We all know the expression. Candy’s dandy but liquor’s quicker. Cute, if you’re a consenting adult, but what if you’re a teenager? How susceptible are our kids to sweet-talking, seemingly safe friendships that often begin with faceless technology?
Do our kids really know who they’re dealing with?
Do we?
Or have we lost touch, as we sink deeper into our own use of these tools and communities – distracted by siblings, schedules, making a buck, and a host of other competing priorities?
We realize we need to know more when it comes to who our kids are talking to online or through texting – and how much. This is a priority; these are vulnerable years, and formative ones relative to how relationships work.
Now we all know there are friends, and there are friends… I’m certainly a proponent of online communities and communications. I’ve used them for
But I worry about the fact that I don’t know my son’s friends the way I used to. I can’t possibly; his world is expanding exponentially. I can ask questions, and I can insist on knowing names, having phone numbers, and planned locations when he goes out.
But even that doesn’t feel like enough.
How well do we really know our tweens’ and teens’ peer groups, especially as some of them are virtual? As kids get older, a broadening group of acquaintances is inevitable. But it’s more unsettling somehow, with the fickleness, potential deception, and reduced face-to-face time fostered by these tools.
And what about trust? Is it a thing of the past? What about pacing in relationships?
- Have social networks and superficial communications distorted the real nature of trusting relationships?
- Do they encourage throw-away friends at best, and dangerous behaviors at worst?
- Do our teens have the tools to recognize true friendship, or precarious emotional and physical territory?
- What can we do to help, other than pay attention, and be better role models ourselves?
Radical Parenting offers commentary on these issues.
Take a look at this article by Vanessa Van Petten, who runs RadicalParenting.com, a parenting blog written from the kid’s perspective with 20 teen writers. Their goal is to give parents a secret view into the world of kids and youth.
Cotton Candy Friends: How social networking, IMing, texting and the Internet are changing teens’ friendships.
Read, and share.
Throw away relationships are for real. I’m not sure it’s all due to technology, though. I definitely see the throwaway mentality with adults in online dating. But I also see it with adults who get so busy with their kids’ lives that they don’t make time for friends. I REALLY notice that a lot, since I’m a single dad and don’t have built-in adult time with a partner.
As for teens – my daughter has great friendships. She does use Facebook and email, but she values those people in real life and definitely makes time for friends.
I’ve been watching The Guild recently on Youtube. This phenomena of throw away relationships is definitely influenced by online technology (social networking). I think our shrinking world, due to technology, has made people ambivalent to real friendships. With billions of people to chose from people think they don’t need to work as hard to maintain a friendship. I think it’s sad that our kids spend so much time online — honestly, I think it’s sad that I spend so much time online! 🙂 Excellent questions you pose! Thanks.