I thought it would be a quiet weekend. It was.
A little too quiet.
My son seemed off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Though he had friends over one evening, there were two nights in a row when he was up at strange hours, walking around.
Not his usual behavior. But with adolescents, do we ever know what “usual” is? Are we ever certain when to worry, and when to let it go?
Talking to your teen
With my older son, whenever we had an issue – he raised it, or I did. We spoke directly and honestly, and that was that. Man, was I lucky and I know it.
Oh, those discussions weren’t always a piece of cake, and the topics had to be covered repeatedly at different stages as he experimented, formed his own opinions, and as adolescence kicked in with a vengeance complete with the conviction that you know best (at age 16), and of course – that you’re immortal.
My younger son has always been another story. I have to pick my spots – carefully – when information disappears into the black hole of sarcasm, surliness, or simply silence. Fact is – I’m fine with the first two. It’s silence that’s potentially more damaging. It’s hard to gauge how your kid is doing when he isn’t talking. Especially if he internalizes, and it takes twenty questions (and eye-rolling) to broach whatever is going on.
Clues from kids
We go through this periodically. Something is on his mind, he drops clues (like wandering in the middle of the night), I wait until he seems relaxed, I feed him (important), then start in with the questions. I dance around – or take the direct route – to discern whatever is bothering him. Not easy, but doable.
Sunday, as I was continuing my long-term organizing project, he was draped across the sofa with my laptop, scattered papers and binders, attempting to do some schoolwork. His body language was anything but enthusiastic.
No kid is happy to do homework on a long weekend, you’re thinking.
True enough. But this was something more. Body language + two nights of wandering = something, not nothing.
The conversation
“Do you want to tell me what’s up?” I say.
His eyebrows spike in response, and he gazes at me.
“You’ve been up two nights in a row. Why?”
Clearly, I wasn’t beating around the bush.
“I have things on my mind,” he says.
What parent of a teen isn’t concerned over that? Tread lightly, I tell myself.
“Is it something I can help with?”
He takes a breath, and all the worst possible scenarios flash through my mind. Naturally.
“It’s school,” he says. “I can’t get motivated. And I can’t get everything done.”
I stopped what I was doing, sat down near him, and we talked. I asked questions until I got the gist: fatigue, worry over money, worry over college applications, a bit of Senior-itis, the fact that he went straight from a tough academic summer program into senior year, in his tough “normal” academic program.
And then there’s the issue of his room.
Small house space challenges
It’s a small house. I’ve been trying to “create space” where there is none. For months. Years really. Don’t get me wrong – I love our cozy little place, messy though it is. And I’ve made strides, including almost unearthing my once-upon-a-time tiny home office. But all my clearing out, filing, labeling, stacking, and general organizing has yet to yield the desired result.
Worse – in a home with storage challenges, there’s simply nowhere to put all the books, school supplies, cleaning products, seasonal wear or anything purchased in bulk to save money. More problematic is the fact that my younger son has rearranged his room three times in the past month, trying to configure something more conducive to productivity. Clearly, he hasn’t met his goal any more than I have met mine, though I admire his persistence.
And much as I don’t want to, I’ll head into his room shortly, and shelve books, fill plastic containers, and see what more I can come up with so he feels as if it’s a larger space.
Improvising study solutions
We, as adults, talk a great deal about “a room of our own” – some place that we can think. Be. Feel safe with our thoughts.
What about our kids? Isn’t it just as important for them – especially as they get older? Aren’t kids’ rooms vital to a sense of security, privacy, creativity, and also control over their environment?
My immediate thought Sunday was how to facilitate my son’s ability to study more effectively. You got it. My nearly usable office. Its narrow but clean table. The new shelves that fill a wedge of wall. So I spent the remainder of the weekend focused on that room – more filing, more cleaning, rifling through papers and folders, and eventually setting up a functional work area. Improvised – but not too shabby. My office is now his. Small, but with storage drawers, a comfortable chair, a usable surface, and plenty of light.
Creative problem solving, and then some
My worries are far from over. The kid is overwhelmed with work and stress. And I know it. We talked about that as well – what he can do, what he needs me to do.
For now, some of the tension has been diffused by the simple fact of communicating. I also know the next four months are absolutely critical to his future. My job is to do everything – and I mean everything – to facilitate his best possible performance, with the least possible stress.
