Tantalizing touch
Troubles at work, struggles in your personal life, health concerns – all add to a lagging libido, nudging the desire for desire to drop off the edge of our daily diaries. And wouldn’t we be so much better off if we could rally our feral forces, and indulge in some quality coupling?
For women, there’s no question that hormonal swings are a cagey culprit, especially as we near middle age. We have ways to combat that, but there are many reasons for a low libido.
Just as often, it seems that “real life” is doing the dirty deed of knocking off our sensual side – slaying our sex drive in the fatigue of caring for kids, fighting for a buck in a tough economy, or with health issues and sleep deprivation.
Libido took a plunge when my paychecks stopped (hello, Recession?) and then plummeted farther still, under the combined weight of single parenthood, insomnia (over money), and a passel of ensuing concerns that left me emotionally and physically threadbare.
But something, happily, has changed: tangled torsos in my dreams.
Sexy subconscious
I woke this morning after a wildly restless night (covers and pillows tossed about); fresh in my mind were scenes and sensations of intertwined limbs, perfect pecs, lanky legs – bodies tantalizingly tangled, and I imagine mine was somewhere in the fray.
Let’s just say – I feel energized this morning.
And I consider this a good sign. Nothing significant has changed in my professional life, nor my personal life. But I’m getting out more – by myself. I’m grabbing my laptop or a pen and paper, chatting with strangers, and checking out the world beyond my home office. I’ve even indulged in flirting a little when not too chicken.
I suspect my upswing in dream activity (and libido) signals health. And hopefulness.
Sex is healthy, so is fantasy
Is anyone really going to dispute that the benefits of carnal knowledge outstrip a good book before bed? Human beings need touch. And fantasy. We need them as much in our 40s and 50s and 60s and later, as in our hot-and-heavy high school years. Or perhaps I should say, we need them differently. Not only for the joyful physical sensations, but to participate more fully in a culture that favors its young and vital, and renders those of us of a certain age increasingly invisible.
If we’re single moms and single dads, we may have spent many of our prime years raising children, and under strained circumstances.
We look up, find ourselves a decade or more older, and alone. Tired. Not our best selves, and feeling like we’re no longer marketable. We never signed up for this particular duty, yet here we are.
Future fun?
Is the outlook bleak?
I really couldn’t say. I’m still basking in the glow of a session of sensation, thanks to my subconscious. I’d like to think there are still great men “out there” who are unafraid of women their own age. I’d like to think we can toss off the yoke of Puritanism that strangles us in this country – easier said than done, but easier to accomplish as we mature.
And yes, I’ll take a page from the French, savoring all things sensuous, enjoying a little fantasy (or a lot) and for as long as possible. Including decades ahead, I hope, of amorous abandon.
…
…
I like this dream, it’s as if the deep Self (as writer, director, producer & architect of the dream) weaves you into a sensual tapestry of incarnate pleasure and experience.
The implication is that the deep Self likes what you’ve been up to, likes the way you are thinking and being, and thus it affirms that you are on the right track (and that this path leads to touch, contact, closeness).
It also can be considered that the pecks and other male elements represent your own Animus seen in vaguely cubist terms; in some alchemical weaving, this is an image of the masculine and feminine aspects of the Self coming together in a more powerful and not necessarily linear manner.
The sense of many participants also suggests that the dream has a collective aspect, the wish to be part of love both sacred and profane that we all share in some way. By serving the group through your writing, the group cozies up with you. This dream may also be a good harbinger for things beyond the boudoir.
Finally, it’s not “le petit mort” for nothing, and so we can think about how parts of us die (particularly our identification with the child) in order for other more integrated parts to be born (i.e. recognition of the artist, the heroine, etc. rather than identification with any one part; in identifying with the tangled lovely group, we might honor all the aspects that comprise it and still not get too tangled up in Sirens when one has an Odyssey on our hands).
Here’s to a great day for all all around, and to sweet dreams when it’s once again time to divine the sheets.
great photos
😛
🙂 I’m a woman who appreciates the value of a work of art. And what is lovelier than the human form? (The only contender – a hot pair of heels?? OK. Maybe a masterpiece of modern art as well.)
