Teens are tots, with facial hair. We all know it. We just don’t say it aloud. Teens are tots, with facial hair. The proof? Erratic behavior, surly silences, and the ability to outsmart, outreason, outbefuddle and outlast even the most attentive and stoic of single parents. Why do I specify single parents? It’s not only […]
OMG – Call 911! Hot blonde with my baby!
OMG OMG OMG. Can I say that again?? Someone pass the oxygen. Now. Please. It’s bad enough that Big Brother’s been a lady’s man since he was 13, but now my little one? My baby? OMG.… 16 year old son: Mom, can I have a friend over this afternoon? Graying mother: Sure, but your brother’s […]
Outnumbered! (Teenage parties)
Twenty rambunctious teens. One of you. Now what? Did you promise your teenager a party? Did you get through in one piece? Last year I promised my son he could have a major bash. He’d been doing great in school, had just returned from an overseas academic program, and he wanted to party. All night, […]
White Palace. Twisted Pleasure. Empties.
“Shall I get condoms?” Silence. “It’s like having band-aids in the house,” I say. “Good to have around. Just in case.” I turn to my son, see the grin, and make one of those critical parental decisions. The kind you feel in your gut. I’m long past embarrassment when I purchase anything. Well, almost. It […]
Julie Blackmon’s Domestic Bliss
Photographer Julie Blackmon’s delightful scenes of domestic bliss.
My dog is shrinking
My dog is shrinking. Honestly. And there’s no bone density test for the family mutt (like there is for the maternal one). After all, once past the age of 7 she’s over 49 in “people years,” and doesn’t that explain that the dog is less perky, less playful, less “big?” Land of denial (I like […]
Light Bulb
You know that flash of recognition when you just “get it?” It’s almost physical – the sensation of understanding – really understanding an important piece of information, or the significance of an event. As if a light is turned on. That sort of epiphany can be good or bad, satisfying or bittersweet. Any number of […]
Good News Extravaganza (Bad News Moratorium)
Life sucks. We know. I’m tired of reading bad news. Enough already. Do you hear that New York Times? Wall Street Journal? MSNBC? We get it. This guy? No one looks like this guy. Not on my planet. Hell – I’ve got a laptop in my bed, not some hunka-hunka-sweet-faced manhood with pouty lips and […]
Fortune cookies (and the pursuit of happiness)
You always bring others happiness. That was the message when I cracked open the cookie and read the fortune on the skinny slip of paper. Dessert, following Chinese take-out. Well. I suppose I made the restaurant happy when I purchased lunch for three. Does that count? Routines – ho hum Can’t say there’s been much […]
Life Before Google. SATs. A Great Omelette.
“Register for the SATs,” I said this morning. Again. As I was pulling laundry out of the washer, and shoving it into the dryer. “They’re coming up in early October.” “How do I do that?” he asks. My son is 16. He’s fixing himself the king of all omelettes. “Google!” I holler, from the next […]