Frankly, it’s mind numbing at times. There are issues churning in the background that make this harder. Money is a stumbling block. So is stamina. Being a solo parent, it all falls squarely on my shoulders. But those shoulders have held up a long time, and I imagine they will continue to do so. If that means I have to monitor, micro-manage, cook at strange hours, or store teen crap in boxes and stack them in my bedroom, then so be it. If it means that I dip into twenty questions once a week, that’s not so terrible. It’s about my kid’s future, and we’re in the last stretch of the marathon.
Wouldn’t you do the same?
Wow…it’s hard to be a parent sometimes. It’s great that you know your child so well to know when something is bothering him. I have a problem trying to figure out if I’m getting too personal if they shut me down at first…how much are they allowed to keep to themselves? It’s a hard balance I think. I was always a very private kid so I understand if they don’t want to talk, but sometimes you just have to. It’s wonderful you’re giving him his own space…I hope it helps ease his worries!
Oh Soccer Mom, I know what you mean. I was a private kid, too. It’s really difficult to know when to approach a subject and how. I don’t always get it right, but I’d rather err on the slightly intrusive side, but asking in the most respectful way I can. Things like “is there something going on I need to know about” or “is something bothering you” or “is there something go on I can help with.” That way, there’s no sense that punishment will follow – or judgment – if our kids are open with us.
Still, it’s a bit of a crap shoot. My kid still has a long way to go with time management and organization. It’s harder in a small space, and I’m not always the best example. But we keep at it. We still have a long way to go, and every kid develops those skills – all skills – at a different pace. Sometimes by making mistakes, and we have to let them. That’s the hardest of all, for me. Letting that process happen.
We do what we have to do – where we can – give space, time, support, an ear, a word or two… our love.
The stress that falls upon the shoulders of kids is heartbreaking at times. My daughter attends a stress free school which means little homework (thus far) and no worries in the classroom – and she is in the minority. As this new year begins, I consider all that she wants to pile on her plate and hope that this is another year without much homework – allowing her to explore and spread her wings in other directions a little longer because the work is coming… and the pressure that follows is likely something she could have for the rest of her life.
“We do what we have to do.” You said it. And helping them keep that plate manageable is one of the toughest tasks as our kids get older. I agree with you that staving off some of the stress while you can makes good sense.
Your post has me thinking about something not directly related. I wonder if the ability to put your children’s needs above your own is a Mom thing (as opposed to Dad/parent). I know for me it started with infancy- the cold dinners because the baby needed to be fed or changed, or simply soothed. Now, as you’ve made us aware, it continues. And, even though they’re teens, they still need us to be intuitive and responsive – and we continue to put their needs ahead of our own. I don’t see my husband like that – if he’s not hungry, then he just doesn’t think about food, doesn’t notice when the last time the kids ate or if they might be hungry, etc…
I know what you mean, Cathy. We certainly put their needs first as soon as they’re born. I think there may be a mother-child bond that is simply different from a father-child bond. I also remember sensing when one of my kids was in trouble or sick, and their dad would sleep right through it! However, I’ve seen the same deep emotional bond exist between mother-adopted child. And I’ve also seen instances (though fewer) where the father was the more nurturing, the more attentive, and the more intuitive parent.
From what I can tell, the father playing that role may occur less frequently, but I honestly don’t know how much has to do with individuals, the nature of their relationship with the child, conditioning, and circumstances.
It’s a great question.
BLW, I think it is great that you are able to have such an open dialogue with your children and are sensitive to their needs. I hope to have the same relationship with my daughter when she is a teen.
More and more, I’m learning that I know less and less about what is ahead for me. Like you, all I can do is take it one conversation at a time.
@Rudri – thank you. It’s a matter of trial and error, believe me. Figuring out what works for each kid.
@April – I think you nailed it. One conversation at a time, one mood at a time, one day (or night) at a time. And trying to not take things personally.
I am curious if any of the other parents out there with kids 14+ have good suggestions on helping them manage time and workload. We’re really struggling with this one, as a household.
My son showed some signs of stress and concern last night. We got home yesterday evening after being away for his baseball tournament all weekend (they won Silver – yay!), he had a quick shower and then had to do his homework. He had quite a bit.
He just started jr. high – it’s a new school with a good sports program, but it’s also a French school. J understands French. He can speak it (he took French immersion thoughout elementary), but he is not francophone. Every other kid in his class (maybe even the school!) is francophone. He has friends there, and he’s a bright kid, but he definitely got discouraged when he had to do 2 hours of homework last night. We talk things through with him, encourage him, and offer our help. We obviously want what’s best for him and for him to be happy.
