Are you over 50, unemployed, depressed and feeling powerless? For that matter, are you any age and feeling hopeless because you can’t seem to land a job?
The recession may be officially over, and for some segments of the population, things are looking up. But too many are still sinking or hanging on by the skin of their teeth. Long-term unemployment or underemployment has become a way of life.
This issue, for me, is personal.
I know what it feels like to be marginalized because you’re out of work. To be judged by others as if there’s something wrong with you. To grow increasingly depressed, demoralized, and despairing as three months of joblessness turns into six, and then continues for a year or more; as rejection after rejection becomes crushing, humiliating, and leaves you feeling worthless.
I know what it is to be holding things together — barely — wondering when the latest pieces of patchwork pay will fall away suddenly; there are no employment protections (or “benefits”) to kick in when they do.
All money-related impacts aside, you lose confidence. You wear out. You exist on the edge. You start to give up.
And you don’t even make it into the “statistics.” It’s been too long since your last employment relationship.
A Reader Reminds Us
On a related note, yesterday a reader, someone I don’t know, left a comment and asked me to please get in touch. When that happens, if I possibly can get in touch, I do.
Unfortunately, when I sent a note to the email provided, it was returned as undeliverable. Apparently, there’s a typo in the address. I can only hope she will return to the original post, read any responses, and try again.
What was the subject?
Right. The ongoing discussion of being 50+ and looking for work, 50+ and confronted with long-term unemployment, 50+ with the need to earn one’s living, 50+ and no money to retool, 50+ and nowhere to turn. For the specifics, please reference the comment by a woman named Cindy. She was laid off after a long career as a veterinary technician and continues to look for work with no success.
Now, it’s easy to make well-intentioned recommendations. However, many assume there is money to pay for additional training, there are no health obstacles to limit one’s options, there is access to transportation, and of course, a decent roof over one’s head.
A stranger might advise you to stay open and flexible, consider a move if it makes sense, and per our pop culture panacea (positive attitude) — keep a smile on your face and “everything will be fine.” How often I’ve heard that in the past half dozen years or more. How often I’ve grown more discouraged when I’ve heard it. How often I wanted to protest in response!
It’s hard to smile your way through a stack of bills, your kids needing something you know you can’t afford, your debt deepening, your past work experience as good as it gets — but you, never in the running. It’s hard to fight your way back when easy assumptions don’t hold up and you can’t get past the prejudice of ageism. And age bias in the workplace is real.
Workers Age 50+ Continue to Struggle
This New York Times article reporting on older workers notes that the post-recessionary recovery continues to leave the 50+ segment behind.
Elizabeth Olson writes:
Long-term unemployment among older workers has been a major concern. On average, 45 percent of job seekers age 55 and older… have been looking long term, according to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, which defines long term as 27 or more weeks without work…
Ms. Olson cites an AARP report on a study conducted in October 2014 (participants ranged in age from 45 to 70), and she quotes its co-author economist Gary Koenig:
… the study’s results were “a mixed bag. You have about half who remain unemployed or have dropped out of the labor force, and the other half who have been able to find new employment, but conditions of that employment vary.”
And the follow-up? And concern about where we will be in a year or two or five as the impacts snowball?
Occupations With Growth Opportunities
Also noted in The Times article:
The occupations growing the fastest, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, are personal care and home health aides. Other growing job areas, which require specialized training, are nearly all in the health field and include occupational and physical therapy assistants, physician assistants and genetic counselors.
Of course, you have to be physically fit enough to perform these services, have the funds to acquire new skills and certifications, and have access to public or other transportation, which means money for a car, insurance, and gas in order to commute to deliver these services.
Even if Cindy wished to transition from her veterinary background into another area of the health field, how could she do so with no transportation or money to retool skills? How could she feel anything but powerless, like she has no reasonable choices?
It’s worth mentioning that The Times article speaks to the issue of age bias, to the importance of using contacts while job searching, and to the successes that many 50+ workers are having by shaping their work lives in some independent fashion.
One Layoff + One Divorce = One Decade of Crazy
Let’s take off the pretty masks for a minute, shall we? These days, I’m not as job-scared as I have been in the past, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t all change tomorrow. I am not in an “employment” relationship, I am constantly on edge about losing the latest project (to a younger resource), and that means I’m a phone call away from floating in a sea of worries as I have been off and on for years.
The worst of my job-scared days? They continued for a full ten-year period, and realistically, I doubt I will ever feel “safe” again. And this is especially true as the years pass.
For one thing, the insecurity of being what is (laughingly?) referred to as a “portfolio worker” sustains an undercurrent of stress that is impossible to explain if you haven’t lived it. And yes, at the moment, I have work coming out of my ears and I couldn’t be more delighted. But it’s temporary work. I could be out of work tomorrow.
I’m also perpetually physically tired, have virtually zero time for a relationship, too little time to keep a stream of leads in my pipeline (another concern), and find no alternative but to continue as things are.
When you don’t have so much as the pretense of a secure “job” — or for that matter a partner, spouse or other family member contributing to the household — it’s virtually impossible to let go of the fear of your income disappearing overnight. The prospect of another long, dry spell with no money coming in is terrifying. And reserves? Cushion?
If this has been going on for a few years, those rainy day savings are long gone.
Overqualified, Over-Educated, Over 50
Despite my fancy educational background and shiny corporate career history, for a number of years I was unable to obtain work that was even remotely close to using my skills. Paying me a living wage? Let’s not even discuss it. I must have applied to 100 positions over the course of several years, attended the usual networking events, and schmoozed every contact I could come up with.
No go. I suffered from the three O’s: Overqualified, Over-educated and Over 50, though I may not have looked it. That last? If you ask me, age was the kicker.
Throughout that period, as post-divorce skirmishes continued to flare (further complicating matters), I nonetheless took every project I could eke out of the woodwork, supplemented by debt.
Hello, bank bail-out? How about a few bucks for those of us who foot the bill in tax dollars?
The Borrowing Trap
Now and then, an acquaintance will make an off-hand remark about those who borrow money or live on credit cards. The assumption is that credit purchases are frivolous, or that the person who racks up consumer debt does so out of irresponsibility and poor judgment.
Never assume.
Yours truly?
I borrowed to put food on the table. I borrowed to pay for school supplies for my kids. I borrowed to enable them to take advantage of academic opportunities that they earned through their own hard work.
I also counted my blessings. While I had no family to assist, my kids were healthy and doing well, I was basically healthy despite chronic pain, and I was able to use credit. Borrowing is a double-edged sword of course, especially if it continues for an extended period.
But for my little household, debt was the only path to survival. For all I know, it will be again. And then what? My own personal big crash?
Fighting Your Way Back
These days?
I still live on a tight budget, I dream of recovering from the years of financial devastation “someday,” and I take every gig I can get.
Willingly.
I’ve gained new skills along the way and continue to refine them, I’m always looking for another project and thrilled when I nab one, and I’m accustomed to a 12- to 14-hour workday. I put in long hours throughout my traditional corporate career and I have no problem doing so now. In fact, I’m grateful for these workdays and I take none of them for granted. Moreover, I suggest that few of us should take our sources of income as a given.
You know the expression — “There but for the grace of God go I.” Misfortune can visit any one of us.
Layoff. Accident or illness. Gray divorce.
The phone call or email with no warning, saying “you’re done” as you’re replaced by someone 20 years younger.
And yes, I’ve internalized the wisdom of this little gem: “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” But I also know it isn’t always possible, and the secret to success is not as simple as hard work. It’s aided by the assistance of others, not to mention — luck.
What that means? I live in fear. I worry. Without an “employment relationship,” my situation remains precarious, especially as I grow older. And let’s not forget — in the U.S., without an employment relationship, there is no short term disability if you’re sick, no unemployment benefits (however meager) when you get the proverbial pink slip, and accessing health care becomes a whole other challenge unless you have an employed spouse with healthcare-related benefits through his or her employer.
Unemployed and Depressed
Forbes reminds us of the clear links between unemployment and depression, which isn’t to say that underemployment or hating your job is a picnic.
Forbes staff writer Susan Adams cites a Gallup poll as follows:
“The longer that Americans are unemployed, the more likely they are to report signs of poor psychological well-being,” says the study. “About one in five Americans who have been unemployed for a year or more say they currently have or are being treated for depression — almost double the rate among those who have been unemployed for five weeks or less.”
She goes on to note:
The long-term unemployed, unfortunately, have good reason to be depressed. They suffer plenty of discrimination in the job market. A 2012 study by economist Rand Ghayad found that employers preferred candidates with no relevant experience, but who had been out of work for less than six months, to those with experience who had been job hunting for longer than that.
That’s a striking statement, don’t you think?
I’d say it’s right in line with The Times column, wouldn’t you? So next time you’re about to judge, dismiss or ignore the acquaintance who finds himself or herself in this position, kindly reconsider.
Unemployed or Under-Employed? Over 50?
How many of you have found yourselves laid off and unable to get another job? How many of you are struggling in midlife to create a career where once you were responsible for taking care of a family?
- How many of you have knocked on doors and connected until you’re blue in the face, only to give up?
- How many of you have drained away any savings you may have had or incurred crushing debt?
- Have you had more success at creating new ventures for yourself — a business or freelance work?
- Were you able to rely on the assistance of family or friends for a temporary period?
- If you’re over 50, have you found it harder? Have you had an experience similar to Cindy’s?
I’m certain that many of you have fought your way back; I’m still fighting after years, but I have seen progress. Slower than I’d like, but progress all the same.
My concerns: how tenuous my situation remains; how quickly any progress can be wiped away. And if it’s this hard to cobble together a living in my fifties, what happens when I’m over 60?
Do you share these concerns? Have you tried something completely out-of-the-box? If someone helped you out, have you paid it forward by making connections for others?
Please do read this comment from Cindy. I have responded as best I can. I’m sure she would welcome your suggestions. There many other stories and comments. I’m certain those individuals would welcome your suggestions as well.
A Note on Despair
To be in this position — wanting to work, needing to work, knowing you still have much to contribute but never getting a foot in the door — is deeply frustrating, horribly depressing, and leaves us feeling impotent. Add up these elements and you have the formula for despair.
It’s brutally hard to fight your way back from despair. But sometimes, an act of compassion can help.
I’ve been on the receiving end of those incredible kindnesses — from strangers, from readers, and from one friend who has been living on the edge herself for years.
One small act of compassion can breathe new hope into the worst situation. And here’s what I know with 100% certainty. We may be unemployed, we may be depressed… but we aren’t powerless if we come together and try to help one another.
So if you have any ideas for Cindy, please offer them. And keep in mind that only when we have greater visibility — politically, organizationally — can we harness the power we need to create change.
For now, do what you can. If you know someone who is unemployed or underemployed, whether in an actual employment relationship or working as an independent (contract or freelance), please keep them in mind. Offer a suggestion — without judgment. Make a connection on their behalf — and let them know. Help by thinking creatively — and sharing your ideas. It’s often difficult to think outside the box when you feel so long shut down, closed in, and deprived of the light.
If you would like to share details of your story — concerns, special challenges, questions, suggestions and successes — or connect with others, please email startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
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I’m curious to get your take on the option of Network Marketing.
Hi James. Interesting question. Network marketing, sometimes known as Muliti Level Marketing — selling Mary Kay or Avon, for example — isn’t something I have experience with, personally.
A few links that offer some general info:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_multi-level_marketing_companies
https://www.forbes.com/sites/panosmourdoukoutas/2016/12/24/would-you-join-a-multilevel-marketing-network-to-earn-extra-income/#5aa9c3776f7c
http://www.investopedia.com/terms/m/multi-level-marketing.asp
It’s clearly important to do your own due diligence on any company you’re considering.
Would anyone like to share their experience on this topic?
Hi. I’d like to say that I’m in the same place in life.
Im 51 years old and lost my business over 6 years ago. Went through a divorce and have my son full time with no help from mother. I had to move back into my mothers house 4 years ago and just gets worse.
My mother needs more help as she’s getting older and I’m now power of attorney for my aunt who has come down with dementia and Alzheimer’s.
I live off of the little money that they both give me but goes right back out on food for them and gas. I can’t get ahead for the life of me and feel worse and worse each day.
My mother is critical of me all the time and treats me like a child and parents me on how to be a parent and after a long day dealing with my aunts stuff and the traffic to get home I get my mother telling me that she’s hungry and I need to make dinner.
