It’s been bumpy around Ye Olde Homestead of late. Cycles of teen stress, silence, a talk, followed by improvement. Two or three days later, the cycle repeats. Fortunately, I have plenty of shoe dye for the gray hair. And far more patience than I ever realized.
I also have a usual go-to solution. A great dinner. It seems to ease the words out of my son’s mouth. But even that hasn’t been helping consistently.
So what do you do when a kid won’t talk? When you know there are issues that need to be aired, even if you cannot solve them?
In recent weeks, we’ve talked more frequently than usual, and more easily. I’m glad (and relieved) that’s the case. The process has required gently probing, and far more listening than speaking on my part. Timing – and persistence – have been key.
Silent treatment (troubles brewing)
Yesterday, again, I knew something was off. My son was sullen in the morning, and nine hours later after school, nothing had changed. We headed to a nearby bicycle shop to replace a blown tire, and though I had asked what was up (several times), all I got was shrugging and grumbling.
We replaced the tire (that helped), and then I suggested we have a slice of pizza. We were only a few steps from a neighborhood spot. What kid will refuse that? So we ordered, sat, and as he ate, a few things tumbled out – none of which were anything I had suspected. Moreover, I never saw it coming – something he needed, something he was concerned about, something he though was entirely out of reach.
Exercise. Regular exercise.
The importance of fitness
We all know exercise is important, right? Often we only think about it in terms of losing a few pounds, or fitting into that special “something” for an upcoming occasion. When we think about it, we know we sleep better, manage stress better, and feel better – mentally as well as physically – when we’re getting a regular workout, or a swim, or a brisk walk.
But what about our kids? If they eat well and they aren’t fat, have we forgotten the importance of fitness for our teens?
According to one statistic I read, only 38% of America’s teenagers get sufficient exercise.* Apparently, my kid is one of them, and I didn’t realize it. He plays tennis during spring and summer, bikes when he can, but that’s wholly insufficient. A jammed schedule, a tight budget, and my lack of awareness are all at fault.
- Do you exercise regularly?
- What about your kids?
- If you have teens, do they get regular exercise?
- Doesn’t your mood – or that of your kids – improve with exercise?
Budget conscious ways for kids to exercise
“There’s nothing you can do, Mom,” my son said. “I know that. There’s no budget for gym equipment. There’s no space, either. And I need more than just biking in our neighborhood.”
“There may be another option,” I said.
The eyebrows raised.
“What about the community center at the church just a block from here?” I asked. “Didn’t you go there with friends when you were little?”
“Wouldn’t it be way too expensive?” he asked.
“I doubt it,” I said. “It’s a church. Let’s stop after pizza and see. It’s probably $10/week, maybe $12. If it is, are you willing to cut down on going out every Saturday night so we could manage it?”
“No problem,” he said.
Win-win
Fifteen minutes later, we were touring the facility – circuit training, indoor track, basketball court, swimming pool, ping pong – and the friendliest people you could ever imagine, answering all our questions.
I signed him up. It was approximately $12/week. As soon as he’s no longer a minor, that price will drop by nearly half. He biked there yesterday, late afternoon. He was home an hour and a half later, his head cleared, feeling better already. Feeling good about himself.
Is this the answer to all the challenges we face?
Of course not. But it’s a lesson in financial trade-offs, in priorities, in looking for solutions. And sometimes they’re right there – as plain as the nose on your face.
Great article. Easy to take it for granted. My kids are also fit and healthy, so I don’t think about fitting exercise “in”. But we should. Yet another motivator for me to get up and run every morning even when I don’t feel like it. Nothing like setting an example.
Wow, congrats! One problem solved fairly painlessly. Isn’t it nice when something turns out to not be such a big deal after all? Here’s to hoping more of the big problems become smaller.
You’re a good mama. I know that as much as I loathe it, exercise makes a huge difference in the way I feel. And yes, I know those moody teenage cycles well.
I am on pins and needles waiting for not only the brand new pool to open but for the new fitness center in our high school to open. Both will have community hours. The pool is open now for school use but not yet for the community. Fitness center is not yet finished.
Exercise is such a part of my daughter’s life that I used to joke around that I had to “take her for a walk” on the weekends. Yet, it was and remains true. We talk and walk; we play games and connect with one another; and we are increasingly aware of the world through which we move. When she started spending time with her dad and his family, I noticed that a walk after she returned did wonders for the transition from his world to ours… that exercise is key to the emotional health of kids and adults… and it isn’t just about weight loss!!
That is wonderful that you were able to find that outlet for your son. Way to go Mom!!
This is awesome BLW. Glad you could figure out an inexpensive way for him to get some exercise. I am a firm believer in exercising regularly. I am addicted and I do it for my sanity, health and meditation. I think it is a great way to be and get that clarity you need. Your son is wise in recognizing this early in his life. And you are a great for really hearing him.
I hope I can be that kind of Mom to my daughter in the future.
It’s great that you were able to find an inexpensive and local solution. And your question is important – I think we do tend to put fitness on the backburner with young people who have healthy nutrition and weight. I’m not good at squeezing it in for myself, either, but when we’ve been too static my husband gets bummed in the way your son did, and we launch back in.
Exercise is a great way to reduce stress for all of us. It was especially important to me in high school. If I was upset about something it was always easier to discuss after I had been playing ball or lifting weights.
There’s a loop in our subdivision that is about 2 1/2 miles long. When my daughter goes quiet I ask her to talk a walk with me. It takes us about 30 minutes and typically, by the time we’re home she’s told me what is wrong. And I love your solution. Yes. It’s win-win!
Really – it was a team solution. Thank goodness he opened up (or thank pizza). The solution was really a block away. The obstacle was his belief that there was not solution. And I love that you and your daughter walk together – and that encourages her to talk! (It’s so hard when they’re teens sometimes, isn’t it?)
I can’t really comment on this one with any expertise. Both girls played golf in high school so they were in great shape (lug a 30 pound bag on your back for 2-5 miles everyday and you tend to develop very strong muscles!) Apprentice continued on through college on the ladies golf team. Army Wife weighs about 100 pounds with not an ounce of fat on her. Me? I should exercise, but don’t right now. Not a morning person so I can’t motivate myself to do it at 5am. Sometimes I get a walk in during the nice months at night. Pretty pathetic overall.
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Your son reminds me of my brother. Tremendously. And, in a vague way, me. If I don’t exercise I am very moody. That is why I take my kids walking so much.
As for teaching my kids about exercise? I hope they learn by my example. I learned by my father’s example–he and I used to run together. I feel that taking them on walks and to my aerobics classes will teach them just how important a healthy body is to me and will take that lesson with them.
Exercise. How I love thee. : )