I hope we have made the right decision and that he will enjoy being in this program. Hopefully he continues to talk to us about his concerns. I see him being more responsible this year already. He’s taking it seriously, which is a good sign. Sometimes all we can do is try to read the signs and be there for them. You sound like a really great mom, BLW. Your sons must really appreciate you!
It’s so hard, Shannon, isn’t it. We take our best guess at what will work for them, and then we pay attention and maybe keep our fingers crossed. Your son’s program sounds very challenging – and yes, potentially great for him and also discouraging. It’s probably too soon to know how it will pan out, but if you keep talking, if you keep listening – I believe you’ll know what to do as time goes on.
By the way, do you speak French? If so, that can help – obviously. Though all the others in his school may already be francophone, it doesn’t mean your son can’t get there. It depends on him. (Something I know a bit about – having done the immersion thing myself at 15, and one of my sons did it at 16, in France – tough at first. Very tough.)
Good job for getting to the bottom of this one and working to find a solution that didn’t raise his hackles. Parenting is such a minefield. You do what you have to, usually get no credit and have no guarantee of a specific reward or any recognition along the way. Sometimes it’s a slog and sometimes it’s a pleasure. I think Senior year is one of the tough ones, here’s to getting through it with your sanity (and his) intact!
“Minefield.” Perfect way to describe it.
Too bad his school gave him homework over a long weekend break. Don’t breaks exist to take a break? The mind and body need to recharge.
btw – I disagree with this: I also know the next four months are absolutely critical to his future. My job is to do everything – and I mean everything – to facilitate his best possible performance, with the least possible stress.
Not all kids are superstar students. Four months won’t make or break the rest of his life. Will it get him into, or keep him out of, a particular college? Perhaps, but it’s not the end of the world. Why put all that pressure on him? My daughter is in a top-rated elite university right now. My son? He will never go to a school like that. He just doesn’t have the school skills that she has – he doesn’t organize, doesn’t study enough, doesn’t pay attention, etc. His mind is elsewhere. He’s super creative, and I’m sure he will do very well for himself in the world. Just not as a student. Maybe he’s meant to do something else with his life besides excel at school and get into a top college.
I think it’s our job as parents to love and support our kids, whatever their talents, whatever they end up doing in life.
@DD – Ah – the car trick! Or any means to get away – you’re so right. It does work, if you can manage to get away somewhere!
@DM – Is there a particular reason you assume that I’m putting pressure on my kid? Never assume. Your son isn’t my son, any more than my parenting resembles yours. I agree that it’s a shame the school’s workload is so heavy. He had assignments over the summer as well, which I find excessive, but it’s part of this special program. He’s done well. It’s tough going. Like life.
And these 4 months are indeed critical, not only to his dreams (not mine), but because he needs to compete for grants and scholarships. SATs, subject tests, GPA – it’s the way the world works, David. Furthermore, need-based aid isn’t necessarily available when the custodial parent doesn’t have the resources, but the non-custodial parent does, and simply won’t fork them over.
I couldn’t agree more that it is our job to love and support them in what they want to pursue. Which is precisely what I’m doing.
Great job getting your son to talk about it. After my divorce, when my daughter and I moved into our smaller house, I had to do the same juggling act – losing my space to stretch her space. Fortunately, she had just started her freshman year at an all girls school, where organization was mandated. Most of the time, I just followed her suggestions, so keen she was to keep up with the heavy academic load. But I still got the dreaded silent treatment until I discovered the “road trip” – YAY! Just the two of you in the car for an overnighter somewhere (you make up some pretense). Just keep your hands on the wheel, and your eyes on the road, appearing as though you’re not really listening. About an hour on the highway, and bingo! The doors are open…
BLW – I so know where you are and we ONLY want what is BEST for our children, even when they are almost about to fly from the proverbial nest. You may want to invest in a copy of Sean Covey’s 7 Habits for Highly Effective Teens. The time management and other hints in that book are the basis for a freshmen program our district runs.
I have sat in the car driving from a weekend soccer tournament – prior to the household having a laptop – while my soccer playing daughter wrote out a research paper longhand so I could type it when we got home from the Philly area (about 3.5 hours away). It would happen all the time.
We do what we can as best we can to benefit our children in the best way possible.
That’s a great idea, Nicki. I’ll scrounge around for that book, thank you!