Again, I am doing the cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after my mother and taking care of her dog that she fails to do. While still trying to raise my son.
Im being pulled by everyone around me and given these expectations with no consideration for me and my needs.
Not sure how to start my life when I’m helping everyone else with theirs ?
I can’t even afford the rent in my area with what jobs pay in this town.!!
One last thing. I’ve been for the past 5 years trying to get my left shoulder and arm repaired as I am left handed. I have had shoulder and carpel surgery and hasn’t help. So combined this with the other factors in my life and I feel worthless..!!
Check out the social services in your area. Have them help you apply for food stamps, help with heating costs, possibly help with bills, and apply for disability. THere are likely local services for the elderly and for caretakers. Ask your local church or temple if they supply volunteer services for the elderly. There are more resources available to you than you know.
I would move out no matter the cost. I say this from a perspective of understanding. You have to ask yourself…is your family making you worse to the point of destroying your frame of mind? It’s unbelievable how the people we care for can be so demanding and abusive. As if they are the ones doing you a favor. That sort of thing in untenable. I’ve told my mother that if she wants my company and care she need to learn some manners and act like a decent human being.
I’m in same boat except 58 yrs old, praying I’ll make it too as I’m living on 260 dollars a week driving a school bus, credit cards 4 every emergency. Good luck. I haven’t found the answer.
I am 50 and in a very similar spot. I’ve lived with my mother for a year and a half. She gives me a small amount of money to pay my bills. I am at her beck and call since she’s 80 and starting to have failing health. I don’t have children, and that sounds really hard considering your circumstances. It’s 2018 now and I see that this was written in 2017, so hopefully you’re doing better by now. I just wanted to comment because I know what this is like and I think some people just don’t get it. My family doesn’t and some of my friends are starting to think something’s terribly wrong with me. I’m wondering that myself. I lost my business in 2009 and still made a small amount of shrinking income since then…until last year when the work completely dried up. I was a commercial photographer. I’m depressed and always tired and just wish I wasn’t alive. But I’m stuck and really trying to find a new path. Though living with my mother and having to help her above anything else keeps me off center and unfocused and confronted with mortality and feeling defeated by life. It’s been a really hard time for what seems now like forever.
I understand. I was fired after 19 years on the job because the covid-19 vaccine was mandated. I have a history of issues with vaccines, but I went ahead and got the first Pfizer shot and ended up in the hospital with a reaction. My job wouldn’t accept my medical exemption and fired me. I have had significant issues finding work at my age. I have applied for 100+ jobs, but ageism exists, bigtime, and I have not gotten one call back. I’ve blown through savings, and loans given to me by my siblings but I’m stuck. My mother is aging and needs help, so I am caring for her and don’t have the time to care for myself. Very depressing. So, all that said, I understand completely what you’re going through. Best of luck!
I am also a triple O with no money and lots of debt. I have spent two hours writing my life story here and it devolved into a rant and finally a ‘delete all’. Going over the past is no help at all. I am here now and I have to do what I have to do. My wife and two boys are depending on me.
Thanks for letting me know others are navigating the same problems.
EL
“Have to do what you have to do.” What does that mean, EL? Kindly respond. It’s a concerning remark.
I know this sounds weird but at 48 I was out of work as an electrician. I got into affiliate marketing and it actually worked. I have been a U.S. Marine, a Navy reservist and a bunch of other jobs. I ended up with meningitis and my working career was done. No calls, nothing. I started affiliate marketing three years ago and am now making money every month. It took a while though and a lot of writing. Its an option.
David from September 7th 2018, I’d like to hear more about your experiences with affiliate marketing. My various brushes with it have not panned out. Please omit the blue sky diamond-studded sales pitch and give me a no frills assessment of the actual challenges. I’m not being sarcastic, just tired of hearing the “magic.” I want to hear the real actions and events, including the things that did not work. Thanks. 🙂
Just out of curiosity I googled losing a job for a senior and came on this site. I don’t know if you would be interested, but I do have experience in this area. I am 70 and male. I have a good corporate background, but too much gray hair to be hired. I started and ran a construction company that kept my disabled wife safe and got my kids through college. At one point I had an employee stealing semi loads of materials before he quit leaving me with two years worth of my income in bills. I dumped my retirement into that business and barely saved it but realized I needed a secondary source of income and started a part time business at 58 years old while working full time. 15 hours a week got me a business that saved my future and put a retirement back. I have taught others how to make six figure incomes too. The point is that THERE IS HOPE!
I don’t know the protocol for this web site, but after reading many responses my heart went out to those that are not feeling it right now. I have been there! Hopelessness sucks. I am paying my bills, helping my family, caring for my wife of 48 years and setting goals again. Seems a bit funny for a 70 year old man to have dreams, but I do. I am not sure of the mechanism, but I am willing to try to throw a few hundred starfish back in the sea (great story) if someone will tell me how to do this.
Blessings to all of you who are scared about the future, you are not alone. 63% of folks over 50 are more afraid of running out of money than dying. This is an epidemic. Maybe I can help…
Bud from Colorado
HI BUD. Your enthusiasm is welcoming and I am of the same mind set as you. I did not realize that there was age discrimination until my boyfriend said something to me. Until then I had been thinking about what I can do to get myself started in a self employed way. I am only 50 years old, I don’t feel as if I am 50 and it is so discouraging to read how so many are without the energy to even try. I want to succeed and get back to my feet. I survived a horribly violent marriage to an abusive man who left me for dead, who did whatever he liked and cost us our home and so much more. I had to move out and ask friends for help. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, asking for help. I used to be such a success and made good money, had everything I wanted only to have it all taken away by my ex. But that is history, he is no longer in my life Thank You God! I am struggling to get back on my feet due to being technically homeless and trying to take care of my mother who is 72 and has been diagnosed with lung cancer. The thought of losing her any time soon is the most painful thing I can imagine. She and I live with a lovely Christian family who have been so very kind to help us out. I cannot thank God enough for them. I do whatever I can for them and I have done odd jobs for anyone who is willing to allow a woman to do the work of an electrician, mechanic and other male dominated jobs. I pride myself on being able to do whatever is needed and I love to learn as much as possible. Your optimism gives me strength, I thought my biggest fear would be losing my job, my home and becoming destitute, yet here I am and I am stronger than ever. I just need help in finding an attorney so that I can file my bankruptcy and hopefully find a job where I don’t have to be paid under the table if you will. I spent my savings and 401 K trying to save my home only to loose it due to my ex. I find the attitude and willingness to do whatever it takes is helpful, that doing small things to build up self esteem is powerful. I will not give up. I will be a success once again. Thank you for sharing your success story, it is an inspiration for me. I wish everyone here happiness and the courage to keep going. Thank you for reading my story. God Bless Julie from CA.
Hey Bud, it’s 2021 and with a quick google search I came across this article. I’m in the same situation as most of the others who’ve commented. 51, broke, in debt, live at my elderly mothers with my daughter, in short, pretty hopeless. I would like to talk to you if you happen to see this.
Hi Bud –
I am close to 59 years old. My career has spiraled downward over the past 5 years and I have not worked at all over the past 8 months. I have spent the past 3+ months in partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient programs for very severe depression but am not making any progress – in fact my agitation gets worse every day. Any advise that you can give on re-training, new careers and businesses to start with little capital would be much appreciated.
It’s been 25 yrs…since my life shattered and exploded into pieces all around me. I’m now 48..soon to be 49. I am trying to begin over. Not sure where to begin I began my life at Penn State..many years ago. But….things happened. So now, Here I am. Uneducated, Untrained. without a work history.
I can sit here and give a sob story. . But that won’t help. I think there is hope for women like me. But we need resources. This might sound crazy, but AARP offers jobs..and most senior centers…offer job and computer training. I haven’t investigated this yet. I just hear rumors.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I am on “disability”.. so i have some small income (not much) but its . something keeping me off the streets and out of the open grave.
I believe there is a lot we as …older women can offer to each other and to the younger generation. I think beginning over begins first….with US. (our health) ….I’m out of shape, I lost my figure years ago. I gave up. so I recently picked myself up off the floor and pulled myself up by my bootstraps…and …carried on. “Giving Up” isn’t an option. And yes…i think about Suicide. Most of us….i think have. But, its wrong. And i don’t know about you all….but i still got dreams. (for the future) …we all need a dream..and a goal. ..a PURPOSE..to give us hope!!!… So, here i am. Figuring it out…as i go on with my life. Yes its lonely. Its hard, Its painful. But its a miracle. Our LIFE..is a miracle. I’m not ready to check out yet. Heck no!!!
So, Hope all who seek answers…find a spark of hope…to try to keep on trying. There is always hope and room and time…for 2nd chances. (at a career, at a new love, and with God)
There are job training’s for older people Yes you will FIGHT to get that job. But i learned….most good jobs…aren’t advertised. You need to knock on doors. (in person) ..dress to the 9’s…and look classy and elegant and nails perfectly polished. We aren’t….25…so….if you want something?….GO AFTER IT!! Search for Human Resources in teh dept…you want to apply to. Get NAMES.
Both my Sister..and Father…didn’t get a “GOOD” job…..by iit being advertised. They hunted and did thier homework. She works for…a Pharm company. She ..fought tooth and hail…to get that job. My father…worked for the airlines. HE fought also…for that job. DId his home work…45 yrs ago. He retired….pension…and…fly’s free He FOUGHT to get that job. My sister and dad…always told me….NO ONE IS GOING TO KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR….for a JOB. You must …KNOCK and BANG on their doors. ….hey..it works. My sister ….is now 50….very big exec….but..she FOUGHT to get her job.
Hope ..that helps…plant a seed. ….go after the job YOU want. …you are fabulous at 50!!!….
God Bless!!! .
I appreciate what everyone says to try to perk up others hopes about there being help and hope..YOU don’t live where I live. If you don’t live in a big city or you live in a money challenged state and in the part of the state they have let fall into third world conditions–the resources you assume are available everywhere just are not. In some states if you own a 60yr old run down home-that counts as ‘income’, if you own a 20 yr old car with 200,000 miles on it that is ‘income’. (Forget help with winter utilities or any other help in that case.) If you have been sick and prefer alternative treatments instead of western medicine or you don’t have the ‘records’ needed to apply for disability unless you have a doctor, then referrals and tests you could never pay for. There are no senior services and being 51 I’m not considered a senior by those who would help me only by those who I want help from. I was literally told by the local unemployment office yrs ago in my forties that there was nothing they could do to help me and that – I quote – ‘there are no jobs’.
I have health issues and am married to a man with health issues who works and rubs it in my face daily how we are barely making it and I need to do more. But ‘it has to pay enough for me to drive to work and back’. I have prayed for years for our relationship and for help with finding work I can do – if anyone would like to add their prayers I’d appreciate it. If it were not for God I’d have lost it long ago.
I wish so much that I had an answer for you. I can empathize with several aspects of your personal story from my own experience, and the cumulative negative impacts of not working and not receiving adequate healthcare. I know that many others who read and comment here can empathize as well. I also know that empathy doesn’t help pay the bills, provide healthcare services, resolve conflict with a spouse or partner who may not fully grasp the way that unemployment or underemployment can cause self-esteem to deteriorate.
Is there anyone nearby, online, or in some sort of supportive community that you can talk to? Even if only to get some of the thoroughly understandable frustration and pain out?
I’m 48, be 49 in 3 months 3 days, fixed income, tight budget, my benefits don’t allow me to work a full time job, its strict! maybe 15, 16 hours a week but really under the table, i haven’t worked since 2012. i payed for it had to pay the social security 6000 when i first tried to work in 2002 took 9 year to pay off at 65 a month deduction, i be so depressed these days i went to a tech school thought i wanted to be a mechanic but a change of heart after a year a auto shop with no ASE certifications no experience, low pay just at minimum wage and a $24,000 student loan over my head. then i struggled with my once a month check from 2012 till 2014 it got worse, went back to school for Electronics 2014 thinking it would change things if i get a degree in it, wrong! stupid decision on my end. three years later it brought greater student debt totaling $70,000 combined between two schools at $758 a month repayment for 10 years that’s $94,246! for a associate degree in Electronics and Automotive servicing diploma. i feel at my wits end, i been trying so hard to land a job and or career paying decent money but at my age close to 50 i feel like the younger generation is getting these jobs and great careers!
i feel worthless and like a true loser! and not smart at all getting stuck in student debt! i tried to better myself but at what cost!
