Leaving… on a jet plane…
Grab the passport, pack in an hour, and hop on a plane – for a fabulous destination!
Oh yes. I used to do it in a heart beat, with no worries and a great deal of efficiency. Moreover, I was always excited to travel – especially if it meant the airport (great romantic possibilities in airports), and the thrill of knowing I’d be in a new city or a new country a few hours later, or the next morning.
Today’s travel realities
That was a number of years ago – before children. A time when it was routine for me to fly to France, Belgium, or Holland on business – three or four times a year. International travel was a piece of cake to me then, though naturally, those trips were jam-packed with conferences and client visits. That meant relatively little time was allotted to enjoying the local culture.
Regardless, practicing my fledgling Dutch or my fluent French was always a bonus. And when given the opportunity to stay for a weekend before flyinig back home? I would savor my favorite Parisian neighborhoods, their incredible art galleries, and the cafés where I could nurse a single glass of Pinot, utterly content.
Today’s travel? It involves Ziploc bags and endless security controls, hours of waiting and too often, delays. There are fewer on-board services, and much more planning is required. But we’re adults, right? If we know how to think ahead and organize a bit, then travel – domestic or international – needn’t mean headaches. It’s a big (beautiful) country, and an even bigger (fascinating) world. Doesn’t all that outweigh the hassles?
Travel with children
When I was in the corporate world, I traveled with my babies, frequently. My in-laws were European; I’d carry my little one in a front pack, my older one (not much bigger) in a back pack, along with the ever-trusty diaper bag and one small suitcase. It simply wasn’t the hassle many assume it to be; kids get used to whatever is routine.
I would leave my boys with their grandparents and cousins, and I’d hop the high speed train for Paris or elsewhere and take care of business. (This, of course, explains the episodes of emergency baptism by bubble bath – memories which still make me smile.) 
For many years, raising my children, there was no travel due to insufficient funds or time. Still, an occasional assignment took me to Europe when my sons were older, and they could stay a few days with friends or were, themselves, overseas with family. I’d recall (wistfully, I admit) earlier days of travel complete with strollers, snacks, and a stuffed diaper bag. Or, spontaneous and more exotic trips when I was single, able to vacation somewhere tropical, by the sea.
Kids traveling away from us
Kids traveling on their own is another matter. My elder son, 18, flies back to college today. And just as he flew off last August (after nights of pre-college teenage partying – I’m something of a veteran on this score), last night there was a small gathering in my living room that went well into the wee hours. This morning, I hear the shower and the packing, and my heart aches, because I know it will be many months again, before I see my son.
Sure, he stays in touch by telephone, by email, and we skype in the “twister” game of parenting once a teen has left home. Our relationship has shifted, yet remains intact. But empty nest, I realize, comes in pieces. Having him here these past two weeks has reminded me how profoundly I’ve missed him, and will miss him more so, as he leaves today.
Kids traveling abroad
My son has gone back and forth to Europe on his own for a number of years. He’s lived in Brittany, traveled the French countryside and Paris of course. He has French friends, and family in other countries. He wants more, as I did at that age and in my twenties. As his father did, and still does. My son is a world traveler, and he thrives on it.
When our children travel, they gain enormous insights, grow their independence, and broaden their perspectives. We worry; it’s only natural. We worry about their safety in traveling, their vulnerability, that they will have pleasurable and educational adventures. We worry about their homesickness. But we realize how invaluable the experiences will be, even the challenging ones.
This morning, it’s a different sort of travel. And I am the one who must face the challenge. Like any parent, who realizes she’s raised her child to be who he is – happily launched into his future, and flying far beyond the nest.
© D A Wolf
I’m aching for you… I think going off to college is a completely different type of travel (for both parents and child) than traveling abroad. For whatever reason, it seems more… definite. Traveling abroad, even at lengths of time, always leaves me feeling like I will be home someday, where going off to college is part of them making their own home.
{not that I meant to make you ache even more… anyway… thinking of you this morning!}
p.s. And today leaves me wanting to find this little restaurant in Nice that made the best pizza I have ever had in my life…
Oh Corinne… I’m weepy enough today. Don’t get me started on thinking of the South of France! (Okay, maybe it would distract me to think of the South of France.)
I just got back from my trip and the air travel was hellish – delayed flights, lost luggage, hot tea spilled on my husband at the beginning of a 6 hour flight… I can only imagine what it would be like with kids… I suppose it is all in the mindset. I was preparing for the worst and pretty much got it 🙂
It’s not that there aren’t hellish travel experiences. (You just had one.) Or utterly exhausting ones. But when you have traveled a great deal, or you do it with regularity, you set all that aside and think about the destination or the work to get done. It shifts the prominence of the inconveniences.
When you travel with babies and toddlers from the time they’re small, you get used to it and so do they. With families spread far and wide, it’s a necessity.
As a single mother of a 23-year-old son in his senior year at college, I can certainly relate to what you’re feeling. That is the big one, isn’t it? Or so it seemed to me until the bigger departure into life began to loom so large. They just keep going, don’t they? Good luck!
Thank you, SimplyForties. I got used to him being overseas for school, or for family reasons for as much as several months one time. This feels different. It is the “departure into life” issue, as you’ve so aptly put it.
Hugs to you, BLW. That’s got to be like a little knife in your heart. But I know he has great things ahead of him!
Traveling for me started with immigrating here to the United States. Didn’t have any idea where I was going at the time. I had just turned four and my parents and uncle barely said anything to me. Now that I’m older and have dropped them off a mile back, I don’t have anyone to depart form when I took myself back to school and off to college. Right now it is local, but when it is time for me to go out of state, I hope I can be able to gather alll of my friends together.
So I can spend time with them before I leave that is.
I cry every time I take one of my children to the train or the dorm door. I am getting better. The tears do not last as long. I have seen how they turn out as they finish college and branch out more on their own, the “departure into life” that is described here.
I am sending you a virtual hug, BLW, as I know what it feels like. He will return.
Ahh, BLW, what a day. I remember so clearly the day my parents dropped me off at college (now 16 years ago!), hugging them tightly and watching them walk through the Gothic archway toward their car and away from me. Even though I went to school 30 minutes from their home, I felt a shift at that moment – as though the process of individuation was accelerating in a way none of us was quite ready for. I love the perspective that you bring to this – a hint of how they felt on that day and probably still do every time Husband and I leave their house after one of our too short visits.
Tears sting my eyes when I think about the future launch.
Wolf, you are an amazing mom. An accomplished mom. Your sons have been given an amazing blessing through your experiences and love.
You have made me re-think my decision to not travel via the air until my children are older. : )
You’re such an awesome mom!
I am just the opposite, I had kids early and no money… so travel was out. I am now nearly an empty nest and want to learn to travel. I will watch and learn.
I also know all too well about letting them spread their wings. With my oldest in Iraq and my second spending this past summer 2000 miles from home. It was hard on her and harder on me.