And I can picture you sitting in that car and helping. I think we know our kids well enough to discern what facilitates their dreams, and also, how to gently buffer, to give them some sense of what is realistic and what is not. Mostly, I think we have to cheer them on, and do whatever we can. But you exemplify exactly that. Times six! And still sane, too. Seriously? You’re my hero. 🙂
This is the hardest stuff to navigate BLW, and my heart breaks for you. But you are doing exactly what you can and should do as a parent, including, most of all listening.
Delia Lloyd
http://www.realdelia.com
Wow. Just reading this brings me back to that overwhelming teenage year, that feeling there is never enough time, so much stress. On the cusp of something, not sure what, not sure how to get there. Oh my. I feel for both of you. And I wish I could send you some energy, some money, some storage space! But you have good karma that will hopefully give you both a little boost in these months ahead.
Thanks, Eva. Good Karma? I hope so! 🙂 And thank you Delia – yes – listening. It really does help.
You know your son well and you parent him well. He has made academic choices that are causing not only him stress but you also. Like most of us parents you are willing to take on the stress AND do what you can to help alleviate his stress.
This isn’t about whether or not he is a superstar student or whether or not he gets into an elite school. If you peel away the layers and take a look at the root of this problem, it is about a non-custodial parent who refuses to help his child obtain the education he desires.
BLW’s son has no choice, he has to excel academically in order to get where he wants to be because he knows the only way to get there is via scholarships. The only person putting pressure on him is a father who refuses to give support…emotionally or financially.
David, I get so frustrated with your responses to some of BLW’s posts. You assume that everyone lives your situation. You have no ability at all to see the situation from any other perspective but your own.
I’m happy your daughter is in an elite school. I imagine her journey there was made easier by the fact that she had two parents encouraging her and assuring her they would do all they could for her financially.
Not all students have the luxury of two supportive parents and believe it or not that can cause stress and pressure, and make how they do academically critical to them meeting the goals they have set for themselves.
BLW could easily say to her son, “we can’t do this because we don’t have the money.” Instead she has chosen to tell him she will support him and help him make it happen.
That isn’t “pressure” David, that is encouragement and it is exactly what he needs. He is a superstar student and thanks to her he will meet the goals he has set for himself. That is called supporting and loving your kid.
OK. Doesn’t a discussion like this bring out the parent in all of us?
I’m going to suggest two things that I thought about while pegging washing after reading today’s post (and I’ve left the job half done to come back and type this to you). BLW, I think Dadshouse has a valid point that he’s raising. He’s right when he says that “it’s not the end of the world” if everything doesn’t go to plan in school, and in life. I know that sounds hackneyed, but it’s true, nonetheless. You and I, and countless others, are living it. You know what popped into my head when I read the paraphrased conversation with your son? That maybe he wanted to explore the what-ifs. What if I can’t? What if it doesn’t happen like I want? What if I do all of this, and miss out anyway? Sometimes, and I think it’s a really hard thing to accompany someone through; sometimes we have to help someone acknowledge that it would be OK to ‘fail’. That still, there will be life, and a way forward, even if it doesn’t look like we imagined. I’m saying this to you with all the love I can send, as one mum to another. In those late night /early morning talks with your son, I’ll be with you in spirit.
The other thing that my reverie amongst the undies and pegs brought to me, was that I love your blog. You’ve created a space for yourself, where you don’t fish for compliments, post what people will like, or craft your words to please. And I like that the comments you receive are in kind. I’d rather read something I didn’t like, even for the challenge it presents to me in knowing that someone thinks a completely different thing from me, than think that I am surrounded by words that are all tinted to match mine.
Di, welcome. And thanks for joining the conversation.
It’s a little strange (but interesting) that the conversation took this particular turn. Frankly, the “something on his mind” could have been a girl, a friend who had troubles, or other typical teen issues he might have been hesitant to raise. The post was essentially my morning writing about the challenges of communicating with my younger son, and hoping that my organizing in a crammed space might help. As it turns out, what’s on his mind is a complex set of issues, interrelated, and tied to my financial situation, his father’s, and some other things. To some extent, this was also a post about working for the best interest of our kids – and how that doesn’t (necessarily) lighten even when they’re teens. It changes.
As to the reasons for my son’s worries, they aren’t going away anytime soon. I can alleviate them a bit, facilitate what I can, and perform my due diligence on the scholarship / research tasks I committed to taking on.