Curtis, you are most certainly not a loser. You did not give up – you tried to reinvent yourself Monetarily it has not worked out. I am in the same boat right now but I am older. Soon to be 63. Who will hire me now? I am despairing – I try not to think about it but it is not a happy time around the holidays. – lost a good job in my field about 12 years ago, got another one at 1/3 the pay (because employers take advantage of older female employees who need a job) and didn’t get a raise for ten years == because again, the recession – and then was laid off. I went back to school two years ago and I have no idea what I will do when I am done. My old friends were primarily in my field of work I had for 30 years. It was my life and I was well known. Now I feel most certainly like a nobody back in school with people who are “mid-career” and are 20 years younger than I. My old colleagues are still in their jobs – why am I the unlucky one – AND when jobs are open in my field they advertise them to younger folks and do not let me know despite the fact that I want to work in that field again. I was good at my work. Now it has been almost three years and I am giving up on having a life anywhere close to the one I had. Our kids are also adults who are getting laid off and now home with us looking for work. We cant’ really afford our mortgage payment and living expenses, but we can’t afford to move as we can’t find a place to live that costs what we have in equity. I don’t know what to do but I am very very depressed as well. I am on medication but it doesn’t help that much anymore as I am sad about losing my access to friends, to do the things i used to enjoy like travel to see family because of lack of money and mountains of debt that have piled up. It is a struggle to leave the house at times because I don’t really feel I have friends I volunteer but I still feel very much alone. I don’t know any other formerly successful women who have been put out to pasture before we could afford it I am using my retirement savings for groceries and mortgage payments – not sure what will happen when I get too old to work (I don’t call it retirement anymore because that doesn’t appear to be in the cards unless I am disabled). I just want you to know you are not alone. I am glad you wrote and I searched for these articles because I feel very alone at times. I see a therapist but she doesn’t know what to tell me any more. My husband is also unsuccessful but he has relied on me so much for being the main breadwinner that he has not stepped up – he said he tried that years ago and it never worked. He could not network because he was too proud, and now he says he doesn’t know anyone. It is almost as though he did not step up after I lost my job doing anything differently than he had done before.
Your husband sounds like an A%-=le. I am sorry for you.
I used to be a “somebody” too, in the eyes of society. Was downsized 20 years ago. Never made it back. Bought a business with retirement savings after divorce. Found out it was a fraudulent deal. Lost everything. Treated like a loser by 2 husbands. Divorced. Had real estate. Ex burned through all my equity when we separated. Lost that. Have tried re-inventing myself many times. Now I’m 60. Gave up looking for good work even though I have a Masters degree. The judge gaved me no maintenance after 16 year marriage citing this useless degree. Today, I make $12 an hour working in retail. I rent a room out in my house on airbnb. I’ve become very spiritual. It helps me focus on nature, beauty, having good health, enjoying the simple things and remembering that many people did not even get a meal today or have clean water to drink. No bombs circling overhead either. I am safe.
I am so very sorry for your setbacks. I am 63 and started living as single for the first time when my ex left me 4 years ago. We co-managed a self-storage facility for 8 years before he decided to call it quits without warning. Usually by the time it is over with them, everything about you and your life has been completely destroyed except for your flesh and blood. My situation has left me without a job and like so many my age, I am finding it a challenge to find work. I was forced to take early retirement in order to take care of some of my needs. Unfortunately it is not enough to afford to live on my own. I currently sleep on the sofa of an elderly aunt. I am fortunate to have very little debt and the aunt will not accept rent. All and all I am still grateful. I could be much worst. I have no doubt that things will be better. I’m just taking it one day at a time.
You’re so blessed to have a house and the ability to rent a room as airbnb. To me, that’s rich. You are safe. Lucky you.
We live in a youth obsessed society. Its almost to the point of perversion. If you’re not YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL nobody wants to look at you.
Ive been homeless since i lost job in 2014. I’m 53 and everything i try fails. Why don’t we start a compound? Nobody wants to look at us. All we have is each other. There’s safety in numbers.
This is all i could come up with. Yes it might be hard at first but thats how everything is.
You’re in a tough job .. taking care of the elderly, especially a mom who still treats you like a child and an aunt with dementia, and needing to pour life into your son. There seem to be a number of us where our thoughts get to us & we begin to believe we’re worthless, and lonely. My siblings could care less about me, I do have a home, but unemployed & alone and lonely. Never married, no pets, and feel so stuck. I wish there were others like me who wanted to help each other.
I think a lot of us want to help each other, Diane. The problem is that we are ourselves so financially strapped. And also, too often overwhelmed, not able to see exactly how we can help each other.
I’m in a tough situation too. Despair fills my days. I keep plugging away. I’m 58, underemployed, out of a business where my partner didn’t want to continue. I lost everything I had. I’m reaching out to find others and get ideas and encouragement.
This was the greatest idea. ?
I am glad I found this page because reading these histories makes me feel that I am not alone. I am 50, my husband 52. He is massagist and has a small company, I am unemployed, undereducated, living in a foreign country and doing a lot of volunteer work. I am very frustrated because a lot of organizations and companies look for my help, but when I share that I need some hand because I am unemployed, they just ignore me. I know that I am capable of doing a lot, as they keep asking for my extra hands but never good enough to get paid.
I also have to deal with unacceptance as I am an immigrant, they treat me like I don’t deserve any chance. Well, I am on this point full of energy and ideas but I just see all of them going to trash. I dedicate 40 years of my life doing more volunteer work and having a simple life because my priority was to help others and I still believe that I can change the world 🙂 Such a dreamer.
I don’t know what tomorrow has for me, this starts to be a bit scary but I will keep my smile and hopes. God has been good to me, I am sure that no matter what, He will be on my side when no one will be anymore.
There is more to this than re-educating oneself I find. At the age of 45, I was freshly separated from my partner, and the clothing business we had together had been sold. I did a tour-guiding certificate and then I hunted for work for 18 months, spent a fortune on bound CV’s with photographs that these companies wanted, but with no offers I ended up applying for cleaning work in people’s homes, without success. The person who gave me a permanent job eventually was a middle aged woman herself. She was large and super smart and probably had seen her share of prejudice.
My colleague with a degree earned so many times what I did, and I was struggling to make ends meet, so at about this time I rented out my home and moved in with my mom so that I could pay for university. By the second year I was getting academic awards, and was frequently top student, if in a very small department, and so the combination of bursaries and rent income got me through the next 8 years and my Masters degree in Linguistics. In my final year I made 75 applications to join projects which were all turned down. I saw all the tutoring and teaching and project work that was available going to other younger students. I came away with nothing after the most grueling 8 years of my life. I really believed an education, and working hard to shine would save me from unemployment.
To get any work they say I need a PhD, which is the minimum requirement in the working world of linguistics, but I may just find all the work going to other younger people, when I graduate at 62 years of age, and I’ve had enough of studying. I should have researched this beforehand. Indeed I was worried. I went to the careers office at university on three occasions to see if I had chosen an intelligent path. A consultant told me not to worry, to go with the flow, do what I love and these kinds of students were the most successful. I applied her advice and just wasted years of life. I have since found out that the only work for Masters graduates on the Linguistics work board (it’s a tiny little field and there is only one work board) is coding at google. Really. That and teaching English. However I have made over 300 applications as an experienced and TEFL qualified teacher to Chinese companies and never got an answer. They are looking for UK or USA or Canadian English. They are not interested in my MA in language, my experience or my TEFL. I have been rejected even here in my home town, while younger women straight out of school got the jobs, at these language call centers. They told me I had the wrong shoes, the clients like high heels. As they only ever see my face, it was obviously just an excuse for the real reason. Anyway, in posters calling for language teachers they always have an age limit of 50. They sell their courses with desire. I’ve seen articles on this.
A 57-year-old graduate is not under the same regime as a twenty something. We need to be very careful and do our research thoroughly. We need to pay special attention to things like the need for our skills in the market place (fascinating as it is as a subject, Linguistics is dead in the water) sexism in certain industries (the 58-year-old female google coder with a linguistics MA sounds like a unicorn), whether you belong to an interesting demographic (In linguistics English mother tongue is boring for funders in an African context. Africa is second only to Papua New Guinea in diversity) and what level qualifications you will really need to be employable (no one will tell you there is only work for post docs when you have 10 years to go still… they assume you will never get close).
I don’t know about coding. My sister is a master coder, but she is much better at maths than myself, with a PhD in physics and brain science. I’m not even interested in it. I hear it’s a very sexist industry too, and the age thing is huge in IT.
Since graduation I’ve been blogging for two years and its been hard work actually, putting together information-rich articles several times a week. I’m constantly researching, reading and in the garden digging. I have not made a cent yet. I lie, I made five cents last week with my newly placed ads. This ‘career’ was offered to me as a money spinning dead cert by my partner, with whom I am once more happily united. It worked for him in his odd quirky niche… it didn’t work for me in my huge niche. He said the bigger numbers would make me even more successful, they had the opposite effect. As the guide book said, but he knew different.
All I can say from my experience is: A wise woman seeks advice and a fool takes it. Learn to be your own woman right down to the core of that nagging ‘but’ in the middle of the night. Get strength wherever you can and trust your own feelings and doubt about a course of action. Use your brain and information gathering skills to the fullest on this decision making process. Get disengaged from fuzzy warm feelings and the need for security or an ‘easy’ path emotionally guiding this decision. We can’t control the future, but we can try and prevent falling into what is in hindsight a trap covered with warning signs we refused to read.
A caveat, the information you need is not available. No one working in the place you want to be will tell you about the disadvantages that may make entry impossible. They like to feel it’s open to anyone with enough passion and they don’t have special privileges, or they got it on pure merit, and not because of sex, age or skin color. If you do find yourself having wasted years of your life, when the years you have left for maneuvering are tight, you need to get over the fallout and the despair quickly. Look to your spirit and give it all the care it needs to stay upright, and use your nobbin. Ask for advice but think about where the advisor is coming from. Someone who wants an easy day at the office will tell you fluffy stuff that could ruin your future, they really do. No one cares about your fate as much as you do. Look after yourself, little fox.
And in my case, get your anger under control and redirected in constructive directions. One outburst can ruin a decade of preparation. The only ability I have which people seem to care about is self governance. Work hard on becoming emotionally balanced, wise and friendly. It has not got me any work yet, but its got me a network, and even if I die of starvation, I’m getting better at weathering the suffering that is inevitable. You can increase the quality of your time here, and that is worth more than anything else. For me studying DBT, CBT, the Science of Happiness and Christian faith were all helpful. They all relativize the feeling of being ‘stupid’ to have got into this position and being so poor. It’s just life. Suffering is inevitable.
Choose the place you vent your frustration at injustice very carefully. This anger is an important compass for bringing about change, but 100% of people with a buck in their hands will not give it to you if you put up a fence between you, even ten years ago on facebook.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, thank you for this as well.
Very wise advice. Thank you and God bless.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I hope things have turned around for you.
I like the article. I am running 50 and have lost everything except family. I am trying hard to get business but failed over and over. I am a businessman and I was having almost everything that a successful person has in life. I am a jeweler, astrologer, singer, speculator, gold and diamond expert. Today I am living in rented property and don’t know whether I will pay my next rent or not. No savings. I seek help from this forum to find out solution.
Do you have anyone you can go to for ideas, to brainstorm, just to speak with so that you feel a little bit better and stronger so you can keep going? Are there other things that you know how to do for which there may be more of a market? Can you partner with someone in their existing business perhaps? Is there even an acquaintance that might help you continue to meet other people with whom you can show all of your good qualities and your skills and your enthusiasm so that they might give you work?
When the immediate problem is paying rent or buying food or medicine, or paying the next bill, of course long-term ideas are not what you need. If you are physically able, is there work of an entirely different kind that you might be able to do even for a short time? Helping the elderly? As a driver? Reading to someone who is blind? Teaching a language? Caring for children? Walking dogs? I know that I am not too proud to do any kind of work that I am capable of doing, and I have done; it is a matter of the way the world is and just being realistic. Who can you talk to for ideas and options?
You really think this person simply forgot that they have some friend who would be happy to help them network?
That people are too proud to take certain jobs? So what you are saying is you think less of the people who do these “menial” jobs.
That people can just walk in and demand a job? I’ve been turned down for a job at Target with a BS, and lots of experience. That attitude that the low level jobs are like low hanging fruit just there for the picking is the most invalidating, and shows that you are not in this kind of situation at all.
