It’s a ghastly smell. Far worse than bread charred in the toaster.
Burnt popcorn. And I wanted that popcorn for breakfast! Of course, it was nearly six in the evening when I tossed the package carelessly into the microwave. Yes, I’m running a little late today. Ten hours late to be exact.
It’s been a day of paperwork and priorities. Parenting paperwork, though not the sort you typically think of. Insurance, finances, research. The machinery that keeps a household going. The stuff of adulthood that our kids never see.
This morning, I needed to flip the switch and lock into auto-pilot. To get things done. Big things. Necessary things.
Responsibility, thy name is single motherhood
So I begin my daily writing later than usual, and sluggishly, after another day dedicated to the ongoing Whole House Organization project, that seemingly endless purgatory of emptying boxes, sorting files, revisiting legal papers, scanning financial documents. Discovering report cards in envelopes, and baby teeth wrapped in tissue.
None of this is for the sake of “cleaning.” It’s for my younger son. It’s what I owe him as a parent. As a mother. My best possible preparation so he may have his best possible shot at the future. So if I’m not feeling up to par? If the car needs to go in the shop? If the air conditioning craps out? Irrelevant. These activities of sorting and organizing are now top priority. And there’s a deadline, approaching fast.
Today, I reached a major milestone. A first leg in a long race.
Revisiting your life
Plowing through two decades of my life has been an odd journey. I’ve waded through boxes and stacks, wandered through my marriage, the births of my sons, the end of one career and the beginning of another, monumental celebrations, the devastation of divorce, debt, death, and other kinds of loss that shook my world, and continue to disrupt it on occasion. Yet here I am – still standing. Still parenting.
There’s nothing unusual in persisting through life’s challenges to raise children. We all sacrifice for our sons and daughters. We don’t think twice, often parenting on auto-pilot for years.
Single parenting?
Then there’s rarely a break in stress or pace. Parenting is the quintessential iceberg, after all. What anyone sees is the third that rises above the surface. The other two thirds? Sleeplessness. Details. Facilitating. And everything else.
Life skills, burnt out
My organizing tasks are far from done, but I think I’m through the worst of it, grateful for life skills that help: persistence, the ability to visualize the goal, an eye for detail, understanding dependencies, effective use of checklists.
As for the physical toll, I’m feeling bleary-eyed and burnt out, but motivated to continue. I’ll have to push hard to finish on time. But there’s light at the end of this particular tunnel.
Now if only I had more popcorn.
One milestone at a time.
Our kids will never know what it takes to reach some of these milestones. At least, we hope they never know. 🙂
Am just catching up here after this week — what a week it’s been for you. Here’s hoping the coming week (hell, the rest of the month) is plague free.
Reorganization continues here. My parents will be visiting in a few weeks and we’d like to be done fixing our shower (leaking pan) so we don’t have to share the guest bathroom with them. We don’t mind, but they’d find ways to complain …
Good luck with your projects, CT! Ah yes, sharing the bathroom with house guests. Not ideal, if you can help it!
Here’s wishing you tons of microwave popcorn. I so understand where you are coming from and I, like you, am almost to that next milestone – the last one off to college.
I do enjoy my microwave popcorn for dinner! (It’s on the shopping list for later this week.) Amazing what it takes behind the scenes for college prep, isn’t it? Not to mention the money – BIG money – even before they ever fill out a single application. I think if we ever realized how expensive it is to raise kids, we’d have one. Only. 😉 Okay. Maybe two, convincing ourselves that we’ll manage it somehow. Ah, blinders can be a wonderful thing, can’t they? (However have you managed six, Nicki??? I’m in awe.)
Our children may not realize what we’ve done, after all they don’t see the 2/3 under the surface (I love your iceberg analogy.) but they will. When they have their own children or when they start paying the bills, they’ll stop in the middle of what they’re doing and think, “Mom kicked ass all those years. How did she do it?” Or at least that’s what I hope happens. Regardless you can see what your anxiety, sleepless nights and lack of popcorn has done toward raising the best boys you can. Keep on keeping on but don’t forget the popcorn in the microwave.
Don’t be in too much awe! I had some harsh words for the oldest last night. Things here have been hot in more ways than one this summer.
Oh my, burnt popcorn is just the WORST smell – isn’t it?! And the smell lingers much longer than it should (or at least it does in our shared office kitchen).
You mention life skills: “persistence, the ability to visualize the goal, an eye for detail, understanding dependencies, effective use of checklists.” These are so valuable, for practically any task. My post today is about using what you have, especially in terms of skills. When we’re creative, we can figure out how to handle most any problem with the talents we possess.
So happy to hear you’ve reached a milestone in this big project!!
Goodness me! I have so been where you are. My hat is off to you, oh goddess of a single mom that you are! May your popcorn never burn again and may you have an endless supply. So glad you’re seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s hoping it burns brighter every day!
It’s such an exercise wading through our past and as we reflect we wonder how we made it to the present in one piece. One day at a time . .