Reflecting, reflecting, reflecting… I have been reflecting on mantras for a few days now, considering how they serve us, and what the new year means in the context of the wisdom we try to impart to ourselves. Resolutions? I gave them up well over a decade ago. But focused reminders? A mantra that may influence behavior for the better? A mantra that may help achieve something? A long-desired goal, for example?
Those I can get behind. They’re useful, whatever the day, the month, or the spontaneous moment that sparks a little light to go on that steers us along a positive path. Useful if we listen to them, that is. (And we all know how many distractions and enticements might pull us off course. Hello double chocolate mocha cake!) Still, understanding the way our minds work and the power of words, mantras can calm us, soothe us, and gently nudge us toward something better.
Some of you may think of what I’m about to describe as an affirmation. Okay. I’m fine with that. Whatever you call it — mantra or affirmation — the new year is typically the time for this sort of reflection regardless of putting it into practice. And given that 2022 for many of us brought only small improvements over the preceding two years thanks to the pandemic’s multiplicity of challenges, anything uplifting or hopeful that we can do as we begin 2023 feels like a small step in the right direction.
Personally, I begin the year with a certain trepidation, or perhaps, more precisely, a reluctance to believe that everything can ever again be “all right,” mostly because it can’t. That said, I’m also starting it off with a surprising amount of hopefulness. I’ve seen both of my sons in the past two months and they’re doing well. I’m continuing my hall-walking exercise and added in frequent walks around my little neighborhood (so much more pleasurable, of course). I’m “practicing” socializing more (something I once did reasonably well, but like so many of us, I lost the habit during the isolation of recent years). Besides, I’ve never been one to accept defeat (for long) — you know, “get back up on the horse” even if you fall repeatedly. And I’ve said this before, at the beginning of the pandemic, and I imagine I said it before that as well.
It is not in my nature to “succumb” to anything, at least, not for long. When I fall off the horse, I force myself to get back up. Nonetheless, each year, as energy and resources dwindle, it’s harder to get back up.
Indeed. Nearly three years have passed since my last iteration of that concept. And yes, it’s harder. Each time, it’s harder.
And here’s an equally useful concept: The definition of crazy (some say) is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So getting back up on the horse may mean riding differently, riding in a different place or at a different pace, or riding on a different horse.
I’ve spent the past several years checking out different horses, metaphorically speaking… (I’ll leave it at that.)
So… Driving back from the drugstore a few days ago, I found myself almost unconsciously repeating certain words aloud. A mantra of sorts. And I repeated the words as I sat behind a stop sign, and then another, and then at a red light, and then another, and eventually as I pulled into my little garage and parked.
The words I repeated, words that I wish I had been able to fulfill many years ago?
I will be successful. I will focus on success. I will be successful. I will focus on success. I will be successful. I will focus on success.
Now, for those of you who know me, you will realize that this is an unusual mantra for me to put into practice. Generally speaking, all of my wishes and my focus tend to be about my family, however much I might also include tidbits of self-care or character improvement. Old habits are hard to break! And it’s not that I don’t want those mantras to hold true, always and forever, but in the past months I have recognized that I have rarely focused on my own success. Promoting others? Yes, I’m good at that. But promoting myself? And putting into place the mechanisms of success that must be established and honed long before promoting anything? Believing in myself enough to visualize that success?
Nope. I haven’t done it. I have never visualized “success” per se — not in the way men do (yes, I did just say that). And yes, I mean money. I mean financial success sufficient to (finally!) stop worrying about paying bills much less how to survive in case of an emergency. Isn’t this a women’s issue? I mean, really. Come on. How many women have been in a similar situation throughout most of their lives, their focus (and definitions of success) so much on others that by the time they try to muster the same energy and effort for themselves, they have only leftovers? And leftovers aren’t bad, but they aren’t enough. They aren’t the stuff of “success.” Not the sort of success I mean these days — the eradication of constant financial worry, exacerbated courtesy of the Covid years, and topped off by the realities of growing older and what that means for marketability.
With these reflections, as I said, I nonetheless return to a place of hopefulness in the mantra that came to mind in my car. It wasn’t about healthy eating or weight loss (my usual). It wasn’t about being a kinder, more compassionate self (equally frequent for me over the years). It wasn’t about discipline, although discipline is certainly a necessity (and not something I lack). It was about my choices, my strengths, my energies all directed toward what is essential for my survival.
All those good habits that are also required? Of course I need to maintain those! But I’m good at that. What I haven’t been good at — mastering the skills to thrive financially. Not since my divorce, and not since the days of being a salaried employee came to end. The pandemic simply aimed the spotlight at all that I hadn’t realized, hadn’t learned, hadn’t put in place to secure my own future. And now, a matter of some principles I have been studying (and those little lights of awareness that go on), I feel poised to try and keep trying and expect more of myself than “just” the trying. I expect the doing, the succeeding, the reliance on skills I know I have (and have used for others) to turn trying into accomplishing.
What about you? Mantras? Affirmations? Epiphanies about yourself?
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I’m glad to hear from you, DA, and hope you are well. The elusive financial security feels more distant than ever and yet we must keep striving. It sounds like you have a forward-moving plan! Enjoy those moments with your boys…they are truly priceless!
I check from time to time to see if you have written. I did enjoy reading you! Just now I have re-read that last post. I wonder how you’ve gone with your striving for financial security. I too have never prioritised it. I am facing a bit of a perilous retirement (whatever that is). So finally this year I am inescapably drawn to the imminent consequences of looking away from money my whole life and I’m working really hard in my startup at present to BUILD something that provides, (oh no, no actual income? but perhaps, just perhaps ) an asset that can be divested. Who knows if it will work? But frankly I think just going all-out, using all the fibres of my talents, is the main thing. I can only do what I can do. It will add up to something or it will not. But at least I won’t have regrets. Yes, I’ve lit candles to it, and repeated affirmations. But for me at least the focus gained from those exercises somehow externalises the seed of the drive. Which must and can be entirely within us. If we release fear and just go for it. Work so very hard and as fast as we ever have. As much as we can do in the time we have left. The breaks will come.
Thank you for your kind words. Let’s just say… every aspect of life is “a work in progress.” I like your concept of FOCUS and using all of your talents. Among other things, focus helps provide purpose, and purpose (to many of us) is essential. I hope you will stop back and keep us posted.