Jan, I don’t know why my response has provoked such anger. I think you misunderstood what I am saying. I am agreeing with you. Was that not clear? And if I didn’t feel very strongly about this subject in all its forms and flavors, why would I continue writing about it for so many years – or for that matter bother to respond to comments except because I sympathize, empathize, and consider the way we are erased once we’re out of work a terrible, inexcusable waste?
You don’t know my “real life“ any more than I know yours or that of anyone else who comments here, except to the extent that they share what they wish to share. As do I.
But I have lived outside of the US where people are not thrown away as they are here. We do indeed need a safety net that is more encompassing. That was my point.
I wish you well.
I am 52 and husband is 60 we have been unemployed for almost a year for me, hubby a year and half. We have exhausted all resources/savings etc. I am glad I found this post and know I am not alone. It’s hard to get out of bed some days and night not have a bed soon. Out of money and trying to find a minimum wage job. Going to meet with my minister on Tuesday praying for food and to continue to have a roof over my head. It’s scary and a lonely feeling unless someone has been through it they just don’t get it. My kids (grown) but still asking for help with their bills tell me I am not trying to just go get a job. They just don’t get it. Here’s hoping for better days ahead!
Please stop back and let us know how you are both doing, and if we can offer any suggestions. I hope your minister and church will be able to offer encouragement and something more tangible — contacts, ideas, etc. Indeed, most of us who have been through this know how shredding and frightening it can be, and as you say, how hard it is to get out of bed some days, knowing how real the obstacles are. But we can’t stop trying.
This is the best damn article about these issues I have EVER read. You saved a life tonight. Not literally but close enough. To be understood and to finally understand through someone else’s writing-what a godsent. Instead of feeling 110% like a piece of garbage, I now feel only 45% garbage. And that’s a miracle in my book. Cheers to you. Thank you!!!!!
I’m a 50yo female and have been unemployed for 5 months. I was a late mom, so my son is 7. His dad is remarried and doing fairly well. He and my son spend a good deal of time together and love each other. My son’s stepmom is a good person and loves my son.
I’m going to miss my son’s laugh. I love him more than anything. I promised myself and him that I would live long and never leave him.
But I’m going to. I’m a throwaway to this world. I’ve worked for decades, since I was 15. I got good grades and a BA. I worked my way through college and did a lot of retail and restaurants well into my 20s. I’ve struggled with depression before I was old enough to spell.
My skills are average. I pick up most technology quickly. I’m ok with data. I’m a reasonably good writer though neither terribly prolific nor prone to acceptable prose. I don’t have the time or energy to calculate how many training hours and $ I’d need to spend learning and getting certified in all the skills listed as required for jobs I’m almost certain I could do now. Throw into the calculation bandwidth needed to job search, submit resumes and cover letters, connect with people, network, work out, diet, shop, blog, create videos and podcasts, take care of my child… It has never been in me. Now less than ever.
I didn’t understand that, unless I reached a certain level of love and money before 50, that I would be deemed valueless. Have no support and no means to support myself. Whatever skills I have completely overshadowed by my failure to excel. I’m considered detritus. Done. Even if I interview, one in 5 months, with a decision promised within a week, I am ghosted. I don’t matter. I’m not here.
My unemployment ends in a week or two. I will cash out my $20k retirement. I will make my will, start clearing the cupboards, tell my ex he can switch our son to the school closer to his house… like he wanted.
Somehow I’ll find an excuse to break down and consolidate furniture and things people might want. I will get rid of mementos from my past. I will beat my brain into a malleable sludge so my despair doesn’t tip anyone off. I will smile. I will kill myself, further decreasing the already low unemployment rate.
Pen,
I understand what you’re going through, please believe me. Many, many people who have stopped by here and read this article and others in the “over 50“ topics understand. But if you do what you are thinking of doing, your child will not understand. At least, I don’t think so. And you are only 50, and you have only been unemployed for five months, and many here, myself included, have dealt with what you are dealing with. We really do understand. We have managed our way through. It isn’t easy, in fact, it can be misery, but there are no guarantees, it can get better, but only if we keep fighting and hanging on. It is possible. You are not alone.
What if you were able to talk with others who get it? Who understand where you are? What if you were able to brainstorm with others who might have some ideas for you? Do you not have anyone that you can speak to for help – especially with the depression? Family? A friend? Clergy? An acquaintance?
Even your ex?
People can and will help, if they know you need their help.
I am not a counselor of any sort, but please, leave a response. Let’s see if we can’t come up with something that would help in some way.
You matter.
I tried emailing you at the address that you left when you left your comment, but I have not heard back, and I have no idea if it will reach you. Please respond. With a valid email. You are not alone.
Pen….You are such a brave soul. You aren’t alone by far. I have just today received my first full paycheck, where I have full benefits and 80 hours of work after 8 months of being unemployed. My unemployment ran out also in Jan and I too felt the very same way you are feeling. I turned 53 Nov 24th. We are far from being old or worthless. You are so blessed to have your son. He will not be better off without you. You are a mother and that in itself is a top notch job. It’s daunting looking for a job, I was tired, stressed, angry and felt isolated. One day I was looking at job openings and I saw my current job and applied. I live in a college town. I was stuck here. But I applied and got a call and interviewed and on the 29th will be 1 month. Its just when you feel like giving up that you must keep going. Maybe make your son your light in your life. Don’t devastate his life. Seek out help, its out there… you will be so glad you never left your baby… Things will turn.. Don’t give up.
By the way I havent been blessed with a child like you… So you are a huge step ahead of me… Your feelings are real and valid… I got some local help with an organization that is connected to local churches. Just because I got a job doesn’t mean its over. I have to level out my emotions.. I signed up for free life coaching. Im going to see if it works. Why don’t you come over to our facebook page? If you drop an email to DA at startingover50plus@gmail – she will put you in an Over 50 and Starting Over group. Lots of support and room to vent. Its a closed group… You can always email me too.. Just leave word in a comment and DA Will give you my email address.
You aren’t without value… Its just a challenging time… You can do this…
I did say that about sums it up. All the relentless training to be perfect at every conceivable task beer the Sun when it would be completely useless anyway is a waste of money (and I would be better at most jobs than the people doing them). But I am not one of the perfect people at age 56.
Pen,
I wish sometimes I had been brave enough to end it on many occasions. It isn’t just the lack of income, though big, it’s the husband going on like you never happened or mattered. It’s like losing a limb, or two. They don’t grow back.
I HATE people who blow smoke up your butt saying things will get better, that people need you. No, things don’t always get better, often worse. Or the other “it happened to me so it can happen to you” attitude. Not necessarily.
Yeah, Cindy Crawford was accidentally discovered and became a supermodel, doesn’t mean it will happen to me.
It might never get better. There is no answer. People don’t want to admit some of us have no one to help or willing to help, which is very painful.
Sometimes no one will help. In fact I’ve had people act with hostility towards my vulnerability, which is really awful.
I really hate when people start throwing out suggestions…have you tried this, that? Assume people are fairly intelligent and have tried people. The implication that you just haven’t tried hard enough, is insulting. You should be grateful because__________. Invalidating and shaming.
I used to get so angry – why do I have to die because I don’t have a job? I can’t get someone to hire me so I don’t deserve to live? That is pretty much how our society works. Maybe if I get another interview I will just say that to the interviewer… “you are the difference between life and death for me”.
I hope you take the 20K and spend it on fun, irresponsible things. I hope you make it through.
This country needs a safety net for people in this position. When things started the downward spiral in my life, it would have taken relatively little to stop it. But our society only offers help (sometimes) when things are soooo bad, then, there are non-profits running the supposed “help”, making money off the backs of the downtrodden, when if that money was given directly to people in need… well, we can’t have that. Those people are irresponsible, that’s how they got in this bind in the first place.
I hear you, Jan. Too many of us hear you and understand you. I rather like your idea of making a statement such as the one you mentioned for your next interview.
I was especially struck by this remark: “This country needs a safety net for people in this position. When things started the downward spiral in my life, it would have taken relatively little to stop it.”
You are so right.
I completely agree! After being married and working 2 jobs for 16 years I found myself unemployed, divorced, without my kids. I still don’t understand how it all happened, but it was the perfect storm of ruin. I went from homeowner, wife, mom, sister, member of my community, to homeless, jobless, and alone in the same day! Nobody wants to get near a sinking ship. Nobody wants the stench of ruin to contaminate their lives. As a last resort I sought relief from my church, and was told to go to the mission homeless shelter, by my pastor. The ultimate rejection after anyone related to me had helped themselves to what was left over from the divorce. My sister and only witness to my childhood took the opportunity to finally take out her pent up angst for childhood transgressions… real and imagined.
It’s surreal to realize how alone one can be, and how easily those who made up my world could move on as if I never existed. I reflected on how much time and effort I had wasted, on people who would never reciprocate, on jobs that went nowhere and took up time I should have spent with my kids. I can’t help thinking what was the point of it all? I lost count of the regrets, they haunt me day and night. I am angry and a little bitter that I enriched the lives of others and assisted in their success only to be forgotten. And I find it impossible to wish anyone well when I’m cold, hungry, and scared. I like sleeping indoors! It never occurred to me that might not be able to someday. Or that my definition of indoors would change so drastically. I just really believed it couldn’t happen to me. I didn’t understand what getting older really meant…. that when your 20 to 30 ish you can afford to stand your ground on principle, but after 50 it’s quicksand you better be prepared for. That nobody cares and you had better care enough to hide a nest egg and makes sure basic necessities are in your name and paid for. That you must take care of yourself as if you are alone in the world. That nothing is sacred, and people disappoint and break your heart with a smile. I learned the difference between want and need brutally with many tears, and now get to wait out retirement age when I will finally qualify for social security insurance.
I feel your pain as it resonates with my life history. I find myself having to worry about the next few days when I used to have to worry about long term issues. My world has become so very small and there is zero help out there. You get told to go here or call there. Only to be redirected some other place. I have looked into where the money has been going. It all looks great and full of support on paper, but when you truly have to reach out asking for help, there is none. It is so bad right now in May 2021 people are living in tents along the freeway and railroad tracks.
I would love to know where our taxes go! What, who, where and most importantly WHY!?
The most help I have ever received was from people who didn’t have much to give, but they still gave.
How horrible is our society that those who have untold amounts of wealth go on as if there is no suffering?
If I won the lottery today, I would put together a team of people who want to help and who will stay the course. I would do as much as I could to feed those who have nothing, to give them dental care, to provide them with clothes, and a place to sleep. So much can be accomplished when we remove our egos and identify with those who need help.
I have looked at this issue from the bottom up, and I feel as if there is no help because ultimately the government wants us to simply drop dead. Why would they want to spend out Social Security on US when there is a party to be had!?
To harm yourself, remember… it’s not just your life anymore & it will absolutely destroy your child no matter how good their life is or how happy they are.. they will always and forever wonder why they weren’t enough to keep their mother from wanting to die. It was you who created that child, and since becoming a parent you have lost the option to take your own life. Stay strong. You can do it for your child.
Pen~Please don’t give up. You do still have value. Your son will NOT be better off without you. I’m 53 and I still need my Mom, I’d be lost without her. My Mom tried to kill herself when I was young and the incredibly damaging effect it had on me lasted for over a decade. A seven year old can NOT process that type of loss. DON’T GIVE UP, IT’S NOT OVER ‘TIL IT’S OVER. Please.
Pen, please don’t give up! Many of us out here have had similar problems and depression over them. But life can change in an instant! You need to be strong for your son’s sake.
Personally when I was at my lowest, I finally got hired for a minimum wage job, and while I had that job I kept looking for something better. It took a year, but I finally got a much better job making a decent wage.
You MUST not lose hope! Think of all there is to come! Your son’s school functions and graduation!
I know it is tough to think ahead when you feel miserable, but a better life can be yours if you will get through this bad time.
I lost my last paid gig – a contract position – almost 5 years ago. I have not worked professionally since, despite an initial push, then sporadic flurries of job search activity consisting of online applications, networking, etc…. I got a real estate license, a home health certification, and haven’t been able to monetize either. I did not understand going into it, the barriers to entry in real estate, had no network, or that home health jobs are not living wage jobs. I feel such empathy for anyone who finds herself or himself in this position!