As for DH’s comments and “it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t go to a particular school” – of course it’s not the end of the world. And as to your remark that it has to be “okay to fail,” he knows that as well. He’s gone for things and not made it, like most of us. It hurt. He’s also lived more disappointment and loss post-divorce than any of us would wish on any kid. Things I can never fix. Things that scar, and I’ll never know how deeply. And there may be more coming. On the other hand, he knows he’s loved and believed in. And he knows what he wants to study – and has for many years. He had a taste of it last summer, which he loved. He wants more. He wants to learn. He wants to study, and not be burdened by educational debt until he’s 40, as I was.
What parent doesn’t want to see their child pursue their dreams? It’s not so much a question of the specific school as it is the environment, the curriculum he needs (there aren’t many in this country), and scholarships. Put all that together – and it’s a lot of pressure, yes.
Along with the schools he’s targeted, we’ve added 2 or 3 “contingency” schools, as would be normal for anyone. Money will be slightly less of an issue, but again, grades, test scores, etc. matter. I don’t know how it works in Australia, Di, but the fact of having one parent with money and one without is a precarious position for my (innocent) child. As I imagine it is for thousands (tens of thousands?) of others. As I said, my son would be better off with two parents who had nothing rather than one with, and one without. It is what it is, and we’re dealing with it as best we can.
I thank you for thinking of my blog while dealing with your undies and pegs 🙂 – and yes, I’d like to think this is a place for me to exercise as a writer, as a parent, as a citizen; to play, to encourage discussion, to experiment – and across topics. Thank you for reading, and I’m delighted you decided to comment. Please do, again.
By the way, Di – you raise an excellent point about the “what ifs” – thus the discussion of contingencies. And no doubt more discussion to come. Yet to some extent, this is a kid who doubted himself for many years. He felt overshadowed by his older brother. He was more likely to envision not achieving rather than achieving. My role in the past 3 or 4 years has been to encourage him to go for it, to take more risk, whatever happened. With the summer program he completed we had a backup plan. And when he said “what if I don’t get in?” I said “then you don’t get in.” Then he did, and said “how do we pay for this?” and I had already put out feelers. Some didn’t pan out. I had to pull out all the stops, and it took a considerable team effort to figure out the money. We did.
For this young man, experiences of taking risk and winning have been too few. All the more reason to keep taking those risks, however it turns out. The trying is important, regardless.
Oh my goodness! Is it a full moon? Is there something in the water? My teen is in a funk, too. So glad I’m not alone.
Jane, yours is about the same age as mine, right? Maybe it’s the post long weekend I-don’t-want-to-work-this-hard funk! (Now I’ll go check for that full moon…)
Well, I’m proud of him, just for hearing what he’s having a go at taking on. In Australia, scholarships are almost non-existent. We have “cadetships” and the ilk, where you work for an organisation, and do your study part time, or in blocks. So, basically, you have some of your tertiary study expenses met, and work, for a low income, but get experience in your field.
But most kids defer their education fees, to be a HECS debt, similar to student loans in Canada. Indexed to inflation, and paid back through tax as you earn. It’s just how it is. And our University system is more egalitarian than yours, by the sound of it. For most undergraduate course, applications are made through the Universities Admissions Centre, which covers most of the schools throughout Australia. So, it’s largely academic merit that gets you through the door. Some courses with a very high demand, or with particular requirements and aptitudes, will also go to interview, but basically, if you don’t get the mark, you don’t get the place.
Having said all that, a lot more people these days defer their studies, and work, and then apply a few years later through the Uni Admissions Centre.
The money issue with his Dad is the thing that provokes the *sigh*. I send the kids to the other parent to sort out their issues that are to do with him, and not me. It’s more real for the other parent, then.
I never thought for a minute, that you wouldn’t have already acknowledged and shared thoughts about the risks involved for this son, in taking on what he is. But from dealing with one of my kids’ dads, who has mental health problems, and anxiety issues (!), I know it is easier for him to face what he has to undertake, when he’s already given himself permission to ‘fail’. An option, always there, to pull off the track. Indeed, this man, for things he really has a lot of fear facing, needs to tell everyone, including himself, that he isn’t going to make an attempt. Then, he goes off and has a go at it. I liken it to the way sports teams respond in the last inning, when it seems there is no hope, and therefore nothing to fear in the outcome. How much easier it is to put it all out there, when the fear is gone.
And thanks for the welcome, again. I’ve already been here before, but I’ll take the cup of tea and biscuit again anyway. Cheers. Di.
Tea and biscuits it is, Di! Permission to fail. I like that. Hmm. Definitely a topic worth thinking about. And maybe writing about…
Oh, permission to fail… That is huge! Knowing you can be you, warts and all, and your family will still love you; that’s the best gift a child can have.
