There are hard dates, soft dates, and other such matters.
Okay, okay – I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I do love to play with words. Isn’t wordplay a most delicious part of foreplay? Don’t you appreciate a double entendre now and then, or even occasionally, a… triple?
Well then. Let’s look at the options here, shall we?…
Serious markers
Hard Dates – Part 1
Birthdays, anniversaries, even the date someone passed away. These are hard dates – hard, because we’ve made a point of remembering them. Hard, because we can’t possibly help but remember. They mark our most important moments in life – joyful ones that we celebrate, like
- Sweet 16
- Take-me-out-get-me-drunk 21
- 40-and-still-kicking
- weddings and anniversaries.
There are also darker memories, dates when we mourn both people and relationships that have passed.
When loss occurs, through divorce, death, even misunderstanding – these hard dates remain painful markers of something once treasured, and now gone. If our lives are full and busy, it’s easier to acknowledge the loss and move on with the day. Sometimes, these hard dates leave us bereft; we relive our sorrows, and hope for tomorrow’s date to bring a cheerier perspective.
Soft dates – Part 1
Soft dates may be those we recall not because they fall into the traditional category of dates to remember – but because they hold special meaning. They may record accomplishments that make us proud – a first marathon, or first article published. They may mark a romantic meeting, or some other sweet occasion in life.
I will always remember my engagement date; what followed is irrelevant. It is a “soft” date in my mind, one filled with images and funny stories. I also smile on the date when I confirmed my first pregnancy. I was thrilled – and to commemorate the day, I took a photo of the test propped up against the front page of the New York Times! (That photo, to my son’s amusement, is in his baby album.)
Soft dates hold tender places in our hearts. They may be bittersweet, but they are rarely wrenching.
On to the juicy stuff!
Hard dates – Part Deux
Let’s face it – especially if it’s Third Date Sex time (or for me, Fifth Date, Exotic Vacation, or France) – the traditional adage still… um, holds up! A hard date is good to find (if you’re a woman…), and if you’re a guy, I’m guessing you want a soft date… soft in all the right places, that is…
Mmmm, on a very rainy Monday morning, a hard date for me in the sense of Part 1, I certainly could do with a hard date in the sense of Part Deux!! (Any callers at the bell desk? It’s wet around here – appropriate attire required.)
Soft dates – Part Deux
As I just said, if you’re a man, you may prefer your dates soft – in the appropriate regions – and I’m not talking state-specific sexual geography. More like the luxuriant landscape of the human form, female-style, whatever that may be to suit your taste.
I will say, if you’re a woman and your dates are soft (might it be the dating dilemma of SSRIs?) – that’s not a good sign.
Gentlemen – we really do love it when you rev your engines at the mere thought of our tiny digits familiarizing themselves with your stick shift… Of course, you should take your time parking your car in our garages, when you pay us a personal visit. It’s a matter of safe keeping for your vehicle, and maneuvering for the best fit in the space. Natch.
While some say that men will perk up around any woman – I know it takes a little more than that to sustain the attention, at least among the quality gentlemen I’ve come to know. You appreciate the pleasures of the cerebral, the seductive, the slow interplay of mind and body as getting-to-know-you moves closer to getting-to-know-you-better…
Any hard dates or soft dates you’d like to share?
As I said – it’s a rainy day, and I’m in the mood for stories!
- How do you make it through your hard dates and soft dates, Part 1?
- And how do you encourage more of the same, Part Deux?
Oh, jeez. No way am I treading into these deep waters! I can’t remember any dates. I even forgot my own birthday this year, and I didn’t know what day christmas was on until I was in college. I’m really bad. I don’t remember the day we got engaged or even the month. I remember our anniversary (religious), but not the day we had our civil wedding.
I’m terrible with remembering dates. This is where my family’s propensity for denial comes in handy. I honestly don’t remember my wedding date – Sept. sometime, but the actual date, no. Love your metaphors!
I have to say, one of the reasons I tend not to date is because the majority of them have been disappointing. I like them as a person, but not so much in bed. Or vice versa. So I keep those lives separate. I prefer anonymity in those kinds of soft dates – and that suits my hazy memory, too.
Funny because I just wrote a blog post yesterday about a “soft date” – the day Husband and I got engaged. I love this notion that there is a continuum of days we remember, days we remember because we are expected to or conditioned to and days we remember because they have become, organically, through memory and evolution, part of who we are. Love this post. Love.
Hmmm. Do men generally have a harder time remembering dates? Most of the men I’ve known (not all!) have some trouble with it, though they get in the ballpark. I’ll tell you, when a guy remembers a key date it goes far in a woman’s world! (And if you forget one, watch out.)
April, sounds like it’s hard for you, too. I know I just have a memory for numbers (more than names), so all kinds of info (dates, phone #s, license plates) stick… sometimes I wish they wouldn’t.
Love the post you wrote, Aidan – a delicious “soft” date indeed.
I simply love this image: of your positive pregnancy test propped up against the front page of the New York Times!
My calendar brims with major, repeating dates. My mother died on a January 12, an hour before a Friday the 13th in 1984. So I have published several essays about my mother on January 12, and I chose that day to contact a girlfriend from the mid-1980s, almost 20 years after our last contact, to clear up a matter between us that was gnawing on us.
I began my journal on September 15, 1970, and I was married almost exactly 19 years later, so the mid-September period echoes with meanings of childhood and fateful adult decisions.
Modern technology allows a date-obsessive to endlessly study the interplay of dates. I can, and have, synchronized emails and cellphone records to track the rise and collapse of relationships — I wrote to her then and then, and called then and then, and she finally called back at 7:30 a.m. that cold morning while I stood on the train platform and told me that . . . Technology makes recollections of hard and soft dates too easy to track.