For the past few years, I’ve worn a variety of hats from home health aid, companion, chauffeur, cook, maid, personal shopper, entertainment coordinator, financial analyst, guardian, etc… to an aging parent. I wasn’t prepared to deal with the numerous and increasing demands this required, especially being over 50, unemployed and broke. I’ve plowed through my savings, accumulated more debt, been through more humiliation than I care to recount (oh, the job interview stories I could relate!), and feel isolated, demoralized and sometimes angry. I’ve seen first hand how the elderly are targeted for scams, cons, every ripoff scheme and telemarketing script ever conceived (thank God for the Federal Do-Not-Call registry), and how, without any oversight or assistance, they fall prey to these scams.
I am very grateful to have had the education I received, and even though no one wants me on a professional level now, the experiences I have had enabled me to help simplify and protect someone I love very much.
Finally, I want to offer some constructive advice. The only thing that’s kept me sane is cycling – bicycling. I’ve been doing it for years, and exercise lifts mood, eliminating the need or anti-depressants, and their side effects. Even walking helps. I am lucky enough to be in one of those over-55 communities with a small (don’t blink or you’ll miss it!) “gym”. Staying active, if not necessarily fit, has many benefits. That’s my 2 cents.
Thank you for this very thoughtful and thorough comment, Karen. I think too many of us can relate, myself included. This leads me to wonder what the true unemployment and underemployment rate is for the over 50 crowd, since so many of us have not been counted in the statistics for many many years.
Pen,
Maybe your job at this time is to show your son how to deal with adversity and the challenges life can bring. I think it is very admirable that you worked your way through college and earned a BA. Please channel your feelings of frustration into defending yourself – NOT acting against yourself. Don’t let the whims of society or the economy cause you to lose sight of your value as a PERSON!
As I read all of these stories, I can only conclude that such stories are commonplace. My story has even less success, no real good jobs in my past, plenty of education, and unemployed at 54. The solution that came to me is to practice some reverse age discrimination. I can see that there is tons of work experience in the plus 50 group, why not run a company and only hire people that are older? I would love to see a group of white haired folks out-perform kids out of college, and this should be entirely possible. Experience trumps youth all day long. The key is the idea, but the experience needed is all available in droves from those of us that are older. Does anyone else think this is a good idea?
Sounds good to me! ?
I absolutely agree, Frank, at least in theory. I’ve often thought those very thoughts, always coming to the same conclusion. Conceptually it comes down to taking those who have been excluded from the “main” economy and aggregating them to form a new, sub-economy. It makes sense in principle, but may be hard to make work practically at all of the local, micro scales.
A few years back a business friend and I tried to build interest around this concept at a local church-based job search support group. With a limited number of people to work with, assembling a functional team of any sort would require that many people be able to work as generalists, outside of their specialties, outside of their comfort zones, or all three. Unfortunately, we didn’t find that people were able to make that mental leap. Everyone preferred to keep looking for positions similar to the ones they had lost.
Although I still love the idea, the only way I see it can work is in the production of an intellectual product, produced and delivered virtually at a national or international scale. What does the world need that fits that description? Things like software, education, training, are the easy but inadequate answers. But find the product…..
Great idea. Been searching for something like this for a while. So much talent, professionalism, work ethic, life experience out there. A win-win for the world.
It does to me. I am an unemployed single mother of a 16 yr old daughter. Ive gone from 1 under paid job to another being treated badly by 21-25 yr old managers that cant begin to understand what life is all about. I have created successful businesses in the past without even trying. My daughters father walked out when she was 2 and never turned around again. He hasnt contributed as much as a diaper and continues to “hide” 22 miles away. I was 40 when she was born and spent 11 years being a stay at home mom to my grown sons. During my marriage to their father I had the luxury of being able to take chances that were successful. When you have to take the sure thing just to survive it puts you in a position of vulnerability and at age 56 the jobs available are minimum wage with young managers that dont take you seriously and use your hardship against you. It doesnt seem to matter how hard you work, Its disgraceful. What kind of example can I be to my daughter? Im so depressed because no matter how hard I try I cant seem to catch up. I have a high school diploma and a lot of life experience but Im never taken seriously.
Frank,
It is a great idea. I am 60 and I was out of work for more than 2 years and I was ready to pack up and move to an affordable country. The site provided much succor when I read others’ experiences (some of them heart rending) and showed how fortunate I was even when I was out of work! Kudos to Ms. Wolf for having come up with a blog. A mere sharing of experiences and reading them is a catharsis to many.
And out of the blue I landed a job with a good salary!
I make sure (and the following may be a $.02 for older workers who may get a job):
1. I dress professionally even though the code allows for casual dress.
2. I always present myself to work every day, promptly, never slacking.
3. Show the best professional demeanor in person or in communications.
3. More in tune with Frank’s suggestion, giving a run to the younger ones in terms of work, competence, passion.
4. Ran the Austin marathon in Feb 2018 – as a gentle reminder that ‘this one’ is not on crutches, not yet. ?
Frank, while starting a company is very good, alternately or in addition we can start an organization that can:
1. Make presentations to human resources on the hardships of older workers
2. Market resumes and present profiles (of valid and competent workers) to companies
3. Create a job channel where older workers can get special ‘view’ from hiring managers and opportunities to demonstrate skills
4. Organization where older workers can become members and get resources (education, computers, networking, resume preparation, social and free job counseling and in some cases we can provide transport to interviews in the absense of a transport)
5. Provide resources to retrain in other areas close to the job loss area
6. Reach out to universities / educational institutions (community colleges) to provide free education to older and unemployed workers
7. We can call it OWL (older workers League).
Just $.02 from another old person.
And kudos again to Ms. Wolf, the blog is yeoman service in a world that has so many who spend time and energy to publish trash and destroy.
I had it all for a long time, the house, the vacations, the cars. My job ended with my divorce as it was a family business. But I was foolish and thought I could make it on my own when my husband left me. I have been barely scraping by. I’m 54 and too depressed to function properly, I apply for jobs weekly and am exhausting myself in a commission job. I once had it all, and now I just want to die.
Listen, No One. You’re not no one. You matter. And fatigue + depression is a terrible mix. Dying isn’t the answer, and I say that being very familiar with years worth of both fatigue and the depression that comes of just barely scraping by, no matter what you do.
What part of the country do you live in? Do you have skills that are not being used now? Are you healthy? Do you have friends or family to talk to? Do you have friends or family in another part of the country?
There are ways to make improvements — there are never any guarantees for any of us, and I know exactly how hard and discouraging it can be, just like so many others who have left comments here — maybe some other options are possible. Give us a little more information, for example, responding to my questions if you are so inclined.
I felt every word you wrote! And am living it now!
I guess that it is a good thing I found this place. Being included in this group is sad, but I am right with all of you. We all know that we have suffered from many issues, and I am not trying to outdo your miseries.
I have been struggling 16 years since divorce. The two older boys don’t have time for me. I took a job with the government as I was desperate and it was THE WORST JOB EVER. I am talking working in a slaughterhouse. I was abused by the management, No support from government. So much sexual harassment, plain harassment, etc. Finally told that I had to resign or would be fired. I resigned. Lost my house, finally got hired again by the government (you would think I would know better). But, I was lied to by an expert. She promised support as she would be my supervisor, totally different environment, the hours would work with my youngest’s son school, etc. I was game.
Yes, a totally different environment all right… a DIFFERENT KIND OF WORST JOB EVER. The woman left before I even started, so no support from another woman.
This slaughterhouse had more employees, so not only did I deal with harassment from the plant, but had to deal with the CRAZIES under my supervision. I was made to work night shift to be “fair”, forced to work in other slaughterhouses, etc. I finally found a job back home with a state job (still in “slaughterhouse stuff”). It was supposed to help me get closer to my older sons, let my youngest who lived with me, have a relationship with his dad, etc. All was okay, until 2009 and I got laid off. I kept looking for jobs, and was a substitute teacher, and we lived on child support (by this time, ex got GREAT job, huge pay raise, new wife, etc.) He didn’t help any of the boys with their college expenses. I finally talked myself back into another government job—YES I KNOW…. but it was close, paid VERY well and I needed to get a career going before my last son graduated from high school, for both our sakes.
It lasted 9 months. Once again, NO SUPPORT from supervisor, etc. I had been desperate and that doesn’t work. A week after my youngest son graduated from high school, he took his own life in suicide. The last six years have been the ABSOLUTE WORST of my life. The older sons aren’t interested in having a relationship, I have gone through several jobs. My son’s suicide has increased my depression, added anxiety, PTSD, etc. I have lost one job because of my anger issues. I quit my last job in January 2018 which was in another field as I thought that might be a new, more successful plan. Nope. I decided to try to go back to original field of work—but NOT GOVERNMENT. It has been over 5 months, I don’t know how many job applications, (no network at all-that was left behind in govt). Three interviews–with no results.
I just withdrew my retirement savings in order to live. I have been thinking of taking a trip (one joy to remember), then if nothing, I will enjoy myself and then go to be with my youngest son. I know what surviving a suicide is like and DON’T RECOMMEND IT FOR ANYONE WITH SMALL CHILDREN or anyone with a support network. I came to terms with dying when my son died, and it has always been an option for me. The recent celebrity suicides have given it more attention of course. I am so said for their decision and loss to the world. But, I can truthfully say that no one will be mourning me, so I look forward to seeing my son again. If that isn’t how it works, at least I won’t have to be missing him EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.
I have no good ideas or options to share. My few friends that are still around have no idea of my pain and suffering; not their fault—I seem to have happy and successful friends with busy lives—children, work, husbands, vacations, money, etc.
Deb, You said you still have friends and they don’t know how you are suffering. Imagine how they would feel if you do harm to yourself. Can’t you talk to them? Could you ease into some sort of conversation with them that might give you a little bit of relief and more connection rather than so much isolation? Carrying all that pain for so long alone is a terrible terrible burden. Let your friends do what friends do. Imagine their pain if you don’t. Isn’t that a possibility?
Deb
I wish to suggest some thoughts to go with those from D.A.
When we are in situations like yours we sometimes look for one thread poking out from the mess that we can work on to resolve it. In my experience, what D.A. is suggesting, getting someone to talk to, is that thread, and you yourself mentioned support networks. You do need someone, or ones, you can talk to, in order to take the pressure off. While the steps after that are uncertain, they are all impossible when you are caught in the thoughts of the current reality.
I’m not suggesting a paid therapist, counseler, etc. While those can be very helpful in the right circumstances, those circumstances generally assume adequate time and funds. Until then, there may be informal resources you haven’t thought of.
It is not uncommon to have self-generated and perpetuating groups around divorce, job loss, parenting, ageing, depression, suicide, abuse, addiction, and similar topics, as they tend to coincide. As you may have gathered from this thread, your experience is not that uncommon. In bigger cities you would probably find these through Meetup groups or possibly the internet. Hospitals may host free community service support groups around these topics. In my experience, there are churches that maintain lists of support resources and will gladly share what they know, often without obligation or regard to any existing beliefs. Indeed that may not be every church, but it might be worth checking out the landscape. I suspect that with a few phone calls, and of course some dead ends, you may be able to tap into some networks. Like job networking, one contact often leads to another.
NAMI, if there is a chapter near you, is also a good resource. While they are broadly focused on specifically defined mental illness, they also recognize depression. Suicide hot lines probably have connections with those networks too.
With any of these groups how you would frame your approach, and how much you would choose to reveal would be entirely up to you, both at the outset, and once engaged. You could say as little as “My life isn’t working and I need help”. These groups have heard it all, and know how to make you feel welcome. The only mistake is to not see what is out there. Wishing you well!
Robert,
I appreciate your suggestions. I have used professional therapists. I have attended a grief group program; I have gone to a suicide support group. The friends I mentioned are casual acquaintances. Not someone that I feel comfortable unloading on.
It has been six long years, and I haven’t come to my decisions lightly or overnight.
I’m not sure why I even commented in the first place, maybe to ask Pen not to commit suicide, at least until her child is grown. It was not to get a bunch of suggestions that I have already tried.
Thanks anyhow
I have also tried to lean on suicide support, only to have the person who answered the call say “Wow!” That sounds rough. Which did not help me at all, even made me feel more helpless.
Deb G.
When you are as flawed as me choosing to love yourself might be the bravest thing in the history of the world. You matter and you are loved!
Out of curiosity I thought I would revisit this article. I’ll be 60 this year and have suffered greatly since the 2008 recession. I won’t go into all of the details, but I used to be a CIO for an engineering firm, I have a great deal of background in technology and management, however since then I’ve worked for as little as $8.50 an hour for a top retailer. It’s been tough.