Seriously, it’s amazing what a good dream can do for one! (BTW, wish I looked like those women in their lingerie…oh well, life is still good.)
SuziCate. . . No one really looks like these women in their lingerie!! 🙂 (Photoshop, Photoshop, Photoshop)
And yes, a great dream can certainly perk up a morning!
I was raised in a family where we didn’t talk about sex. We were told to “wait” until marriage and that was that. Partially as a result, it took me a long time before I felt comfortable celebrating sexuality as a healthy and, I think, essential part of life. (To be honest, I’m still working on that attitude.) As I think more and understand more, I am amazed by the ways in which our culture and media convey a mixed-message of temptation and fear surrounding sex: Do it! Don’t do it! Talk to your doctor about Viagra! But don’t use it unless you’re in a committed relationship! Ugh. It’s enough to make my head spin. No wonder I spent so many years being so confused.
And what of the women who don’t marry until later? Or don’t marry? Or who lose their husbands, either through widowhood or divorce?
It’s amazing how the double standard still persists in this country (and anyone who thinks otherwise is wearing blinders). Sex for men = OK. Sex for women = OK if married, or possibly, if in a committed relationship. I’m really not advocating sexual pandemonium, only lifting the veil of hypocrisy, the confusing messages (as you say), and embracing what is a natural and healthy part of life in ways that work for consenting adults. And celebrating what ought to be fun, it seems to me. (Or why would it be, even when we’re past procreating?)
See now, when the going gets tough, I want sex even more. It’s when I’m super busy that my libido takes a break. Funny how I’m the opposite of you.
I love when you lift that veil of hypocrisy, BLW. The hangups, immaturity and dysfunctions surrounding sex (and a whole host of other things) that infest our schools, the government, churches and many other institutions are too much to take for anyone paying attention.
On a tangent, I wouldn’t mind owning (or wearing) something like that black number. It looks comfortable but still sexy.
I agree with you, Belinda. That black number is lovely. What woman wouldn’t look great in that?
This seems to be the methodology in my life these days as well – going deep into my mind to find… well you know. I now have a little help however. Yesterday I went out and bought fairly large portraits of Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn who now hang strategically on my bedroom walls. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do 😉
Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. WOW. (Great combo.) Hmmm. Who might I pin up on my walls? (Suggestions? So many to choose from. So few walls. . .)
Having no sex life to speak of these days, I truly appreciate your dream! I feel like I wish I had the opportunity to have a low libido. That sounds like a wonderful extravagance at this point…
Are there any MEN out there reading this?
Think about it. A lot of passionate, energetic, smart women out “here,” without partners of any sort, and desirous of relationships, of various sorts. Including the delectable, life-affirming sexual sort. There’s definitely something “off” in this world.
There’s nothing like having a newborn to stifle desire, or make acting on it logistically challenging, to say the least. Of course, acting on it is how we came to have a newborn in the first place … Oh, the irony. =>
Savouring the “session of sensation”, I love that, think I might use it again soon. With two little ones at home, we are deep in the pit of sleep over sex. Oh yes. I’m not afraid to admit it, because frankly the sleep at the moment is much more alluring. But I know that will change and I eagerly look forward to it! Thanks for this post, I love that you open the door on these discussions. So engaging and real and important.
As an aside…interesting poll for someone: Do people dream about their partners, strangers or others? My partner dreams about me (or so he says), where I tend to dream of random strangers who have characteristics of people in my life.
That’s a great question, Christine. . .
At almost 8 months pregnant- my libido is definitely down lol! Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog… I have not yet watched reunion part deux of RHONY but can’t wait to watch the recording tomorrow! What a season! Hope you’re well xo
Love this post. Thanks for the info.
I dont currently have a problem in this area. But its always good to have information for just in case.
Nothing helps us face reality like a good dose of fantasy! I mush prefer fantasy to the reality of peri-menopausal mood swings, weight gain and languishing libido.
BTW, love the new header!
Lisa! Ha! And the great thing about fantasy is it’s safe sex! As for the banner, I’ve got the resident artist working to make it look even better. Meanwhile, amazing how comfy those heels are on the floor.