I love how you talk about each son differently, how you respect who they are. It’s inspiring to me.
I’m trying to remember what it was like as a teen. I remember going in twenty directions, but I kind of liked it. And I didn’t realize that you have to pick what is most important to do until college. Sometimes skimming is enough. Sometimes it takes two or three reads. Some days you don’t get to edit your essay. But the important thing is getting things done, accepting what you are capable of in that moment.
What a gift to give him that cleaned out space. Having a calm spot to work in helps so very much.
Lovely—I think authenticity and connection carry the day, and your thoughtful dance of giving space, confronting, feeding, offering, and so much more add up to a kid who, despite the daunting and tempting world ahead, must deeply know that he is loved… and this true feeling of being loved hinges on feeling understood (or at least in those who love us sincerely trying to get it).
One place I differ slightly, is in the over-emphasis on critical decisions at this point determining a person’s life course. Sure we try for what we think we want, but when I look back I see so many random twists and turns that I’ve come to trust that our destiny shows up in a much less linear manner than college guidance counselors and SAT tutors might have us believe. Not saying we shouldn’t try our best and reach for the stars, it’s just that there are so many stars it’s hard to know what to really reach for, or how to know which are truly best for us anyway.
Wishing you both a splendid year ahead.
I work hard on teaching my kids how to deal with failure- coping skills. This whole parenting thing is a crazy, mixed up juggling act that never ends.
I am a bit newer to it than some of you, my oldest is a hair short of ten. But I understand the concerns. The local public school is horrible so we send them to an excellent private school. But is a pain, stressful year round as we fight to find a way to afford to send them.
I often wonder about it. I went to public schools the whole way through. Some of my friends went to private the whole way. If I compare my state university to Harvard or Yale does it make a whole lot of difference.
Eventually I found work helped me earn as much or more as they did, but in fewer hours. Can’t say that it is the sole measure of value- I didn’t have their experience and our alumni org probably isn’t as powerful.
But I “grew up” to be man who can support his family and is educated as well or better as they are. So the question of whether killing myself to sned the kids to private school is of great interest to me.
I understand where you’re coming from Jack. And this isn’t about Harvard or Yale, believe me. It’s about somewhere. Somewhere that fits my son’s specific interests, passions, and career goals – he knows what he wants to do, but is interested in a breadth of subjects – and the ability to explore things he may not have considered. Somewhere that will offer the opportunity to change his mind. Somewhere that will feel comfortable for him. My kids have also been public school kids.
This is about somewhere – and the options, without a “somewhere” are very few.
Again, let me say that I find it interesting that this discussion took this turn. Perhaps more parents are dealing with their version of high school issues than I thought? Whatever that might mean? Motivational, competitive, peer issues, temptations of various sorts?
But do you know what is amazing…and I’m sure you must realize (though he probably doesn’t yet) is that you are willing to talk to him about this stuff, and to try and help him change things, and to support him however you can. It might seem obvious…but I assure you it’s not. I didn’t have that kind of support in my adolescent. I had LOTS of love, but not parents who were willing to just talk without judgment. It will pay off, even if it seems hard to believe now.
Just to answer your question, oui, je parle français un peu mais mon mari est francophone donc mon fils aura l’aide nécessaire pour réussir. So far he is pretty positive about it – he likes the people and the program itself. Just the amount of homework was discouraging (especially after a long weekend away). Last night he had a ton of homework again, but he plowed through it. We’re really proud of him. Great post and great discussion going on here!
That’s wonderful that your husband is a native French speaker. It’s great for your son. (And feel free to practice here anytime! We have a few other French-speaking readers around this little discussion café.)
I agree that homework seems excessive, much too soon, for many of our kids. I think it’s up to us as parents to speak up about that (I know I have – and high school is a somewhat different matter). Kids need “kid” time. And I don’t believe that a lot of homework reinforces learning. I personally believe it frustrates and demotivates precisely because it’s just too damn much.
If I am following the discussion than I understand the need and the goal of a somewhere. The somewhere I ended up for my university years was never where I had intended to be. It was dead last, the place I applied so that I if all other options failed to materialize…
Anyway, I think that the important thing here is that you are doing your best to support your son. It is clear from your posts that you are a very thoughtful woman who has goals, dreams and ideas about life. They may not have worked out exactly how you wanted but you keep going and maybe some of those dreams are still to come. The point being is that he’ll see that you don’t give up and do the same.