I hear you loud and clear about the crazies, having worked for multiple companies it’s become very clear to me that those in management roles and or ownership, shouldn’t be in those roles. Truthfully, they don’t have the skills to be leading people. The shaming and disrespect is profound. It’s just amazing how easily influenced people are when it comes to money.
The point I want to share is to keep searching for your personal niche. The reason I say that is because I just reconnected with mine. I have re-entered an old market that I used to love, entirely different than tech and the reason is because of the culture of the people that work within this business. They are supportive, they communicate and they care. I’m probably the happiest I’ve been in many years. This doesn’t mean that I no longer have challenges, I do, but I have created a plan and reconnected with a group of people that I want to work with. I want also point out that I won’t make nearly what I once earned, but I’m just fine with that, I have a much different view about money these days, what is important is the work environment, and I’m now working with people I want to work with each day.
It really does take a tribe.
Glad you stopped back. I’m curious. What industry in general have you return to, if you care to share that information? I’m also curious as to whether or not you’ve managed to secure an employment relationship, as opposed to working as an independent. I imagine you are well aware of the differences and the repercussions of those differences in terms of health care, etc.
Again, I’m so glad you stopped back to update us as many are in your same situation, at the very least underemployed for years, and long since dropped from statistics. I’m also pleased you came back encouraged, and sharing that encouragement, and please keep us posted.
Absolutely, yes I understand.
First, let me say that what I have designed for myself, fits me. I’m still in pretty good shape physically and health-wise, and I’m an adventurer as well.
Secondly, I have made a choice to not reenter the corporate world, because of my age and because I simply don’t believe in that narrative anymore. That alone is another topic. I have been to far too many interviews with more mileage and knowledge than the people on the other side of the table, I know the secret narrative better than they do, and, as I look at them, I can see myself at that age biting off hard on that narrative. I already know what’s ahead.
In my late 20’s and early 30’s I was a traveler and a whitewater guide, loved it. I don’t guide anymore, but I do work with river companies in more of a support role, transporting everyone, helping the guides and the guests. It’s a wonderful environment, everyone has a huge smile on their face and everyone in the organization “must” work with each other because it’s all about safety, there is simply no debating the goal.
In terms of insurance, I buy mine through the exchange, it’s worked well for me. Also, the rafting work is seasonal, but I like that. I can take fall and spring off. I’m also able to pull this off because I can camp full-time and my costs are very low. Once again, it fits me and my lifestyle. I’m quite happy not having any assets anymore. Will I have to work the rest of my life? Probably. But it doesn’t scare me, as long as I’m enjoying what I do, I can very easily get up each morning to do it.
Being laid off repeatedly has destroyed my retirement with little hope of ever retiring at all. No life insurance, had to let that go a couple of layoffs ago and now it will be impossible to find a policy that I can afford.
Being laid off at 50+ years old is worse than death. The best I can hope for is working for someone younger than me that makes more than me in a dead end scrub job until I draw my final breath. Only then will I be free, come quickly death.
I know how many of you feel. I am a seasoned Executive Assistant (48 years old) and can’t seem to find a decent paying job in that field to save my life. It seems that many of the managers out there want someone younger, but little do they know – the 20 somethings they are hiring do NOT want to be career assistants. They want to worm their way into the company and work their way up quickly. Perhaps that is why I see jobs that I was rejected for advertised again a month or two later. When I inquire to the HR rep as to why the job is open again and will they consider me, I hear nothing back. It is so frustrating when I have all of the skills and experience that they want and I give them examples of what I am capable of doing.
I have also thought about ending it. I’ve even looked into what pills are the best way to go so that you don’t suffer too much once you take your last breath. It’s a shame that we think this way over a damn job where we will all be slaves working for the man anyway.
Yes I realize while I was working out of town each week, I thought I was somebody. Then after the company went out of business and we were laid off suddenly, I had to move back home & went into depression. Sadly, my identity was tied up in my position. In reality my identity should be in who God says I am. I continued to have unexpected loss when my mom died & my my siblings (dysfunctional family) treated me badly & as if I was invisible & worthless. Other loss was my reason to get up in the morning & maintain the schedule of my work. Now with so much time, I do less. Quit exercising & watch tv all day, just like my mom at end of her life. I didn’t realize then what she was going through … the loneliness.
I sometimes fall asleep thinking of ways to end it because I am so emotionally tired and it gives me relief knowing it could easily all be over. I did that as a child too, to cope, so maybe it’s just bad wiring, maybe that’s why I am where I am now…. Intellectually it is very clear the worry and energy given to it is complete waste and just makes things worse. And I still do it, which still makes me mad. More forgiving now but still anxious. Good days, bad days and before you know it, it’s all over. Why can’t we just be ok?! It’s maddening. I just want to have peace and have joy in life, no specifics really. Although I have always wished I was one of those people with passion in life, regardless of how it turned out. I am tired of surviving, trying to stay positive and making it work. I want more. I always wanted more. That’s why it hurts so much.
Is suicide that bad? Won’t be a burden to society or family and won’t be unhappy anymore. Im single, broke and tired. There is no hope of attaining any goals anymore. It’s too late I believe. I’ve wasted too much time. Yeah, i know, boo hoo and i have had it much easier than some out there but here i am. Really, is suicide that bad?
What’s so bad about taking your own life? A reasonable question, many would say. However, who might you leave behind? Who are you impacting with such an action? Family, friends, acquaintances — what about the ache of missing you they will feel? What about the guilt and regret and pain they will feel for years (or forever) knowing that you were so despairing and they didn’t know?
Sometimes the smallest thing — like just not feeling alone, like a small kindness extended or received — is an enormous help.
And what about those for whom life itself is sacred? Are you absolutely sure that you can no longer contribute somewhere in some way?
Believe me, most who have commented here, and I include myself, fully understand the fatigue, frustration, and sense of invisibility that can result from being unable to find employment. And when it goes on for years, for those who don’t know what it feels like, they can’t imagine how it erodes self-worth. And of course, quite simply, it makes it damn difficult to keep a roof over your head and a modicum of health. Nonetheless, I would still insist that there may be ways you have not thought of — especially if you can put your heart and ideas and spirit together with others who can understand — to do more than just survive.
Have you tried telephone customer service? You can do it from home. Please don’t kill yourself. I’m very sick and would do anything to be well again. I’m fighting to live. You can, too.
I’m 58 and unexpectedly lost my contract job last week. I don’t know why. I’d been working on the project since March and had received nothing but good feedback. In fact, I was told three weeks ago that the company I was contracted to wanted to pick up my contract for 2019. Then I got a call–and I was unemployed.
I’m scared. I have no family or friends who will help. I don’t even have anyone who will listen. Today is Thanksgiving, and I am alone. I am so depressed. I’m convinced I’ll never get another job. I went to college, worked all my life … I don’t understand how I ended up in this situation. Like MLS, I’m wondering why I’m still here. No one would miss me if I was gone. In fact, my mother and sister would probably be happy, since, as next of kin, they’d get the little money I have left.
I just feel totally hopeless …
Oh, SheWrites… I’m terribly sorry for what you are going through, especially at the holidays. You are not alone in this situation, sadly. I have been there — more than once, as an “independent” turning in a stellar performance (with an employment relationship dangled or promised) — then dropped with a call. Nothing prepares you for it, and the loss of control, the sense of powerlessness — these are what drop us into the hopelessness you mention. That, and the reality that making money gets tougher and tougher, thus bare bones survival is tenuous.
Every time I hear glowing reports on television or read gleeful economic reports in the news — “lowest unemployment! Best economy ever!” — I want to scream and shout and flag down all those who seem to forget about the millions of us who are not in an employment relationship and therefore, we don’t show up in any of the unemployment statistics. And of course, then there is the situation of underemployment. Add to that, those of us in our 50s or 60s are still too young for any sort of retirement or Medicare (until 65), yet we can’t get back into the “regular“ workforce.
Making matters worse for you, clearly, is being alone today. I can also empathize with that although this year one of my sons is with me. But I have also spent very solitary days at both Thanksgiving and Christmas feeling cut off and powerless. I have no magic words for you except to tell you to soldier on, and do the best you can getting through. Please do feel free to drop back here. Tell us what kind of work you do or could possibly do or would like to do, and if you are in decent physical shape, you may be ahead of the game. Even if you are not, “two heads are better than one,“ and many more heads than two are even better, if you ask me. And there are plenty of people who stop by here, some of whom may have some thoughts or suggestions.
For now, consider this. The organization that dropped you after promising you a regular job in 2019 is idiotic. Jerks. Cretins. Fools. Shame on them for passing up a proven source of excellence! (Not to mention for going back on their word.) Try not to let the situation plunge you over a cliff. You can do it again. You can impress another team or manager or company, and it may take a little time, but try not to lose heart.
And… you CAN make new friends to count on. When you have no family, and I am very nearly in the same boat, friends to rely on our precious indeed. And though you may not feel like you have people in your life right now, please to believe me that it can’t happen. A single good, interesting, kind, genuine person who pops serendipitously into your life can make all the difference in the world. I have a new neighbor like that, and I could never have anticipated how much brighter the day looks just knowing that new friendships are always possible.
I am a 55 year old woman, with a Master’s degree in Biology and 16 years of work in my field. I was laid off 5 years ago and took unemployment for a solid year. Within the first year I suffered an injury and also contracted Lyme’s disease, with no health insurance. I had to declare chapter 7 bankruptcy and paid for the lawyer by cashing in the only 401K I had. I never did find another full-time job. I’ve had a few gig jobs but they don’t pay well and are unreliable. I used to be physically strong and fit, but the Lyme’s disease took its toll and now I have trouble walking even short distances. I am married, but my husband does not make much money and we have absolutely nothing to retire on. I am terrified and exhausted. I own nothing, no stocks, bonds or otherwise. My vehicle is paid off but it’s old and largely worthless. I don’t know what to do or how to get help at this point. I cannot find any agencies that help people like me. I’ve been out of work and society for so long now that I really need someone to help me become reintegrated, but there is nothing. No one will help me. I am deeply, irretrievably depressed. At this point I honestly feel like it would be better to just die. I do not want that, but I have definitely given up.
I just want to say to Sandra, SheWrites, MLS and all the other recent posters on here: I see you.
There are so many of us 50+ un/underemployeds out there, so in one way we are not alone. Yet many of us don’t have friends or family or even acquaintances in the same boat or who really “get it”, so in that way we are alone. And it’s extremely painful.
I’ve thought of starting a local support group but I sometimes wonder who would come out for it. There is a lot of shame around being unemployed and it takes A LOT to talk about it with strangers.
Hang in there everyone.
I found this post while searching for forums and information on age related depression. I’m 60, single and long term unemployed. I thought I found a “good” job 2.5 years ago and within 2.5 months, I had to sue the company for age discrimination. I won. During this two month period, my father died, mother sold their home in that state and moved into another home she owned where I had lived for 9 years as caretaker for the property. I did not move out of this property as planned, due to the age discrimination lawsuit, and mother needing huge help after Dad’s death.
Next job I had to quit due to extreme workplace abuse after 2 weeks. At that point I got a grant and went back to school for a PMP certification-my case study for the course was turned into business development for a real company. I spent all of last year and 3000 hours building the company. At the end of 10 months, I could not find seed capital or investors – I needed just 50k to launch a 3 million dollar company – 25 page business plan and 200 pages of support documents. I just stopped doing anything with the business – I lost momentum and now just don’t care anymore. No one else did. Why should I?
I went to bed in November and basically I have done nothing but eat, watch TV all day long and wonder what I’m going to do.
I have no social support – single, no kids and siblings don’t give a shit. Neither had been to see my mother in 2 years since my Dad died. I do all the cooking, cleaning and finding resources to keep the house going. I’m lucky because my 82 year old mother is in good health, drives and has no cognitive issues. But we are not ideal roommates – she is a disorganized hoarder and it’s been battles to try to get her to get rid of 50 years of crap she moved in here 2.5 years ago.
This is on top of me having a lifelong diagnosed depressive/mood disorder. I was seeing a counselor and shrink, but felt the counselor was basically useless after 2 years and the facility has rules that you can’t get medication unless you see THEIR counselors. It’s a rural area and they have no other choices for counselors.
