up with a list and then can’t resist the need to rationalize to invalidate each one. But there is one thing that I know is doable: I’d like to spend more time outdoors. More sleeping under the stars, more hikes, more tree-hugging. It expands my sense of freedom and though I love being home, I don’t want to feel too cocooned at the expense of missing out on the exhilarating beauty the great outdoors has to offer.
@ Cathy – Some of those C’s come with parenting under stress!
@ Belinda – more outdoors time. Love it!
I’m another who winds up with a long list…
Outer: A higher tolerance for discomfort
Inner: Stop planning and start acting (Uh, maybe this one should also be a higher tolerance for discomfort)
Circumstances: Make the most of them
Sounds easy right? The hard things always seem so easy on the surface.
I agree–this is a wicked little game. I read this post this morning and have been ruminating on it since!
Physical: This might be an inner too but I would change my LOVE for my outer–accepting it as is strong and fit but with a few extra pounds.
Inner: Self doubt–I have come a LONG way but am still spiraling upward on this one.
Life Circumstances: If I could change one thing it would be my father’s battle with dementia–I would totally change that–and since I can’t change it will simply keep hoping for acceptance.
Thanks for the great post and making me think!
@ Kelly – Maybe a long list is an encouraging thing! I’d hate to think that I had nothing left to change about myself. I like knowing there’s always something to tweak, to improve… I find it hopeful. “A higher tolerance for discomfort.” That’s an intriguing one. How does that tie into action over planning?
@Nancy – Welcome. Ah, if we could all love ourselves – including our physical selves – that would be wonderful, indeed. And your life circumstances item is wrenching. If only we could help those we love who are suffering. Acceptance. That’s such a tough one.
I believe this is the perfect post to start the week. Changes? Hmmm…
Outer: My fear–and complete dislike–of the cold.
Inner: The excuses I feel the need to make for why I can’t do something “right.”
Life circumstances: Act on service thoughts that often pop into my mind.
Amber. Lovely to hear from you!
Acting on opportunities for service. Giving back. Such an important reminder for all of us.
I’d like to live more in the present.
Great exercise to center yourself.
Would have skin with a bit more pigment in it…aging pale skin is so fragile, even with years of sun screen and shade — physical aspect.
Would have set boundaries more clearly, so as to be realistic about what a self — any self needs — emotional/psychological aspect.
Will trust my faith and spiritual practice more now, which distills to NOW: BE STILL (and know that I am God.) — authentic self aspect.
I have been thinking about this almost every day. I will NOT mention any change to my physical appearance since it’s the usual litany of the disappearance of my muffin top, air between my thighs and flabless arms. (Ok, i just mentioned it…) My three will be: Being able to speak in front of the public. Being able to ad lib (or BS in the business world) when put on the spot. Being able to stop second guessing myself.