Interesting Faces

I am grateful for the ability to watch British TV. I am grateful for the ability to watch French TV. I am grateful for the ability to watch Scandinavian TV. Yes, thank you Prime, Netflix, and the other sources of entertainment that offer us faces over 50. Interesting faces.

Given that I have watched more episodes of more series from more sources in the past year than ever before in my life, I could not be more aware of how few older, intriguing faces are available through most mainstream American entertainment resources. Now, before you chide me on my drawer full of Dior and Chanel shadows, those of you who know me are aware that I rarely go out without a bit of eye make-up. Moreover, although I attempted to adjust to gray hair, I couldn’t bear it, at least not yet. And so I “paint” the silver strands and feel 100% better about myself as a result. However, I also like to see real faces, with real character, and I prefer to see at least a sampling of that reality on screen.

This may be part of the reason that I have become a huge fan of such shows as Shetland, a British series set in Scotland with a somewhat older and not traditionally handsome protagonist. This is part of the reason that I am a fan of the show Bosch, on Amazon Prime, where not only is the main character not traditionally handsome and clearly in his 50s, but the 66-year-old Mimi Rogers figures as a prominent player in the series. And I am thrilled to see an “older” woman, her age as apparent as her beauty, strength and smarts, in a prominent role.

And yes, I am as drawn to beauty as anyone. I recognize the power that beauty can wield – at any age. Some wield it kindly; others, not so much. (To deny that being beautiful isn’t useful would be silly.)

Shetland and Bosch are just two examples of (mostly non-U.S.) series that offer us interesting faces to go along with fascinating, flawed, complicated, and competent characters – over the age of 50. Moreover, these series feature a mix of ages in the supporting cast as well as at least some diversity in terms of ethnicity and sexual orientation. That too is welcome. That too is real.

Can I just say it is a relief to see faces that look more like people we might actually know? Faces that don’t mess with our minds as to what is expected — all plumped and smoothed and painted over, as if we could or should hide the reality and experience of the years? Don’t some of us struggle as it is with our own aging process? Must we really see such aging distortion on our screens, including the inevitability of invisibility as those who are younger nudge us aside?

It’s worth mentioning that my kids are in what I would consider their early prime. One is 29, the other is 30, and I am all for them living out these years with the energy, excitement, exploration and opportunities that I had when I was that age. But that doesn’t mean that those who are 10 or 20 or 30 or 40 years our junior must set us on a shelf. Even more importantly, it doesn’t mean that we have to set ourselves on a shelf or that we should anticipate our peers doing so. And there, when I speak of peers, I speak of what happens in particular to so many women, our appearance always judged more harshly than a man’s. As aging begins to show, not only do we wind up unmarketable in the workforce, but we often find ourselves put out to pasture in our marriages, relationships, and any semblance of a dating world. How sad is that? How utterly wasteful? And is that inevitable as well?

Listen, of course I want to look my best! Of course I prefer to appear as vital as I feel — well, as my brain feels anyway. Clearly, how we fight or accept our individual aging process is just that – an individual matter that may vary from day to day, not to mention with all kinds of changing circumstances. What we do or don’t do in “aging gracefully” is a matter of choice, what the wallet will withstand, and identity. It is a matter of one‘s sense of self when looking in the mirror. It is also a practical matter given how we make a living and what is expected in terms of appearance. And therein lies the problem. Expectations. The way they have become so distorted in social media, in film, and otherwise.

Is there any way to stand up to this trend? To allow for individual choice in terms of what we do to keep ourselves feeling good and vital? To retain our sense of self? Our competitiveness in the dating world or the working world, both of which are so heavily influenced by social media?

Honestly, I don’t know. I can say that I hope that finding a balance is possible, but hope doesn’t make it so, and distorted expectations on our screens certainly don’t help.

Frankly, I have always preferred men and women friends with what I call “interesting” faces. I consider them beautiful. My kind of beautiful. The kind that is radiating from who they are at the core, how they function in the world, how they interact with others — kindly, thoughtfully, intelligently. And of course, what they look like. I remain appreciative, especially, of the qualities that aging can never extinguish. A mischievous grin. A twinkle in the eye.

Meanwhile, thank you Netflix, thank you Amazon Prime, and thank you to those other entertainment venues that bring foreign films and series that offer us a more realistic mirror when it comes to growing older.

 

You May Also Enjoy

• Your Aging Fantasy?

• Successful Aging. . . Who Knew?

• 50 Years Old and Starting Over. Where to Begin?