So – cold turkey off psychiatric medication. The new facility’s psychiatrist ( I went through their crisis center)refused to refill the prescription I’ve been on for a year. Cold turkey was hell. And dangerous I have just found out from research.
I am tired of being ignored for all job inquiries, being told “no” constantly, f*cked by the medical community – see above – and forced to live below the poverty line due to the US healthcare and insurance systems. I have well meaning acquaintances telling me to get 3 or 4 part time jobs.
What they don’t get? Part time jobs pay no health insurance.
The women friends and acquaintances have rich husbands and get everything. I no longer want to talk to them as I won’t have money next month to pay bills.
And the only way to have health insurance in the US:
1. Spouse with benefits – I’m single
2. Full time job with benefits (I can’t find jobs due to being 60 years old)
3. Privately paying (I’m poor)
4. If under 65 – Medicaid
So I have Medicaid – but that means you are FORCED to live below the poverty line. I made 4200 last year and food stamps.
For the last two weeks, I have thought it would just be better to be dead – just die and not wake up.
My only other feeling is that I feel like smashing people’s faces in with a baseball bat.
I understand and empathize with everything you say above. All of it. And I suspect there are many, many others who do. I empathize with the age discrimination, and I empathize with being so trapped by our healthcare systems that you must either choose abject poverty or no healthcare whatsoever — for too many, no matter what, it’s about shoddy, incomplete, and /or unaffordable healthcare without $$, without an employed (employment relationship) spouse, or your own employment relationship with “benefits,” ie healthcare. Exactly as you said.
I wish I had a magic wand for you, and for that matter, for myself and all the others who have left comments on this thread and on some of the other “starting over“ after age 50 posts and threads.
But please forget the baseball bat thought, though I fully understand the outrage and the shame and the debilitating powerlessness; the innocent person that you might hurt could be going through exactly what you are going through or something equally frightening and undeserved. Would you really want to hurt someone who has also played by the rules and finds himself or herself hanging over the precipice as so many of us are?
I am terribly terribly sorry that you have been going through this. I do applaud you for suing for age discrimination; I think that was incredibly brave.
If you could close your eyes and have one thing or two things right now that you think would help, what would they be? Does it help at all to know that this isn’t about you, and that you aren’t alone in this situation?
I realize that can be maddening as well. But if you can take any solace in the genuine understanding of your situation, I hope you will.
Well, where to start. Finding this site is certainly serendipitous for me – and it could end up being the best thing to happen to me ever. You never know. My story is remarkably similar to everyone else’s here, but I don’t look at my finding this place as an entry into the league of old and in the way losers – I look at it as discovering my community; my tribe. And it’s a REALLY big tribe. That gives me tremendous comfort, as I sometimes struggle with pulling back from my friends and family, because, well, you know.
Just a couple thoughts/observations. First, there is a fascinating movement called “Death Cafes”, where strangers get together at somebody’s house or a pop up location, to drink tea, eat cake, and talk about death. It sounds kind of morbid, but it’s anything but – the purpose is to alleviate some of the fear about death. People who have lost loved ones go, people who have loved ones at the end of their lives go, people who are hospice caregivers go, and anyone who just wants to get less afraid of the inevitable can go. The participants walk away with a sense of something akin to “we are all together on this journey”.
I’ve thought some sort of gathering for those of us who are over 50 and facing these stiff headwinds at a community level – like a local coffee shop or library – would be interesting. For a 1000 reasons, the biggest one being giving us a more tangible sense of hope.
Secondly, it’s really interesting reading everyone’s stories here. Story is universal, and everyone has a story that will at times make us smile, laugh, cringe, and cry. I think sometimes telling our story is THE THING that saves our lives. At least for me it is. I’ve done The Moth (people get up on stage in front of a bunch of people and tell their story, on a topic that changes every month. Scary yet cathartic and fun) in Hollywood before, and is sure would be fun to have some sort of Moth type event for folks in our situation.
Last thing I want to touch on here is also related to story. A common theme I pick up on in reading these wonderful posts is a sense that somehow things didn’t work out “the way they were supposed to”. I read somewhere that what screws us up most in life is this stuck thought in our heads of the way life is supposed to be. I couldn’t agree more, and what keeps me from completely going off the rails is to remind myself that my life is my movie, and I write the script, the plot, and the narrative. I can make it a tragedy, and I can make it a heroic redemption. It’s my movie. I’m struggling as much as most everyone else here, and while the demons haven’t won, they are definitely trying to beat the door down, and how I tell my story to people AND MORE IMPORTANTLY MYSELF is super important.
Bravo!!! You see me and I hear you.
Thanks
I’m 46 and have been a caregiver to my father, aunt, uncle and now my mother going back 24 years. Though I’ve been working for an attorney for the past 20 years as his assistant (off the books – part-time [cheapskate attorney]) in addition to various second “on-the-books” jobs (the last one being in 2009), I still feel like a monumental loser and failure in life. Yeah, I graduated college in 1999 with a BA in anthropology, but quickly learned that it wasn’t marketable. People have told me that being a caregiver to my parents and relatives took up my time, but I still feel like a worthless loser.
People I grew up with I’m ashamed to be around because they’ve accomplished things in their lives, and I’ve done nothing. Now at 46 I have no real marketable job skills, no job prospects and other than my mother and my adopted family (long-time girlfriend and her sons) I have no form of support. Honestly, sometimes I feel like ending my life because I feel there’s no hope for me and it’s painful feeling like such a failure, increasingly despondent with each year feeling like I wasted my life. More than just being officially jobless, I just feel like a disappointment to myself, a loser, waste of space and skin, and ne’er do well. I know I have people in my life who love me as I love them, but love doesn’t pay bills, nor does it make me feel better about myself.
I know employers are not going to hire a 46-year-old and maybe I’m investing too much self-worth into finding a “real” job – but I just want to feel like I’ve accomplished something (aside from being a loser) – that I have a purpose. Not asking any questions or advice just wanted to vent. I look at homeless people in the street and say to myself, that will probably be me in a few years – realistically – or I could just end it. I don’t want to break the hearts of those who love me hence I probably never would do it, but it is certainly how I feel.
You’re most welcome to vent here any time.
FSJR: It’s been a year and a half, how are you?
FSJR – I wonder if it is actually true that you have “no real marketable job skills”.
You weren’t seeking advice. However, you worked for an attorney for twenty years. Surely that means something. We don’t know what you did, but it was good enough for him to keep you around for two decades. Maybe he was not respectable in some way, but that doesn’t impugn the work you did. The fact that it was “off the books” doesn’t change it either. I would certainly put that on my resume. You may have to finesse how you handle that in an interview, but it is still very valid work experience.
And, reading between the lines, I would bet he wasn’t the easiest person to deal with either. That is a skill in itself. The same applies to being a caregiver. Erratic hours, having to multitask, deliver a high standard of care while dealing with people who are far from being their best. Those are all attributes. “Soft” attributes, to be sure, but real ones. Your anthropology degree may mean that you have skills like the ability to see the big picture, transfer lessons from the past to the present, etc.
I can imagine jobs where those skills would be in high demand. The critical thing is for you to envision yourself as worthy of having them. You have to “own” the positives of your background. You are already owning the negatives. The critical part there is to figure out how to circumvent the modern hiring processes that are technology driven and favor people who have done the same job without interruption for decades. This may mean responding to jobs on Craigslist instead of Indeed. It may mean just posting a functional, creative resume on job boards and seeing what happens, instead of responding to jobs you don’t think you’ll get in the first place.
There *are* people who out there who think out of the box, who judge people on character and potential rather than conventionally. You just have to find them, and that may be mostly a numbers game (meaning lots of contacts), and luck. But first you have to get out there and keep putting one foot down after the other, which people respect as well. No one’s life or career is actually picture perfect, when examined closely. The difference is those people know how to put it into a marketable context.
This can be overcome. You still have half your life to go. Go for it…
Well, I had once diagrams that say that from the day the company filed for bankrupcy I will have a few weeks only to land a new job. After those weeks I was like food not in its best shape: not edible.
Part of the networking – contacts that could signal new chances are facing usual occupational issues. So I do my best to find out even short term contracts properly paid, then short term job little bit underpaid and in the end, large amount of hours done for job paid hourly for few bucks.
My fault was to do any job with the goal to make a living out of any weak signal of job vacancies.
I left my quite good IT knowledge more than ten years ago for museum guide 1 year fixed term, for 1 year city hall clerk and for other decent paid assignments.
So before you run out of cash try to make a plan to continue on your career, here or miles away from here. Or take the decision to start a new one from the many skills and soft skills you have. Do not say to me you have no skill. Even if this could be partly true then make a plan to rebuild/refurbish your skill.
If you make a plan you have at least one more chance to react to the unemployment condition. I sold the valuable furniture weeks ago in my flat and today I decided to sell my flat.
I’m 48 and about to turn 49 and find myself questioning life every day.
I have a B.A. and have done Master’s level work in an extremely challenging field. I’ve negotiated millions of dollars of aid for hurting communities, actually breathed life into dying children as an EMT, fought fires as a volunteer firefighter and have been gainfully employed since I was 15 up until I had a brain aneurysm rupture; and, to top it all off, I became a felon due to misplaced trust in an accountant. I feel washed up, finished and unwanted.
I speak 3 different languages fairly well, 2 others brokenly, if conversationally, and have a slew of certificates in fields ranging from the health industry to information technology… and not a single company wants me; they choose younger, less experienced and often way more lazy candidates.
Is this where I’m at, that I have to beg to feel a little useful to a society that doesn’t value wisdom? That I have become denigrated to menial tasks just because I’m close to 50?
Then, I find articles that say something like, “I’m 52 and I finally found something that pays well, so, you can, too, if only you [try harder, network more, believe more, etc. etc. etc.].” Do the people realize how patronizingly condescending that sounds? Honestly? If it were only that easy, I would have done so long, long ago. What happens if you live in a section of the country that has few jobs to offer that pay well? Or, perhaps, you find yourself on the streets due to fiscal problems and get lumped in with the drug and alcohol addicts?
I daily want to end my life; however, during the day, I find reasons to trudge on, to keep pushing a little further; I’ve given up hope that it will get better, I can only try to provide a little value to the people’s lives I care about, but, even then, that’s becoming less by the week. One of these days, the equation will tip towards the “worthless” scale and that’s when I’ll make the decision to adventure into the next stage. If I could live an ascetic life-style, I would; however, today’s government has restricted living off the land, so I’m left to being undervalued by an uncaring society and, eventually, disappearing family.
Somehow, I believe that will be sooner rather than later.
I will not patronize you with the “you can do it too… if only” platitudes that so many of us are weary of hearing. “Trudging” onward is the process that I believe countless muted minions live with in our 50 to 65-year-old forgotten space. Ostensibly too old to employ but too young for social security or Medicare. (As if we could survive on social security, any savings long depleted, particularly with years of dwindling, interrupted earnings.) So we are diminished bit by bit, with still so much to potentially contribute, without so much as a mention or a voice in any of the current political debate.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. Stay as strong as you can. I wish you well.
You nailed it.
Comments have mostly dropped off since 2017, but I’m curious as to how everyone is doing. I wish I could say I’m hopeful, but honestly I cannot. I commented at least a year ago but didn’t see it in the thread. Since then, my situation has become even more dire. I have had daily suicidal ideation most of this year, and I really don’t see my life ever improving. Many of us are having to choose between death and homelessness. Death has to be better.
I worry that the relative silence speaks volumes – not in a good way. My own (relative) quiet is not insignificant; the struggle can be depleting.
It is October 4, 2019. I have been unemployed or underemployed for 20 years. The problem is still here.
I’ve lost everything. I am broke. Now 60, I realize, for the first time, that I may never work again. And this has nothing to do with having a “bad attitude.” It isn’t my fault, or yours. It is just the world we live in. There are no social programs to help. You are on your own.
My strategy is to leverage what I do have. For me, a house. I rent out rooms on Airbnb. I also have a boyfriend/roommate. This pays my basic expenses. I supplement that with walking dogs for cash. That is what I use to buy groceries. And I work low wage jobs once in awhile to help out.
I don’t have healthcare. It is too expensive. Instead, I filled out the paperwork at a local healthcare clinic in the ghetto to get free and low cost care. I always qualify for care. I can also go for emergency care if needed.
I get dental care through the dental school in town. I also get periodontal care there. I want to keep my teeth.
This year I decided to file bankruptcy to get rid of all my debt. I paid $2,000 and it was easy and worth it. You can do this twice in your life.
