I ask myself: How many times must I learn the same lesson? And I answer: As many as it takes.
I ask myself: How many times must I start over? And I answer: As many as opportunity allows.
Starting over
I find myself starting over – again.
Small things. Big things. And of course, simultaneously. Some are challenges I’ve struggled with for most of my life. Others are the bane of any parent’s existence – issues to do with domestic details, keeping calm in the face of adolescent emotions, not to mention the repetitive nature of our day-in day-out parenting responsibilities.
How do we view our starts, our restarts, our false starts?
How do we muster the courage to start over – over and over again? And do so, moderating optimism to lessen the possibility of hurt?
New month? New diet – sort of.
With each start of a new month I am inclined to make resolutions. I know, I know. That’s typically New Year’s fare. But I don’t make resolutions for New Year’s, and I do at the beginning of the month. And this month, there’s the matter of my unzipped jeans.
No, I don’t count calories or do the “zone” or any of that. I don’t worry about the scale or even a dress size. But I do worry about my health. Being unable to exercise as I once could, the balance of sleep, nutrition and walking that leads to a healthier me has been compromised.
This morning I pulled out the scale and stepped on. Not that terrible, but I don’t feel like myself. And I have no interest in spending my remaining years in pants and skirts with an elastic waist.
A diet? No. But awareness and attention to what I’m eating – that I can do. For my health. For my outlook. For the sense of accomplishment, and control. One of those lessons I seem to have to learn as many times as, well. . . it takes.
Starting the day
More starts? They’re plentiful. To do with my little home. With finances. The need to start – again – organizing around what seems to have become a whole house design studio – for my son.
I’ve also just embarked on something new altogether, with a learning curve that’s proving to be challenging and satisfying. A project.
Then there’s Autumn, with its wistful warnings of the chill to come. With longing for other beginnings. A friendship. A courtship. Something for me, as a woman.
After all, starting again is what life is about. Yes, with uncertainty and risk. Yes, with disappointments. Yes, with heartache, with worries, with daily dramas. Because we’re obstinate like that. Optimistic like that. Determined to remake our world. Desirous of connection.
(Im)Practical positivity?
This morning I filed paperwork and paid bills. Not pleasant.
This morning I ran errands. And the car battery died. Again.
This morning, on this first day of a new month that offers signs of another season, I leaned against the hood of my car and took a long, deep breath. The October sunshine spread its light across my cheeks. A breeze tangled my hair into disarray. And I knew I was okay. For now. Today.
There are things to be done and purpose propels me.
Batteries break down and machinery requires maintenance. But as long we harness hope of making repairs, we seem to start again. Over and over. As many times as opportunity allows.
- Are you starting something brand new?
- Are you starting over – a job, a home, a relationship?
- Do you get tired of beginning again?
- What would you love to start over?
There are times, of late, that I feel like I am starting something new. The subtle changes of a new season, month turning to month, and something within me – perhaps that thing within me is the feeling as if I am letting go of something else and with that letting go comes a starting or a change.
Little steps – little changes – little signs of something new; something beginning.
Sometimes those little signs mean a great deal more than grand beginnings. That sounds very reassuring, TE.
I love beginnings BLW. I think starting over is a way to remind ourselves that we are here. Today. Breathing and living. And what a special privilege it is to have the opportunity to begin fresh.
One of my favorite FlyLady sayings is, “you are not behind! Jump in where you are!” I prefer to think of it that way.
I am always beginning again. Some call that failing, but I try not to think of it that way. I try to think of it as trying harder and refusing to give up.
I like it. 🙂
I am great at starting things. Less good about jumping back in when I get off course. I’m notorious for starting exercise programs and then abandoning them outright when I miss a day or two due to illness or injury. Let that not be the fate of my newly launched Happiness Project (the motto of which, with a hat tip to Voltaire, is “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good”).
Starting back in when the rhythm is interrupted. It’s terribly difficult. So true. (Love the quote.)
The important thing is that you don’t stop starting.
When a routine is interrupted, I have a really hard time getting back into the swing of things. I had to take a break from running/walking when I basically gave myself whiplash, and starting back up has been….well, it hasn’t happened yet. So I’ve decided to see the break as part of the routine to see if that helps.
I also think running under cover of darkness in the morning will be easier than running in full light of summer day!
The important thing is that you don’t stop starting.
Such wise words.
More times than I want to admit, I’ve walked away from jobs/things I do well and started over. I liken it to a phoenix rising from the ashes or a caterpillar turned butterfly. It’s allowed me a rich history of skills and talents as well as a wide variety of friends. It is scary to quit but also liberating. The tricky times are the “in between” ones.
I think I struggle more with sameness and being bored. I have the same job I’ve had for the last 20 years. I’ve been married to the same man for almost nine years. I’ve lived in the same house for the last 15 years. And let me say for the record these things are wonderful. But I’m so used to chaos, finding things to cram in a few minutes that might be better suited to just breathe. My problem is that I swing from boredom to over-stimulation of starting new projects, new posts, considering going back to school, meeting new people. What I’m learning is to balance these swings and meet in the middle.
And “purpose propels me”. I think that could be my motto. I used to think I was good at new beginnings, at starting again, but I think age is making it harder. That or lack of sleep. And I’m facing some new beginnings of my own, when I’m desperate to just be able to coast. But such is life, as you so eloquently say here. And may I say, I always feel so inspired when I visit you. Truly, you are an amazing and wonderful woman with so much insight to share. Thank you.
Oh yes – I feel I am starting over. And what a beginning it has been so far! But it’s not my first, nor, I suspect, will it be my last. I just need to embrace the change and challenge, and see it for what it really is: An opportunity to right the wrongs and try out a new direction in a labyrinth. I’ll never know where it will take me…