What do you think of when I say “Big Things?”
Major milestones like a wedding or buying your first home? Perhaps it’s grand ambitions like publishing a novel or getting that patent. Maybe it’s mastering a new life skill?
Yesterday was all about Big Things. A half dozen of them. Little Big Things, in a complicated world. Yes, that complicated world of single parents, of all parents. That complicated world of jammed schedules and more to do than humanly possible. And of course, there’s a checklist – with its endless series of tasks. You know the rhythm – cross one off, add three more!
For me, yesterday was about taking care of business. The kind we all have to manage – the details of everyday life. But sometimes, they gang up on us. Those little things can seem like Big Things. In fact they are, when we struggle to get them done.
Unsung heroes of our own lives
How many of us engage in tiny acts of bravery when we tackle seemingly simple acts? Are we the unsung heroes of our own lives – minimizing the work we do day and night in support of our families, our friends, our colleagues? Do we discount the importance of those emails, errands, patient discussions and reminder notes to our kids – the fulfillment of responsibilities that we rarely stop to consider?
I had eight Big Things and four lesser items on my plate yesterday. Most had to do with my son. One had to do with me. None were onerous, but all were unpleasant. And I managed to address six of the most critical. I’d give myself a round of applause, but that isn’t my style. Besides, today’s list is just as long, and just as disagreeable.
What is my style is to take a step back and appreciate the fact that we all have Big Things to deal with. Little Big Things perhaps, but no less important to the structure of our lives.
Daily infrastructure
A few examples?
- The teacher conference you don’t want to face
- One more attempt at a doctor, in the hope of an answer
- A serious discussion with someone you love about an area of concern
- Chasing down a payment due from a client, again
Are these genuinely Big Things?
That’s all relative, isn’t it? In the wake of loss, these tasks pale in comparison. While they may seem emotionally challenging in one light, in another – they’re nothing much at all. Big Things become smaller, and we dispense with them more quickly.
The Forest for the Trees
Of course it’s hard to see the forest for the trees when you’re in the thick of life’s madness or its messiness, even when both are about good things. In fact, sometimes it’s more difficult when it’s the “good stuff.” You feel as though you aren’t allowed to complain, to show fatigue, to feel overwhelmed.
And as I ponder my Big Things – the job applications I’ve filled out in the past week, the painful conversations I’ve had to engage in over finances, the fact of making progress toward goals despite everything – I am fully aware of the relative importance of certain things, and the way in which some Big Things will shrink to a less noticeable size. With time. With perspective. With something as simple as my son’s smile.
Meet every challenge
An old friend once told me: Confront everything head on. Use it in your art, and in your life.
We all have challenges. Emotional, physical, logistical, professional. They come in many forms – some are exciting and others, potentially debilitating. There are good days when we meet them well, and bad days, when that seems impossible. But perspective is a life skill, acquired with time and practice like so many others. And with perspective, we realize we’ll meet our challenges as we need to, doing the best with them that we can.
Yesterday I thought of Big Things. Not grand ambitions. Other Big Things. Today, I act on some of them, and then continue with the ever growing list, telling myself: Confront everything head on. Use it.
And so I will. As do we all.
Any Big Things you’re dreading coming up? Big Things that are happy times, but stressful nonetheless?
It seems that it is situational – the big things today might not seem so big tomorrow or the small things from yesterday are big things today. Yesterday I rented my daughter a horn – and it is a small thing that will add up to a big thing in ways that I can foresee and other ways that I can’t. Big things, little things – they are each another part of life *sigh*
This made me smile, TE. Those kid things that we sense may have a “bigger” (more complex) future, waiting for us…
I like the idea of confronting every challenge with tenacity and will. It’s when you are contemplating doing it that doubts starts to creep in. I am trying to work on my novel, but I put it off. Errands to run, laundry to fold, and blog posts to write – somehow I never put as much time into it as I need. I realize I am scared, but these are all doubts I’ve imposed on myself. I am inspired by this post and am going to tackle my novel head on today. Thanks BLW. As always, a pleasure and inspiration to read your words.
Sounds like you had a very productive day yesterday. I hope you leave a little room to appreciate your accomplishments. I don’t always but when I do, I get a nice feeling that is suprisingly easily accessible.
I don’t generally think in terms of big things and little things. When it comes to the musts, I tend to address them based on urgency by date. As for dreaded tasks, if I simply can’t adjust my attitude, i’ll deal by thinking anywhere from “it’ll be over soon enough” to “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”. As I’ve gotten older, I find I’m prioritizing more of the things I love, many of which cost little to none, to which I attribute much of my increased happiness of late. Whether or not they’re big or little, they add up to a sense of fulfillment that I used to think was unattainable.
I’m so passive (not passive/aggressive, just passive) that I can’t stand situations where there’s a potential for conflict. Those situations I like to send in my husband, that’s how bad of a wimp I am. But I have learned a few things from him over the years since he handles conflict really well. His mantra “remain calm” is pretty good in all situations. Something I’ve learned is to remember the goals I have in common with people rather than our points of departure. I also have to remember that there are going to be things I can’t alter no matter how much effort I put forth. That’s where I try the chant of acceptance!
My life doesn’t really seem to have tasks of different sizes anymore. It does have tasks that I look at with different degrees of pleasure or displeasure. I can be the world’s greatest procrastinator, and once that dreaded thing has been taken care of, I wonder why I put it off for so long. I like the “confront everything head on”, although there are some things that need to be approached gently sometimes.
@Carol – I like the distinction between “pleasant” and “unpleasant” tasks. There will always be those things we aren’t fond of doing, but that are necessary. The machinery of keeping a household going, for example. Or our bodies, for that matter.
@Rudri – Thank you for what you said. I wonder about what used to seem “Big” to me, and how that’s changed as I’ve matured and life has evolved. As for inspiration, I think this entire community of readers and writers is a wellspring of inspiration and learning. What a find!
@Belinda – It was productive. And today has been as well, though the ever growing list continues! (Why is that??)
@Linda – oh to have a partner who would take on some of those duties! (Does he do windows? 😉 )
Ah the big thing. My next one is another move, ten days hence. I love my gypsy life-style but the packing and moving and setting up in yet another strange place where I don’t yet know anyone can be a little stressful!
Another move! Not for the faint of heart, for sure. I don’t know how you do it. And that definitely qualifies as a “Big Thing” in my book.
We all have Big Things–depending on your mood that day, etc., some of the smaller ones can seem insurmountable. I think the fact that we survive these days is pretty amazing…a testament to our strength. Finding joy in those days is difficult. I hope you were able to find some the past few days…while acting on your to-do list. I so love your writings!
Seems like there are always “big things” – life altering things – on my plate to deal with. It eats up a lot of time, energy and sometimes even money but it would be nice to feel some forward motion after all my hard work. Instead I feel like I’m just treading water but drowning is not an option, is it?
I have Big Things on the horizon, and I’m trying to work on my courage to face them. But you are so right though – I need to face them head on, instead of just contemplating and wondering and planning and dreading. It is the only way to gain the momentum I need to propel me forward.
“Big” things are always a matter of perspective. Anything can be “big” when confronted with conflict or obstacles. Funny how the things in our lives that should be considered “big” are less so if they go off without a hitch.
Two quotes I leave you today while taking care of your Ltitle Big Things:
“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” ~Henry Ward Beecher
And my favorite:
“When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.” ~Author Unknown
hugs,
lisa