Because no one will help those of us in need, I decided to sell my house while the market is high. I do not want to pay the city property taxes or the banks interest on the mortgage anymore. I saved $90,000 in interest and $150,000 in property taxes. I took the equity (something else that is your money but you have to pay to take out and use…) and bought a condo in the ghetto. While the neighborhood is sketchy, I now live almost for free. And I took the $90,000 I made on the house and spent it on me. I renovated the inside of the condo with granite countertops, solid wood cabinets etc and made it my dream home. I also have 3 trips booked to Italy, New Zealand and Alaska.
I told my daughter she will inherit my condo when I die. That is for her, free and clear. She can do what she wants with it. But I’ve warned her that it is good to have a place to live that is paid for during her lifetime. The world of work promises you nothing.
You see, I did all the “right” things. I have a Masters of Science in Management. I made companies a lot of money and put in many long hours. I contributed to the tax base of this country. None of it matters. So, I am living the 20-30 years I have left for my own pleasure. I work just enough to put food in my table. The rest of my time I spend reading and writing, cooking great meals with my boyfriend, laughing with my daughter or helping a friend or neighbor.
My life is nothing like what I hoped or planned for. It is what it is. I try to make the best of it. Some days are better than others.
All my love and compassion for you.
To the folks who opted out of the workforce too to take care of their family or other loved ones…this is an especially difficult mountain to climb after 50. No matter how many years you worked or degrees that you have, the bias against those who opted out is real and alive. Add in over 50 and it is a nightmare. I encourage anyone reading this to support people who have been out (most likely volunteering at the schools too to make things nice for all kids)…don’t overlook this amazing talent pool.
I am almost 60 and have worked for others and myself, as the need has dictated. I can’t work hard enough and have lost faith in the future. If it weren’t for family I would be living in my car, something which I would not have were it not for family! I wondered how it was that there weren’t more people in this situation, and upon learning that there are many who are, well, that is even more depressing! Anyway, I guess that’s it. I have work I have created, but my physical body often threatens it, and I find myself becoming less and less viable. UGH! So sorry to complain, and even sorrier that there are such good reasons to. My heart goes out to this nation, that struggles with believing that those who struggle somehow deserve it. The meritocracy is a myth.
“Less and less viable.” I think many of us can relate to that unfortunate sensation and reality. That was true for so many of us before the pandemic; even more so, I fear, since.
Wishing you well.
I was laid off 8 months ago from an organization I’d worked at for nearly a decade. I had many jobs before that. I have two degrees and am currently enrolled in graduate-level courses to bolster my knowledge for a career I wanted to move into before I was laid off. I have applied to nearly 80 jobs and gotten 3 prescreening interviews. I have tried networking, but it has gotten me nowhere. I have even applied to internships because I figure that might get me an in. I expanded my search and applications to other states, a wider variety of jobs, but that hasn’t produced much. I have asked for feedback from those that are not a “no-reply” email, but the handful of times I have heard back (which I always thank them profusely for responding), they wanted something very specific (even when it wasn’t listed in the job description) that I can’t do much about without getting another degree.
I know I’ve moved into that dreaded – unemployed for over 6 months – window, and I really am at a loss for what to do. People say to get any job, but I have joint issues and don’t know if I can stand for a 6 or 8 hour shift in retail anymore – plus, I make more on unemployment than I would in a retail job – or even some of the admin jobs I’ve applied to, but I still applied to the latter because at least I’d have more stable health insurance. I think I just got kicked off of Medicaid, but have to call and ask for clarification of the one sentence, on page 4, from the state health group implying that I might not be eligible anymore. I am so flipping tired. All the time. I go to counseling; it’s not helping. I’m not too many years away from 50, and if I don’t get something soon, I’m worried I’ll be unemployed indefinitely. Pretty early on in my search, since I wanted to switch careers again, I was applying to jobs that paid $20-$30k less than what I had been making. So, even if I do get something, I’m looking at jobs that pay substantially less (some in much more expensive areas) than what I was making, and I had just started to dig out from debt I incurred while trying to make my first chosen career work (still paying off student loans from that). Sorry for all the complaints. I really don’t have much hope for anything getting better.
Be patient. It is of course unpredictable, but it can take a year or two to get a job. That’s no good and no fun and it doesn’t help that society pretends it’s not true for good candidates, but it can definitely be true, even for really good employees (and it especially starts to be true over 50, frankly to some degree over 40). Most do eventually find suitable work. Know you may be playing the long game so play the long game, don’t burn yourself out with worry in the process if you can help it, your mental and physical health is more important than the job you will eventually get, remember that patience is a virtue. Depending on the field sometimes it is easier to find contract work in your field in the meantime for 3-12 month contracts. Of course no health insurance with contract work! But it can sometimes get one useful industry or other skills that will improve a resume, as well as a paycheck of course.
And sure it’s scary to explain to employers why you have a gap in your resume. To the point that people are lying about it. My company recently didn’t hire a good candidate because they had lied about their dates of employment to cover up a resume gap. It’s the kind of darned if you do, darned if you don’t thing. Because it can take perfectly good candidates longer to find a job than employers believe it should, and yet lying can of course backfire too.
When one symptom occurs, I know myself, the longer you wait for help, the worse you get. Be active at getting help. I had a shrink, that left the job, and of course the famous health care doesn’t reach out, I have to. It is our job to ask for help, but also as with anything you do not always see it coming until it is far past any threshhold that you may have thought you had, and even more after that. Don’t wait. I have not worked in 20-some years, and still barely waking up to how each year has left me more and more lost, deeper into depression, apathy, despair, and the psychological damage debilitates you. You not only feel all of the worst deep soulful sorrow imaginable, but you get programmed to accept it. Enter….Guilt. Now you have someone using your guilt against you manipulating you to live in their image of you, rather than your own. Confusing you even more about what is real. Been there, am there…. 53.
To everyone,
I am 59, been in the same 1 bdrm for 11 years, I have no job, no family, no friends, no life, money is dwindling. I do nothing, go nowhere. I just dream, that some day maybe I will find love, friends. … But I realize, time is running out, there are no somedays! My kids, ….well, they have their own lives as they should. Which makes me feel why am I even still here. I don’t have a person who cares, or would even notice if I was gone. My question is this, why can’t I find a job? I appy everyday, Why can’t I have friends? I always try to be there for others, be helpful, caring. And love?? Why can’t I find love? Why do people always take advantage of my kindness? Tired of living a life of emptiness and being alone.
Oh, Shattered Heart… I really do understand! I think so many of us understand the mix of longing, fear, and perhaps a bit of bewilderment to find ourselves in such a challenging place. Is there one little thing that you can change? One something that might make you feel better?
I do realize that the pandemic has increased the difficulty (and other factors like strain on money, mobility options, socializing). Still, with the many online options that are entirely free, is there some interest that you could tune into through an online group? Might you find a new interest in an online group? Even that sort of interaction can provide such a renewing and reassuring human connection.
Wishing you well, and apologies for being so long away from this place that I haven’t seen your comment, much less the others these past months.
It does get better. After my marriage ended, my world got crazy. Becoming single (60 years old and unprepared) for the first time in my life, was an experience that would overwhelm most people. In the beginning I was too broken to fight very hard. It was during this time that I felt I understood why some people take their own lives. I didn’t entertain the idea of doing that so, I gave myself permission to grieve. In fact, any time I had to go update personal accounts’ information I would unexpectedly break down in tears. I received more hugs and Kleenex tissues (and a few prayers) from strangers than I can remember. I slept on the sofa of an aunt for more than 4 years. She was more broken than I was. The fact that she is a low-level hoarder (complete with critters), only added to my depression.
Add to everything else, I did not have an effective support system. My best friend had lost her eldest daughter after a lengthy illness. I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. With the exception of myself, my family are not the kind of people who calls to check on the well-being of other family members even with the knowledge that the member is going through a difficult period. Also, I never had children.
I too went through a period where no one was interested in responding to my job applications. For weeks my checking account had a zero balance. At some point I couldn’t even afford to go to job interviews because of not having the gas to waste. I started selling my possessions.
I share the short version of my story with you (it is quite lengthy and sad) because I know what it is to feel broke, lonely and hopeless. But the experience was just a temporary ordeal for me and I knew it was going to be. That didn’t make it any less painful. I cried often and went through a “nobody loves me” phase.
Here’s the thing. I’ve always been a strong person, but even strong people at times need a soft place to land. I also believe that God allows us to experience these types of occurrences because that’s how our faith is tested and how we build inner strength. Someone else going through what you are may have chosen to end their life, because it was too hard and they didn’t believe it could get better. During the last 8 years I’ve experienced major setbacks but, have made a lot of progress. Once the storm has passed (and it will), I believe our jobs are to inspire others not to give up. “Faith can move mountains.”
Not giving up. Making progress. These are such important words. Going through these experiences, particularly when the fallout is so pervasive and long-lasting, can be gutting. That strength you mentioned, Progressive, whatever its source, is so important. I’m so glad you’ve continued to move forward, and I’m glad you’ve shared your (abbreviated) story here with others. It’s so encouraging.
Wishing you all good things.
Your comment about even strong people needing a soft place to land jumped out, and was inspirational. It reminds me of another quote I love – People cry not because they are weak, but because they’ve been strong too long.
The natural world has a corollary – Stiff things break and die, flexible things bend, adapt and survive. In human terms, psychologists are now seeing the value in depression, as a respite and time of adaptation to situations of stress. I’m sure grieving would fall in the same category.
What many of us are going through in these times is not unnatural. We should give ourselves credit for doing what is needed to survive.
I’m 58 years old, lost my job in September, am on unemployment and will very soon run out of the extra money to pay the bills. I’ve sent out over 100 applications and can’t get anything.
Anytime I reach out to agencies for help I get none. Or I am ignored. I’ve reached out to 211 and 988. A little help from 211 and 988 is concerned only if suicidal so they can lock me up.
Much is due to trauma that I cannot get treated because it occurred in the mental health system.
if I reach out to the mental health world I will be locked in a hospital and that will make things even worse. I am heartbroken that I will have to give up my pets who are the only companionship I have. I’m afraid the shelters are full and I don’t have any place to re-home them. I don’t have anyone who can help.
I will lose everything.
Winter is coming. I’m going to have to die and i don’t want to. I just want to be able to pay my bills and be with my pets.
I just found this site, and I can relate.
I am 59 and have been looking for five.long.years.
I have done every “right”–honors grad from an Ivy university, grad school, lived within my means, steady career progression, keep up with tech, maintain a youthful appearance thanks to daily exercise, sleep (and genetic luck), network in person and on line, etc–and nada after 500+ (!) applications.
Five years ago, I lost my dream job. I was the ED of a nonprofit for a number of years when a new board decided to make my life a living hell (bullying, gaslighting) and then tossed me aside.
Once have been in a CEO/ED position, it is enormously difficult to get people to consider you for anything else–they are afraid you will be tough to manage/will leave if you can get a #1 slot elsewhere. There are very few such positions available in general, never mind in my specific niche, and there is a huge bias in favor of younger blood. No one wants an “old” woman. Until this last round of unemployment, I was always able to find another position without much difficulty, and have been told I am a good interviewee, but now my luck has run out. At times, I have played down my job history/titles on my resume, to make myself potentially saleable to a wider range of positions, but to no avail–there is too much of an internet trail about me.
I was fortunate in that I was able to get some good consulting work to tide me over, but that has now run out. I still get phone screen interviews and perhaps progress to a first round, but they never go anywhere. People have said ageist stuff to my face, I’ve been ghosted repeatedly, etc.
So now I am between a rock and a hard place. I cannot get a job, and I cannot get consulting work that sustains me. My health insurance costs are astronomical, and while I so far have been able to forego touching my retirement accounts, the situation is not sustainable.
I am scared that I won’t be able to save the additional money I will need to have a reasonable life when I can no longer work.
I am afraid that I will have to give up my apartment (I am fortunate in that I live in an area with strong rental protections, but it doesn’t mean much if you cannot pay the rent….)
I fluctuate between trying to be optimistic, and having nightmares and crying fits.
Friends who are gainfully employed just don’t get it. They think that I should just “get a job” but don’t understand that no, I am not a viable candidate for 99%+ of what is out there (and not because I am too proud to take the work )
Thanks for the opportunity to get this off my chest.
I wish everyone reading this better luck than what I have had.