Dear Future-Object-of-My-Adoration,
Let’s make things easier from the beginning, shall we? I enjoy a boatload of “stuff” – you know – good, touchy, playful, devilish, wild, tender… stuff.
But don’t stick your tongue in my ear.
Please.
Gross
I’ve been giving this considerable thought. For years. And I’ve reached the stage in life where I must speak out on this critical matter, this particular sexual practice. It’s uncomfortable. It’s odd. It’s slurpy. In fact, it’s gross.
So, here’s the gist: either millions of women are tolerating this bizarre flicker of foreplay and keeping mum, or I’m missing the tongue-in-ear erogenous gene. Tongue in cheek? No problem. Tongue in ear? Non merci.
Wench wax
Honestly, I don’t get it. What is the appeal of an upper orifice with no erotic receptivity? It’s just a container for a dainty deposit of wax. Rather like a honeycomb. So if you aren’t a bee, why would you want to visit?
As for other amorous arenas, oh Torso-to-Drive-Me-Mad, it would be my privilege to offer you a treasure trove – with or without map. And my only interdiction is my very un-erogenous outer-inner ears, though I suspect I wouldn’t like you to lap my eyelids or my nostrils. So perhaps we might dispense with that as well.
Terrain remains
Ah, Regal-Receptacle-of-My-Insatiable-Desire, much still remains at your disposition: lick my lobes, nuzzle my nipples, sample my scent along the back of my neck, linger on my lips, my hips, in my valleys and grottos with all manner of marvelous manipulations. Just keep the damn tongue out of my ears.
Now, a matter of reciprocity. Let’s talk about your particular points of pleasure. Might you suggest one or two areas of squirely sensitivity? I am happy to meander and explore without cues, or you may offer maps, signposts, or other participatory indications in a two-way communication. You know I am nothing if not a proponent of communication.
Humming and thrumming
Should you permit, I might mention that I have found a wide range of uniquely receptive regions on the male physique, some of which are off the beaten path, as it were. You’d be surprised. Discoveries may await – a little humming here, a little thrumming there; we have much mutual music to make together.
So, Landed-Lover-of-All-Things-Tactile, allow me to concoct my own capricious causeway to your stars, or do tell – any acts to avoid? And enlighten me: what might you crave, what sweetness and succor of your daring dreams may we give and receive? After all, ’tis the season – for snuggling, and sharing confidences.
Kisses,
BLW
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Okay. Blushing. But you are hilarious and made me smile. I decided I needed to tell you that. You are brave and brilliant, my friend.
I thought it was just me hating the ear thing! Sister!!! lololol…
Me too!! Only once I was with a guy I knew had a “reputation”… lots of girls were crazy about him. Once we started making out he kept trying to stick his tongue IN my ear. I like the nibbling of the lobes, but IN my ear hole?! Gross! I thought maybe it was some eeotic thing that I didn’t know about or something. I kept trying to steer him away from the hole but he kept going back. I thought I might be the only girl who thought it was completely disgusting. Now I find out he was the weird one. Lol This made me feel great lol.
Well, first off…the ear thing? Ewwww. Who wants to suck earwax?
And as for other turnoffs:
Dear Every Boy I Dated in Undergrad,
My boobs are not two hunks of bread dough. They aren’t maracas, or bobble-head dolls, or tetherballs, either.
Sincerely,
TKW
And as for my sweet spot…it’s gotta be my neck. Nuzzle my neck and I’m putty.
Yes, and yes!
Oh I must disagree! When a woman puts lips lightly touching my ear-ifice and breathes sweet nothings during a light nibble – BAM! Lights on!!
Love your descriptive painting here 😉
You may have to ear-laborate…
I am feeling quite silly this morning and this post helped that mood along. Thanks for the laugh!
As you said, nibble the lobes but leave the inside alone. It is quite disgusting.
I realize this isn’t statistically significant data, but I’m noting a trend… Guys – are you paying attention?
I am with you on I prefer to have my earlobes nibbled but don’t really want a tongue stuck in my ear. On the other hand, I don’t dislike running my tongue around a guy’s outer ear and flickering it in his ear (no wax digging involved). Occasionally, a try at removing an earring is fun also – if I am doing the removing. 🙂
Ha! This was very funny- I will not divulge my preferences for cuddling but I enjoyed reading about yours!
My dearest, cherest, Wolfe,
I have been so remiss, but not because I don’t think of you every day. You know that and then I come back and wham(!) here I am hit again by a woman who doesn’t just write words, but writes prose, beautiful prose no matter what the subject.
I digress, to answer your question: I hate it. It’s enough for me to call the whole thing off. I just don’t get it. It’s annoying really more than anything else. Instead of caressing one’s lover you want to swat him away. Not my thing AT ALL. I will do a mini survey for you to see if any French women like it. I’ll get back to you with yet another of my unscientific reports.
Let’s talk. . .
xoxo,Tish
Oui! Chère Tish – I am so pleased you are weighing in on this critical issue, long swept under the proverbial rug. (And it was fun to write.)
But do note there is a trend. We aren’t talking a little flick-and-tickle (though personally, I find that a tad disruptive myself), it’s that cleansing action as though a sink or other vessel were being roto-routered. Eeesh. And yes, I would be most interested to know what you might find out en France via a bit of informal polling. (Come to think of it, I’ve never encountered this en France, and don’t even know how to say it in French!) Bisous, à travers l’océan, à tout le monde.
I’ve gotten grumpier over time, like a sour wine (or whine, I guess). What I used to like, I don’t now. So significant other/Husband just needs to ask what the present status is of ear-ogenous zones. That one’s been off the mark for a long time. When I was fifteen I thought it was hot. Of course, I was fifteen.
Oh my. Oh dear. I’m not sure this was the post to read upon first cracking my laptop open and sipping through the second half of my morning joe. It is groggy morning and yet I am thinking big, sexy thoughts. Hmm, perhaps this is EXACTLY the right post to read, eh? Start the day off with a bang ( ha ha ha ).
And no, plunging a tongue down the earhole is all wet and slobbering and EW. Gross. I agree.
I love it when Husband does this:
I’ll be standing at the sink doing something mundane and Husband will slide his arms around my waist, pull me back against his chest, and start a slow trail of kissed from the nape of my neck toward my ear, where he nips the lobe, breathes very lightly, and then turns me around slightly to receive his hot melcha-knees kissin’
And then other times he does the wet willy thing and I don’t mean the babymaker in his pants.
Anyone else for the inside of the knee? Really. KNEE. Just try it. A little whispery kiss. A few light finger touches…
There are no sure rules in the area of erotic zones and erotic behaviors, and lots of individual differences. Tendencies and generalities, of course. I will tactfully skip over some of the surprises. Just get it right, for the person involved. Learning is fun.
Love your response, Paul! 😉
For starters, I find women’s ears to be very sexy; all those unique curves and contours and yes, if allowed, I would enjoy tracing with my tongue – and I would like her to reciprocate. But that said, wife doesn’t particularly enjoy so it’s usually not on the menu. And yes, I even like a tongue in my ear…
I think for those who find it repulsive, perhaps try it in the shower or while making out in the pool – that way you’re already wet and you can easily rinse off. Btw, the goal is not to be slobbery.