Fat Lip Banana Cream Pie

How to make Fat Lip Banana Cream Pie?

First, be five feet tall or under. If you are not, stoop while standing beneath bunches of bananas hanging overhead at your local market. Be sure that a distance of three feet or more exists between aforementioned bananas and your unsuspecting shopping face.

For optimal impact, the bananas should be grouped and crammed in weighty bunches of 2 pounds or more while dangling precariously. Next, stand on your tip toes and reach for the modest bunch with three bananas. (Wish that you were two inches taller.)

Be grateful you don’t have meetings in the next few hours. Or anything else requiring that you move your lips.

Inadvertently knock down one robust mass of yellow devils, smacking you hard on the upper lip whereupon you instantaneously bite the lower lip and feel tender tissue beginning to swell, hoping there isn’t actually blood.

Politely request a bag of ice from the deli counter, ignoring queries and waving merrily as you hightail it to another part of the store lest Management descend with OSHA forms or legal releases.

Critical Navigation Around Irritation

Do keep your irritation in check. It is, after all, Friday.

Do not knock over other shoppers as you navigate your cart in a seemingly drunken fashion, somewhat inevitable with one hand, the other pressing ice to your mouth.

Minimize dripping by stopping at the next available counter and asking for a paper towel.

While attempts to smile may not be possible momentarily, keep calm and carry on.

Though you may not generally be a fan of banana desserts, when given lemons, make lemonade. Therefore, when attacked by bananas, make Fat Lip (Crustless) Banana Cream Pie.

Prior to queuing in the check-out line, pick up the necessary ingredients as found in any number of recipes such as Food.com’s Light Crustless Banana Cream Pie.

Pay, and warily head home, glancing upward lest other weighty fruits tumble from the sky. Proceed as follows, with aforementioned recipe or other similar instructions, while only occasionally holding the ice pack to your mouth.

Fat Lip (Crustless) Banana Cream Pie: Ingredients

• Three bananas, preferably non-violent

• 1 package of Jello Instant Banana Pudding Mix (small)

• 1 cup of Light Cool Whip

• 1 cup of Light sour cream

• Optionally, roughly 1/2 cup of pineapple chunks

• Optionally, cinnamon

Note: I like banana cream pie but often find it too sweet; I decided on pineapple to add some tang, and cinnamon, well… just because.

Fat Lip Banana Cream Pie Directions

Put down the damn ice pack already. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Light and white.

Mix the instant pudding and the sour cream. Slice the bananas. Lay them on the bottom of a glass casserole or baking dish. Layer the goopy mixture over the bananas. Add another layer of banana slices but mix in bits of pineapple chunks. Cover with more pudding-sour cream layer. Repeat until you’re out of pudding mixture.

Cover the top with the roughly one cup of Cool Whip.

Put a few more slices of banana on top. Chill in the fridge for two hours. When you serve, drizzle a little bit of pineapple juice over each serving, and sprinkle with cinnamon.

For your information, I tasted it without the additional pineapple juice and it was good, but I adored it once the pineapple juice and cinnamon were added. Also, with a swollen mouth (or for anyone who’s mastery of mastication may be otherwise compromised), this is the ideal dessert.

Or breakfast.

Or lunch.

I just had some. Divine. Very little chewing required.

Preparation Time (mine): 20 minutes. Fridge Time: 2 hours. Total cost: Approximately $5. Serves 6 to 8 people, with or without fat lips.

More to the… Point

Naturally, every recipe deserves fine footwear, and were I the recipient of a secret Mother’s Day gift, I would not say no to the following sensational and sunny stilettos from Manolo Blahnik, the BB Patent Pointed-Toe Pump. Size 6, possibly a 5 1/2. (Hear that, Kiddos?)

Fat lip? What fat lip?

And yes, I’ve slipped my tootsies into this particular Manolo style. It’s surprisingly comfortable and absolutely stunning.

As for the Crustless Banana Cream (and Pineapple), try this recipe. It’s easy as… come on, you know I have to say it… pie.

Image, Manolo Blahnik, Neiman Marcus. Click to access original on NM site.